-The Dancing Plague • Puppet History

Welcome one and all to Puppet History! Today we'll be taking a deep diving, ever-winding look into yet another chapter in the heavy, heavy book we call history, while our guests ruthlessly vie for the coveted title of History Master. Ryan Bergara, are you ready? Yeah, I'm ready, as always. Special guest Jermaine Fowler, are you ready? Uh, I don't know. Okay, then let's crack it. Could I take another guess at your name? Huh? Sure. You're the professor? I'm the professor. Wiggles? Professor Wiggles? Professor Wiggles, not bad. But no! Professor McNasty. That's close. I am a little nasty. Today, we'll be talking about a city on the brink, and their very strange coping methods. You guys ever been pushed to the brink? Uh, sure. Huh? I don't think I have yet. Has the universe ever just challenged you? Yes. The universe has challenged me. Yes. Professor McNasty. Okay. I actually kind of like the ring of that. And would you guys like to know what we're competing for? Yes! Yeah. What are we competing for? It is the coveted cup of the history master. Ignore the hand. Whose hand is that? Huh? It's God. God's a white man. Oh. I mean, it's the devil. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know. You know what's up. You know your audience. Well, in the Alsace region of Europe in the early 1500s, it's very safe to say that people were stressed. Cosmically stressed. See, these were a people only a few generations removed from the mass devastation of the bubonic plague. And it's easy to imagine that the sheer trauma of experiencing a borderline biblical event could imbue a few generations with an all-enveloping sense of existential dread. Rough. Are any of the stories that you're going to tell, are they, is it one of them at least not going to be a bummer? Or are they all going to be bummers? No, they're all pretty sad. History is a sad thing. Yeah, you're probably right. There's some like happy historical events, like the day peanut butter was invented and stuff like that. Oh, I would say that. You know, when I first saw Lion King. That was good. That was good too. So considering all that, the city of Strasburg seemed like a prime candidate for ground zero of the impending apocalypse. See, the common folk of Strasburg, in addition to all the struggles of just surviving in the 1500s, found themselves dealing with an increasingly problematic clergy. Author John Waller says, quote, monks and priests shamelessly took concubines and all had greater appetites for meat, drink, and sleep than for prayer or pastoral duties. Can't fault them for that, you know what I'm saying? I guess even clergymen have to get the, I kind of want to say that. That's so crass. No, say it. I guess sometimes clergymen got to get the ... Okay. No, that was too crass. That's disgusting. It was a little. It was pretty crass. What is wrong with you? People were not stoked about this because these holy folk are supposed to be their direct line to God. One guy was so fired up that he went poking around various local holy houses to see how much meat and booze they'd been hoarding, and he found plenty of dirt, but eventually gave up his investigation. That red light means we're at our first question. Why do you think he stopped his little investigation? A, they paid him off in barrels of barley wine. B, a nun blackmailed him. Or C, a monk threatened to murder him. All right, Ryan, are you locked in? I'm locked in. What'd you put down? I put C. Do you think a monk threatened to murder him? I don't think that's what happened, but it is the funniest outcome, so that's how I've been playing this game so far. Makes sense. Jermaine? I chose B, nun blackmail. With a happy face. Yeah. A little happy face. You know, a nun blackmailing you just seems insane, and I always go with the craziest multiple choice question. But a monk threatening to murder someone isn't crazy? Well, let's find out. A-bang! Need help? No, no, everything's fine. Is that the monk? That's the monk. Oh, hey, Brother Thomas! Ah, my brother. Wonderful to see you. What brings your wonderful soul to the house of his holy... Sorry. ****. What brings your beautiful soul to the house of his holiness today? I saw something kind of weird recently. I could have sworn I saw someone wheeling barrels of ale into the church, but that couldn't be right. I mean, uh, it's funny that you mention that, because I saw something weird today, too. I saw a dead man walking. Huh? How'd you like to be dead? Whoa, whoa. I was just letting you know about something that seemed like maybe some illicit activity, and I'm just letting you know that if you mention those barrels to anybody else, you'll end up in one. Oh, ----. Damn. He Walter White-ed him. May peace be with you. So, damn. He just shug-knighted... He shug-knighted him. Yeah, that's true. ...a random dude. It seems like Ryan gets a history point there. Congrats, Ryan. Thank you. Congratulations. I'm a good sport. Thank you. Good job. Thank you. Driving an even greater wedge between the classes, the clergy and lords had been hiking up taxes for years, and according to Waller, quote, peasants were forbidden from grazing pigs on common pasture, from fishing in local pools and streams, and from entering the forest to gather timber for building and fuel, to hunt game, even to pick acorns or berries. And that's some bullshit! You seem passionate about this. Why don't you take it easy, man? Well, I mean, you want to go out there and pick some acorns and berries? It's okay. You know, it was a long time ago. It's over now. Your eyes got bigger. You guys... What's in your bag? Oh, wouldn't you like to know? Why don't you come check it out? I feel like it's a trap. Come on. Open my little bag. It's like a start-up of horror movies. No, come on here. Come on. Don't say that. Open my little bag. It's not gonna make me feel comfortable. Open your bag, dude. Take one out. Okay. It's a jelly bean. That's right. It's for you. You put props in the bag. You put so much thought in the character. You put jelly beans. It's a jelly bean. Those are my special treats. Actually, you know what? I'll take a jelly bean, too. Oh, go for it. Yeah. I do love jelly beans. On top of all this bullshit, the region had been through a pretty rough couple decades. We're gonna run through this really quick. But every time I turn the light purple like this, I need you guys to shout, All the crops died. Okay. Just like that. All the crops died. Great. So here we go. In 1492, there was a famine because All the crops died. In 1493, crops weren't half bad. But then everybody got syphilis and a bunch of people's skin fell off. Oh, my God. Baller. As they rounded the year 1500, things leveled out for a few years. The crops were good for a bit. And then All the crops died. In 1507, hail the size of apples pummeled the town. Whoa. How big? Were they really the size of apples? It was the size of apples. And because of the hail All the crops died. Then the bubonic plague staged a brief reunion tour. And was mercifully stamped out by the bitter winter of 1511. But also All the crops died. And then again in the bitter winter of 1514 All the crops died. We were on the same page there. We switched it up. It felt right. Followed by a summertime drought in the summer of 1516 When one last time with gusto All the crops died. I guess that's gusto. So that's a solid two decades of ever-mounting anxiety. Scores of people are struggling to make ends meet. Falling deeper and deeper into debt. All the while starving. Several to death. Could this have a toll on the general population's mental health? Well, sure. What concerning things started to happen? A. People began to see the dead walk the earth. B. People began burying themselves alive. Or C. People began eating dirt until they died. So it's all death related. Yeah. What was A again? People began to see the dead walk the earth. I've heard things like that. Yeah, that's crazy. So like ghosts. Yeah. Ghouls. Goblins. Ooh, buy me a Coke. All right, Ryan, what do you got? I'm gonna go with C. You're gonna go with C. People eating dirt until they died. Kind of similar to those people that danced until they died in France. Oh, yeah, I've heard of them. Jermaine, what are you going with? I just feel like there should be like an all the above option. Because it just feels like all those things would have happened. But if I had to pick, I'm going with A. Well, that's a point for Jermaine. Oh, yes! That's right! I'm a history buff! So Waller describes, quote, Thousands imagined their dead relations to have escaped from purgatory. Running and screaming to the music of drum and pipe. Many of those killed in battle were reported to be carrying their bloodied and mutilated limbs. One woman was stricken with terror after having seen, quote, The ghost of her dead soldier husband clutching between bloody hands his own severed head. Jesus Christ. And these were all visions. Yes, these were all visions. But no one ate dirt, right? No one ate dirt. Though that is a thing. That is a method of suicide. It's like a weird ancient thing. They would eat dirt until they died. Jesus Christ. Wow. If you thought all that was bad, welcome to 1517, which they depressingly and hilariously called The Bad Year, which would play out like a Greatest Hits compilation of the previous decades. More frozen crops, more hail, some smallpox, some leprosy, and a fun new disease. Guess what this new disease is called. A. The English Sweat. B. Lucifer's Indulgence. Or C. Forcebite Flu. It would be funny if it was English Sweat. All right, Ryan, what do you got? I'm gonna go with B. You're gonna go with B, Lucifer's Indulgence. Lucifer's Indulgence sounds great. Also sounds like the name of a dope coffee shop in Silver Lake. Okay, so A sounded like a nice tea. A tea called English Sweat? English Sweat. And B sounded like some incense. So I chose... Well, that's lovely. What is that? Lucifer's Indulgence. I chose C. I did a D for Butt Meets Delight. But, you know. Butt Meets Delight? Butt Meets Delight. You know what? It's a pirate. You know what? I'm gonna give you an extra point for Butt Meets Delight. Hey, wait a second here. Wait a second, you can't do that. Well, you've never taken the initiative, Ryan. That's because I was playing by the rules. I didn't realize it was the ******* Wild West down here. Well, maybe have a little fun with it every now and then. That's true. You do have a satchel full of jelly beans. I reward creativity. And I'm also giving that point out because neither of you got it right. It was called the English Sweat. So yeah, it was just a disease where you'd sweat for several days until you died. What were the symptoms? You'd sweat a lot. You just kept sweating. How long did they sweat? A few days. Okay, moving along. What the? Yeah, that's right. It's me, that big pile of diamonds. That's my catchphrase now, I think. Yeah, but we're in the middle of a story here. Well, I'm here with a word from our sponsor. Rent on this puppet theater isn't free, you know. While you've got your fuzzy ass nose in a book, I'm over here keeping the lights on, baby. Fine, fine, take it away. The floor is yours. Talk about bedsheets or whatever. Bedsheets? Cut me some slack, bro. Today's episode is brought to you by Mischief. Wait, like the concept of mischief? Yeah, the con... No, you idiot. Mischief. M-S-C-H-F. Mischief is a Brooklyn-based company that releases mysterious, cool stuff in the form of drops every two weeks. I'm listening. Sometimes the drops are limited edition items like these Jesus shoes filled with holy water from the River Jordan that my friend Drake was seen sporting. Wait, are you friends with Drake? Yeah, my sister-in-law Jemberly is an anklet of his. We hang out on Boxing Day. Is he, uh, is he cool? Uh, yeah. Or sometimes the drops are free things like a font that looks like Times New Roman except it's slightly wider so your written assignments look longer than they actually are. Not sure I approve of that. Deal with it, nerd. Or it might be something that just kicks ass like when they posted live streams of Netflix HBO, Prime, Hulu and Disney Plus on a site for anyone to watch. No two drops are ever the same so if you want early access to all this nutty stuff head over to mischief.com slash watcher and download the app today. It helps keep us puppets alive. Well, thank you, Diamond Necklace. Yeah, that's me. I'm that big pile of diamonds made Rohan look like a fool. Yeah, you did. You made him look like a fool. Well, I gotta finish this story now. Okay, bye. Okay, where were we? Ah, yes. Now, keeping in mind the seemingly never-ending maelstrom of suffering, of mass anxiety and prolonged trauma, let's set our sights on July 14th, summertime, 1518 when a woman known as Frau Troffe was no longer content to sit idly by as the cruel hand of fate continued to give her community the finger. What did- Wait. What did she- What did she do? And this is a free write. Basically whoever gets closer. Yeah, I'll give a point to whoever's answer I like best. All right, Ryan, what do you got? I think she covered herself in gasoline and ran through the town naked ablaze. Okay. All right. Okay. Jermaine? Goddamn, Ryan. That's right. Oh, I just said she sought out some doctors. That's probably a better call. I'm gonna give the point to Ryan just because it sort of captures the craziness of what is about to happen. Please enjoy this brief scene that we'll show you all. All right, yeah, I guess we can clap for that, yeah. Oh, wow, what a- Another miserable day in what is basically hell. Frau Troffe walks out onto the street dazed. Oh, Frau, good morning. You're looking- Actually, you're looking pretty awful. You got a case of that English butt sweat or- And Frau begins to dance. And she dances and dances. I hope we put sound effects over this. Yeah, I will, because this looks ridiculous. Yeah, so she danced and people probably thought, huh, pretty funny. Good one, Frau. She danced until she died or she just danced? Well, she continued to dance until she passed out from exhaustion, and then she woke up and she started dancing again. Your eyes are getting more crooked by the minute. It's so funny. They're less straight now. This is how they are. I don't say anything funny about your eyes. You're right, and I apologize. I fucked up. I fucked up hard. It's fine, it's fine. Are we gonna be okay here? No, we're good, we're good. We are? Yeah, come on, man. Don't shake it out. I'm sorry, man. I just thought, you know. By this point, you can imagine some folks were scratching their heads and tossing off some theories. A common one was that Frau Troffea was doing this to spite her lousy husband, who hated dancing. But that becomes a bit harder to believe when you consider that, according to author Jennifer Wright, quote, by the third day, blood was oozing out of her shoes. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Another common theory that was widely circulated was that the poor woman had been the victim of divine wrath. Some suspected God himself. Others pointed to Saint Vitus, a saint known for bringing aid to those with epilepsy, but also inflicting it upon those who angered him. So it stacks up that Frau Troffea would be aware of Saint Vitus and his capabilities as just 30 miles east of Strasbourg, there was a shrine to the saint, which is exactly where she was taken on July 20th, six days into her exhausting routine. Now, unfortunately, we don't have any information regarding the fate of Frau Troffea. Hopefully, performing some kind of penitence at the shrine of Saint Vitus was enough to free her from this terrifying trance. But what we do know is that by July 21st, just one day after the poor lady was carted off to the shrine, at least 34 more residents of Strasbourg had started dancing. What? Amazing. Wait a second. Wow. Whoa. Kind of similar to those people that danced until they died in France. Oh my God. This is the impetus for the people dancing until they died in France. Yeah, you dipshit. Holy... **** you. Strasbourg is in France. I can't... I just... Okay, every time I... It's weird it took you this long to figure it out. Well, here's the reason why. I thought for whatever reason that the dancing till they died plague was like a mass hysteria thing, but I never thought of it as a patient zero scenario. Yeah. So dancing had officially reached plague status. And as with Frau Troffea, there was nothing joyous about their shuffling, just pure agony. Waller writes, quote, chroniclers tell us that those who were momentarily roused from their trances screamed for help from bystanders, God, and the saints. So nothing pleasant about this. I love it. Have you ever been trapped in, like, a prison of your own laughter? Like where you're laughing and you want to stop laughing, but you can't and it starts to hurt? Yeah. It sounds horrifying and awful. Like the Joker in, like, Arkham Asylum, like... I can imagine it. Yeah. All right, no, no, no. Stop it. Stop it, James. Woo! All right. It was... Oh, I missed it. So what started out as a curious anomaly had now become a bit of a municipal concern, enough so that a council of magistrates thought they should consult some local physicians. So what do you think the physicians thought the issue was? A, hot blood, B, excess bile, or C, a phlegm deficiency. Damn, those all seem very plausible. Yeah. This is a tough one, McNasty. All right, Ryan? Yeah, I'm gonna go B for bile. And Jermaine? I think it was A, hot blood. You're gonna go with hot blood. Yeah. Hot blood also is good. The physicians said, quote, dance is a natural disease which comes from overheated blood. No! Point to Jermaine. Well, hearing this, the council put their heads together and decided there was only one possible prescription. What was their plan of action? A, weighing down the feet of the dancers, B, baptizing the dancers, or C, more dancing. This is a dangerous game you're playing here, professor. All right, Ryan? I'm gonna go with C, more dancing, just because it doesn't make any sense. And Jermaine? I chose B. It felt like at this point the doctors weren't helping. Sure. So they brought in maybe some religious people to just leave it to God, I think. Yeah, at this point, that's what you do. That'll sort it out. Sure. But they did blame God the first time. That's true. So ****. Yeah. I fucked up. I got it wrong. Well, point to Ryan. They cleared out a couple of the local guild halls and an open market area, even constructed a stage and escorted the afflicted, now numbering over 50, into these designated dancing areas. And to seal the deal, there was one last touch. They hired a band. Dozens of musicians were hired to play the most. Yeah. I got a crazy gig for you, Frank. Yeah. A crazy gig, all right? We need it, all right? We need the money. The council also employed various unafflicted people to dance alongside the entranced people, encouraging them to keep going. When people passed out, they were put back on their feet. Like a third baseman? Like a third base coach? And the musicians upped the tempo. Oh boy. Oh my God, this is amazing. A month into this, August rolls around, the number of dancers continued to grow, probably because it was a psychological virus and instead of quarantining the thing, they literally put the dancers on a stage for everyone to see. It didn't take long for things to go from strange to dark. Waller points to the records of a neighboring merchant named Lucas Rem, who jotted a note in his diary around the time, quote, In the year 1518, in summer, lots of people died of the St. Vitus dance in Strasbourg. About 15 people died a day. Man. I thought this was gonna have the happy... I mean, this is what happens when you try to put out fire with more fire. Yeah, doesn't work. With no choice but to change their approach, the council now had to seriously grapple with the idea that the long decaying morals of the community may have angered a vengeful spirit. Quickly and desperately changing their game plan, they ordered all dancers back to their homes and banned music. Strings were fine, but tambourines and drums? Illegal. You said that strings were allowed to keep playing? Yeah, strings were fine. Beautiful, you know? It just makes things sadder without music, you know what I mean? Is there any royalty-free violin music you have right now that we could try and dance to? Yeah, here we go. Does this look ridiculous? You feeling it? How does it look? Uh, you know what? Not working. Really not working. Just pay for yourself. All right, even still in private homes, the mania continued to spread. At this point, the dancing had been going on for over a month, and while there are conflicting reports about the number of people, most seem to agree that there were at least a couple hundred. Desperate times cause for desperate measures. Measures. Yeah. There it is. Nice. You know what? I'll give you an extra point for that. What in the hell is going on here? This is bullshit. We're on the same wavelength. I appreciate that. You gotta avoid wavelengths, you know? This is fixed. This game is fixed. The magistrates weren't about to sit on their hands as their town was slaughtered by the jitterbugs, so they really- I'm sorry. Thank you. That sentence is amazing. Thank you. It is pretty good. So they really put their heads together and came up with a new plan. First, obviously, Sure. They're still dancing. Oh god, I wish it was C. C is a shame thing. All right. That's some shame. I got my answer in. Ryan, what do you got? I got A. You're going with A. Chain the dancer's feet together. That's right. And Jermaine? Not to piggyback off you, Ryan, but- That's fair. You did it right so far. You'll probably figure out a way to give you a point anyway. So you're going with A as well? I had to. It just sounded like the best option. Well, let's find out what happened. All right, everyone. So that's that. We'll make a nice offering to St. Vitus and haul these poor souls off to the shrine. Oh, and we should give them some little red shoes. Wait. Now, hang on a second. What's that you say? I said we'll give them some little red shoes. Well, please explain. Dammit. Oh, it's B. Well, they'd be little and red, and they'd be shoes. All right. Well, let's order a bunch of little red shoes then. Goddammit. How are they going to make that many shoes that quickly? How long does it take to make a shoe? I don't know. And red ones? Why red? So you don't see the blood or something? Maybe. That makes sense. Once at the altar of St. Vitus, a very strict prescription for the afflicted was carried out. One, they led the dancers in a circle around the altar. Two, they had each dancer offer up a single penny as a donation. And then they took them back to the chapel and down to the wagons. That was it. Do you think it worked? Is this a question, by the way? Um. Do you think it worked? I guess it did. Oh, now I know. OK. Well, I got a 50% shot here. One, two, three. Yes. You both think it worked? Yeah. We're getting towards the end of the story. It's kind of like when it's the third act of a movie. Sure. And your character is about to off. Well, it did. Yay! There it is. Finally, we get a happy. That's a happy ending. That is good. So one thing to remember, these people believed with great conviction in the power of the supernatural, of divine forces meddling with their souls. So it makes sense that if they believed strongly enough in a curse, they'd also believe deeply in the power of penance. And when you think of what they'd done to earn their forgiveness from St. Vitus, a 30-mile journey, sacrificing a whole ass penny, wearing little red shoes, it probably did seem to them like they'd earned their freedom. But there's yet another theory about the miraculous healing that took place. So our final question. What else may have healed them? A, antibiotics. B, a traveling hypnotist. Or C, the power of love. Oh, I got it. You know, I agree with you, too, that I should get double points on that last one because I locked my answer in a little bit sooner. No. What's your... I'm gonna go with C. You're gonna go with C, the power of love. The power of love. That's the power of love. Oof. Rough. I chose B, but... Hypnotism, I guess, back in the day was a thing. That's a lot of people to hypnotize. It's true. Ah, ****, damn it, Ryan. Well, it's too late now. I'll choose B. You choose B? Yes, sir. We're gonna give the point to Ryan. A history point for Ryan. You won. Remember... I don't think I did because he gave you all those pony points. We'll find out. We'll tally up the scores at the end. Think back to the beginning of this story, the state of the community before the plague took hold, decades of growing class divide and uncaring and downright abusive clergy, a lower class bearing the brunt of a seemingly endless series of community hardships. And yet, when the plague took hold, the community banded together. Author Jennifer Wright says, quote, The people of Strasburg were exceedingly, abnormally kind to those afflicted. They didn't burn them at stakes. They didn't permanently cast them out of the community. Thought and concern went into considering ways to make them healthy again. Isn't that sweet? It is sweet. It's a happy ending. It's a happy ending after all. Sure, a lot of people died, but, uh... That's the cost of knowledge. And that's the cost of living back then. That was a good story, dude. I learned a lot. Thank you. It's good. Dancing is... Who knew it would be so dangerous? There is consequences. Yeah, I'm gonna tell my daughter that. Hey, look, sometimes you're gonna wanna dance, but here's the story. Don't you dare. Was that a cautionary tale after that's all happened? Yeah, I think so. That's the... Daddy, I'm so happy I could dance. And he's like, No! Don't you do it! No daughter of mine! Well, that concludes our history lesson. I'm going to go tally the scores to see who receives the coveted cup and title of History Master. While I do that, please enjoy this special performance from someone who was blamed for this whole thing, along with St. Vitus, God. And, uh, just a heads up, God doesn't really look like you'd expect him to, so just know that. He's kind of a weird-looking guy. But, uh... Anyway, enjoy! All right, let's get this over with. What the ****? Oh, ----. It's me, God. Oh. No, it's not. Yes, it's not. Like a Bloodborne character. I'm God, okay? He's God. I've got something to say. Those dummies dancing after death, that wasn't me. No way. I made the stars and moon and sun, and also I made everyone, like Genghis Khan, Celine Dion, all dogs and cats, fruit bats, your mom, and sure, some people worship me, but then I did make everything, like Jupiter and Tupperware and Diet Coke and teddy bears. But I didn't make those people dance way back when in Olden France. I'm not that guy. That's not my scene. You think that I would be so mean? And sure, I killed their crops for years and preyed upon their deepest fears, a squalid plague of food to eat, but dancing? Man, that's not my beat. And know what? I lied. It's all on me. I got those dingbats to their feet. Boy, they could really jitterbug, but when they died, I pulled the plug. So what? Come on. It's not the worst thing that I've done, like bedbugs, pink eye, Tampa, Florida, and also the rest of Florida. So yeah, I made those people dance way back when in Olden France. I'm sorry. I know it was rude. I guess I'm just a zany dude. Wow. That was disturbing. Wow, God is a masterful lyricist. What a strong performer. Yeah, man. God made Lauryn Hill. It's unbelievable. You really got to stop complimenting yourself at the end of these through the veil of a puppet. That wasn't me. That was God. Hey, so believe it or not, this is wild. You guys aren't going to believe this. It is a tie. Really? Oh, wow. This is historic. You know what? I'm going to do a tiebreaker. Here we go. If you joined a dancing plague, what would your dance move be? It's a dance-off, folks. It's a dance-off. I'm going to go with a classic because I think it uses a lot of space. So I would go... I'm ready for the weekend. The boys are coming round. We're going to hit the town. I'm ready for the weekend. I don't like that one bit. You don't like it? No. Jermaine's already got a bit of an edge going into this one because that was pretty sorry. I guess I'll just go with whatever I'm feeling. So, you know, I just, you know... Interesting. Oh! I'll hand him the trophy. All right, yeah. That's good, yeah. Well, here you go. Congratulations, Jermaine. There's jelly beans in it as well. You are the history master. Thank you very much. I'm going to take a jelly bean. Thank you, McNasty. Thank you to our special guest, Jermaine Fowler. Thank you for watching. We'll see you next time on Puppet History. Bon voyage. Didn't make those people eggs Way back when in old France Not that guy, not my scene Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh