How Important is ROMANCE in a Relationship?

What's up guys? Welcome to OTGW Talk. It's just me and Felicia today. Yay, nay. I feel like our family has gotten so small. I feel like we can spread out more though. Yeah, today we're gonna talk about romance because we saw this article and it's been blowing up all over the internet and it kind of like made me feel like I'm not being romantic enough. There's this guy named Tim. So Tim basically proposed to Candace secretly through a series of love letters that he wrote to her over three years. 14 love letters in total and each letter began with the letter that eventually spelled out, will you marry me? When she read it to the end, it was like, will you marry me? And she just like bawled out and was like, this is the most romantic thing ever. Yeah, I mean, that is a big gesture and it's over a long period of time that requires planning and thought and everything. So of course it would make anyone wanna weep. So this article made us think about ourselves and our relationships and how, you know, what we think romance is, how important it plays in our own relationships and how much effort and how much thought we should really put into it. Exactly. I wanna kiss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold, need you, feed you, even let you hold the remote control, yeah. What is your definition of romance? When I think about romance, I think of infatuation, you know, the infatuated phase of a relationship where you give roses, you give chocolates, you do these random acts of, I don't know. Display, love display. Display of affection. I wanna use the word superficial, not in a- Superficial, yeah. Not in a negative sense. I bought this for you or I took you here because I wanna show you that I'm thinking of you and that like I'm interested in you or like if you're already in a relationship, it's like I'm showing that I love you. Yeah, what about you? That's my definition as well. I would define romance in the same way where it's like the things that I plan for you, like the dates, like the things that we do together, the things that I buy. And it doesn't have to be just an object. It could be like this guy, Tim, like these arts and crafts, like I make you a card. I mean, the caliber that Tim achieved on the romantic level was like 15 out of 10. But I mean, for me, you taking out the trash without me asking you is romantic. And here's the thing, right? I totally agree with that because I find romance in the small details. Yes, yes. And I think that there's a lot of people that agree with us, but I also feel like when we read about Tim and other people doing all these grand gestures and planning these really special things, it confuses people, I think, because in the past, romance, like when you defined romance 1800s or 1500s, it was defined as like heroic, fantastic, imaginative, creative, adventurous love. Back in the day, people like didn't date like we did. When you read this, you kind of look at your own levels of romance in your relationship and you can't help but to compare, right? We start comparing and then we start not appreciating what's in our own kind of relationships. Yeah, you only read about the amazing things that happen. You don't read about like the trials and tribulations of a relationship. And to me, like those are where you make or break the relationship. I wanna remind people, like, don't just see the romantic things and set them as goals. Because each couple is bound by their own constraints. So if you're able to be overly romantic and buy a few thousand flowers, you know, rent out a hall or whatever, that's totally fair, you do that. But people that aren't in that same class who don't have the same ability shouldn't really idolize that way of professing their romance or their love. You and I think of romance as this thing that happens after you're in a relationship and it builds toward long-term happiness. Most people think of romance as this infatuation period thing you do before you find the one. We took this test and we saw this really interesting thing on the internet called love language. Love language! Love language and no, it's not what language your love is in. So I was like, Dan, you have to take this test and tell me what you rank. And he's like, at the end of it, why am I not like French or Spanish or something? But I'm like, no, it's the way that you prioritize how you express your love, aka love language. So anyway, we did this test. There's five categories. Quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service. Gifts. Gift giving. And physical touch. So all these factors make up a relationship, right? For each person, why we say, you know, how much importance we put on romance, that you can transfer that into this test. It's zero to 12. So if you get a score closer to 12, it means that those things are important. But if you get a score that's like under seven, you know, between like, what, three to seven, it's like a lot higher. Yeah, and then if you get something lower, it means that you really don't place that much importance on those things. Yeah, what was your most important trait? My most important was physical touch. And it's not just like intimacy, but it's like holding hands. Hugging. Communicating through physical like affirmations. Then next was the quality of time spent. So at the bottom for me was gifts was like two. Yeah, me too. Mine was at the bottom. Which is interesting because men think that women, it's like they want gifts. So I'm gonna shower you with gifts. Right. And this goes back to how each person and each relationship is different, you know? So for me, my top 10 was quality time. So whether or not we're physically talking to each other, just having the presence and you being there to listen was the most important factor of all. Okay, so the second one was acts of service, right? So for me, you know how I said you taking out the trash can be romantic? So I read your love through the little things you do that don't have to be typically romantic. Because for me, it's what you do versus what you say. I don't care about what you say. Because words are just words until you actually show it to me. See like, and that's, all right, we'll get back to that in a second. But then your last one is really funny, physical touch. And that was my first one. Mine was a 10 and yours was a two. And it actually makes sense because you're in a long distance relationship. Yes, I don't know if this is affected by the fact that I am in one or this was already beforehand, but I'm pretty sure I did this test a while ago and it was the same thing. And I think this is what brings, it did bring problems in my relationship because I valued it so low because I don't like PDA, you know, public display of affection. Whereas he needs to know these things and. Okay. But which brings us on to another point. It's like being able to, if you have differences, bridge that. Right. And this is where I think ultimately is really important because we're all different. And if you're lucky, like for me, I would say my five, my languages of love will be similar to Yi's. Which is also interesting because they say, should you be more the same as your partner or should you be more opposite? Right. And I think that it's fine to be either, as long as like, you still have a choice to like, to be the Ying to her Yang. You know what I mean? And it's funny because Dan is Da Ying. Yep. And it's Yi Yang. So we're the Ying and Yang. So you're significant other, it is important for you to be there physically, but because you're not, and he's like, I will like, I will deal with that. I will conquer that. That's just something that we're going to get through. And that's the importance that comes after the romance. See like, I find that romantic and no one would have, you and I would agree with that. Yeah. But most people would be like. What is more romantic than someone willing to change for the situation that you're in? Dude, I'm, we're in the same boat, but a lot of people would say, you guys aren't romantic because like, for example, okay, like he flies to New York. Let's say surprise you. Yeah. With like, I don't know, it gets like a room, all of your friends together, like flies all your friends in. Okay, so stop there. Yeah, right? Brings all the friends in. Everything like that is embellishment. If he just came over here, the act of coming here is already like. Yeah, see like this. Dude, this is what I'm talking about. You couldn't even hear the rest because you were like, I'm cringing. It's like, that's all crap. Same with me, right? And same with you. She'll be like, cause I've asked her like, what if I, like if we got married and I'm like, what if I wrote a song about you? Sang it at our wedding and you didn't know. And most people out there would say that, that scenario, I mentioned with Pat and what I mentioned with myself would be uber romantic and I'm vomiting. No, the thing is, okay, so you can vomit because you think of it like that, right? But if that person sincerely does it just for the sake of him expressing it, then that's fine as well. Maybe sometimes people turn a blind eye to the actual problems that are fundamentally not being met or like addressed. And it's a bandaid. The romance is a bandaid. It's not saying that we don't like romantic gestures because Pat and I write letters. Oh, that's romantic. Yeah, with a wax stamp and I send it over and he's like, Yo man, yo! Well, it's because I like buying stationary and paper and stuff. And I think he picked up on that. And so now it's kind of like, we try to do it every month, but that's like way too much. Like not much happens in a month. Right, that's true. But anyway, so guys check out this love language. So with everything that we've just been talking about, let's say how important do you think that the societal concept of romance is? As in Tim's gestures, like these grand gestures of love, grand displays of affection. I think for certain situations, there is a time and place for that type of thing. And to get married, I guess like what other romantic pledge of something? Like when will you ever be able to show that type of romance in any other situation other than proposals? So you're like, that's okay. I feel like that's okay. Because like we both work, both of us work on our relationships actively. You know, I feel like that societal type of romance for me is not important. So there's different types of girls and guys, right? Right. So you know how there's low maintenance, high maintenance girls. High maintenance, right. Or guys, whatever. Yeah, they can be high maintenance guys, yeah. I think will require more of these romance gestures. Things, yes. Because they take those gestures as a sign. A sign, a symbol of affection and love. Which is their love language, yeah. Like they want the display. They want like, if you put in this much time, it equals you love me this much. Yes. Which is fine. So even though I'm not romantic, I'm a firm believer that you cannot let romance die. Okay, see like. Die, and then you die. I'm a firm believer that I shouldn't let the romance die. Because if you let the romance die, the other person does become a little hurt and resentful possibly. And being like, do you not care about this relationship at all? If you're in a long relationship, right? How do you revamp? Yes. Remoisturize the dry? Because this actually like really pertains to us, right? We've been on our relationships for, I'm on four plus years. And you're on. Same. Right, so you know each other inside out. Like you know you'll end up together. But then like you don't want to let the romance die, yet we're not into the grand gesture, you know, uber surprise. Because also we know the other person doesn't really like that. So what would you do from a girl's perspective now? I'm not a typical romantic yearning person. So if anything, you're barking up the wrong tree. For me, the longer the relationship goes, right? You've done all the romantic gestures. Beforehand, yes. You've done the flowers, you've done the meals, extravagant meals. Surprise, surprise. Yes, but what keeps me intrigued and you know romantically intrigued is one like spontaneity. You still keep things new and fresh and you try different things and you explore different things together. Whether that's actually romantic or not, you know. You're not stuck in a routine where no one is expanding anything. Like mentally, intellectually, anything. And working on ourself and our relationship, that's romantic too. You just like read one of my strategies. Your strategies? Yeah, always be in tune with your partner's mental developments, like you said, and supplement them. So a lot of times you fall into the routine. Like, oh, we haven't done this or hey, there's something. Yeah, or you mention like, hey, I wanna be more active or I wanna do this and then he goes online and like looks at the, hey, you know how you said you wanna do that? Yeah. Well, I found a bunch of these in the city. Yeah, four and a half years later for them to still be able to do that because you're ever growing, you're ever discovering. So yeah, to be able to sustain that, that's romantic. Yeah. So guys, we just wanted to talk about romance and the little things that a lot of people might not see because we're so taken and influenced by all the grand things that we see out there and no movies, like you said, are being made about the little things. The little things. The little moments in life. And I- That you don't see, yeah. It's like when people shoot a movie about New York, you don't see the subway tracks and nastiness, but building on that is the romance. So anyway, we hope you gathered some ideas, insight, whatever to apply to your own relationship. We'll put all the links to the articles and the tests below. You guys can check them out. Leave us comments. We love, if you have a question or topic, actually send it to us via Facebook because YouTube comments- Or email. Yeah, or email. They can become really crazy to sift through. So we always check our email and YouTube comments. So thanks again for watching, guys. See you later. Wait, what's that from? Dude, that's from something. No, that's what I say when I play Exploding Kittens. No, that's from a movie. And it's a bomb. And then you die. Bomb detonates. It's not from a TV show? And a movie? Yeah, I'm pretty sure it is. What? You die. I can't remember. I swear to God, all the phrases that I randomly mumble, you know a movie. I will find it for you. And then I'm like, and Dan? And he's like, that's from a movie. But that was from a movie and I proved it to you. And Dan? I haven't even seen, dude, was like. Watch it.