James Roque | BADONG: Live in Auckland | Full Special

What the fuck is up everybody? How are you guys doing? My name is James and I'm Filipino. Any other Filipinos in the house, make some noise. Holy shit. Okay. All right. That's enough before the white people ask us for medical advice. All right. Let's keep it down. Um, thank you guys so much for coming. I, uh, I'm, I'm from Manila. That's actually where my family's from, but I grew up here in New Zealand. I grew up here in New Zealand in a very Filipino household, which means I grew up in a really religious household, right? And my favorite thing about growing up in a religious household was learning that God has a sense of humor, loves jokes, right? But sometimes jokes, a little mean, can get a little mean, I got to say, and I think the meanest thing that God ever did was make all Filipinos love basketball and then make us all five foot one. Like, like that's so fucking mean, bro. Like, gee, thanks God, I can't wait to play 1v1 basketball with someone and when I defend them, my face comes up to their dick. Thank you. Like why would you make a group of people love something and take away the one thing that would give them an advantage at that activity? You know, that's like if God made all New Zealanders love rugby, but then didn't make any Polynesian people. And by the way, I'm not saying all Polynesian people are good at rugby. No, I'm saying without them, we'd be fucking trash. There's a difference, right? You know, what's wild about that is I'm pretty tall for a Filipino guy, right? So I'm trash at basketball. It's such a waste, bro. It's such a fucking waste. My whole, my entire life growing up, all my, my Philippine uncles, my titos would just come up to me and be like, oh wow, so tall, wow, basketball player, basketball player, right? And then they see me shoot a basketball and I miss the entire room completely and they're like, oh, nevermind, graphic designer, you know, like it's disappointing, you know? I grew up here in New Zealand looking like this and can I be honest with you guys just for a second? I'll be completely honest with you. Sometimes growing up looking like this in New Zealand, not always that easy, you know? I feel like in 2023, the hardest thing about looking like this in New Zealand is posting videos on the internet and experiencing racism, right? Like, so what will happen often is I'll post a video of my standup and then someone will comment some wild ass shit in the comments, some racist shit, right? And I'll try to click on that person's profile to see who said it to me, but often their profile is set to private, right? So all I have to go off is a little round profile photo, right? And I've noticed something about this and it's that most of the time, the racist abuse doesn't come from women, shit. Most of the time, the racist abuse doesn't come from men. Most of the time, the racist abuse comes from cars. Yo, cars are the most racist users of the fucking internet. The amount of times I'll be told to go back to where I came from by a Nissan Skyline. Which is rich coming from a car imported from Japan. Like, do you know how it feels to be called a chink by a Mitsubishi? Not good. It's always cars, bro. Always cars. And I hate it. It's ruined so many things for me in my life, you know? I can't do certain things anymore. Can't walk through a car park without feeling unsafe, which sounds like a hate crime's about to go down. I like the way that Mercedes is looking at me. Can't watch certain movies anymore, you know, Disney's Cars. Can't watch that. I get about ten minutes in, I'm like, Mmm, these cars wanted to make America great again. It's like, No, whitening McQueen. Okay, like, it's really... Welcome. Welcome to my show, though. Welcome to my show. It's called Badong. Right? It's called Badong. Now, everyone's always like, why Badong? What does Badong mean? So, Badong is actually my very traditional Filipino nickname that was given to me as a child. Right, now, this is a very Filipino thing to have a name like this. So, you have your real name, and then your parents will give you this other Filipino name that has nothing to do with that name. Right? I know, like, white people have nicknames, too, you know, like Steve or whatever, but like... But Filipinos take that shit to the next level, right? Because I swear, no one in the community will call you by your real name. It's always just your Filipino name. You know, like, one of my friends growing up, his name is Von. We call him Jingjong. Right? My little sister, her name's Gisela. We call her Klangklang. Right? My name's James. I got Badong. Right? Every Filipino person in my life is in witness protection just trying to hide, okay? Now, I know there's a lot of Filipinos in here, which are so beautiful. Look at all your beautiful Filipino faces, right? I'm going to ask you a question. I'm going to give you to the count of three, and I want you to give me a clap if you have a name like this, too. All right, here we go. Three, two, one. Do you know what that was? It's three people going, I do, and then everyone going, fuck that. I'm not clapping. I don't want him to know my name's Nandong or some shit like that. Those three people, fuck yeah. I'm proud of you. I love you. You clapped, man? You clapped, Claire? You've got one? Yeah. Beautiful. What's your real name? Adrian. Beautiful name. And is your Filipino name quite different to your ... Kind of. Kind of? Okay. What's your Filipino name? Beninay. That's so different, Adrian. What do you mean, kind of? That doesn't even share the same letters. Adrian to Beninay. Beninay's a beautiful name. That's a gorgeous name. Do you know what it means? I think I've heard it. Oh, how you oppose when you're born. Do you mean, you came out pose? You came out like out of the womb? That's crazy. Beninay? Who else? Who else clapped over here? Someone else clapped. Who else? Everyone's like disappearing into the shadows. I don't want to become Beninay. That's all right. Well, that's all good, man. I'll tell you about my name then. For those of you wondering what Badong means, in my language, Tagalog, Badong means ... I'm sorry. Badong. Ba Dong means the sound of Netflix. If anyone needs any help, I actually asked my dad. I asked my dad. I was like, why Badong? Where did you get Badong from? And he goes, because when you were born, there was a popular movie and there was a character named Badong. And I was like, and? And he was like, the end. And I was like, fucking what? That's it? No other reason? just a popular character that's wild ads that's like if i had a kid now and i was like hey everybody this is my son dr strange this is his older sister shrek and this little baby's the hot guy from bridgerton but we call her badong i actually found the movie dude i found the movie that my family named me after and it was a movie from the philippines in 1991 titled alias dodong guapo right this movie right here right a couple people seen it before that's beautiful so in this movie the main character's name is dodong now apparently dodong was the original name for the inspiration for my name right and dodong morphed and changed into badong right kind of like a puff daddy diddy situation you know just kind of kind of morphed now for those of you don't know this translates roughly to alias dodong handsome right and in this movie the main character dodong is played by a filipino actor named gestony alarcon right looks like that yeah that's the right reaction to just because this kid was the heartthrob of his generation this guy was like the pinoy timothy chalamet you know and if you're still not on board with gestony um okay well that's fine have a look at this picture right well do you know how hot you have to be to pull off working out in jeans like if i tried to do this everyone at the gym would be like that guy's depressed but he's doing it you know that's my inspiration if i could ever work out in jeans i know i've made it right so when i learned this i was like man that's so cool dodong guapo handsome named me after this guy it's like my parents saw me as a little baby and went this kid's gonna grow up to be a hot boy he's gonna be a hot boy give him a hot boy name badong hot boy you know and it felt fucking awesome it felt really good it made me feel good you know and i found the movie and i watched the movie and uh nope turns out i was wrong because in the movie he looks like this my parents saw that and went that's our boy now i'm not here to body shame dodong guapo or to make fun of this movie no i love this movie right now but let me explain to you the plot of this movie and then maybe you understand why it was a weird choice to choose this movie to name me after right so this movie is about this guy his name is dodong he looked like this and he lived in a town where everyone was just mean to so mean they said the wildest shit right to his face they said stuff like this that's so fucking mean bro right to his face and the whole first half of the movie is like this everyone's just like fuck you dodong you ugly piece of shit and when i saw this i went okay well then surely the second half of the movie is going to be about dodong and the rest of the town learning that beauty is more than skin deep you know that there's more to things in life than just looks and aesthetics maybe everyone will learn something right and i watched the second half of the movie and uh nope turns out i was wrong again because the second half is about dodong getting in some trouble with some gangsters stealing a whole bunch of money from them and then using that money to get plastic surgery on his face so he can become a hot boy action star and the first thing he does after he gets the surgery is he has sex with a girl that wouldn't have sex with him earlier in the movie and then the movie just ends and that's the guy my family chose to name me after so my favorite part about the second half of the movie is actually the scene where dodong got his plastic surgery done because i reckon it's the most realistic depiction of a medical procedure ever committed to film okay first of all how relaxed is this hospital that the family is allowed to watch the operation like you should not be there bro especially the little kid what are you doing do you know how i know because look at this fucking kid he's gonna be in therapy for years man so anyway that goes on for another couple minutes and it fades to black and it goes one week later and then this happens what a dick yeah you're handsome now you're like shit before but the first time i saw that i had so many questions so many questions right first question how is his mustache still intact did they cut around it it just grew back miraculously second question why this guy why did my dad choose this guy to name me after out of all the people right and for ages like i couldn't figure it out i was like what what's going on you know and uh and then i saw this photo of my dad and i was like oh he's projecting okay that's cool he's trying to manifest some shit so that's the guy man that's the guy that i was named after i've actually been thinking a lot about the name badong recently right because the name dodong in the Philippines it actually means little boy right that's what it means and that makes absolute sense you know because when i think about the name badong or dodong in my head what i imagine is this a cute little kid like that but by the way that's me like i didn't just go on google and go asian kid like i wasn't right that's me at the age of four rocking a haircut that says this was done at home right looking cute right so i went okay well if that's badong is this still badong lover have i outgrown the name badong is it time to retire the name badong right and i think to answer that question i had to reflect back on my whole life right because how i feel about this name badong has has shifted dramatically over the years right and i think those changes can be broken down to the three distinct sections of my life the first section is the early years right because when i was a little kid i fucking hated the name badong so much i hated it you know and i think that hatred started when i moved to new zealand and i became a migrant and i experienced all the challenges that migrants face when you move here especially as a kid right and those challenges are the three l's right the three l's and they are language labels and lunch right those three i feel like we know what lunch is let's put a pin in that and circle back to it right so let's break them down shall we the first challenge is language now this is self-explanatory when you arrive in your new country you have to learn the language that everyone speaks in that country in order to to get by in the world right and in new zealand that language is english now english is a fucking hard language to learn dude i don't know if you've realized english speakers i don't know if you realize this but we walk around speaking in riddles all day nothing makes any fucking sense dude and if you don't believe me right imagine you're a migrant right you've just moved to new zealand you barely know any english right and someone of your work comes up to you the first day at work and goes now i'm not pulling your leg right but i heard through the grapevine that helen was just gonna bite the bullet and let the cat out of the bag you just be like what the fuck are you saying and even if you're like sorry i don't quite understand they just be like neither do i but you know helen always counts her chickens before they hatch like say what you mean you fucking batman villain so confusing right so that's that's the first l language the second l is labels and by labels i mean when you arrive in your new country everyone's gonna give you a label and that's how everyone in that country is gonna see you moving forward right for example a label that i was given when i migrated here was asian right back in the philippines i wasn't an asian i was just me i was james you know and then i moved to new zealand and i became an asian right but by the way only by label right like i didn't like i've always been physiologically asian you know like like i didn't transform on the plane when i landed like i wasn't sitting on the plane like lads i'm so hungry yeah man i'm so hungry lads i don't see smash a whole plate of rice like it wasn't like that i just landed here they gave me the label bang asian and i had to learn that wearing that label meant that people would look at me a certain type of way moving forward you know then the third l is lunch now a couple of giggles in the room i feel like everyone knows what this is because i feel like every ethnic or multicultural person has a story about bringing ethnic food to school or to work and everyone looking at you a bit funny because no one knows what that food is right at least back in a day maybe not as much in 2023 because i feel like we've normalized ethnic food you know to the point that actually in 2023 i wouldn't be surprised if the kids that had the most ethnic food at school were the white kids you know what i mean everyone's like oh jayden what's that and he's like oh this it's just some tabbouleh sushi from my mom's favorite israeli asian fusion restaurant yeah the place is called walk on water like it's real good i wouldn't be surprised if that's happening now you know but back then it wasn't like that it wasn't i had my own lunch story i'll share it with you now okay so this happened to me in the first week of primary school in year four glenfield primary right my mom sent me to school with an ice cream container full of adobo and rice classic filipino dish right and this was at primary school so there wasn't a microwave there so that shit was ice cold right like you know when the fat solidifies on top of it it was wild bro so i sit down and i open the container and this kid in my class sits down next to me looks into the container and goes oh yuck right and then runs away joins his friends laughing eating his nutella sandwich right now that night i go back home and i go to my mom i go mom can you please not pack me any more filipino food please can i just have sandwiches now thanks and it breaks her heart but she does it right so for the rest of school primary intermediate high school no more filipino food just nutella sandwiches right and looking back on that as an adult now that fucking breaks my heart so much it does because the reason my mom wanted to give me the filipino food was because she loved me right and she wanted to show her affection for me and that she cared about me you know like meanwhile all these other fucking kids have their mums at home being like bread nutella bread bang now go to school so i can cheat on your dad well i couldn't see that as a kid you know i couldn't i was like blinded by trying to fit in you know and that's really what those three hours are all about right it's just trying to fit in right and i think that's why i hated the name badong right because badong made me stand out you know at school so what i did was i hid it away right and what happened was i became james at school but badong at home right if that line ever got blurred i would freak the fuck out it would be the worst day of my life right and all three of my sisters knew that shit so they used it as a weapon right honestly every one of them every time i had like a white friend over from school like every single one of my siblings would just come into the room and be like hi badong right just come in the room badong dinner's ready badong badong badong like and all my white friends would be like why do they keep calling you badong and then i have to make up some bullshit like yeah in my language it means your highness it's bullshit you know my whole family did that shit to me dude even even my parents you know because my parents are so funny dude this they're so fucking funny both of them my dad my dad is so funny uh my favorite thing about my dad is um how he uses his amazon alexa right it's so you guys know what amazon alexa is that little machine you ask it for recipes music right so how he uses it is he goes right up to the machine and he goes psss alexa play me some music and i'm just like why are you whispering secrets into the machine i almost just expect to walk in one day and just see him go psss alexa did you know i killed a man in 1995 alexa's like calling the police that's my dad uh my mom's great too my mom's also so funny my mom's awesome because i feel like she's such a classic filipino mom man like every gesture she has to make has to be the most over-the-top shit you've ever seen everything just has to be incredibly huge right i'll give you an example right so this happened to me in 2013 my family and i were at my graduation i just graduated my degree and i was wearing my robes and my regalia right and i had to get my photo taken and i went up to the counter and i asked the lady how much the photos were going to cost and she goes $80 and so i turned to my mom and i go $80 and she goes right come on let's go we don't need that right and we leave and we leave like we didn't buy and i was fine right did i cry on the ride home maybe but it doesn't matter right now flash forward eight years later right it's 2020 we're both in lockdown my mom lives in melbourne at this point i get a facebook message from my mom and she goes hi james i'm just wondering if you could help me out with a project that i'm working on um i want to make a collection of you on your sister's graduation photos in my office like that could you please send me your photo right and i was like mom we don't have the photo remember we didn't buy it and she goes no we definitely bought it what are you talking about and i was like no we didn't buy it remember you said and i quote fucking rip off and she goes oh yeah i did say that never mind i have a plan now this was my mom's plan right so my mom transferred me enough money so i could go to a costume shop hire graduation regalia hire a photographer and reenact the entire ceremony in my driveway do you know how hard this was to explain to the photographer he just kept being like so what's this for again bro i was like uh i'm on your only fans okay yes do you know the kicker to the story the original photo was gonna cost us 80 dollars this cost me 250 dollars worth every penny that's my mom man now i tell you guys these stories about my family because i want to paint a clear picture of where i grew up right because i feel like i feel like that's where i spent most of my time being badal right so that's the first part of my life the early years the second part is my 20s now if i could sum up my 20s in a short to sink sentence i'd probably describe it as um experiencing wild shit at the hands of white people right now go with me on this i feel like i feel like i said i just saw all the white people go get him it's all right good okay go with me on this thank you for your money thank you go with me on this let me tell you a story and then i swear you'll be on my side by the end of it right let me tell you guys about the wildest gig i've ever done all right so this happened to me again in 2013 um at the time i just graduated from drama school and i was doing a bit of work as an actor for this company that would hire out actors like me to go play characters at children's birthday parties and corporate events right and this company was run by this white lady who looked after me gave me gigs she was really nice to me right one day i get an email from my boss and she goes hi james i just got an email from a client who's hosting an event and they're looking for an actor to come and play the king of malaysia are you interested seems legit so i just replied hi there uh look thank you so much for the offer like i would do the gig but i'm afraid i am filipino cheers and she just replies hi james just spoke to the client again and they said that's not an issue are you still keen which is a polite way of saying close enough all goods with us so i'm sitting there right i'm sitting there i'm reading this email and i'm just sitting there like man do i want to do this gig you know it seems it seems pretty demeaning to me and it seems like disrespectful to malaysian people like i don't really want to do it right and as i thought that i took an instant noodle cake broke it in half put one half in the water to boil and i saved the other half for dinner and i just replied i'm in i'm so broke please send help and she goes great news we'll have more info for you closer to the night cheers and that's all the information i got about the gig which is so fucking wild dude because i had so many questions so many questions first of all who is the client right and what event could they possibly be hosting that they need an actor to come and play the king of malaysia and i don't know what event what event would you need a king of malaysia so down here what would you need a king of malaysia for wedding wedding yeah my dad's all here king of malaysia will walk me down the aisle that's kind of what i was thinking i was worried dude i was worried that it would be like some weird thing like some like a bachelorette party or something you know like the maid of honor was like becky we got you that stripper you wanted and becky's like oh is it a prince harry look-alike and she's like kind of how do you feel about malaysia eventually the night of the gig arrives right i drive to the venue now the venue was this house in a suburb in auckland called takapuna right now takapuna hosts its host to uh you know a certain kind of person right we know i drive up to the house and the house was like this massive mansion right get out of the car and i walk towards the door i ring the doorbell and i'm greeted by this white lady with a massive smile on her face she's like hi there and i just say uh hi i'm one of the actors i'm here for the party and she goes oh fun right and in my head i went for you and she goes right this way right and she leads me into the house and she leads me through like this massive house and we go room after room after room and every room we go through is just full of like filled with like so many wealthy looking people holding champagne and mingling right now i feel like i don't need to tell you the ethnicity of everyone at this party especially because i just used the word mingling like you guys know you know you know like white people mingle you know like like brown people chill you know asian people network like it's fucking this is my son he's an engineer go so we go through and she leads me into this like this giant bathroom made out of marble right and then when i get there i see there's another actor in the bathroom and the other actor is my friend amanda who also works for this company right now this is important to the story amanda is from singapore right and as soon as i see amanda she goes this is amanda she'll be playing the queen of malaysia and i just went fucking of course she is because why not go zero for two at this stage you know really just double down and i see amanda and amanda sees me and like we lock eyes and without saying anything out loud because the lady was still there we just looked at each other and when some caucasian shit's about to go down just just blinked it like morse code the lady goes here are your scripts your costumes are just through that little closet i'll come back when we're ready for you and she leaves right so me and amanda are there and as soon as she leaves me and amanda huddle up we're like all right look let's just get through this it's probably going to be a little bit rough but you know what i've got your back you've got my back we'll be fine let's get through it right so we go through we open the closet and we see the costumes we had to wear that night and i was like this is not gonna be okay now i feel like i could tell you guys and describe to you what the costumes look like but i don't think i'd really do it justice so here's a picture um that's me and my singaporean friend amanda dressed up as the king and queen of malaysia now if there's anyone from malaysia here or watching at home i just want to say i'm sorry this was not my choice right why people made us do this okay like i don't want to come and gig in malaysia and then halfway through the show they're just a red dot on my head like fucking sorry okay let's break the photo down shall we right first of all i don't know how culturally accurate these costumes were but judging by the correspondence i'd had with a client at that point i wouldn't be surprised if they just went to a costume shop found two matching prom outfits and went do you guys have this but spicy i want this but beef rendang do you guys have that all right second of all uh my favorite part about this photo is how over it amanda looks i'm just so sick of it dude this is a true story by the way this is a true story when i was making this show i went up to amanda i was like do you mind if i show the picture of you dressed up as this you know and she's like no i don't mind she's like under one condition i was like what is it she's like you have to tell everyone i'm single um so she's um if there's anyone here she has the costume still um so so me and amanda dress like that sitting in the bathroom right and uh we start going through the scripts right now here's where the mystery started to get unraveled right because we finally understood what the event actually was that we were doing there now apparently what happened was the old rich white couple that lived in this house used to live in malaysia right and when they lived in malaysia they did something that warranted them earning some sort of title kind of like a knighthood right not quite but similar right and apparently they got that title from malaysian royalty in a ceremony in malaysia and so what they wanted to do was they wanted to reenact that ceremony here in new zealand in front of all their wealthy friends and so what do you do when you have that problem hire a filipino and singaporean actor to come play the king and queen of malaysia yeah yeah you guys looked all shocked try fucking being there okay now my first thought whenever i think about this memory as an adult is what kind of psychopath hires a costume just to reenact the ceremony just like who would do that you know so i'm sitting there i'm sitting there i'm reading the script right and i saw that i had lines i was like oh shit i've got lines they're in english thank god right because i didn't know how to speak malaysian right so i was like okay i've got lines but then as i was reading it i was like do they want me to do a voice like i can't do a malaysian accent properly dude i don't want to be disrespectful right and plus like i do this thing where if i want to do an impression of someone but i don't quite know how to do that person's voice for some reason i default to a version of that person as if they're a rapper you know and i don't want to go out there and be like hey yo what's up it's the king of malaysia squat like i don't want to so i was like okay just do a voice you do know how to do then all right so i was like okay well i guess i'll just do a filipino accent don't even know the difference right and um and so i did i did that i did a filipino accent and the character ended up creating was my filipino father if he became the king of malaysia just go to your room or i'll send you to exile alexa i called the president i'm sitting there right eventually the lady comes back and she's like we're ready for you i was like okay so me and amanda look at each other and we go right we follow her down this long hall in front of these massive double doors right we're standing there we're waiting and she goes when these doors open you're on i was like okay so i'm warming up i'm like right like you know all the things you do as an actor and something else you do as an actor is you think of your character's backstory right before you go on stage i was like what's your character's backstory so my character's backstory was broke actor disassociating so he can forget this memory right got it the first girl right eventually the door opens right i'm standing there look at amanda i take her arm we take a breath and we step through now as soon as we step through i see it's a massive room it's a two-story room with a giant chandelier and a huge staircase going down to the ground floor right and i look out and it's just hundreds of minglers just like it looked like the asian version of the movie get out you know you know what i mean so me me and amanda i'm an arm and arm like i like kind of sifting through all the people and shuffling through them to find our mark right and as we're like going through everybody i can just hear everyone in the crowd looking at us going oh oh look look oh wow and i was just like yo do these people think i'm the actual king of malaysia you know fucking dumb are these people right i looked this up and apparently when this happened the real king of malaysia was 85 years old so my acting range is 21 to 85 eventually me and amanda find the mark right so on top of the stairs hit our mark right look down the stairs and at the bottom of the stairs i see the old rich white couple right waiting we make eye contact they nod i nod and smile and they start ascending up the stairs now as they're ascending up the stairs all their friends are like flanking the side of the stairs kind of just like high-fiving them and celebrating them and like patting them on the back and stuff right now i'm at the top of the stairs and they get about maybe a meter or two away from me and i have this thing where i'm like you know when you're at top of a really tall building it's like a rooftop right and you look down the side and and like the voice in your head kind of goes i could jump right like you don't want to but you're like i could jump you know i had that for something else i stood there and i was like i could kick him i could fuck this guy up right now i used to be like for my people he's like no but i didn't do that right i didn't do that because i'm a professional and i needed a hundred dollars it's just a sad fact about that night eventually they reach the top of the stairs right and uh i had to get the scroll out that i had jesus to unroll the scroll and i had to read a list of this guy's fucking achievements out to everyone right i can't remember what the achievements were but you know for the sake of the story i ate a muesli bar i don't know if i guess i'm like and i read it out loud and after i read it out loud everyone in the crowd started clapping right and as they were clapping i was like okay now you have to punctuate this with a gesture right because in the uk if you get knighted what happens you take a sword right your shoulders bang bang so i was like what just you know you have a background in improv just come up with a gesture what's the gesture for you so the the gesture i came up with was i took my arm and i just placed it on both his shoulders like that and then i just gently booped his head and i looked at amanda i was like and then like me and amanda went just scurrying back to the bathroom and we got changed right and that was the whole thing the whole thing lasted maybe about three to four minutes right now even if that memory just lasted three to four minutes that memory's seared into my fucking brain forever right i think about that memory maybe like twice a month because i reckon that image right that image of these two super super wealthy old rich white people ascending up these stairs and having their friends celebrating them and high-fiving them for helping out a poor brown country right meanwhile two broke as fuck southeast asian actors are standing on top of the stairs who aren't even from that country and who are getting paid the same amount as one glass of these minglers champagne glasses i reckon that image encapsulates everything wrong about the world honestly everything think about it capitalism racism and shit amanda didn't have any lines so sexism let's fucking say something the next day i get an email from my boss right my boss goes how did it go and i said look thank you so much for the gig i appreciate that you always have gigs for me and you have my back but if i'm gonna be honest with you it made me really uncomfortable i'd really appreciate it if you didn't book me for gigs like this in the future cheers because i wanted to let you know how it made me feel you know and i think it was important to say something psych i said cheers had heaps of fun doing it here's my invoice for the event cheers i hit it with a cheers sandwich because i was 22 man i was 22 i didn't know how to stand up for myself right i'll tell you guys that story because stories like that made me realize that no matter how hard you try to blend in it was never going to be enough for them it was never going to be enough i experienced so many stories like that that if i'm gonna be honest with you all i think it low-key radicalized me right it made me really fucking mad and not in a productive way not in a way that advances anything just angry for the sake of it you know i became a guy who would just go on the internet and just say blanket statements like man fuck all white people right out of the guise of joking but i low-key meant it you know but luckily i met other people like amanda who had similar experiences as me right and we we came together and we used that anger and that energy and we channeled it into something positive you know we made work we made art we made stand-up right theater movies we turned it into a good thing something else that happened to me in my 20s was uh i started getting on tv for my comedy right and because back then there was only like two asian people on tv in new zealand like by default i became the representative you know what i mean and now i have a love-hate relationship with being the representative right because on one hand if i can be the guy to inspire a young filipino asian person to do what i do i think that's fucking awesome i'm very proud to be that you know like if a young filipino kid saw me on tv and went to his mom i'm gonna be a comedian like james rocket right and then his mom can be like just because he's a disappointment doesn't mean you have to be like inspirational you know but on the other hand sometimes i fucking hate being the representative so much because it's so tiring it's exhausting dude because often what will happen is some racist shit will happen to asian people in the wild and then my phone will light up right because it's the news or the morning shows or the breakfast shows or other current affairs shows because they all want to invite me on their shows to ask me what i thought about what happened that day right and then i have to go on all these shows and i have to be like i cannot believe this has happened racism in new zealand no way i hope it doesn't happen again back to you like what do you want me to say yeah of course it's bad please stop doing this it's just the same thing over and over to the point that i almost just want to fuck with them you know just one time one time i want some racist thing to happen and i want hillary barry the nation's favorite journalist to invite me on her show and i just want her to be like so james what do you think of what happened today and i'll just be like i'm into it not bad enough if you ask me like because i'm tired bro i'm just repeating myself over and over it's come to the point where like i'm on my phone i see some racist shit happen to asian people and i almost just expect to look up and see a batman signal in the sky just two chopsticks in the clouds just fucking and i have to put on my bat suit and be like what is it and they're like it's david seymour he's at it again and i'm like not on my watch it's exhausting shit you know i'll admit this though even i see things to do with race that confuses me i don't know how to process everything right i remember a couple months ago i was at auckland airport at the lost and found right i was lining up with my friend and the guy serving everyone at the lost and found was this older white dude old white gentleman right serving everyone and he was a nice guy was shaking everyone's hands you know big smile in his face you could tell this guy was a nice guy he's a good person the woman in front of us in the line was an older chinese lady right she had a big smile on her face talking to everyone to good vibes you can tell two good people right she walks up to the counter and starts speaking chinese to this old white dude right now he wants to help her but he doesn't quite know what to do so he just kind of goes um sorry you need to go and find someone who speaks chinese right but she doesn't understand that so she speaks even louder chinese to this old white dude and he gets flustered and he goes uh sorry you need to go and find someone who speaks chinese and as soon as i saw that my asshole went now that's not even the wild part that's not the wildfire here's the wild parts i watched her for her reaction and i shit you not she looked at him and went oh thank you and then left like she understood what the fuck that meant and when i saw that that threw me for a loop i was like what the fuck yo what was that good was that bad i i don't know like first of all i'm amazed she understood what the fuck that meant right because if you did that shit to me without saying anything any context at all i would get something completely different from that you know if you said that to me without saying anything it would be you need to go and find cyclops from x-men like that's what that is i turned to my friend i was like yo did you see that shit she's like yeah and i was like was that good was that bad and she's like yeah of course it was bad what are you talking about i was like yeah i know it was bad but i don't think he like meant anything by it i think he just got flustered and was trying to help her and she goes okay well if he was trying to help her what he should have done then is she he should have went you need to go and find someone who speaks your language right and at first i was like oh yeah yeah okay no that's the solution no i was wrong you've got it right but then i thought about it and i was like no dude you can't say that shit to a stranger without saying anything or context to a stranger without saying anything that means you need to go and find yourself don't come back till you found it like that's fucking terrifying right eventually me and my friend get to the front of the line we get my friend's stuff get in the car we drive home now the whole ride home i'm trying to unpack what i'd just seen you know i was like man what was that you know was that good was that bad what was it you know eventually i was like okay well then how do i even know i saw the full picture you know what if i just saw a snippet of a much larger story you know like what if what if like two hours later the chinese woman came back with a blind lady with sunglasses on and went huh like plot twist she's problematic right i don't know and then i thought about it more and i was like okay did she get hurt i was like no i don't think so she looked okay was he trying to hurt her i don't think so either did i get hurt no was he trying to hurt me no okay so no one got hurt no one was trying to hurt anyone everyone was fine and the more i thought about it the more i was like okay well as people aren't we just trying to connect with each other and try to find ways to connect and break barriers from people right and i went these two managed to find a way to do it despite having a massive language barrier right so for like a weird split second moment in time i felt weirdly warm and good about the story which is such a weird place to land on after having such a tight asshole just like moments ago in such quick succession that's like if you guys are walking down the street and some guy with a balaclava came up to you and was like do you have any money and you're like no and he's like do you want some it's a tightening and a loosing of your butt very quickly but then i eventually i snapped out of it i was like no dude what the fuck are you talking about yeah sure no one got hurt now but that's just a happy coincidence you know people still do that shit and that shit every day to bully people and demean them make them feel terrible and othered right so it's just best not to do that shit right and i learned that day that even if you're a good person with a pure heart you can still do things that might hurt other people so it's just best to learn what those things are so you don't do it right that's what i learned but i couldn't really focus on what i'd learned that day because i was too busy imagining a situation in china at the airport and an old chinese guy serving an old white lady and he gets flustered and he just goes hmm and she's like thank you i think about that old white guy all the time not in a creepy way i'm not a bit like william what are your dreams i think about him all the time because you know i wish i said something to him i wish i actually talked to him because i feel like if i just explain what he did and why it could have been offensive he might have listened he might have learned something you know i also think about him because i reckon james in his 20s would have gone straight to twitter and just ripped this guy in your arsehole he would have been like man fuck this old racist white guy at the airport he must be a piece of shit fuck him right and i don't think it's fair to put him in the same basket as all the cars on the internet you know i don't think they're the same guy you know and plus i'm just tired of being the angry asian dude and on the internet all the time i am you know for multiple reasons one i went to therapy and my therapist made me line up my values as a person right and i realized that all my values weren't lining up with how i was conducting myself in the world you know being this guy who just assumes the worst in others and assumes that everyone is by default a bad person i don't want to be that guy right something else that chilled me out is i turned 30 i'm actually 31 now right and something i've noticed about after turning 30 is i feel like i'm the most comfortable now more than i've ever been in my whole life you know ever like i remember last year i was at a small town cafe and i was in the bathroom i was taking a shit because you know support local it's been a hard two years you know so i'm in this bathroom taking a big dump right and it was a it was a bad one like you know like sometimes you know sometimes when you smell your own poo you're like that's not so bad this was not that like i was sitting there i was like there's a demon in your body like it's bad and like i was there for a while i was there for a while right like if i had to estimate how long i was there for i'd say i was there for around maybe 15 to 20 tiktok videos um like watching them not making them like i wasn't in the toilet like in a minute i'm gonna need a sentimental man a woman to wipe my ass no not like that eventually i finish right i finish clean up wash my hands and go outside now as soon as i open the door i see there's a young girl waiting to use the bathroom because it's the only bathroom in the whole building right and she sees me and her eyes light up and she's like oh james oh man i love you on the masked singer right because if you didn't know i was lucky enough to be one of the guessing judging panelists on our version of the masked singer right which is a show that i love doing and the critics agreed definitely happened they loved it right she's like man i love you on the masked singer you know me and my friends we're all like young theater asian kids from this town and we all look up to you man we it's so nice to see more asian people on tv keep up the good work right and when i heard that i was like man that's so nice what a nice thing to say to someone you know and like i went okay maybe all those times when i feel like it's exhausting to be the representative maybe it's worth it when you have moments like this and you can inspire young people like this maybe this is all what it's for maybe this is why i need to keep going and it felt really good right made me feel really nice that's why i just said man thank you so much i i genuinely needed to hear that today thank you and as i said that the smell from my monstrous shit just came spilling out of the room behind me as if to say did someone say asian representation right and the cloud just like engulfed both of us like and like i knew she smelled it you know like like i don't know if anyone in this room has ever watched someone stop being a fan of them in real time but that's instant bro it's fine like her face went from like it just melted away so i'm standing there and i'm like oh and we're just like standing in a swirling shit this green cloud look like fuck it like a cartoon just bad you know right now here's how i know i'm the most comfortable now more than i've ever been in my whole life because i reckon younger james would have reacted differently in the situation i reckon 20 year old james would have tried to lie to get out of the situation you know i reckon 20 year old james would have been like p you who was in there before i did my 20 minute piss like that's not gonna work but he'll give it a go you know i reckon 25 year old james would have tried to make a joke out of the situation you know i reckon 25 year old james would have been like it's ironic you're a big fan because this is exactly what we need right now but 30 year old james didn't do that shit baby here's what 30 year old james did 30 year old james planted both of his feet made direct eye contact with her and went enjoy enjoy the massing art like because i don't care anymore you know i'm 30 and that's my shit enjoy it right i don't give a shit that actually brings me back to the question i had at the start of the show which is is it time to retire the name badong right is it time and i think if you asked me this question before i started working on the show i would have just said yes of course retire it i don't care but the more i reflected on my life the more i realized i don't think it's that simple because like i said i'm the most comfortable now more than i've ever been in my whole life but not just about my body right but about everything my culture my identity my ethnicity all of that right and i and i don't think i'd be here if i didn't go through that journey that all the migrants go through you know of like coming to a country feeling the pressure that you need to fit in but then later on meeting your people that allow you to be proud of who you are and reclaim yourself you know and coming out the other side and i've realized that how i feel about this name badong directly mirrors that journey right because now at 31 whenever i think of badong it reminds me of home you know it reminds me of my siblings it reminds me of my dad cooking my favorite filipino food for me you know adobo, sarsado, leche flan reminds me of my mum blessing the food before we eat you know it reminds me of my parents asking me why i don't have kids yet just warm things i also realized that that little kid who moved to new zealand at the age of eight that wasn't james that was badong right and i think to retire this name feels weirdly disrespectful to this kid you know because he's badong like he went through all of that so i could be who i am today he went through all of that so i could stand here on the stage and tell you about that shit i did in that small town toilet so is it time to retire the name badong nah man i don't think so i think if if anything it's time to double down on this shit right so that's exactly what i'm gonna do i'm gonna get all my workmates to call me badong i'm gonna get my nieces and nephews to call me tito badong i'm gonna get my grandkids to call me lola badong i'm gonna get my white friends to call me james i'm gonna i'm joking i'm joking if you want to call me badong please call me badong because i've learned now that if you have something that makes you stand out like this fucking own that shit right own it because that's exactly who you should be why would you hide who you actually are from anyone fuck that dude live your life and i think it's just best to just like celebrate each other's differences and co-exist right that's that's the best way to do it and when when i realized that that made me feel lighter you know i felt freer but then i also went i wish there was more like i wish there was a gesture that i could make to really show everyone that i was going to own this name moving forward you know like i wish i i wish there was like a place i could go to where i could ask professionals for advice on how to find that gesture to show everyone that i love this name now and i thought about it and i found a place what you have is a malformation of your identity it's caused by a psychological condition known as a stimulus caucasus it happens there will be a series of operations after one week foreign doc bucket he looks the same oh we didn't operate on his face back in a bandage for dramatic effect then what did you operate on this young gifted i'm the kid on the rise up start the session with a spark of the fire organize mobilize we the kids with the plan don't need to pull up with the shoddy just to ask who i am pure blood mixed mind colonized from birth assimilated immigrated but our soul still hurt 100 generations later what have we become make the world a better place teach our daughters and sons make the room go silent when we speak in tongues they want to make it to the top i'd rather be in love but still i will overcome always living by this model breathe the air from my lungs and say