Speedpaint I LOST MY PASSION FOR DRAWING MERMAY Krita Paint Tool SAI Painting Jenna Drawing

Hey guys! Today's video kind of has a depressing topic, but I don't really want it to be a depressing video, because to me it's not really a sad thing that's happened, it's more like a bump I've had to overcome, but I'm like on the other side of the bump now, so it's not so bad anymore. But I just wanted to talk about something that happened to me this year, and there are a lot of factors that contributed to this, but mostly a lot of it was to do with time and motivation. So this year I kind of lost my passion for drawing. Now I can't even believe I'm saying those words, because since being a very very young child I have been obsessed with drawing. I'm pretty sure for 18 years of my life, well maybe not 18 years, because I wasn't drawing as soon as I was born. I wasn't just like born in the hospital like with a pencil in hand, so maybe 18 years is a bit of an exaggeration. 16 years! I basically for 16 years straight was drawing every single day, because it is what I got up in the morning to do, because art was just to put it quite simply, my passion. It is what I lived to do, and I'm using was past tense because that kind of changed. I knew that things would change when I went to university, I knew that I would have less time, and I wouldn't be able to focus on my channel quite so much anymore, and my channel essentially as an extension of drawing was a second passion for me. But when I started my course at university I noticed one thing and that was that it was very demanding, and I also had to experience being an adult really for the first time in my life, because I went straight into university, I didn't take a gap year or anything. A lot of people in my course are about like 20, 21, 22, but I started my course age 18 and I literally just turned 19 this month. So it was my first real experience of being an adult and having all these responsibilities, like having to do washing up, laundry, cook for myself, as well as balance a course where it's very demanding. And also in this course it's 3D animation focused, so a lot of it is done via like programs, and there's not a lot of drawing, there's just a lot of animating, and I found it eating up more and more of my time, and more of the stuff from daily life was taking up more and more of my time, to the point where I wasn't drawing every day anymore. In fact, there were weeks that went by where I wasn't drawing, and it was really really sad for me, because like I said, I love to draw, and not drawing makes me feel kind of uncomfortable. It's an outlet, I think. It's an outlet for all kinds of things. If I'm sad, I draw. If I'm happy, I draw. Honestly, like I would just draw whenever, and I know a lot of you watching this video feel the exact same way about art. Whether you use it as a way to escape from your problems, or express yourself, or whatever, you know what I mean. It's more than just drawing a picture, I don't know. I feel like maybe I'm looking too deeply into it, so I don't know. But it really, my point is, it really was hard for me to not draw for that long, and it was really a challenge, and that is why I stopped posting on my channel, because I didn't, I frankly didn't have time, and when I did draw, I didn't feel like anything I drew was very good, because I was quite rusty, and I hadn't been drawing for weeks on end. You'll notice that my last Instagram post was last January, so it's been almost six months, and I haven't posted to my Instagram, which is just not like me at all. So the whole thing was quite upsetting for me, because literally this is what, what I want to do with my life. I just want to draw. So I lost my passion for drawing, really, and with that came a lot of, well, mixed feelings. I felt very, very lost without drawing every day, and I also felt really upset. I also felt like I didn't want to do my YouTube channel anymore for some reason. I don't know, like, I just felt like I didn't ever want to draw again, and that's never a good feeling, and I know now, now that I'm over that bump, that I probably won't feel like that again. But it was like art block, but to the extreme. Like, I've never felt like that about drawing before, and like, my mom had called me up one day and said, oh, have you drawn anything lately? Like, I haven't seen you post anything on your YouTube, and I haven't seen you posting any of your drawings online or anything. I'm like, actually, like, that's when I had a realisation. Actually, I haven't drawn a single thing in a month, and that's the longest time I've ever gone without drawing. Like, it was just so weird. So I'm finally back from university now. I finally have free time, and I finally have the time to sit outside, just chill out and draw. Not worry too much about whether there's a camera there and I'm recording a speed paint, because that was also a stress for me, because I had to draw to create for YouTube. I wasn't drawing for myself anymore as well. So to sit outside in the lovely sun, because we've had some really good weather finally. Well, not really so much this week, because it's been a bit, like, rainy and grey. But to sit outside and draw again was just so nice, and it just kind of was nostalgic in a way, because it reminded me of being a child and having, like, not really any responsibilities and just being able to sit and draw for hours on end, because I had all these stories and characters in my head, and I just had to get them out onto the page. Like, being able to do that again was just amazing, and finally getting my passion back for drawing has been so good, I can't even tell you guys. And I'm so happy, because I just want to post on my channel again, because I miss feeling like this about art. I miss feeling, like, just this crazy want to express everything I was imagining in my head onto a page, and to feel like that again is great. But typically, I had to feel like this at the end of Mermay, because currently it is the 31st of May while I am recording this voiceover, and so I've done this Mermay drawing that you're watching me draw right now for the last day of May, so I'm a little bit late in terms of Mermay. I feel like I've kind of missed out on a lot. I don't think I would have been able to do, like, the full 31 days of drawings of mermaids anyway, had I even had the free time, because knowing my past with, like, prompts and these, like, 30-day challenges, I've still yet to complete a single one. I think last year I managed to get halfway through Inktober. I don't know if I'm even gonna get, like, a little bit through Inktober this year, but I just want to finish a 30-day challenge for once. I have no idea how people do it, because that is a lot of dedication. That's every day you've got to dedicate a certain amount of time to get a drawing finished, and that, like, stresses me out a little bit, but I would have loved to have taken part in Mermay properly this year, but oh well. I've managed to catch the last day at least, so I've managed to take part in Mermay a little bit. I don't know if I've ever actually taken part in Mermay before, because I definitely have done Inktober a couple times, but I don't think I've ever done Mermay, so it's a first. I mean, you gotta count the little accomplishments, especially when I haven't been drawing in so long. I've gotta just see this as an achievement, whether it only be one day of, like, a 31-day challenge, because there's 31 days this month. I didn't even think about that. But I know there's, like, other month prompts. Like, literally today, I stumbled across something that I'd never heard of before, which is called so it's like February, but for fairies, and I'm like, what? I didn't know about that, and I love fairies. Like, I'm taking part in that next February, definitely, for sure. Like, have you guys heard of February? I can't even say it, but have you guys heard of February Fairy? Like, is that a well-known thing? Like, I knew about Mermay, but that I didn't know about, so I'll be interested to know if you guys know about that. But I'm hoping to, as well as this video, have a Drawing Your OCs video up this weekend, and possibly, maybe, if it isn't too ambitious, I feel like it might be, but maybe not. If it isn't too ambitious, I also want a fan art on Sunday, because if all goes to plan, this video will be up on Friday. But yeah, I want you guys to know that I'm completely fine now. I'm very, very happy. Things are going pretty well for once, touch wood, and I am finally drawing again. I'm super happy, and I'm really happy to be posting on my channel again. So please, please tune in again, because there will be more videos regularly now, and I'm also interested in knowing your feedback. Like, what do you want to see from me? Because I'm happy to do anything now. Challenge me, what do you want me to do? What do you want me to draw that you haven't seen on this channel yet? Possibly more landscapes, because I only really did like one landscape drawing, or maybe more interesting characters, or yeah. Just let me know what you want to see, but I'm super happy to be back. I really hope you like my mermaid drawing, I'm pretty proud of it, and I hope to talk to you again very, very soon. Bye guys!