Emotional Numbness and the Boundaries that Create Space for Feeling

I want to talk about a huge part of overcoming emotional numbness and dissociation. This is about the sense of there being no person. I've been talking with people recently and a part of overcoming or like healing this dissociation, this numbness, he's kind of describing it because it almost feels like it's nothing happening and that's not true. There is a lot happening when we are dissociated and numb, but in healing it, we sort of like are familiarizing ourselves with what this phenomenon is and we start to describe it. And you know, a few people have said to me, David, it feels like there's no person here. I want you to just sit with that for a second and see if that resonates with you at all. It feels like there's no person here. Now, isn't that interesting? There is a person there. There is a person here. Now what we're going to do here, this is why you see when we're cut off from our emotions, the gateway emotion to health and to feeling our feelings fully again is usually a disallowable emotion and that emotion is anger. When we start to get in touch with that frustration, that irritation is what it'll feel like at the beginning, we'll start to move back down into anger. What we're realizing is anger is actually a protective emotion. In nature, we know that an animal will get very, very angry if it has to protect its young or protect itself. We also know that when a person is angry, it's sort of like saying, no, back off. And this is the language of boundaries. So in a sense, one of the biggest things that we can do when we are dissociated, when we're supported enough and we've gained enough insight, we start to realize I have to start to implement or practice establishing and enforcing boundaries. I have to find where can I say no more in my life to things. Because what you're doing with that, there is no person. Establishing boundaries means I'm now drawing an outline for a person. Here is where the person, here's where you begin or the world begins and here is where I begin. And that language of no, recognize that I'm saying no, I need space, I need room. This is now you're actually outlining the person again. The no is the establishment of the boundaries is a container for the self, container for the emotions. And that has to begin with a sort of an assertive, sometimes angry no to other people. We stop the people pleasing. We start to prioritize our own self care, our own needs. And we are willing to step into the feeling of, oh, I'm a bit selfish there. I can't do that. That's risky. And it does feel risky. But of course, it's riskier not to do it. So I'm going to make an imitation to you in this video. I talked in other videos about numbness, dissociation, and about body work and various other things that we can do that are very helpful when we're dissociated and numb emotionally. But one of the biggest things that we can do for ourselves is find where is the unsaid no in my life? And who do I need to say it to? Sometimes it's even a no to ourselves. We have a lot of the work I do on procrastination, for instance, is personal boundaries with my own goals, my own tasks. But it's also interpersonal boundaries with family members or your intimate partner, close friends, work colleagues, your manager at work, all these different things. These are where we can establish and setting up the boundary, communicating the boundary. And then if a person breaches the boundary, we enforce the boundary. And when we can do that, we are creating a person, we're creating a boundary for the self to feel like there is a person here, where all these emotions can now start to rest and be experienced again. You go down through that anger, you're increasing the temperature. Anger is like a, there's a heat to it. It's in, it's born in conflict. So we're increasing the temperature through this anger. And that's when now we get into all these other emotions that are in there. And that is, that's why interpersonal relationships are so helpful for us. Because we do need to have boundaries in the healthiest of relationships. Because I'm not going to say more, too much more about that now, but I hope that's a useful video. Essentially, what I'm saying is when you start to enforce boundaries, set up boundaries for yourself, start to say no more, set to prioritize yourself. It actually helps us with our numbness and our, and our, our dissociation. So just keep that in mind and maybe do some reflection on that, if it resonates with you personally. And if you would like to know more about this, you can go to my website, or you can contact me, or you can just schedule a session with me one-to-one, if this is something that you feel you would benefit from more direct work on. Take care of yourselves, and I will see you very soon in the next video. Bye for now.