The Best (As in Worst) Surfing Wipeouts of 2016

This thing just like hit the ledge but just threw extra far. It was too steep and late so I just went straight down and the thing just shot through and just look up and the thing's right here ready to slam me down and there's nothing I could do besides stand there and jump off, you know. And sure enough, boom, the lip just landed straight on me and flipped my board over I guess or something and my knee came down and just boom, my knee went straight through the board. I couldn't do anything about it and I just went, like I fell in the most awkward way and I like poke and I like free fall like 20 feet and then like penetrate and it looks like my body just folded in half like super awkwardly and both my arms were completely numb and I was like, oh ----. I was just thinking like, oh, this is how you'd probably die if you're going to die out here. I thought I was just going to penetrate regular and my leash kind of caught right before I got to the bottom and pulled my leg and kind of made me fall sideways and kind of landed on my side. I was like, oh, this ain't good, you know. As soon as I hit, I straight back over the falls and got really, really pounded. So at first I thought like, you know, this wave's probably not really worth going and then by the time we got to the wave, I realized that it was going to stand up in the reef and I was very confident going down the wave. I could kind of see it all happening before me and right as I got to the step, it just kind of gurgled up and had a bump and my nose caught and I actually tried to push through it with my arms and just got stuck and then next thing, I was just airborne for like, it felt like forever. I did the old cat landing and luckily I penetrated. Instantaneously, it just sucked me up and over the falls. Luckily, I got a breath as I was going over, just a little, you know, a little bit extra breath and then I got, I mean, I got properly pounded, you know, sent straight to the bottom. I didn't touch the bottom but I could feel its presence. And then last minute, I realized I wasn't going to be able to get to the top so I belly flopped into the lip of the wave and I just tried to like, you know, maybe kick out through it. And I just had that one moment where I think I took one stroke and I was like, oh, that's pointless. I just remember going, oh, here we go and I just waited and I curled up and the thing just went boom and just blasted me and I was just trying to keep everything in. I was just getting so ragdolled. The ski couldn't find me and I wasn't waiting for it so I just started swimming and went for a nice long swim. And I'm coming down perfect and right when I got to the double suck, the board kind of just stuck in the face and I went over the handlebars and I hit so hard. Right when I hit, it shattered my shoulder and then I don't even remember bouncing. I didn't notice that I was bouncing. The rock is here and I'm like 20 feet away from it and I didn't even see the rock. I didn't know. I was just looking out for the ski and the ski came to me and he saw the rock and Kirk was right out there watching everything and he thought, I mean, if he didn't get me, I was done. And I got the sled and he babied it just enough, got me about 10 feet forward and I had to let go again because another wave went around the rock. Kirk said it was just horrifying watching this. Somewhere in my head, I thought I was going to pull it but right when I landed, it was just like, it almost felt like jumping out of a two-story building and I land and he lands and I remember just like, I looked up and I saw the brownest roof and I was just like, there was almost a split second there where I was like, oh okay, that's what it looks like and then boom, right back to the scorpion. Boom, it all implodes on you and it's pretty violent there and pretty powerful the way that it explodes and it's like getting hit by somebody, getting hit by a car probably is the best way or a truck and you just kind of go with it and so I was getting hammered and washed and it wasn't too bad. It came up pretty quick. It was really violent because of where I was and it hammered me but then the pressure of coming back up from it came up and put me back up to the top and so I was able to get up pretty quick. It actually, it kind of lucked out when I spun over on my back, I was in a crunch position and so if I had landed face first, I probably would have knocked the wind out of myself and I wouldn't have skidded as far and it would have been really bad because when the lip landed on me, it landed on my stomach and my legs and it actually blew me up. It literally felt like someone just picked me up and threw me. You just feel yourself spinning and turning and cartwheeling and you're worried about your board coming to hit you and you end up sliding into the final impact and the lip just seemed to guillotine me and drove me deep and when you're underwater after a fall or whatever out at waves like that, you're always kind of playing the fine line of okay do I need to pull my inflatable on this wave or am I going to come up without it, I don't want to burn that canister but once you've been under for a couple seconds, you start thinking about the second wave and I don't want to be under for a two wave hold down. You always get so disoriented and that thing is such a lifesaver to have that, you pull it and boom sideways you go and up to the surface you usually pop out like a cork and then just in time for the next one.