The Absolute FUNNIEST Moments From Season 1 | Hell's Kitchen

And whose is this? It's mine, Chef. And first name? Dewberry. Blueberry? Dewberry. Oh, Dewberry. Yes. This is what? It's a baked spaghetti. Uh-huh. I thought, oh my god, he's going to kill me. It's completely overcooked. Is it? That's just like children's food. Really bad. Thank you. Al? It's mine, Chef. Chris. Executive Chef. Could you just explain to me what it is? Salmon roast on a plank of cedar. I think you're a plank. Well, I don't really know what that means, Chef. Plank means an idiot. Why is it raw on the bottom? Well, it's medium rare. That's how I would eat my salmon. Yeah. You need to clean your glasses. It's raw. I would agree, Chef. Let me tell you something. And listen to me. You've got a lot to learn. So be a good plank and get back in line. Thank you, Chef. Michael hadn't said anything to any of his team. Then all of a sudden he just put his head down and he turned around to them and said, you guys cook like all people ****. And I thought, my god. That came out of the blue. I wouldn't expect something like that to come out of his mouth. Yes, Chef. Thank you, Chef. Can you give us attention, please? Two salmon well done. Can you just shut the **** up for 30 seconds? Two salmon well done. One lamb, one Wellington. Yes? Yes, Chef. Can we just get some olive topping on? Let's go. Just ignore these bimbos. Hey, Scott. Yes, Chef. Two salmon well done, yes? Nobody will listen. Where ******* food is, do you get it? Service and standards are far more important than some ******* bimbo. Why would anyone say shut the **** up? And they told the people back there to ignore us. It's so impolite. Hi, how are you? Great, thank you. We've been sitting here and. It's the red kitchen, Chef. You're waiting on a Wellington and one bass, yes? Well, I'm deeply, deeply, deeply sorry. But right now, we're about seven tables behind. That doesn't do much for me. Yeah, right. Can I just say, you do **** all for me either. Sorry? You do nothing for me either. I just don't understand why it's so difficult to serve some people their food. Are you that arrogant? You haven't got a clue what's going on behind me? It seems like you have a lot of amateur sous-chefs. Right. Finally, your head's coming outside your asshole. Now sit down, you ******* dick. What an asshole. Nothing upsets Chef Ramsay more than when customers come to the kitchen. Oh, my god. Lamb bass, yes? About five minutes. Oh, no, no, no. Lamb bass, I want it ******* four minutes. I'm not doing it as you please, Chef. If I had to listen to you all night long, no one would get served. I'll do the lamb if you can't do it. Yeah, come here, you. Come here, come here. What? Do you know why? Because you're just all over the shop. You're just doing it to suit you. Look at them out there. Look at those tickets. I understand, Chef. Move your ass! Yes. You're going to go then? You're going to run? No. No? I'm going to finish out service. Oh, really, why? Because I'm not a quitter. You're not a quitter. You're not a ******* cook either. You're an asshole. What was that? What did you just say? I want you to say it louder. I want you to say it louder, Chef. What did you say? You don't like me. I don't know what to tell you. You're an asshole. That's not cool, Jeff. Unbelievable. That is not ******* cool. Hey, Ralph. Hey, Jean-Pierre. How are you? Hey, Jean-Pierre. If you call me one more time Jean-Pierre, I'm going to kill you. Now, Chef. Chris. Yes, Chef. Come here. You're an executive chef, right? Yes, Chef. Yeah? What do you think of that? It's a little fucked up, Chef. There you go. Up. Chris. Sorry. I told you ******* earlier. Hello. You knew it was fucked up. Yeah? An executive chef doesn't serve ---- like that, do they? No, no. You apologize. Don't do it again, OK? Oh, no. It is plastic. Do you allow me to remove your plate? Absolutely. This is good. Everything was good and tasty? It was good. Michael, I had one lady. When she tried the pumpkin, there was a little plastic. They're fine. Yeah? Sorry. All right, you get one time, and then I'll kill you. What's the complaint? OK, let me point the chef out that it could have been dangerous, yeah? I'm happy you didn't swallow it. Because I don't need that tonight, believe me. No, no. What is that? A little piece of food. Yeah, OK. Oh, **** it up. Come here. Bring that to me. Jessica. Yeah? Without any lip, just keep it shut. Customers found a big piece of wood in their lobster. That's not bullshit. No one's exaggerating. It's a splinter in the lobster, OK? Yeah, well. Stupid video. Elsie is making the rounds with her table-side cart. Enjoy. And Jean-Philippe is making sure her customers are happy. How's everything? But I've never had a Caesar salad where they had the stems. Usually, they have the leaves torn off. I don't really like it. No, it's fine. What did your mom cut the... OK, Elsie, you know what you got there? What? You have there a pain in the neck. A gentleman who wants his lettuce to be cut. You cut his salad like a little baby. He just wants to be an interesting jerk, and he's not. And you cut his salad like a big boy, and then you put it back on his plate. Would you like your lettuce cut up? I can do that for you if you like. Not a problem. I'll be right back with it. Mr. Lettuce cutting, I started to cut it, you know, and I felt like I remember cutting my son's meat for him, you know, and it took every bit of me not to say something really sarcastic, but, you know, service with a smile. It's no different than requesting your steak medium rare versus well done. It's how you like it. So it doesn't hurt your feelings, Elsie? Not at all. What do I have to finish my... Chef, did you get a scoop? Yes, Chef, I'm on it. You have to finish my... OK, one pair of salad. This bath is full of love. Chef, that is love for you. Thank you, sir. You're welcome. You are a rock today, aren't you, Dewberry? Yes, Chef. You are Gibraltar. You are the Hope Diamond. I'd rather you be saying I was Brad Pitt's wife. He's got issues. Can you not just see, Andrew, right now what's going on? When I'm talking out and reading an order out, let me read the order out, then you say. What is the matter? I need six minutes on the hot plate for the halibut. They're not cooking fast enough. I don't want to give you raw fish, Chef. Hello, young man? Yes, Chef. I'm trying to liaise both kitchens together, and this has turned out to be a nightmare. If I say three minutes on the hot plate, it's three minutes on the hot plate, OK? It wasn't difficult to poach the halibut. It just wasn't about to get done in four minutes. It just was... It's not chemically possible to cook that halibut in four minutes. Bottom line, science doesn't allow it. Whose is this? Andrew, Chef Ramsay. Andrew, step forward. And what is it? It's called Andrew's Absolute Penne. Andrew's Absolute Penne. Correct. That is absolute dog ----. Have a little taste. Could use some salt. You think you're smart, yeah? I have my moments. And how long have you been cooking? About 10 years. What a waste of 10 years. Get back in ******* line. Whose is this? It's mine. There's nothing cooked. I love endives. I thought 45 minutes in the kitchen would come up with something a little bit more exciting than that. It's very boring. Jeff, come here. One's got all the lobster in, one's ******* missing lobster. Get it even, let's go. Back in the pan and get it even. How can we have two spaghetti on the same table? One plate has got no lobster in it, the other one's rambling lobster. Work that one out, Jeff. Chef Ramsay's addition of Michael to the red team is already paying off. Say thank you, Mike. Thank you too much for somebody who's never been on a ******* line before. Jeff, do you want him to cook your meat for you, too? What do you want me to do? Come here, you. I'm doing the best I can. I've never been on a line before. I'm doing the best I can. Stop shouting. What are we waiting on? I'm working on that spaghetti right now. Move your ass and get it done. Jeff, we're here to help you. You don't talk to chef like that, OK? Michael, you've got a risotto with a tuna. Nothing more. Move your ass. Main course, three Wellington, one salmon. After frustration in the red kitchen, Chef Ramsay turns to the blue kitchen in search of good news. Seven minutes, Wendy. Let's go. Got it. Why is the spaghetti not in there yet? The water's not at a rolling boil. The water's not boiling. Did you top it up with cold water? Yes, chef. Why did you put cold water in there? I thought cold water was supposed to boil faster than hot water. What?