I Feel Guilty About This

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Brandi, this is the Ramsey Show. What's up? Hey. I just was calling because, first of all, I wanted to tell you, John, that I have engaged in some pretty destructive behaviors in our marriage with money, and I could never figure out why I was doing it until I started listening to you. And so my husband and I have been able to kind of cut off with credit card debt. All of our cars are paid off. We don't have any other debt besides that. I'm so proud of you. And he's decided. Well, thank you. It's awesome. But he has decided to sell his Jeep that he loves to pay off this credit card debt. And I just feel really guilty because I know most of it was me making just really resentful and dumb choices. He loves that Jeep? He does. How much? I mean, he's willing to get rid of it. No, not that. How much does he love that Jeep? A lot. I mean, give me an example. How much? I don't know. I mean, I don't think he loves it more than ... A lot? I don't know. I mean, I don't think he loves it more than ... A lot? I don't think he loves it more than ... Like kind of a ridiculous amount? Kind of like almost annoying how much he loves his Jeep? No. He's not like a Jeeper. Like he doesn't ... Salt life. Here's what I'm getting at. Yeah. Here's what I'm getting at. He loves you more. Don't take that from him. Okay. He signed up ride or die with Brandy. And he's known for a long time you were hurting. And probably some of the fights y'all had were very tactical things about money and credit card debt. And you have done the hard work to dig in beneath that. Why in the world am I spending on this? Am I out of control here? Why when I get nervous or scared or when my mom calls, I spend like ... Whatever. You did that work. And then he exhaled and went, oh, thank God. Now we got a plan. I'm all in. Okay. The giant, giant go-kart with humongous tires comes way after the woman I love. Okay. That cool? Guilt is fine. Guilt is fair. That's cool. It becomes ugly when your guilt becomes shame. And you know the difference? Guilt is I did some stupid things with money. Shame is I am stupid and I always will be. Okay. It's okay to feel guilty. Did you do some dumb things with money? Yeah. That's cool. That's just your body doing what it's supposed to do. Letting you know. Let's don't do that again. Remember how that felt? That's cool. Shame is I'm not going to be able to breathe because as we're cleaning up, other people who love me so much have agreed to participate in the cleanup. And by the way, he signed up for that when he said, I do. It's part of it. Okay. Cool? Yeah. I just was wondering with it, too, like, so we were two income. We've gone down to one income for me to go back to school because we have three kids. And anyway, I just, I know that he would have sold this Jeep anyway to make like to provide more for them while we were one income. So every time things come up where it's like we're canceling music lessons or something for my kids, I just like feel so. The greatest gift, the greatest gift you can give your kids is a well mom. Okay. By a hundred miles. Way more important than a violin lesson or a whatever is a mom who has peace inside her chest. Okay. And so every time you go to counseling, every time you have to cancel something because you're back in school, every time you are staying up late and you have to miss a ball game because you have an exam the next day, exhale and think, what a gift I'm giving my kids. I'm giving them a peaceful mom, a well mother. I'm giving them warmth and laughter in their home because when I get out of school, it's going to be gangbusters, not, I can't believe I missed this T-ball game, whatever. I promise you of all the T-ball games they have, they're not going to remember the one you lost. They don't even remember what they ate for dinner yesterday. They will remember how mom made him feel. Okay. And was mom safe? Was mom anxious all the time? Was mom scared all the time or was mom the, the one warm place I always knew I could go to? And that's the work you're doing right now. All right. Is that fair? Mm-hmm. Do you believe me? Yes. Um. You don't have to. Honestly, my kids are teenagers. Okay. So I, that makes it a little different, but I think. It doesn't. They are good at like talking. Okay. Can I tell you one more? Mm-hmm. Take each one of them out for breakfast and tell them, age appropriate. I would tell that differently to my 13 year old than I would an 18 year old, but mom's going through a hard season and you're watching your mom become a gangster in front of your very eyes. And I'm going to tell you, I have a mom that had a hard, some hard experiences, went back to school at 42. And you probably heard that story, went back to school at 42, first community college class at 42. And then she took another one the next year and another one the next semester. And then she graduated with her PhD at 57. Then she got tenured as a professor at 63 and we all just celebrated her because she finished her last year at Oxford in her seventies. She had a whole gangster back half of her life that started when I was a teenager and it was hard. She missed games. I had to make dinner on my own sometimes. And I wouldn't trade any of it for the, the watching my mom take a machete and head out into a field and carve a path and watching my dad support her all the way. Wouldn't trade a second of that. Okay. I've lived it. You're doing the right thing. I'm proud of you. Proud of you. It's awesome. Good for you.