지낼수록 자식을 불편하게 만드는 부모의 행동 (류희주 정신과 전문의)

Hello. Could you briefly introduce yourself? My name is Yumi, and I'm a psychiatrist. I work as a psychiatrist in Yeongju. I'm the mother of two. I have a question for you. Since parents are with their children, there are times when they become unhappy. When do parents suffer from their children? When I think about it, I think about parents who can't communicate. Because if they can't communicate, there's no way out. Whether it's dependent, independent, scientific, or violent, I think the most basic thing is that they can't communicate. Then there must be a type of people who can't communicate. I don't know if the premise is right, but can we communicate well? Can we communicate well? No, we can't. Communication doesn't work. Because communication can't work well. It's very different from what men and women think. And basically, it's a generation gap. I look at my son. My six-year-old son is so cute and lovely. He's been watching Superminx every day for two hours. He says it's so much fun. If I tell him that, he'll like it. But I'm not having fun. So basically, even though we love each other so much, we can't communicate. The premise is that individual conversations can't go well. Right now, the CEO and I are doing well. Why? The CEO decided to listen to me. That's right. If the CEO couldn't sleep and came to Yeongju to consult with me, then the CEO would feel like he's talking to me. Why? Because he's determined to listen to me. But first of all, the premise is that you and I can't communicate. You need to have some kind of humility to recognize that. But when you have a conflict with your parents, you don't know that your children won't understand your parents, and your parents don't know that your children won't understand you. It's natural to go parallel to each other. Then you go like this. If you want to narrow it down, you can narrow it down this much. It's narrowing down a lot. So, first of all, I think it's right to approach it under the premise that you can't communicate. Then there must be some parts where you can't communicate with your parents and children. That's right. What do you think about those parts? To put it roughly, the biggest reason why you can't communicate is that you can't negotiate. For example, if there's too much difference in property between me and my parents, then you can't communicate well. You have no choice but to be economically dependent. You have no choice but to look at your parents. Then, even if I want to go to a Chinese restaurant and eat jjajangmyeon, it's not easy for me to say, I don't like this. Also, some parents, even if there is no economic difference, are trying to lock themselves up in their own fence. It's like an autonomy. That's right. They're trying to lock themselves up in their own fence, and they've been training their children to play in it for a long time. Children are trained there, and they're unhappy, but they don't know that. How can they know that they're being controlled? They'll keep feeling something. I think it's very natural. For example, if you go to college, I'll buy you a car. If you become a doctor, I'll buy you a Benz. I've seen it a lot. If you go to plastic surgery, I'll buy you a building. Actually, I don't want to go to plastic surgery. I want to be a psychiatrist. If my mom buys me a building, I'll go to plastic surgery. Come to think of it, I think I liked plastic surgery, too. That's how it changes. My thoughts change depending on the results. Of course. If you're more advanced, you let them move on their own. For example, everyone eats toast at 7.30. There's a very important issue with family. But I don't want to play games until late at night and get up. Then they say, You go to bed. You don't have to get up. But you can't help but get up. Then people who are more sophisticated will do it that way. In a way, they're on their own. In a way, the stage of being on their own is the best stage of control. If you buy me something, you're a little conservative. I'm going to die. I'm going to die. That's too conservative. Let them move on their own. The highest level. In fact, it's not easy for parents to make their children move on their own. Parents need to be physically and mentally healthy. You have to be smart, too. In other words, you don't have to be confused when you're talking to your children. My son said something about GPT. Parents who don't understand that can't do that. So when you think about being independent from those parents, You have to be more determined. I got good knowledge and skills from those parents. The property they have is not my money. I think we need to be a little more determined. If you decide to break away from your parents, I think the first thing you think about is guilt. I don't think cold people are bad. Even when breaking up, Rather than saying, I liked you, I think you and I are here. Isn't it better to break up? I don't want to be cold. It makes me feel guilty in my heart. But when I think about being independent, In fact, you have to be cold. If you want to feel guilty, I don't want to be independent now. I'm coming up to give you an excuse. It's an emotion that needs to be put aside. If so, Knowing that I'm being controlled by my parents, When I tell myself to be independent, I don't think I'll be independent easily just because I'm going to be independent. How can I be independent from my parents? I'm going to be independent. It's not that easy. It's not that desperate. If you really want to be independent, You have to look into your heart. Actually, I don't want to be in that house. The vacuum cleaner is running. I eat what my parents cook for me. It could be good to do it. But if you really want to be independent, If my parents live in Seoul, I have to get a job in Busan. I have to be physically apart. But my parents are upset. That's a low problem. You have to mature as an individual. It's a healthy relationship. The most important thing is, In my opinion, it's the priority. guilt I'm sorry for my parents. Do I really want to be independent? It's all based on these things. Actually, I don't know if I should be independent or not. I think it's laid out. So if you really want to do it, you have to ask that question. If you still don't know, I'm just going to use a very simple how-to. I'm going to write it on A4 paper. The reason I have to be independent. The reason I don't have to. Try it. Look at which one has a lot of values. If it's a lot of values, it's a circle. The reason I don't have to do it is because there are more than 10. In fact, it's all about guilt. Until then, he wasn't ready. That's what I think. I don't know. I don't know what other people think. Anyway, it's important for me to make up my mind. That's right. I have to look back at myself to see if I'm ready. Then if you've made up your mind, How can we be independent safely? Can we be good to each other? Independence is actually a breakup. The inertia is broken. It's been going around like this. It's breaking down. There's nothing safe. The more you try to be safe, the longer it takes. It's going to be hard. First of all, you need to be ready to make money. You need to be economically prepared. And then there's someone I can contact when I'm sick. You need to have a friend who can talk. After you've got about three, And then I don't know if there's anything special to prepare for. Anyway, economic independence comes first. Economic and physical independence. And then the independence of the mind follows. Anyway, the relationship between my parents and me is... It's all about blood. So I don't think it's going to be easy to make up your mind to break up. I wonder if it's breaking up because I think I'm going to break up. Because it's all about blood, we need to be closer. We need to have a good conversation. In a way, this could be a fixed concept. I'm sorry to say this, More than my parents. I'm talking to my mom and dad who are in their 40s. I think we'll get along better if we talk to each other. So we need to get along with our parents. We can't cut this off. I'm not saying we have to cut it off. Just think comfortably. A relationship that's a little far away now. And then later on, there's a lot of dramas. When you get married and have grandchildren, When you look at your grandchildren, you have a common interest. You say, pretty, pretty. That's when we meet again. We can't even talk to each other right now. We met and had a family meeting twice a week. I've seen too many people who say it's a family gathering. Because when you choose the menu, You don't have my opinion. I don't think it's going to work just because you force it. So it's all about blood. I have to be completely well. I don't guarantee this. Besides, you have to be completely well now. That's even worse. Take your time and relax. I'm independent and I'm strong. So if you meet your parents again, Wouldn't it be richer? That's what I think. I think there's a case like this. I'm physically far away. My parents keep coming to me. They come and interfere. That's bad. I'm going to wrap it up with a package called goodwill. Give me some kimchi. In this situation, Anyway, it's physically far away. I've tried, but I don't know what to do. I'm sorry to say this. There's something about your parents. I'm sure your children didn't let their parents do it. When you ask for a password, Mom, you're trying to get me in there. Hey, let me know that. We use it every day. I told you. I can't say I didn't give you a place. And then my mom told me, I don't eat kimchi. Then you shouldn't have taught me the password first. When it's too hard for your parents, Mom, I hate it. You have to be able to say that. You said it was a conversation. In that case, there's no conversation. Mom, I hate that. Don't give me kimchi. My daughter can't say that to my mom. Because my mom won't understand that. If so, Anyway, I think the first attempt is a conversation. Once you get through, I don't think I need to go that far. What kind of attempt? So what kind of attempt should I try as a conversation? Do you watch baseball? Don't you watch baseball? You know that if you're good at baseball, you'll hit three balls, right? The kids who run and fly are three. You can do it 10 to 3 times. It's good to talk 10 to 3 times. Then, first of all, I'm going to talk to my parents and solve something. You have to put your expectations all the way down. Put it down. And then what you have to do is, You have to get rid of the emotion. If you look at your face, you get emotional. And when you make a phone call, your voice gets emotional. Then I don't have a clean feeling about my parents. In this case, you have to text as much as possible. You can make time. Then, rather than talking to my parents while looking at my face, I'm going to be in a state where my emotions are a little bit cut off. Then we'll meet each other in a state where our expectations are getting lower. Then I think I'll see a little bit of a dead end. Kim Yeon-hwa said that. It was fancy. It was a tower. I asked her how it was, and she said 90% of it was pain and 10% of it was happiness. Kim Yeon-hwa did that for 10% of happiness. But why do we always think it's going to be good when we're in a relationship? There's nothing good. There's no one who's good at talking. When you're determined to listen to me, you listen to me. Today, I got paid. My mom told me not to give her kimchi. I really want to give it to her now. I'm not giving it to her for a month. My mom's trying. Let me volunteer. And then I'm going to do it. Let's listen to my mom for 30 minutes. Then, like the CEO, eye contact. Then my mom will be so happy. But then, hey, you must have grown up now. If you give me kimchi, I'll be back in place. At that time, firmly. Mom, that's not it. I have to give you a message. Because my mom listened to me well. I'm giving my mom this service. I have to give you a message. Mom, don't get me wrong. I'm trying to some extent. I'm expressing my intentions and desires. That's right. You have to be able to do that. If you can't do that, go to a Chinese restaurant. If you can't order jajangmyeon, there's no point in a hundred countries. The simplest thing is to eat. I didn't even pick a menu. What are you talking about? You've told me a lot today. Is there anything you want to say last? It's my story. Looking at the clothes in the morning. Let's put on Nike today. Give it to me. One day, he came. Mom, from today on, I'll choose my clothes. It's like this. One of my pleasures is gone. But it's time. He's already trying to choose his clothes. He's six years old now. I'm five years old. So I'm already preparing to be independent as a child. I'm looking at my parents who can't be separated. I'm sure some of the listeners will have a baby mom. You'll understand later. Mom, I can't go to college. There's definitely a generation gap. There will be a day. You and your husband. With people of the same generation. I'm getting ready to get away from my children while I'm doing well. I think it'll help your mental health. Today, I talked to Yoo Hee-joo about how to deal with parents who control me. That's all for today's psychology. Thank you for your kind words. Thank you.