how to overcome imposter syndrome

Hey everybody and welcome back to my channel. It's Walanda. So in today's video I want to talk about a topic that we all go through and as you can tell by the title, I'm going to be talking about imposter syndrome. So if you are interested in hearing my perspective on that topic, go ahead and stay tuned. So I have my notes with me for me to not forget anything. I have to write paragraphs so I can know details of what I'm about to talk about. If you guys are the same way, let me know down below or if you just the type of person that you just write one thing and you know exactly what you're going to talk about. I wish I was like that, but nah, I got to write details. I guess that's the Virgo in me. Let's blame it on that. Okay. So before I go into my thoughts, what is imposter syndrome? So I Googled the exact definition cause I want y'all to get the exact definition and not what my thought of imposter syndrome is. Um, it is a psychological occurrence in which an individual doubts their skills, talents or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud. To put it, I mean, I feel like that was the lamest terms, but to elaborate on that, it's basically anybody who feels as though in their line of expertise or in their field, they're not good enough. They don't feel adequate to either give off information or if they are giving off information, they feel as though they themselves have not fully grasped the topic or fully grasped the full meaning of understanding in that topic, genre, field, et cetera. I feel as though we all go through this, especially this day and age where information is just at our fingertips and we tend to think everybody that is putting something on the internet is an expert or knows what they're talking about or feel very confident of what they're talking about and that's just not the case. So I wanted to come on here not only to talk about it but actually how to beat imposter syndrome. So disclaimer, I'm not a professional of this topic. I didn't go to school for this topic. This is literally just my perspective and my experience when it comes to imposter syndrome. Um, just a little background. If you guys don't know, I have been owning, I've been doing social media since like 2012 2013 but fully went into business with it back in 2018 full time entrepreneurship and I've dibbled and dabbed here and there when it comes to different businesses. I've had a boutique before. I've started other startups that has didn't come forth or that has, you guys just don't know about. Am I the end all be all? Do I know everything about business? Absolutely not. But one thing I can say at this stage of where I am now being in business for over what, three, four years, I have definitely analyzed what it means, what it takes to be in business. Like I'm not over here owning a multi million business. I'm only, I only could talk about the stage I am in right now. So I feel as though I have definitely gone through the imposter syndrome phases, stages. So I have one, two, three, four, six ways to beat imposter syndrome. I want to say a lot of these ways are mental because imposter, imposter syndrome is mental. So if you don't have your mindset straight on track, then it could really, really hinder your growth in business or just personal growth, friendships, relationship. And I'm a really big believer when it comes to knowing who you are and presenting the real you in all aspects. A lot of times this culture is fake it till you make it. Sometimes it's beneficial. It depends on what it is, but you can't have your whole life thinking and thinking you're going to make it like something's going to have to get, I really believe just be yourself and show the true you. If they like it, they like it. If they don't, they don't keep it pushing. You feel me? For me, I feel like I'm in a place where I'm good mentally. I know exactly what I like as Walanda, as a woman, as a friend. And I know what I don't like. There's not a person on earth that can tell me about me. I do not get confused on who I am. I'm not confused of what I'm doing. I know what I like. I know what I want. And I'm just like that. I'm just grounded in that. I am able to speak on this topic at this point in my life because I've been there, done that. I ran businesses and I feel as though I have had imposter syndrome, especially when you guys are asking me questions and wants me to teach them. And once y'all y'all are learning from me and I'm over here, like y'all, I don't even got it all together. Like how can I be comfortable to tell you guys what to do, how to do it when I don't even got my, you know, stuff together. So I feel as though I don't have to be 100% there. Cause at the end of the day, this is earth. This is the world. Like we don't know everything. Not one person knows everything, which is totally fine. But I have to be a good 90%, 95% sure that I'm confident and comfortable in talking about a topic. So yeah. So my first tip on how to beat imposter syndrome is knowing it's okay to say, I don't know, or I have not experienced that myself. I'm that type of person. If I'm in the wrong, I'm in the wrong. I'm not afraid to say I messed up. I made a mistake or I said this wrong or I don't know. And I feel like a lot of people that are in a specific field where they are asked a question, it could be the basic of the basic questions. I feel like they rather just say something that is incorrect than to say, I don't know. Cause I feel like because a lot of people are watching you, because you are the expert in that field, quote, quote expert in that field, you feel as though you should know every answer that is asked of you. One way to really beat it is to show that you are human show that you honestly don't know about that specific point in the topic. I feel like people will be able to see you as a human being and see you as, okay, well this is something she hasn't experienced herself. Maybe she will in the future or you know, somebody else probably experienced it. Just knowing to say, I don't know. It's okay. It's fine. There shouldn't be an embarrassment of it. When I first started off YouTube, um, there were people who are doing it, but I knew no one in my circle that was doing YouTube. So when friends in the area would meet me and they know that I have a YouTube channel, they would ask, you know, questions about, Oh, how you set up, I get paid and all of that. Sir, sir, and all of that stuff, you know, that I was starting out, like I didn't know all of the things I could only say, this is what I experienced. This is what I know and this is how it happens for me. I cannot say you do the same thing and it's going to happen for you. This is just like my testimony when it comes to this topic. So a lot of the time I'll be like, I don't know, I haven't been there yet. Or, you know, that's all I can say. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how to get paid yet. I don't know how the views work. I don't know how this camera setup is. I don't have every camera under the sun, so I don't know what the setting for your camera should be. I use natural lighting. I don't know how to place, uh, soft boxes and ring lights and all of that stuff. I've tried, but they haven't worked for me, but I don't know that specific topic. You understand? But you know, people will come to you thinking, okay, well you do this. So you know everything about it. Like, I don't know. And I was totally fine in saying, I don't know when I don't know. Ooh, that was a very long, long, long answer. This is going to be a long, long video, but I hope this helps anybody, somebody out there because I like to talk about this type of topic. But then again, me saying, I don't know, it definitely helped me to go back and do the research so I can know. So I can find out when that topic does come back or that question does come back, I'm able to be more confident and be like, okay, this and this and that. I feel like the best people who beat, I don't know if you could really beat imposter syndrome, but the best people who has less of an imposter syndrome are the people that are very confident in their, what they're saying. So the second tip is just always, always stay learning, always stay on top of your game will always give you that extra boost because any little thing is not going to trip you up, embarrass you or make you feel like you're a fraud. So I always take it as a learning opportunity. I feel like the people who think they are experts and they don't need to learn are the people you need to fear. The people you do not need to be following, the people you do not need to be buying any of their web webinars, their books or nothing because everybody will always day to day have things to learn within their field. Technology is always evolving. Socials are always evolving. Content is always evolving. Information is always evolving. I'm always continuously learning about what new things is out there for socials. I'm always continuously learning how to improve my videos and I've been doing this for years. So my next tip is knowing that your experience is not going to be the next person's experience because I feel as though some people, it just depends on what it is. Some people feel as though, Oh, I need a sob story in order for me to be light or in order for my story to really grasp onto an audience. Um, that's not always the case. Like my story cannot be, Oh, I was laid off my nine to five and I ended up sleeping in my car for months, for years and then somebody just happened to pass by and given me a job and then I started working and I started branching out on my own. Like that's not my story. I cannot say that it is. So if I start off lying, start off fabricating my story or my life like that, then when the truth does come out, like I'm a little like a fraud, I'm gonna feel more like I'm an imposter than if I just went ahead and said my true story from the get go. Like you don't come out trying to gain empathy from your audience. So whatever your story is, there's somebody out there that can relate. They will still take your advice, still listen to what you have to say. Like with my story, I, I quit my job and it wasn't because, Oh, I hated my job. It wasn't because, Oh, they were treating me bad. It wasn't because I didn't like the field anymore. I've said, I've said multiple times on my socials, I still love the dental field, everything about teeth. I love the team I was working with back in Florida. I just knew I gave myself two years after I completed my dental certificate to work in the field because I had YouTube going on on the side. I seen YouTube gradually progress when it came to income to where it was. I was making more on socials. I'm not even going to say on a YouTube. I just say YouTube because like that's the start of it. But just on socials, I was making way more than what I was making in a dental practice. So I had to choose whether I wanted to continue as an assistant or I wanted to branch off and do my own thing. So since I was still under my parents' house, I did not have to worry about rent or none of that. So like literally I just took it little by little and I knew I was going to quit. Everybody else in the office knew I was going to be leaving. Like it wasn't as though I just said F this and walked out. I gave my two weeks like they knew ahead of time even before two weeks they knew. I gave my month in advance. So it was a gradual thing for me. It wasn't a dramatic, Oh, I couldn't stand it. I knew this wasn't for me. So I just left. Like that wasn't my story and I cannot come on here saying my story was that dramatic cause it just wasn't. So I believe that me being able to be open and just showing you guys what telling you guys what really happened. I don't have that false sense of, Oh, I'm pretending to be something I'm not. I don't have that because this is my truth. I was going to show my truth. So yeah, that, I mean, that's all I got to say. All right. So my next tip is don't try to be the end all be all for your audience. And I've always thought of this as I grew into adulthood. I've had friends who look at one person and that person is their business goal. That person is relationship goal. That person is motherhood goal. That person is friendship goal. It's like all of these goals directed to one person. Listen, that could be a pressure pressure to be all of that for one person or just, and I feel kind of bad for the, for people that thinks like that because if that person you look up to and it was, who was all of these goals end up slipping up, like that person is crutched. People are going to mess up. People are going to fall short just naturally. It's just ain't nothing perfect. Nothing's perfect on this earth. Spread out your goals. Have one person, your friendship goal, have one person, your business goal, have one person, your marriage goal, whatever it is. If that's how you function, so be it. I feel as though yes, you could look onto somebody for inspiration, but to be all into somebody's life like that, I have people that I am inspired by definitely, but I cannot set anybody on that pedestal standard. So whereas if they messed up, I'm gonna be crushed. I'm like, Oh, I thought you were the realist. Like everybody is, you don't know what everybody's going through behind closed doors. So just be sure to, I guess, spread out your goals and not focus on one person as all of your goals. So that being said, like as a person, don't try to be somebody else's all of their goals. If you good at business, you good at business, you know, keep that, you know, there are some people who are very, they cross paths trying to be everybody's goal. They trying to show their perfect marriage. They're trying to show their perfect running business. They try to show their perfect family life. And it's like, I mean, realistically I'm very realistic. So realistically it's like something is, something is giving, you feel me? We are not superheroes. Something is giving. So don't try to be everything, go to your audience, allow your expertise to remain that topic. If it's business that if it's family, that if you talk about relationship that my notes be having good stuff. So sometimes I want to actually read my notes instead of try to paraphrase it. So the next one is always keep in mind. Perfect is not the goal. The goal is to relay the information you have in your experience to those who needs it. Once you have it instilled in your mind, you are pouring out value in information that will help you derail from thinking you're an expert. Oh yeah. Refrain from calling yourself an expert. That's where the confusion come in. You couldn't definitely know a lot about your topic. When it comes to what I do, I am an expert in what I do. Okay. I am confident enough to say I'm an expert because I am showcasing my lifestyle. No one knows my lifestyle besides me. You understand? So no one can say, Oh, you got a fake lifestyle cause this is my lifestyle. You understand? I show the truth and I know how I like things done. I know how I like my makeup done. I know how I like my house decorated. This is my lifestyle. I'm not a beauty expert. I'm not a stock finance expert. I literally involve all of these in my life because this is what I do on a regular. So if I do want to talk about stocks, that's because my experience and I'm willing to share my experience in the stocks that I invested in. You understand? If I want to talk about business, I'm giving off what I experienced when I was doing business or am doing business so I can truly say I'm an expert in my lifestyle because it's my lifestyle and that's why I don't consider myself a natural hair influencer, content creator. I've been liking the word content provider. I heard Tyler Perry say that and I was like, Oh, I like that way better than influencer and way better than content creator. I'm a content provider. So I'm providing content in my lifestyle. I'm not providing content with just only natural hair with only just fitness with only just a business with only just finances. You feel me? It's literally what my world revolve around. I'm able to share with you guys. If you like it, you like it. If you don't leave it, you keep it pushing. You feel me? Once you stay away from the word expert, your feeling of imposter syndrome will definitely diminish so much. I feel like the pressure is on that word expert because once they see you as an expert, it's the, Oh, you know it all and you are the be it all. And that's technically not the case. You just know this little aspect cause it occurred to you in your lifestyle. You feel me? Okay. So my last tip on how to beat imposter syndrome and it's kind of oxymoron for the last one, but hear me out. You will always have imposter syndrome. I feel as though it will never go away. There will always be at least a ounce of 1% 2% in there of imposter syndrome. If you are the type that always keep on evolving. And I say this because just when, you know, when they say you never want to be the smartest in your group or the smartest in the room. Exactly. So once you become that smartest in your group, in your field, that expert, that's time, that expert, that is the time for you to pivot or to transition into something higher. Once you start back from the bottom, you're going to feel imposter syndrome again because you're not going to know anything about the new subject. You're not going to know anything about a new topic. You are definitely going to feel like a student again. And once you feel that way and people are coming to you to ask you questions because you're in that field now, you're, you're knowledgeable in that room now. It's like, well, I just got here and I still don't know much yet. So I'm learning just as much like y'all know just as much as I do. Nothing, nothing. I'm learning. Like mentally don't stay stuck in that imposter syndrome because at the end of the day, you learning will, you'll, you'll at least learn, you at least will know something more than the next person. You feel me? But don't allow you get into the new place to really diminish you and be like, yo, I like, don't, don't let it choke you up. You know, just learn what you can learn, get what you can get out of it. And then if you want to teach somebody else who don't know that ounce that you know, it's okay to say, okay, this is what I've known, what I've learned so far. And I really be stuck into, I don't know everything yet. Yeah. You feel me? I say start it off. Any other phase will always create a new imposter syndrome. That's okay. That's because you just put your foot in a door and others who aren't there yet don't know anything is looking to you. So be aware each stage will always have its own level of not feeling adequate enough. So this last one is not on my list, but as I'm talking, I definitely feel it's important to mention, don't let other pressure you. Don't let the students, don't let the people that don't know, don't let them pressure you. And I feel like a lot of negative results, outcomes happen when under pressure. You feel me? If you're the type of person who cannot deal with pressure, step back and be like, I don't want this. It's fine. Don't let nobody pressure you. Somebody else trying to pressure, Oh, learn this or teach us this teacher, this teacher, this teacher, this is like, yo, I'm not. And just keep it efficient. Plain and simple. Like, I mean, you guys ask me all the time, Oh, do a curriculum, do it. It's like, do it. They're like, teach us this. Let me learn this. It's like, listen, I'm not about to get this pressure from y'all. I'm not about to do it. So if I don't want to make a curriculum, I'm not going to. Whatever little bits of information I put out on social, I put out. If I decide to do a curriculum, then that's going to be on my own terms for the subjects that I decided to talk about. Do not feel as though, because you know a little bit about something, you have to bottle it up and put it into a curriculum. Everything does not have to be in a curriculum for, from you. Keep that in mind. Everybody's doing, um, webinars, book, ebook, channel now, which is all good. But a lot of the times it's just regurgitated things that they get from somebody else. And it's not really their own experience. It's not their own truth. So if you don't want to make a curriculum, if you don't want to teach anybody anything, it's totally fine. That will definitely help you not feel like an imposter. Um, I'm way better talking one-on-one with a person. I'm not a person that goes on stage and do large crowds. It's just not me. My mind will go blank. I've been doing video for years, so I'm good in a setting on my own, talking to you guys, knowing how I could calculate what I say, make sure I give out the right information. This is why I don't do IG lives a lot or any type of lives a lot, because I just be everywhere mentally. My mind runs way faster than my mouth. So it just a hot mess when that happened. Um, but I like, yeah, if I decided to do one-on-ones with people, I could do if I choose to. But other than that, like I'm not going to be pressured no matter how long I've been doing this to do a curriculum, to seem like an expert. What I've been working has been working for me. If I choose to share it in any aspect, then I will share it in what is more comfortable for me. And not because everybody in a mama has a web book, a web book, a webinar, a ebook, a course out. That means I have to do it. You feel me? Work on your own terms, your own pace. All of this definitely help you with, um, battling imposter syndrome. And once you got your mental right, once you know these aspects, then you will definitely be more confident, um, be more aware of who you are and just how your mental works. And you'll be good. So that's my little spiel on imposter syndrome. I definitely feel like I had to come on here and speak to you guys about it because it's real life. It's real. And the more we see other people are flourishing in their field, the more we want to learn from them. And the more pressure it is on the other person to try to give off information, whether it's valid or not valid information. All right, y'all thank you guys so much for listening to this video. If you like this type of video, go ahead and like, comment, subscribe, do all of that good stuff. Follow me on Instagram at importer underscore chocolate. And I think that is all. I will see you guys in the next video. Bye.