The Lump She Almost Dismissed: Sangeeta Moorjani’s Journey from Diagnosis to Recovery to Thriver

Welcome to Indian Union News. Our guest today is Sangeeta Bhorjani, a senior executive at mutual fund giant Fidelity Investments and a cancer survivor. Sangeeta, welcome to our studio. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Sure. And looking forward to our conversation today. Me as well. It is a serious, good, good ending and a lot of lessons to be learned. Absolutely. So my first question is, when did you find out you had a cancer and how did you find out? So I first found out about this in December of 2015. I was actually on a break and I was on a late night call because I was in India. And I was working from there and it was not a great meeting. The meeting wasn't going well and at one point, I just put my hand up and I decided I need a stretch. And it's a good thing I needed a stretch because right as I finished the stretch, I felt a lump by my breast and I didn't make much of it. And then I said, when I woke up after I went to bed, I'm like, let me just follow up. So I called my primary care physician here in Boston while I was in Pune, India. And I said, hey, listen, I felt something. I'm away for about two, three weeks. Should I do anything? And her advice was probably nothing, but why don't you just get a check there? And I said, what do you mean by get a check? And she's like, well, you know, see if you can get an ultrasound or a mammogram. And I said, I just had a mammogram six weeks ago and was fine. I'm glad she asked that I go. Long story short, my father actually happened to work in medical. He was not a medical practitioner, but he worked in hospitals. And so he took me to a breast oncologist that he knew very well. And the breast oncologist did a quick test. He put me under ultrasound. And I think he knew right then and there, because based on the feedback he was getting back that I had breast cancer, he was a very smart man. He didn't want me to travel with the news. And so he asked that I go back to Boston and cut short my vacation. And I said, if you're not worried about it being anything, why do you want me to go? His point was, you live in the best place in the world from a medical perspective. And so I came back to Boston, went to MGH, they did a quick needle biopsy. The head of the practice came in and said, I don't know how else to tell you, but we're pretty sure you have breast cancer. And then what is your reaction and what did you do? Yeah, so, you know, when in India, our family friend who's an oncologist, he was a little hesitant and insisted I go back. So I had a feeling that maybe this is not great news. He had already told my dad that there's a 90% chance. So I kind of had that in the mind, but I'm an optimist. And so I was like, I don't think so. So when the head of oncology in MGH told me this is breast cancer and they want to do more tests, my husband was with me. I think we were both just like, we didn't know what to do or say. We looked at each other and we were dumbfounded. And then he said, why don't we leave this room and come sit and we'll talk more. And when I sat down waiting for him to come back, I think I may have shed a tear because I wasn't sure what was going on. But I'm always that person who's like, I'll deal with everything, right? So the strong side of me was very present and I actually felt nothing. I don't think I felt fear. I don't think I felt confusion. I just wanted to know if it's truly there. So I was ready for more tests. Now, you mentioned that a few months before you had a mammogram, what was the result in the mammogram? The mammogram was that I had dense breast tissue, but it was all fine. And that mammogram was followed up from a mammogram that had taken place six months ago. So they were seeing some calcification, but nothing was worrisome enough for them to think that there was an issue. So what changed so quickly? Basically, when you have dense breast, which is common in people of Indian origin and a few others, you are not diagnosed by a mammogram. So when they did an MRI, it was very clear that I had breast cancer. And not only did I have breast cancer, I had a five centimeter lump because it had been growing inside me for a very long time. So that was the difference in me. So this is another lesson to our audience and viewers, especially in the Indian and South Asian community that should be extra careful. I think it's an important lesson. What I have learned through this process is how important it is to self-advocate. And what I mean by that is I knew nothing about breast cancer. I have no history in my family. But if a report is not looking normal, probe, ask two other doctors, ask for a second or a third opinion. And so don't go crazy though. I think self-advocacy, at the end of the day, I have to trust physicians no more than I do. The medical system does. But absolutely read up and advocate for yourself. So now if you can talk about the treatment process, what happens after that? Yeah. So before I talk about the treatment process, I just want to give you one more thing. So when I was diagnosed, it was just before Christmas and basically the medical facility at MGH told me, there's nothing we can do right now. If you want to get a second opinion, you should, but your treatment will likely start in January. So we were able to get appointments at Dana-Farber in early January. And at that point, it was me, my husband, my kids, we were all going to be on vacation to Singapore. My brother flew in from Singapore just to be there for us. And we decided, hey, listen, it's not going to be a fun ride when we get to January. What do we do? We decided to take a vacation. So we all booked new tickets, went to Singapore, spent 10 days as a family and have the best time. But I think kind of knowing in my head, something needed more attention and life was not going to be normal for a bit. I took that pause and we spent time as a family. And I think that was really helpful. Was any time the thought, I'm sure, must have come to you? The thoughts crossed my mind. You know, what we try to do as a family is we try and the thoughts crossed, not just for me, for my kids, they were very young, for my brother, for my parents. My dear friend was just past her chemo at that point. So, you know, the thoughts were there, but we really tried our best to say, we don't know enough right now. We'll deal with this in January when we know more. And we tried to count our blessings. We were in Boston. We had the best institutions. We had the best family support. We could talk to each other openly about it. So we tried our best to count our blessings. And then came January and, you know, I saw the oncologist in Dana-Farber. I saw the oncologist at MGH and decided I wanted to go to Dana-Farber. And then, you know, what happened is until the point of diagnosis, it was a lot of trying to understand what I had. I was diagnosed with a five centimeter lump between stage three and stage four because of the size of the lump. It was triple negative. So it was not due to a hormone or they didn't know what was causing the cancer. But from there, the word I heard is standard of care. So until that point, I was very unique. And from there on, it was standard of care. There was X number of chemo. At the end of the chemo, we decide what kind of surgery and most likely you'll need radiation. So I had met my oncologist. I met my surgeon. I met the radiation experts. And from there, the journey started. I would say the hardest part of this was the chemo because, you know, I'm a very active person. I am either at work or at home. I'm engaged in things. And so the chemo put me into a state, which is not something I expected. And how many rounds of chemo? Yeah, I had to do eight rounds of chemo. And during how long it took? It was from January to April. They were spaced two weeks apart. And you know, my oncologist was, she's awesome. She gave me a pretty clear picture of what to expect, right? She goes, OK, at this point in time, you're going to lose your hair. At this point in time, this is going to happen. So she was trying to prepare me. Did you lose your hair? I did. She said, I'll lose my hair. I'll start to see my hair falling on day 16. Day 16, my hair started falling in big chunks. You know, the part about chemo that I think has taught me a lot of life lessons was that I chose to do my chemo on Friday. So I had the weekend to recover. And did you continue to work during the time? I did continue to work. And I have to tell you, I am so grateful to the leader that I worked for in the community I worked in because he sat me down. First, he said, what help do you need? Second thing he said is, what do you want to do? Do you want to work or do you want to take a break? And I said, no, I think work will keep me engaged. He goes, you decide. And at any point, if it's too much, you tell me. So I told my team. I didn't tell a big group of people. I had the best possible support at work, at home, through friends. I am extremely blessed. But make sure that you set yourself up for that support. You are going to need all the support in life that you can get. So don't be shy about getting support or asking for support. And make sure every aspect of your life has the right support because it's different. Home is different from work, is different from raising a family and what your family needs. So after my first chemo, which was on Friday, on Saturday, I just felt crappy, right? Like I was miserable. I was throwing up. I was uncomfortable. I was in pain. And what was surprising to me is that by Sunday, I kind of like I was a little bit of a zombie. What was interesting is in that zombiness, I realized that typically Mondays are manic Mondays for me or for anyone, you know, like for most people. And it was Mondays were the quietest Mondays because my processing speed was extremely low. I would listen. I would retain a little. I didn't really react too much. And so over time, I realized, you know, what days I could work being fully present and what days I needed a break. And in that quietness, I think at first I didn't I was like pretty much like lying down, relaxing. But I think over time, in that quiet moment, I started to reflect about things and life and purpose and meaning and gratitude. So can you share one of those reflections with us? Yeah. So I'll tell you one. So given it was January, I'm a big football fan and the Patriots were playing and Tom Brady was playing. And typically when there's a Patriots game, like people think I'm obnoxious. My kids are embarrassed to have me in the room with their friends because I'm screaming. I'm telling the Patriots how to play. And I'm extremely engaged. I'm rooting for them. One of those Sundays, we had a game and Patriots actually lost. I kind of sat back and I watched the game. And for the first time, you know, and January, so if you're in the playoffs and you lose, you're not moving forward. For the first time, I was like, OK, there's next season. That's not the normal Sangeetha reaction. I would be like, how the heck and what were they doing and what were they thinking? And eventually. And so it put things in perspective. Like this was not the only game. This was not the only thing that mattered. And it just made me step back. So that's just one example. And there are thousands or hundreds more. And that is coming from an optimist, right? It's coming from an optimist, right? And but I think I didn't change being an optimist. I think what it gave me perspective is that optimism is not just having optimism in the moment. It has to continue. And so I believe I believe that this team was my team. It was worthy. And I think that's how that's kind of the spirit in which I took in a lot of lessons. I also learned, you know, people would ask me both at work and otherwise, they would say, how can we help? And so, you know, if you are going through a cancer or a tough medical situation, make sure you think about how you want people to help you because people want to help you. And so think about how they want to how you can get help. What was very clear to me was I didn't need help in food. My mother decided to come live with me and take care of me. I had a lot of other support in terms of, you know, going for a little walk with me. I had a few friends. And so as the broader circle said, how can they help me? Sometimes I wasn't sure how they could help me. And I'll tell you a story of a friend, you know, she did something so meaningful for me because there are times when she would come, she would leave a note in my mailbox for me. Once she left a little scarf that she had made in my mailbox for me. And I asked her, I said, why don't you come in and see me? And she goes, no, I don't want to be a burden. But I can't tell you every time I'm getting a little emotional, which is strange. I don't generally, that scarf, that note made me feel so many people care. And so for those people who want to show empathy or show love, I would say, sometimes you may not get the answer, but do what feels right to you. And it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to be grand. It has to be from the heart. Actually, that was going to be my next question, that somebody finds out that, you know, someone, loved one or dear one has a cancer. What are the questions they should be asking? What should we be really saying to the person? Is there anything you can give some insight to that? I can, I can. We already answered that, but. Yeah, I can try. You know what? I would say if you know someone has been diagnosed with cancer or an illness, I would say, make sure when you're probing or asking questions that they're ready to answer. They're in a state that they can answer. I'll tell you, some folks came to my door and were very curious. Others came to my door and would cry. Others came to my door and wanted to know how to help me. They were all right. But there were times when I had no energy inside of me to comfort somebody else who was crying. And so I would say, see the moment and understand the situation that that person is in and show up accordingly. So there is no prescriptive way. But I would say, it's normal to be curious. Be curious, but know when to stop. And sometimes when you don't know when to stop, ask them, am I asking you too much too many questions? It's too much, right? And I would say to some people, yeah, I think it's too much. You know, the other thing people did is they set up a WhatsApp group with a lot of friends. And when sometimes I couldn't fall asleep at two o'clock in the morning because I was in pain, I'd go to the WhatsApp group and I would read at my own pace. So there's so many ways you can show up. A note, a text, a scarf, just be mindful about demanding a lot of time or attention from the person who's taking care of you. Now, again, during the treatment phase, you talked about chemotherapy, etc. Yeah. I'm a little bit invisible, guys. I'm coming back to your hair. Yeah. So there was a time when the entire hair fell down. Yeah. And when did it start to come back? So actually, the entire hair didn't fall off. So I'm a very, for me, I'm very black and white when it comes to dealing with things. Right. I have a plan. We will go with the plan. We will deal with the plan. I'm an optimist, but I'm also very pragmatic. So when my hair started to fall, I didn't want to have my hair fall like, you know, maybe 200 strands at a time. So when I saw that coming, I decided I'm going to shave my head. Okay. So I asked my hairdresser and she said she would come home because she didn't want me to come to the salon. And I said to my family, like my mom, my husband, if you want to be there, you can be there, but I'm going to shave my hair. And I think in retrospect, I don't think that was a smart thing to do. I needed to take care of myself. I didn't want to have my hair fall a little bit at a time. That's okay. But I don't think I should have subjected my mom and my husband to that because for me, it was a pragmatic thing to do for them. Seeing a wife or a daughter just suddenly getting their hair shaved was just quite traumatic for them. For them. So I would say a couple of things for anyone who's trying to help someone who is battling cancer. Don't just think about the person who's battling cancer. The caretakers need as much or actually more care. So I'm so grateful to all the people in our life who took my husband out for a golf round or just came and said, hey, come out for a cup of tea or came and sat with my mom and said, how are you dealing with yourself? The caretakers are a really important piece of this. Now, how long it took for your hair to grow back? A long time. So it started in 2015-16, right? Correct. So my treatment started in 2016. So your hair doesn't grow till you're going through chemo. So the hair starts to grow right after. So I had my surgery in May and you can see a few sprouts, but I would say my hair kept growing and I would still, when I would go out to work or other places, I would wear my wig. That was, I'm going to ask, did you wear a wig? I did. And I'll come back to that in a second. But it takes a good year for a point where you can have a decent haircut and, you know, if you want to be in professional settings or other places, but I never wore a wig when I was with friends. The wig ended up being an amazing tool for me at work because I would wear my wig, I would go into work, people would treat me like I was the same Sangeetha, maybe a slightly different haircut. So did you try to have your wig similar like the style you had? So that's another thing. Get your wig done before you start your chemo, if you're going to do it. Two, if it's breast cancer and you have long hair, get a short haircut because having a wig with long hair is really tough. So, you know, I think the wig in some way was a sign of normalcy for me. And when I wore the wig, people didn't ask me any questions about cancer, people didn't ask me any questions about how I was doing. They would greet me and it just felt kind of a tool, a protection for me. But I disliked the wig. So the moment I would sit in the car, I would take the wig off. In fact, we almost got into an accident because there was a driver next to us one day and I took the wig off and I think he was like, what's going on? But it was a great shield. So know what kind of shield you need and make sure you have that shield. So now I can understand the reaction of your mom from a parental point of view, but I would like to know a little bit of the reaction of your kids and your husband. Yes. You know, my husband, I am so grateful. He's the best thing that's happened to me outside of my parents. He was he's he's he's very different. He's kind of, you know, he's calm. He's composed and he just stood by me, whatever I needed. There was not one doctor appointment I went to where he wasn't there. He wanted to be there for every doctor. So he was my sounding board. He was listening to everything. But he also knew I was more action oriented. So he let me kind of forge ahead. But he was always there. He was always there with the second opinion. He was always there by my side. But, you know, it took a lot of toll on him. The interesting thing is, my husband was the fittest when I was going through this. So he would work out every morning and take really good care of himself because his point was, I my family needs me and I need it. And so as a partner, you know, the other thing you can do is be your best self. So that way, no one feels like, you know, especially the person who's going through treatment doesn't feel like they have to take care of you. And I'm grateful. Like, I didn't know at the moment what he was doing. But in retrospect, like that was so amazing. And, you know, my kids were how old they were at that time. My kids, they were my son was 15 and my daughter was 17. Very sensitive. My son was actually applying for high school at that point. And actually in his high school application, this is how I found out. He said he learned a spirituality or the power of prayer during that time, because, you know, we have a little place in our kitchen where we have a little pictures of God and where I say my prayers every day. And my son said every night before going to bed, he would go there and he would say a prayer for me. And that gave him a lot of peace. But both the kids were there for not all the chemos, but many of the chemos. They kind of went through the journey with me. And, you know, my daughter, she's learning. She's studying to be a physical therapist. And so she's always been a healer. And she'd always come sit by me, give me a massage or, you know, because my body was experiencing a lot of pain. And so she would just come by me and try to help me. And so how they basically what they were doing is they were kind of disguising their fear, but they were also being with me. And that gave them a lot of peace of mind. Was your situation encouraged your daughter to go in therapy? She was already interested. You know, I think she was already interested. She saw her brother play basketball and she saw how many falls people had. And she was always into anatomy and kinesiology. So I can't take credit for that. But I'm grateful that she has that healer mindset. So from 2016, let us move to the year when you find out the good news. Yeah. That OK, you are out of that cancer. So, you know, September of 2016, actually, I rang the bell when after I did the last final radiation and they basically declare you cancer free. And I think that was. So you didn't have to go through any surgery? I did go through surgery. I went through surgery during the same period. Yes. And then a few months later, I started radiation and radiation was every day for five weeks. And once I did that, you know, they ring the bell and they are like, you're done. And I think that was the first time my husband and I like we were both there that day. We gave each other the tightest hug. And I think we both cried. There was just the sense of relief for us. And we came home and my brother and my sister in law and my parents and my kids. Everybody was there. And it was this amazing celebration at home. And it was interesting because, you know, we flipped the switch from me battling cancer to be cancer free. And while that switches one day to another, your body's not flipping the switch. And one thing, you know, I've learned from my yoga mentor, who's also a breast cancer survivor is interestingly, in this world, there is nothing like rehab for cancer. There's rehab when you have a stroke. There's rehab for many diseases. There's no rehab for cancer. And so my ask of everybody would be when the switch flips, you've got to think about how you rehabilitate yourself. I needed a lot of PT. I couldn't sit on the floor cross legged because of neuropathy. My feet were impacted. My hair was still growing. I had a lot of, you know, I had a frozen shoulder. So while the switch flips, your body doesn't. I would say it was probably about two years later where the kinks were out of the system. I was in a new rhythm where I felt like, you know, kind of I had dealt with all of the repercussions of chemo, of surgery and of radiation. So how all this experience changed your life and your personal philosophy of life? Yeah, you know, one, I am grateful to my cancer. I believe it's made me a better person. It's made me a person who has been more accepting of health. You know, I've always been a go, go, go person. And I realized how much that scar or that node mattered. And so I've become more accepting of health. I've also learned to really express my gratitude to people in multiple forms because I want them to know that their actions mean the world to me. And so they too can carry on their actions. I think the other thing it has made me is it's just put life in perspective that you may have a path, but a curveball can shift you and you can wake up from that curveball and you'll rise again. And so, you know, it's just made me, I feel more, it's made me more human. It's made me a better person. So now off the camera, you were talking about Gita. Yeah, yeah. So how, when that comes in life? Yeah. So, you know, spirituality was introduced into my life actually four years before I was diagnosed. And a lot was, you know, I was just, I was experiencing some medical challenges like vertigo and other things, but there was no diagnosis for it. And so I went to India and I decided to go down the Ayurvedic path. And there I met my yoga mentor, who's actually Polish and now lives in Canada. And I think for the very first time, I learned to slow down. And there was actually a neurologist I had seen at that point at MGH. And he said something very impactful to me, where he said, you need to slow down because your body's rejecting you and you're saying you're okay. And so he, I didn't think about it that time. But I think over time, I have learned to listen to my body. I want to do a lot, maybe not this minute, maybe not tomorrow, maybe day after or maybe next year. And so during that Ayurvedic treatment, I also was introduced to yoga, which I thought was asanas and exercises, but it's way deeper. And that's where my interest in meditation, in breathing, now it's a practice for me. You know, I put meditation and breathing before everything else, even if it's for 10 minutes a day. And I realized spirituality is not religion. I was mixing the two in my head before that. And I'm not a religious person. And I was like, if I'm spiritual, I'm religious. And that was how my brain had been sort of, that's the framing I had. And so I think that rewiring or reframing happened to me during four years before. But also going through my treatment, I spend more time on practicing breathwork, on practicing meditation. And, you know, I just want to grow deeper into kind of what's the meaning of life? What are we here to do? Maybe it's the post-50 syndrome, I don't know. But, you know, I'm trying to spend every part of my conscious hours in things that are meaningful. And that is where the beauty lies about these type of tragedies, that it really shakes you up, it makes you think and makes you prioritize, you know, okay, now what my priorities are. So you're on the right track. Absolutely. I hope so. It also reframed ambition for me, because, you know, I'm ambitious, I'm sure you're ambitious, and I'm not shy about it. I'm competitive, as one should be. But I think it kind of gave me a true sense of how rising tides can lift everybody. You know, when you are having chemo, and you see the nurses bringing the most positive attitude towards you, while inject you with something dangerous, and your four other friends and family members surrounding you, you realize like how you got to lift up the community. And so I was always, you know, focused on giving back. But I personally think the last 15 years, and especially since my diagnosis about 11 years ago, I've grown a lot in the spirit of, you know, community and giving and being a better human every day. So, Sangeeta, what advice you will give you to women in general, and especially the South Asian and Indian women whose body structure is slightly different when it comes to cancer? Yeah, I mean, I would say, you know what, you got to prioritize yourself. I, ever since I've been through my experience, I haven't missed an annual, I haven't missed a mammogram, I haven't missed an MRI. Before that, I would say, Oh, my God, I have something else going on. Maybe I can postpone it. Don't postpone it. Keep yourself in check. Just like you're keeping your work, your family in check, keep your body in check. So I would say that. Number two, anytime a diagnosis is unclear, get a second opinion, get a third opinion, and be an advocate to make sure that you're going through the details, right? Because it's really important to advocate for yourself. Now, advocacy can often feel like, you know, digging into deeper holes. Don't go on message boards about all the what-ifs that can happen. But I would say definitely learn and advocate. And the third thing I would say is, you know, make sure you're there for the community around you. Make sure just, you know, when you're talking to others, your family, your mother, sisters, friends, that they're taking care of themselves, too. You know, I'm in financial services. And every time I'm waiting in line at Starbucks, I ask people, do you make sure you have enough money in your 401k? And are you saving for your retirement? Now, I also say to people, like, make sure you're taking care of yourself if someone's got, you know, sneezing or not feeling well. So I would say, make sure you do that. Now, this brings to my final question as we come towards the end of this interview, is cancer is still like a taboo, at least in the Indian community. You know, you might know somebody quite closely, but you have no idea that they're going through that. And that stigma, I mean, and this somehow hampers the support system. So if you can just talk a little bit about that, how important that is to remove that stigma from cancer. Yeah. You know, I think it is so critically important that you not let that stigma stick to you, because it is true. The stigma exists. I talk to people who've had cancer diagnosis or are cancer survivors very often. And I can't tell you how many people even today tell me, well, you know, I didn't want to tell this to my family, because then they'll think about one actually lady told me she had recently gotten married and she had the diagnosis. And she's like, I don't want my in-laws to think less of me. And I really think it is so important to find the right support system. And if you don't have it at home, the hospitals will have it. Your friends will give it to you. But make sure that you're not letting that stigma impact your ability to get the right medical care. I understand sometimes it's hard to change, you know, family's belief and things like that. But don't let that stigma hide your diagnosis or get the right care. Sangeeta, thank you so much for talking openly about this issue. And I'm glad that this is really put in front of our community. And what a great service you are doing by openly talking about breast cancer. I'm happy to. And I hope we change the word from breast cancer or cancer survivor to cancer thrivers, because I personally think I'm thriving. And I think everyone has the opportunity to thrive all the time. Very good. Thank you. Thank you so much. Take care.