DRAW OUR RELATIONSHIP - Missy and Bryan Lanning - The Bumps Along the Way & dailyBUMPS

Hey guys and welcome to our Draw Our Life. Or Draw My Relationship. Whatever you guys want to call it. We're going to first explain a little bit about growing up to the point where we actually first met. I'll let Missy go first since she was born before me. Oh thanks. So I was born in Southern California and I was the first born to my mom Suzanne and my dad Jim. And when I was 10 months old, my dad decided to go to Bible college all the way to Indiana. We packed up and headed 2,000 miles away. When I was 2 years old, my brother Jimmy was born. He was definitely my best friend while growing up. I have so many memories of us playing Let's Pretend and Make Believe. When I was about 5, my dad had graduated college and we moved back to Southern California and we lived next door to my grandparents and it was such an awesome childhood being so close to family all the time. Almost every weekend, tons of aunts and uncles and cousins would come over for barbecues. When I was 7 and a half, my little sister Cassie was born and she was always so much fun to play with and Jimmy and I loved having a new sister. My life was really interesting as a child but it was also really unique. Our family belonged to a fundamental Baptist church. We not only went to church three times a week, I also went to school at the private school that the church ran. That meant I was at church nearly every single day of the week for one reason or another. I have lots of fun memories at church and had so many friends since I've been there almost my whole life. The church was also super strict and as a girl, I only wore dresses. Yep, I never wore pants. We also didn't go to the movies or listen to music from the radio. Even though I knew I was different than most kids, I was the same as all the kids at church so I was happy. So like I said, we lived next door to my grandparents. It was a huge piece of property and there was so much to do as a kid. There were always like animals to play with and trees to climb but the best part was having so much time with my grandma and grandpa. Their doors were always open and us kids could come and go as much as we liked. I also remember all the yummy snacks they would have for us. Now my grandma, she was like my best friend. We had a golf cart and I remember driving her around our dirt road when I was like 12 years old. We would always sing Christmas carols even when it wasn't Christmas because it was her favorite holiday. We would always talk about like boys and friends and even Jesus. She had diabetes though and when I was about 11 years old, she had to have both her legs amputated. She was always so positive, I remember. I think I got a lot of that from her. But when I was 13, she started having health problems that really slowed her down. I tried really hard to help her because my grandpa had had a stroke and he couldn't always help her. I would spend hours playing the piano for her. She loved to listen to me play even if I wasn't very good. One day, things got really bad. She needed to go to the hospital but before she left, I played for her one last time. Unfortunately, that was the last time I saw her. And losing my grandma was one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with. I missed her so much but I knew she was in heaven and she wasn't in any pain and she could finally walk again. So I loved thinking about that and that always made me happier. Not long after my grandma passed away, my parents decided that our family needed a change. They decided that we would move to Idaho. Life really changed after that. We found a different type of church. We realized that the things that always seemed important to us weren't as important. So like at the age of 14, I wore my first pair of pants. I also went to my first movie. We went and saw Finding Nemo. And I even attended public high school. Idaho was a really fun place to live and of course, that's where I met Brian. But before that, I was born in sunny San Diego. I lived in an apartment and it was just me, my sister Bev, who is five years older than I am, and my mom. My mom worked so hard, sometimes two to three jobs at a time, just paying the bills, waiting tables and stuff because she was a single parent. I never knew my father but that didn't really affect me much. My sister and my mom did a really good job at raising me. My sister would make me peanut butter and butter sandwiches for lunch and we'd walk down the street to school and she'd make sure that I get to the right class and stuff. My sister knew her dad so sometimes he'd pick her up and they'd spend time together. Sometimes he'd take me along too and he'd buy us each a toy at Toys R Us. It was really cool. I remember that sometimes I wasn't allowed to go with them though and I didn't really understand why. I didn't understand why I didn't have a dad that picked me up and bought me toys and did fun stuff with me. It was confusing but I didn't know anything different. Occasionally my mom would have a boyfriend who lived with us but they were never really that nice and it never really worked out. One day my grandma who lived in Idaho came to visit and we'd have so much fun just hanging out at the beach and she'd buy us ice cream and clothes and she was so cool. Way too hip to be a grandma. She even rode a motorcycle. To my surprise, one time when she was about to go back home, she packed up all our stuff and actually took us with her. We ended up driving in this big pickup truck all the way from San Diego, California to Boise, Idaho. We lived with her in this huge house that had tons of lands and chickens and a big willow tree that I'd spend hours reading under and swinging from branches. It was a really good place to grow up. My grandma would actually make the best dinners and I ended up becoming quite the chubby little boy. Eventually my mom met a man and got married. He was alright but I never considered him my dad. He liked to drink a lot and yell so we didn't get along. He ended up being very abusive both physically and mentally and I spent most of my time hidden in my room reading Harry Potter and I ended up being a loner in school for it and was bullied quite a bit. By the time I got to high school, I still always kept to myself. I started really getting into music and went through the stage where I dyed my hair and I wore tight jeans and I went to rock concerts and I thought I was so cool. It was around this time I met a blue eyed girl at a local carnival. The first time we met, a friend of mine named Jessica was complaining that her friend, who was Missy, had ditched her at the carnival so she could hang out with her boyfriend. So when I met Brian for the first time at night, he was all, Hey, why'd you ditch your friend? And I was all, you're kind of a jerk. He was walking around the carnival filming everything with a little pocket camcorder and he was very weird. If you would have told me that that was the man I was going to marry, I would have thought you were crazy. Turns out Jessica, the girl who introduced us, had a big crush on me, but it never really went anywhere. We eventually built a group of friends that hung out watching movies and listening to music and going to concerts and all that stuff. And then our friendship turned into something more. But my friend Jessica still liked Brian and first, so it made him off limits. Girls rules, right? But we snuck around anyways and we'd hang out alone and watch movies and drive around town and go on little dates. We felt bad, but we really didn't want to hurt her feelings. But then one night, our whole group of friends went over to my house because my parents were out of town. And being silly teenagers that we were, we played spin the bottle. And by the end of the night, it was pretty obvious that Brian and I were into each other. And Jessica was actually fine with it, so we could become a couple. Just days after my 17th birthday, my stepdad got really drunk, like usual, and started this big fight with me for no reason. I barricaded myself in my room, literally locking the door and putting a heavy piece of furniture in front of it. When my mom went back to check on me that night, I was gone. I'd packed up some stuff and left, driving away before my stepdad could notice. I knew when I left that night that I'd never be going back, and I never did. I stayed with a friend for a couple months, then with my grandmother. It was a weird time for me. I was working a lot and finishing my last year of school. I remember feeling so alone, except for when I was with Missy. At this time, I started to grow closer with her family, a family of strong Christians who accepted me after so many had done the opposite. During Brian's last year of schooling, just days before he turned 18, we got a cute little house together on Maple Street. It was seriously perfect. We had our little cat, Claire Bear, and we were so happy, except my family didn't approve, and rightfully so. While we now don't condone living with each other before we were married, I remember it being one of the strongest factors for me to ask her to marry me. I knew I wanted to start a family with her, and when I asked her parents, they knew it was right for us, and they gave the approval. We were married on August 8th, 2008. We liked eighths. When you flip them around, they are the infinity sign, and we liked the idea of being together for infinity. Right after we were married, I started attending BSU for computer science, but after two years, knew that it wasn't the right path for me, so I dropped all my programming classes and started doing art and photography classes, and I succeeded so much, even though my wife had no idea how I'd make a living doing anything art-related. Neither did I. But I knew I was happy. Soon after we got married, I started learning about Christ, and I had this amazing experience that I'll never forget that attributed to me becoming a Christian. It was something I was searching for for 18 years, and I had no idea. It rocked my world. It was around this time that Brian and I were having a rocky relationship. I was so busy working 40 hours a week, and Brian was attending college Monday through Friday and working 10-hour days on the weekends. We simply stopped communicating with each other. We lost focus. We lost each other. We were so young. We agreed that we both needed some space. And I moved out and into a little apartment by my school, while Missy lived with her family. But our problems didn't get any better. Our communication was next to nothing, and four months later, we were signing divorce papers. It was unreal. I think because we were married so young, we never really got a chance to discover ourselves apart. We knew who we were together, but apart we were both so lost, and the majority of our lives were spent apart because of our busy schedules. We both went our opposite ways. I spent my free time studying and in church, praying for my future wife, and not knowing where I was headed, if anywhere. I built up a strong core in my faith during this time. I spent my days working different jobs that didn't last that long, and not knowing what I was doing. I was lost. I had my family, and I even got myself a dog, but I still felt alone. And soon life started to pile up on me, and it was becoming too much. That's when I got a call. It was late, but I knew I had to check up on her. Something was telling me to call. I'd woken up from having all these horrible dreams about Missy. It was frightening, and I had to call to make sure she was okay. But I wasn't. It was the first time we had talked in months. I'm not even sure of what I said, but I could tell things weren't going great for her, and we made plans to meet the next day. We were cautious because we hadn't seen each other in so long, but when we were together, things felt so right. We started building a relationship again, and recognized the importance of communication and honesty. It was like we were two completely different people, yet we were still the two young teenagers madly in love. And even though we were only apart for four months, our life together began again, and we remarried. It was like the divorce never was, and that our marriage began on August 8, 2008, and we kept it that way. Every day felt new. Every day we kept falling madly in love with each other. Sure things weren't always perfect, but we got through it, and we knew that God wanted us together. We lived for a couple years in Idaho until we decided to move to California with my parents. Who also wanted to move. Turns out, it's so expensive to live in California. So we found a house that was big enough to share, and we started renting our portion to make it financially easier on both of us. I worked waiting tables, and Missy quickly got an office job, and we enjoyed sunny Southern California, where we could go to the beach, and snorkeling, and watch dolphins, and have so much fun. But we wanted something more. So much more. A family to call our own. We knew we wanted this for a long time, but suddenly it felt like it was time, so we started trying, and it didn't take long until I was pregnant. We found out a couple days before Christmas, so we painstakingly kept it a secret until then. We wrapped the positive pregnancy test in a wrapping paper, and had Missy's mom open it on Christmas morning. Everyone was so thrilled and laughing and crying from happiness. It was unreal just how perfect everything was. And then on our 10 week ultrasound, our baby had no heartbeat, and suddenly this world where everything wasn't perfect, opened up to us. We had no idea how to handle it. But we did. One day at a time. We talked, we cried, until things got better. A couple weeks after we lost the baby, we got a call from the doctors telling us that it was a boy. It took months, but we prepared ourselves to try again, and quickly, Missy was pregnant again. We didn't really have a problem with that. We were so ecstatic, but always cautious. It's something that comes naturally after you experience a loss. When I was 16 weeks, we had a big gender reveal party, and all the family piled into this little tiny room with a big screen under the wall. It was there that we found out we were having a boy, and we were so excited and so happy. But sadly, we found out we lost him. This time at 20 weeks. Our world was completely flipped upside down. It was like we had no hope. But slowly, it just built back up. You don't fully recover from something like that, and I would say that we still haven't. But we've gotten to a place where we're comfortable, and that's important. We named him afterwards, something that came to Missy in a really special way, Gabriel. Just a few months after we lost Gabriel, I started to tell my story on YouTube. It was like nothing I've ever done before. I put myself out there because I knew I had a story to tell. Right away, people were watching and commenting and telling me their stories, and suddenly, I had built this community of amazing subscribers who knew that it was time to break the silence of stillbirth. Women all over the world were sending me stories about how I had helped them heal from their loss, and I knew that putting myself out there became worth it, and that Gabriel's short life had a purpose. It was on YouTube that we announced Missy was pregnant again, the third time in the course of a year. We were so thrilled. You all stood alongside us as we celebrated that amazing time. We started another channel called Daily Bumps, where we shared our daily life with you, and showed you what it's like for a young couple who are starting a family. You guys shared in every milestone along the way, like when we found out we were having a boy, and when we revealed his name to you all after weeks of torture and erasing one name a day on the chalkboard above our bed. I know that not everything has been perfect for us. There have definitely been some bumps along the way, but I've learned that that's what life is about. It's a journey, and you can choose how you want to navigate the ups and downs. You have control over your life. You are not controlled by your circumstances. You have choices. You can choose to rise above it. You can choose to be happy. You can choose to make a difference. Whether you grew up in a family that was abusive, lost a loved one, or have experienced heartbreak, you will always be in control of who you are and what you want to do with your life. For us, it was about love. Our love got us through the toughest parts of our life. Whatever the future wants to throw at us, we know we'll be able to handle it because we have each other, and you guys, and because the bumps along the way are just that, bumps. As far as we're concerned, we have no problem stepping over them. Thank you guys for watching our Draw Our Relationship. I hope you guys liked the video. Please like this video if you did, and subscribe to my channel if you haven't already, and I will see you guys in my next video. Bye!