Michael Landon’s final appearance on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson

Now, we were talking about his sense of humor. This man has an odd sense of humor. Really off the wall. I'm going to give you a quick story to show what he did to me one night. We had dinner about a year ago, I guess, at a restaurant out in Malibu called the Beau Revive. Very nice. As we left that night, I was backing out of the parking lot, and the cat hangs around out there. It's a pet of the restaurant or the owner's cat, and I hear this kind of squeal, and we drove home. This man calls me the next day and says, you know, the owner called me, and you backed over his cat and killed him. I said, oh my God. I didn't know I'd... Well, of course, I hadn't, but I didn't know that. So a month passes, and we decide to go back to this restaurant, and I said, I don't know whether we want to go there, Mike, or maybe they'll be mad at me. He says, no, let's go. So I, in my sense of humor, I call the owner, and I says, would it be possible tonight at dinner to get a big trailer with one of those big covers on it, and I brought this little toy flattened cat to put in there, and I said, boy, wouldn't this be funny after dinner? Waiter comes with a menu. Here is the menu, and if you look at it and see the printing, I'm not a calligrapher, but I guess it's something like Old English script, right? So I'm reading the menu, and he's sitting across looking at me, and I look. Let's see. I have escargot pozzitano, and I see terrine of tabby, scallions, tomatoes, cucumber in 30-weight motor oil. Now I go to the, and I, and I go right by it. I said, oh, this restaurant gets too fancy, you know, and I go to the next page, and I see this one, pussy mousse a la Mercedes, prepared right on the property. And then I get down to this one here, and by that time, I'm getting pretty hip, folks. I'm no dummy, and it says, press pussy provencal, served outside in the dark, and of course, my business with the terrine went right in the dumper, because you, you one-upped me, and your guy up at the show, did all this calligraphy? Yeah, did a wonderful job. Beautiful. George did it. Hey, you know, I just want to say one, one, one thing, and that is, for, for any of those families out there who have a relative who has cancer, they know how tough, how tough the fight is, and how important the mental attitude is, and, and how you really, you pull together, and you keep a very, very up attitude. It's I'm going to beat it kind of thing, because mentally, it's more than 50% of your medicine. It's more than 50%. The only reason I'm saying that is, that it is, it seems so totally insensitive to me, especially since, how do they know what my little kids have been told in my own home? That, that a tabloid would write, four weeks left, or it's over. Can you imagine that? Well, the tabloids have never been known. I mean, can you imagine? Known for their decency, or sensitivity. I mean, it's unbelievable that people can be that way. That's a, that's a, you know, that's, that's the cancer in our society. Fortunately, I think most people out there. I think most people watching. I think most people watching with a scintilla of intelligence realize that most of those things, like the Inquire, and the Star, and some of the others, are garbage. And the words truth and, and sensitivity? They said our piece. Yeah. Enough of that. No, you don't have to. Okay, we've got, you've got a show, a pilot that's going on for, you made for this fall. That's right. Called Us? Called Us. Made it for CBS. I don't get better, it's their second mistake since buying baseball. So, uh, darn, it's a, it was a hell of a good pilot. I think I might have busted the odds and had another hit. You know, I was a little worried about this interview tonight. You've made me feel much better with your attitude. I mean it. Okay, so you... I'll give you a brief thing before you see the clip because it's a nice scene between Barney, Barney Martin plays my father. I was a guy who went to jail for 18 years for something I didn't do. My wife was pregnant at the time. I had life in prison without possibility of parole. I told her to tell the child when he was growing up that I had died and live your life. I mean, I wasn't going to get out. I want the kid come visiting me. So this is a scene where she's called me on the phone because she's having trouble with the boy. He's now 18 years old. My father dislikes her. He wants me to just be with him. He doesn't think I ever should have married her. And I've just gotten off the phone talking to my wife. You ready to eat? Yeah, I'll just wash up. What's she calling here for? What? What's she calling here for? It's over. It's been over. You got to get on with your life. What are you talking about? She's having a problem with our boy. He's not your kid. What do you mean he's not my kid? She had to tell him the truth now. He knows he's got a father. He's my kid. She raised him. If he's got a problem, it's her fault. Look, you're just getting started again, Jeff. What do you need her problem for? Just drop it, Dad. I don't want to talk to you about it. Oh, sure. Don't listen to your father. What the hell does he know? If you'd have listened to me in the first place, you wouldn't have screwed up your life. All right, that's it. I'm out of here. Oh, sure. Run away. Just like when you were a kid. I didn't run away when I was a kid, Dad. You drove me away. There's a difference, you know? I drove you away? I try to give you good advice. Is that driving you away? You could have gone to college, Jeff. You had the grades. But no, not you. You get a girl pregnant, you got to marry her. I married Ellen because I loved her. I'd have married her if I'd known I'd have married her if she couldn't have a kid. What the hell am I doing this for? We had the same stupid argument 19 years ago. 19 years, and nothing changes with you. Oh, and with you, something changes, huh? She's gonna dump that kid on your problems and all. You'll see. Dumping the kid on me, huh? You know what books I used to read when I was in prison, Dad? Books about raising kids. And from year one, about how you hold them and look at them and how quick they get to know you. And the terrible twos and the potty training and the first days in school. About the joys and the fears. And I used to lie in my bunk at night and try to get myself to dream I was doing those things with my kid. Teaching him to swim and how to throw a ball. And you know what, Dad? In my dreams, my kid loved me. Just the same as I love him and his mom. That's a good scene. Good stuff. Jeff, take a break. You're taking a break, coming right back. Stay where you are.