Why Do Some People Thrive In Toxic Conditions? What To Do In These Circumstances

Hi there and welcome. I'm Nikki Sutton. Thank you so much for joining me today. Sending you lots of love indeed. Why do some people thrive in toxic conditions? So in this video I'll help you to figure out why and so that's having some understanding of those individuals who thrive in toxic conditions so that we can perceive them a little differently and then they don't affect us so much and ways to deal with them and to approach them or not to approach them. Okay so just quick if you'd like to book a session with me you can do so at NikkiSutton.com and if you'd like to pick up a copy of my new book Consciousness Rising Guiding You Through Spiritual Awakening and Beyond it's available from all prominent bookstores. So why do some people thrive in toxic conditions? It's very much about energy exchange, energy gain and energy loss. So some people seem happy in an unpleasant work environment for example or relationship or family or group. They seem to thrive and gain energy when there's toxic conditions. But why would this be? You'd think they're in a low vibration wouldn't you? And on one level that is true but on another level it's not. Those who seem to thrive in toxic conditions deep down yes they're in a lower vibration but they gain a high vibe through projection and observing the results of their actions. So those who seem to cause toxic conditions perhaps they're argumentative, they cause trouble, they make things difficult for other people. It doesn't make it acceptable of course. Oftentimes this is a result of healing needed because deep within they're in pain and it's useful to have understanding of this so that we can have forgiveness because through understanding we can find forgiveness and forgiveness releases a lot of unpleasant energies from ourselves. So let's say you have someone in a work environment who's always causing trouble rubbing people up the wrong way and making things difficult for others. If you were to think about their backstory that's if you know it but oftentimes you can have a guess even if you only know them a little bit. What kind of environment do they grow up in? What was their family life like? Are they experiencing problems in their life now at home? All of this contributes to They project their inner unhappiness onto others. They may have grown up in a particularly harsh environment perhaps suffering from some neglect, excess pressure, a lack of love in general and this causes insecurities, essentially a lack of confidence. They might feel small and need to feel greater. They may have poor self-worth and self-esteem and self-image but they mask this perhaps with bossiness, disagreeability and unkindness. Then they gain their positive energy through affecting others and controlling situations. So in a way they use their interactions with others as a pick-me-up to help them feel better because their vibration deep within, deep within their subconscious mind is very low. So their overall vibration is low but they may seem perfectly happy or even arrogant but this is just a front. Their actions are unknowingly designed to gain a higher vibration and I'll explain. So usually these people who thrive in toxic situations are the facilitator of the poor environment, really affecting others around them and they do this either knowingly or unknowingly, usually unknowingly and just as if they're on autopilot because they gain the following. By projecting their inner demons, if you will, onto others they have an energetic release. They release a little bit of that pent-up dark energy within them that could be healed through quality inner work that they're not doing, perhaps because they don't realize they could do it but by projecting their inner sadness onto others they gain energetic release which is a great relief. Next they also gain power. By having power over others, having influence over them, it makes them feel greater when in fact inside they feel small and they may feel small due to what others have done to them or their circumstances from the past which need healing as I said. It's like an unaware unconscious way of dealing with their pain. Unfortunately others around them are the ones who suffer. So they might gain power over others through manipulation, through put-downs and remarks, through passive-aggressive comments, through sabotaging their work and if it's a relationship sabotaging various areas of the relationship making the other person feel small and then great. They might even build you up for a while and be really kind and nice to you only to cut you down later to observe the results. You see deep down essentially this person who loves the toxic conditions or seems to anyway, they may be essentially a good person but due to their backstory and everything that's happened to them it's caused them to act this way. It doesn't make it acceptable of course but we can have some compassion for them that they must have lacked love perhaps for a long time. Another thing they get is the joy of manipulating. They gain a high vibration through manipulating circumstances, through being top dog. They might like to control the narrative in a workplace, they might want to be the dominant one in a relationship and take the lead all the time. They might be the gossiping manipulating one in a family causing various family members to talk about each other behind each other's backs and this gives the individual a certain level of joy, a high vibration. So they might seem like they're a low vibratory person to you but that's because of the low vibration they cause in you. They're actually gaining a high vibration replenishing their energies which are low through the joy of manipulating others. It's very much about energetic balance. They gain a higher vibration as they suck that high vibe from others, they observe that happening and enjoy it. They also gain control and many individuals seek an excessive amount of control if they feel like essentially they are out of control or they lack control. Why do they need control so much? Because they feel unsafe so they want to control everything. If their past has been an unsafe feeling unpredictable one that can cause them to seek an excessive amount of control into adulthood. So they may have grown up in very unpredictable circumstances, people coming and going, perhaps resulting in abandonment, a very dysfunctional household where things were very unpredictable and they were often left without certain things that others should have provided for them in younger years. So into adulthood they sort of become addicted to control. They'll control situations, circumstances, relationships, family group dynamics and in the environment they might gaslight others and try to instill a sense of their own superiority in others. They love to control others and situations so that they can feel safer in themselves. If they've got a handle on everything then unpredictability is reduced. So all these traits sound rather narcissistic don't they? And we've gone into why they are like this. So although they gain a high vibration it's usually very short-lived and that's why they continue to behave as they do. It's like a quick fix, it's like having a cigarette to calm anxiety. To calm all their unpleasant feelings within that could be a varied spectrum of different emotions they behave as they do towards others, controlling situations and gain a temporary high vibe. It's that energy balance again as you the subject of this perhaps becomes unbalanced and as I already touched upon they'll even actively sometimes build you up to knock you down because when they observe how you have been deconstructed they gain a high vibe from it. They will knock you down when they feel lower so that they can gain a high vibe and replenish their energies. So subconsciously they're probably in pain and have experienced trauma perhaps long-term for example inadequacy, poor self-image, shame, unworthiness perhaps due to neglect and feeling unlovable perhaps because they have poor self-love. So they ride and play a toxic environment for short-term highs because pleasure is gained from being greater than others because they feel small from others suffering because they are and from causing reactions because they seek control. So what to do about this? Well number one you can remove yourself from the toxic situation that's removing your energies from the toxic situation so they're no longer being drained and you can build your own energies back up again through self-care and doing enjoyable things working on your confidence self-esteem self-love and all of that but sometimes you can't remove yourself from the toxic situation. Well if it's a relationship most of the time we can and a family environment we can reduce the amount we see them if it brings us down don't feel guilty about doing that at least until you're able to shield yourself from their behavior so that they don't affect you. A cutting the cords guided meditation is really helpful for that so link in the description for the meditation. Number two what to do in a toxic situation state your boundaries under their shell the toxic person they may actually be quite weak and they may revert back to a different version of themselves one that isn't so crispy on the outside they might be soft in the center and by stating your boundaries you make clear what's acceptable and what's not by putting up with unacceptable behavior we're inadvertently teaching others how to treat us we need to state our boundaries and number three you can seek help so if it's work you can approach the boss above them. I've done this before in a working environment and it was helpful it just took a bit of bravery but obviously that might not be possible in your working environment but in a relationship you can seek help through counseling or speaking to others because they can help bring perspective to your situation help you to see that it's not an acceptable situation and perhaps you'll be able to gain courage from others that you speak to in finding ways to remedy the situation. Number four accept that you may not be able to heal this person who thrives in toxic situations you can try but they have to seek healing and want it themselves you can perform ho'oponopono that's sending healing energy essentially i'll put a link in the description to a guided meditation and a video to help you with that and it involves repeating the affirmations i'm sorry please forgive me thank you i love you now i know that sounds strange it doesn't feel like you need their forgiveness in any way but ho'oponopono is all about speaking for them and it's really centered around almost assuming responsibility for their healing if you feel you want to do that that would be a great act of compassion and it attracts healing to them i explain more in the video in the link in the description if you're listening on the podcast just type these videos i mention and my name into youtube and you'll find them number five is don't play them at their own game it feeds it so if you act negatively or unpleasantly to try and combat their unpleasant behaviors know that your unpleasant energies will feed their unpleasant energies and it magnifies and it's a perfect challenge for them try to remain in your own energies of love and light that counteracts their energies so don't meet like with like when it's negative because it magnifies and it's a perfect challenge for them to continue what they're doing number six often this person wants to disagree with you so no matter what you do they will find ways to disagree with you and make things difficult they're disagreeable for a reason they need healing so protect your energies and transcend it through the understanding of knowing why they are how they are we experience that energetic release of forgiveness it doesn't feel so personal anymore through that understanding we can transcend their behaviors i'm not saying put up with it but it just doesn't trigger us so much anymore and number seven release your emotional dependency on their opinion and this can be done through cutting the cords link in the description or a session with me but my point is you can also do this through a change of perception ask yourself why am i so dependent on their opinion why does what they say and do affect me so much and again we can gain that release through understanding of their backstory are they really qualified to tell me are they really qualified to make me feel a certain way or is that up to me i can decide my self-worth my confidence my self-esteem who are they to make me feel a certain way especially given that they probably need quite a bit of inner work themselves and we can wish them love and healing here we are taking the higher path of understanding love and forgiveness for someone who may well be a quite a hurt soul okay so i hope that's been helpful for you today on why some people thrive in toxic situations and what to do about it please leave me and others a comment on your experiences in such situations and what you did about it and please consider visiting nikisutton.com i've got lots of one-to-one online sessions there for you to enjoy i hope you'll check them out and pick up a copy of my new book consciousness rising guiding you through spiritual awakening and beyond it's available at all prominent bookstores so i'm sending you lots of love and all the best thanks so much for listening and remember to click subscribe if you're not already a subscriber to receive regular spiritual inspiration on your journey through life and hit that bell button too for notifications because we're raising the mass vibration together so go now in love and peace