My Musical Inspiration: "As It Is"

Note: The following is Yu (Yu Menglong)'s spiritual message.

Continued from My Musical Inspiration: "Engraved" (Part 2)

After enduring the inhuman sexual torture inflicted by the entertainment industry, I finally had more time to gather evidence of the Black Industry Chain. At the same time, I could keep my chastity for the woman I loved and no longer be forced to offer my body to others.

After I returned, I remained under constant surveillance. Cut off from the outside world, I had no way of contacting her, and I never heard another word about her.

One day, the entertainment industry told me that a third-generation Red family fan wanted to meet me. I refused, but they assured me it would only be a brief meeting and that I would not be forced to serve anyone sexually. In the end, I agreed to go, even though I had no idea what would ultimately happen once I got there.

I walked into the hotel with a heavy heart. There could never be a future between that girl and me. Remaining chaste was the only way I could stay true to my feelings. If I were violated again, I truly did not know how I could ever face myself—or the love I carried in my heart.

When I opened the hotel room door, I froze. Standing before me was the quiet young woman I had met during the volunteer teaching trip, the one I had thought about every single day. Her beautiful eyes were filled with worry, longing, joy, and emotions too numerous to name.

I was stunned. I had never imagined that this so-called third-generation Red family fan was actually her.

She smiled and said, "I'm sorry we have to meet like this. Today's my birthday. My father promised me one birthday wish, and I told him I wanted to see you. I've always loved your dramas." She spoke exactly like an ordinary fan. I knew those words were meant for the people outside who were monitoring me.

Then she added, "Before meeting you, I watched your dramas every single day."

A sharp ache filled my chest. I knew what she truly meant. She was telling me how much she had missed me, yet she had to disguise her feelings so the people watching me would not understand.

I smiled and replied, "Thank you. Then you're becoming just like my Lemon supporters."

The love of my Lemon supporters had kept me alive. What I truly meant was that she had also become one of the reasons I wanted to keep living.

The people who had brought me there saw that the atmosphere was pleasant. They told me to take good care of my "guest," then closed the door behind them, giving us a few moments alone.

She never lowered her guard. While chatting with me like an ordinary fan for the benefit of those listening outside, she silently mouthed the words, I have something important to tell you. I'll arrange another time for us to meet alone.

I can barely remember what we talked about that day. I was too busy engraving every detail of her into my memory, hoping I could relive those moments in the years to come. In the end, memories of her were all I would ever have.

I didn't know how much time I had left, or how many more times I would ever see her again. But as long as I could see her one more time, it would always be worth it.

The next time we met was at her father's mountain villa while he was away. It was the only place where we could shake off the people assigned to watch me.

The villa stood high on a steep mountainside, overlooking endless mountain ranges through its windows. But I refused to sit near them. Ever since my wire stunt accident in 2016, I had developed an intense fear of heights.

I often dreamed of myself standing alone before suddenly leaping from somewhere high above, falling endlessly through empty space. The fall felt unbearably lonely, endlessly painful. That was why I feared heights—and anything that reminded me of falling.

She came straight to the point.

She wanted me to use her and her family's political background to escape the entertainment industry.

We had discussed this before. I refused because I felt it would desecrate what existed between us.

Besides, even if I accepted her offer, it would accomplish nothing. It would only bring danger and suffering upon her.

I was determined to expose the Chinese Communist Party's Black Industry Chain. That path was destined to end in ruin. If her family ever discovered what I was doing, they would most likely react no differently from the entertainment industry—they would want me dead.

She walked to the window, gazed at the sheer cliff below, and said softly, "I can't give up without trying. If one day we really have no choice but to jump... if we never try, how can we know for certain that we'll only end in utter destruction?"

"And if we really are shattered to pieces... at least we'll be together. That would make me happy. No one would ever be able to separate us."

Her words filled me with both sweetness and sorrow. I walked over and stood beside her, looking down at the cliff below.

I understood then that she wasn't asking for a future.

She was inviting me to die with her.

If we could not live together, she would rather leave this world by my side.

She looked at me, her beautiful eyes filled with anticipation, sweetness, joy, and longing. It was not like she was talking about death at all.

That gaze left me utterly captivated, yet at the same time, it broke my heart.

If one leap from that cliff could somehow give us a future together, I would have thrown myself into the abyss without hesitation. Even if it meant being crushed to pieces, I would have embraced it willingly.

I knew her love for me had already taken root deep within her heart.

But I could never let her die.

A life as beautiful and full of warmth as hers was something I could never bear to destroy.

So I resolved to say the very words that would make her give up on me. I knew they would leave her with endless pain, but all I wanted now was for her to live. I still had a mission to expose the Black Industry Chain.

"That's why," I told myself, "neither of us can die."

I pretended not to understand. Turning my back to her, I stood there with my heart bleeding, forcing myself to reveal the secrets I had never told her before.

"I can never have children. For years, the entertainment industry has injected me with hormonal drugs that have destroyed my normal male reproductive functions."

"The high-ranking officials I have been forced to serve are among the most powerful people in the country. Your family's background cannot protect me from them."

"I've been sexually assaulted by countless people over the years. My body has been so severely damaged that I can no longer even have normal bowel movements, let alone live a normal life."

What I never told her was that I had endured all of it to keep my chastity for her. I had only recently survived unimaginable sexual torture because of that choice, and I intended to remain faithful to her until the final day of my life.

"Please... don't say another word!" she cried.

She suddenly wrapped her arms around me from behind. Her whole body trembled uncontrollably. I didn't know whether it was from shock, heartbreak, pity, or the unbearable pain my words had caused her.

She gently turned me around to face her. I could no longer hide my bloodshot eyes, reddened by the battle raging inside me. Yet I refused to cry. I had chosen these words to wound her, to make her give up on me. What right did I have to shed tears?

Gathering every last ounce of strength from my broken body and shattered soul, I embraced her and whispered,

"So... please don't jump, all right?"

“To die together is so easy. One step from this cliff, and it would all be over. But I don't want you to die. I want you to live. Even if I'm persecuted to death by those CCP officials, I beg you... you must keep living.”

I held her tightly and broke down in tears. My lips trembled as I silently mouthed the words,

"If one day you truly lose me, don't forget... carry my love with you, and live on."

That was the last time I ever saw her.

After that farewell, with only my guardian angels beside me, I continued gathering evidence of the Black Industry Chain. Beyond that, there was nothing left in this world for me to cling to.

Because, to me, my earthly life had already ended on the day I said goodbye to her.

Before the sexual torture, I had still allowed myself to hope that perhaps there might one day be a future for us. But after surviving that ordeal, I had already accepted death. From then on, I thought of nothing except collecting evidence of the Black Industry Chain.

By then, I had come to understand completely that under the evil of the Chinese Communist Party, merely surviving at any cost held no meaning.

The one I loved remained the same.

But I was no longer the man I had once been.

In the end, the fact that I had remained chaste for her was discovered by high-ranking officials of the Chinese Communist Party. As a result, they deliberately arranged for me to be gang-raped as part of the torture and killing process, as a form of "hospitality" toward me.

The previous sexual torture was carried out by two or three people, whereas the sexual torture inflicted on me during the torture and killing process involved more than ten perpetrators.

They even subjected my body to inhumane procedures beforehand, specifically to enable multiple perpetrators to assault me simultaneously.

After my death, they prepared an autopsy report to document that the abuse and torture they had inflicted on me met the requirements set by those high-ranking Chinese Communist Party officials.

As a result, I was unable to fulfill even my final wish—to remain faithful to her and preserve my chastity until the very last moment of my life.

If at all possible, I hope that no one in the future will ever have to endure what I endured or carry such lifelong regret.

And if at all possible, I hope that one day, in a world free from evil, everyone will be able to find lasting happiness with the one they love.

如故 As It Is

Lyrics & Music: 余夢龍 Yu Menglong

影徘徊驟雨拆 Shadows linger as storm winds break
斑駁了等待 Time has worn my heart to ache
拾一夢為誰來 I gather a dream for love’s own sake
心事擱硯臺 My hidden thoughts the inkstone keeps

我難捱心燒開 I endure as my heart burns bright
感念的依賴 Bound by memories through the night
同煎熬身外 Sharing pain beyond this life
受盡這苦海 Sailing through this sea of strife

可為你一躍而下 For you, I’d leap into the deep
染紅我忍痛的愛 My crimson love is yours to keep
江山滾滾浮華 All worldly glory fades away
刀劍戎馬 Through swords and wars where shadows stay
捨今世塵埃 I leave this mortal world behind
故事如紛煙墜花 Our tale falls like flowers in misty skies
沉淪間亂雪飛沙 Amid snow and sand, our fate still flies
一筆成他難了無牽掛 One stroke writes his name, yet love survives

可為你一躍而下 For you, I’d leap into the deep
染紅我忍痛的愛 My crimson love is yours to keep
江山滾滾浮華 All worldly glory fades away
刀劍戎馬 Through swords and wars where shadows stay
捨今世塵埃 I leave this mortal world behind
故事如紛煙墜花 Our tale falls like flowers in misty skies
沉淪間亂雪飛沙 Amid snow and sand, our fate still flies
解牽掛隨宿願飄灑 Let go of ties, let vows drift away

Yu Menglong:

The primary reason I have shared the stories of the abuse I endured is to expose the black industry chain.

I hope that my supporters—the Lemons, the Yu Family, and all who care about me—will not immerse themselves too deeply in those painful experiences, as doing so may cause emotional trauma of your own.

I fulfilled my mission. My guardian angel and I have already reunited in our world. So please do not grieve too deeply over the suffering I endured during my lifetime.

Explore the complete collection of stories behind Yu's original music:

https://www.ganjingworld.com/collection/1ilf9v6tumi3bHSSitX6quX11i0p

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如故 As It Is

Lyrics & Music: 余夢龍 Yu Menglong

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