Akanksha Patel on Girls’ Rights, Gender Inequality, Beauty Pageant & Arranged Versus Love Marriages

hi I'm akanga Patel I'm the director of information and Technology at plan International USA it's a girls rights organization we fight for gender inequality and we have several programs in over 80 countries and 55,000 plus communities we work with different programs different organizations to fight gender inequality human trafficking and child marriages and we help girls feel confident and we Empower them welcome to Indian new news Our Guest today is akancha Patel she will be honored as outstanding Woman of the Year 2024 at 21st annual Woman of the Year Awards Gala at Burlington marage hotel in Burlington Massachusetts AA welcome to our studio thank you so much for inviting me it's a pleasure to be here excellent and we are really looking forward to honor you on April 26 at burington marad at our annual Awards G show it's a pleasure I'm so honored thank you so much so AKA tell us about your journey that being a professional information and Technology sector what made you move to uh Beauty pain um um so I have been working on technology after my college in in so I did electronics and communication engineering so I always had that Tech in me um but moving to the beauty pageant it was it came as a surprise to me one of my friend was applying for beauty pageant and she um she introduced me to uh to this world and I was really fascinated by it and I was also curious at the same time I wasn't sure how going to play out but as in life we want to see how uh how everything is and I like to have diverse um experiences in life I enjoy it so I said why not let's go for it and uh when I jumped into it I wasn't sure there's going to be so much hard work and so much time commitment needed uh but uh everybody else was like so amazing they were amazing they taught me what needs to be done um because coming from a tech perspective it's like a completely 180 degree shift and I kind of felt that okay there was so many things that I was not aware of and but I did not feel that as a competition at all you can be a professional you can be also Beauty you can everything you want you can do in your life as long as you have that passion absolutely and I feel like if I can do it anybody could do it it's just like you need to have that passion as you said and dedication and plus you need that support also which I'm so lucky that I got that support from my friends and my family so I think that our journey was amazing I enjoyed so much it was like for me it was not like a professional thing it was more like a fun and enjoyment thing that I I had so much fun my kids loved it I have two daughters and they were so excited they were so surprised just to see me doing that beauty pageant with a crown and then you crowned as a um Mrs India Road Island yes yes which was a totally surprise even for me but uh because I wasn't expecting that I was more focused on how can I be a better person how can I learn a new something new in my life because um you know uh even though I'm in Tech I also explore other things I'm very I'm very curious person I'm telling you and curiosity is very good is very good right like humans need that and um and I feel like uh was by just going into that it just like U made me feels so much more confident that yes I can also do some other things also in life which are totally different from my current persp so now let's come back to uh the place where you work the international organization and you have been there for 9 years and the mission of your organization is uh fighting gender inequality right yes absolutely so my question to you is what is your solution to that problem and what you have done and how your organization works on that yeah it's a very big question and I know so many organizations are working towards it and my organization we collaborate with other organizations so first tell us about your organization so uh plan International USA it's a girls right organization over there we fight for girls um gender inequality child marriages uh human trafficking so we have different programs and we work with other organizations to make sure that our um goals uh that we have towards how to protect girls is achieved so we also work in different sectors like um Health sector so how can girls feel confident they have um all the medical needs that they so tell us a little bit uh in terms of your your organization uh plan International is based in UK right uh we our headquarters heads in UK we have different National offices in Belgium Switzerland us how many countries have uh there are like over 15 countries we also have a office in India okay excellent okay so uh so what are your personal uh solution solution to problem um I feel to this problem to gender inequality I feel like uh education and knowledge and I feel like with education and knowledge we can break this back carer because right now the the way everybody is going and is brought up they do not think about gender equalities for example if I think about uh going to a hospital oh there'll be a nurse by default I'm thinking there's going to be a female but that's not that's like a stereotype I have in my head because of the society and especially with our Indian cultural background it has nothing to do with the culture you're coming from it's like globally glob so you think that problem is I thought it was much more the gender discrimination was much more common in India than here in the US I think everywhere there is some level of it as you're you're developing or the country is developing it is going uh down but at the same time we have to fight gender inequality at every place wherever there are stereotypes like that as I gave that example about a nurse you you by default you're thinking about a female person but um when you say like a pilot you're by default thinking of a male person so these are the stereotypes and until we can get past that that equality is not possible and when we talk about even um like a gap in uh salary again yeah so that is what my organization is fighting for and I personally also do that I have two girls I always Empower them how old are your girls are uh 9 years and six years old yeah even though they are very young I'm teaching them at the very young age that there's nothing that you cannot do that a that a boy can do so it's like a you have to train them no my my question to you is that suddenly we grow up and realize oh my God there's discrimination there inquality what is the source how does it start how people start thinking oh see the woman so he will be paid less is it male biased female biased or both or how I think it's not just um conscious bias so there are two things conscious biased and unconscious bias so conscious biased is when you know you are doing that bias in you know in your mind and then you are going ahead with that that's conscious bias and that's definitely wrong but there's also something called as unconscious biased where by default you're thinking okay so she's a woman she has to take care of the kids she has to do the housework she has to do this like that is unconscious biased but it is there so we have to fight both kind of biases to get through this and okay so I understand what happens in your what do tell us about your family Dynamics is there that bias is there too or uh in my family it's not that much because I feel like um as you can see the uh I it all depends on the woman in the family how they set the rules and I feel like I'm so blessed to have a great family in our family we all work it's not like only it's my responsibility to do this or certain things my husband helps with all the responsibilities about the children he takes I think you really hit the you made a very good point that it is the the the the women who has the fale who sets the rule sets the rule and if you really think this something you said very powerful that's so true that if they the rule that this is how it's supposed to be and both are equal and unless you establish that at your in your family how can you change something outside in the world when you're not even following that in your own house and what the rules are followed at home the children are going to see that they are going to do the exactly same exactly and that's why people say that mother is the backbone of their family and then going that's how you lay the principles for them how they lead their life going forward okay now coming back to your uh volunteer work you work for some every Sunday for some uh Vian school okay tell us about that I'm very passionate about that school uh so over there we teach uh young minds um Indian culture and also Hindi language to write and speak Hindi language so we have different classes and I take one of the classes and I enjoy oh my God my my class is like amazing young minds they are like they're like sponges you know they are ready to absorb everything you say they want to learn more about Indian culture they want to learn about who is Lord Ram who is Lord Krishna and like what can we do and all the stories which is kind of amazing and how long you have been doing this um for three years almost three years now um since um I got to know that there is a Hindi school here um in New England where I can just like volunteer so I was like first I wanted to know how the school is and everything and I felt the people were amazing they uh they invited me with open arms and they said if you can help in any way and I was so happy to be a volunteer there and um over there it's just like when people join when uh people join that school they don't realize how much impact it's going to have in their children's life so now in in your uh value system and you're uh the way you work today what role was played by your parents uh they played most important role because since I was uh I was like since I remember they always told me that my brother and I we both are equal they always treated us equal they never they did not follow what Society was back then in India because I grew up in India and where did you grow up in which place in indor in indor indor I yeah and you where did you study in all um I finished my studies in Bangalore and then after that I went to Pune uh for work so I have been to like I feel I have been to all most of the places uh in India so I understand different cultures and that's I think that's what made my um me how to be more inclusive and diverse so yeah and uh what are some of the company you work in India yeah I work for forces technology um and I worked for American Express okay and you have how long you have been in the US now uh for last 10 10 11 years now okay at this point and what brought you to us um yeah the reason I came over to us was uh my husband uh was working for uh for a company in us and he wanted to come back to us um so so I quit my job I came here but uh at the same time I wanted to do something for myself so I kept learning I kept polishing my skills and when I could go back to work I I immediately within he he was surprised too within like two weeks I got I got job I started working towards my uh my goals and uh so it was a love marriage or ARR marriage it was an arranged marriage so I'm very curious about that now so so tell us you know I mean I think now India has also changed you know that you know when I was growing up absolutely you know the love marriage was very rare to hear but now it is very common so what is your take on the love marriage versus ARR marriage I I feel like uh I don't have a an opinion like that like I feel like it's equally uh what whatever works for you because for me uh arranged marriage worked for me because at that time I didn't have anybody um that uh I could spend my whole life with so the perfect solution was to go to my parents and let them decide but um for anybody else uh I know my friends uh many my uh my cousins they have um they found the love of their life by their own and which was amazing and I'm so proud of them so I feel like whatever works for you um that's the best solution it has nothing to do with like I don't believe in that taboo love marriage versus arrangement marriage back then I never believed right now I don't believe so uh so now another question I'm going to ask you feel free not to answer this okay so did you meet your before married did you meet your did you meet your husband to see him before or no I saw him once just like a typical Indian uh arranged marriage you meet that person for like 30 minutes and then you decide your life but what I did was I think a I I'm so proud of that decision I told my parents and to now my spouse I told him uh that I need six months of time to decide and I'm not married before that because he he wanted to get married like you know just typical Indian side and done and I was like I said the rule I said I need six months of time and to my surprise exact after six months we got married so it's a very courageous you know to tell parents that look you know okay fine I'm going to marry about 6 months so why you asked for 6 months I thought 6 months is a good enough time for me to understand that person and for him to understand me too not just I was not just thinking about me but also for him to understand because obviously you just make two people meet 15% they are only projecting the best so what happened during those six months during those six months I think uh he got to know what I we did not meet but on phone we did talk so we could share our ideas our perspectives of our life going forward like future life and our goals um how it's going to look like so I felt that set a really good foundation for us okay so now if there is a 15year old girl which comes to you yeah and says okay you have all these experience in your life give me two advices what will be your two advice to those to that 15 year old girl uh uh to advices I'll say focus on studies and your career that is definitely number one and second would be to to never leave your passion if you're passionate about something no matter who tells you what go ahead with that and let me add third one on your behalf that if you get married make your rules right make sure you and but rules that are something you also consider others perspective also so I don't I'm not saying go ahead with any rules it's more like what would work for both of you not just for you what is best for the family but make sure you're strong you lay down The rules AA thank you so much for your time I really enjoy chatting with you thank you so much it was great