My Musical Inspiration: "Engraved" (Part 2)
Continued from: My Musical Inspiration: "Engraved" (Part 1)When I was subjected to group sexual assaults on other occasions, I would sometimes
Note: The following is Yu (Yu Menglong)'s spiritual message.
Continued from: My Musical Inspiration: "Engraved" (Part 1)
When I was subjected to group sexual assaults on other occasions, I would sometimes vomit blood uncontrollably because the pain became unbearable. Those assaulting me would occasionally stop, fearing they might kill me.
But with these demons, it was the exact opposite.
Not long after the torture began, I started coughing up blood out of conditioned trauma, and the sight and smell of blood only made them more excited and more cruel.
The blood quickly washed the object they had forced into my mouth back out, but I could not control my body's response. It was the result of trauma accumulated through countless humiliations.
My screams and desperate pleas only excited them further, yet I could not stop. As the endless agony continued, my voice gradually became hoarse until I could no longer make a sound.
They forgot to force the gag back into my mouth, giving me every opportunity to bite off my tongue and end my life. But at that moment, an unshakable conviction rose within me, allowing me to hold on to my will to live.
I believed my guardian angel. She had once told me about the world where she lived—a place of profound holiness and breathtaking beauty. It was a realm filled only with light, kindness, and goodness, where no evil existed. She told me that if I persevered, completed my mission, and stayed alive, the day would soon come when I could meet her there.
Because of that, I would never take my own life or harm myself. I would endure until my mission was complete. I longed to see her in that beautiful place. Even if it were only once, I would never give up that hope. It was the only way I could repay her for protecting me and bearing so much suffering on my behalf.
The torture did not stop, nor did the humiliation.
As those beasts violated me, they mocked, "After being ridden by thousands and passed around by tens of thousands, how can his skin still be this smooth... this fair?"
But I had not been born fair-skinned or delicate. When I first entered the entertainment industry, I was a shy, cheerful young man with a more masculine appearance and healthy sun-kissed skin.
That was not the image they wanted. The ideal male star they sought was pale, thin, and emotionally broken. So they forced me to receive estrogen injections over a long period, successfully transforming me into the image they desired—a pale, fragile-looking man with a broken aura. As a result, I permanently lost the ability to have children.
Yet even those sufferings could not compare to what their words did to me.
"Ridden by thousands and passed around by tens of thousands."
Those words tore through my heart. Amid unbearable humiliation and excruciating pain, they echoed over and over inside my mind, growing louder and louder.
In an instant, I felt my body and soul being violently torn apart. While my body was being brutalized by those beasts, my soul was dragged into a realm of darkness where a crowd of evil spirits mocked me.
Laughing in my ears, they sneered,
"A Xinjiang boy who's been ridden by thousands and passed around by tens of thousands actually thinks he can remain chaste?"
Other evil spirits whispered into my ears,
“A filthy, defiled human like you deserves an angel's protection? If she were not bound by her sacred vow, she would have been free long ago. Surely you don't really believe she willingly remains trapped here day after day, watching you be ridden by thousands and passed around by tens of thousands? ”
As they continued mocking and humiliating me, they dragged my soul deeper into an endless abyss of darkness. My consciousness gradually faded until my final thought was simply to give up.
If I stopped resisting, perhaps I would suffer less. If I simply continued obediently serving those high-ranking CCP officials and their privileged second- and third-generation families—serving only one person at a time, or enduring only gang rape by their friends—perhaps I could spare myself some of this humiliation.
Just before I was completely swallowed by the darkness, I opened my eyes.
Kimi Qiao's face suddenly appeared before me. Smiling, he said,
“Brother... I'm still waiting for you. You have to come save me...”
In that instant, the tears I had been holding back could no longer be contained.
Even while my body was still enduring rape used as torture, I never called upon my guardian angel to rescue me. Instead, through my tears, I silently asked her in my heart,
"Have you ever regretted protecting someone like me? How can I expose the truth about Kimi's wrongful death to the world?"
Suddenly, a blazing orange sphere streaked down from the heavens like a meteor, illuminating the entire abyss of darkness. I regained consciousness at once. Then, one after another, more blazing orange spheres rained down from above, each erupting in a thunderous explosion.
The explosions roared around me. Only one thought filled my mind:
“Save me! My mission is not yet complete. Kimi... wait for me!”
Wave after wave of blazing orange spheres obliterated the evil spirits that had imprisoned me, reducing them to ashes. Amid the deafening explosions, I felt my soul slowly rising, no longer bound by the darkness.
Then my guardian goddess, radiant with warm orange light, gently caught me in her arms.
When I fully regained consciousness, I found myself resting against her embrace. Surrounding us was a vast sea of pure, crystal-clear clouds. It was so peaceful and breathtakingly beautiful that I wanted to remain there forever.
Yet almost immediately, shame overwhelmed me.
How could someone with such a defiled body and soul deserve to remain in a place so sacred?
I leaped away, wanting to leave.
But before I could fall, an orange sphere of light enveloped me. It was not hot at all.
Instead, it felt as though I had fallen into a vast, gentle ocean whose waters were cool, soothing, and filled with peace. A profound sense of comfort and security washed over me.
Within that sphere of light, it seemed that no evil in the world could come anywhere near me.
Bathed in that boundless ocean of healing and purification, I felt myself becoming once again the perfectly pure person I had once been.
"I am so broken... so defiled. Have you truly never regretted protecting me?"
I looked at her through the glowing waters.
She never spoke.
Yet I heard her answer clearly within my heart.
"You have always been this pure. In my eyes, you will always remain this pure. Nothing you experience in the human world can ever change who you truly are. Protecting you is my sacred vow before God. There is no possibility that I could ever regret it."
My guardian angel smiled gently.
At that moment, the self-loathing and sense of contamination that had haunted me for so many years dissolved like bubbles beneath the warmth of her words.
At that very moment, my body was still enduring unspeakable torture, while my soul was being healed.
It was as though my spirit and my body existed simultaneously in Heaven and Hell.
My spirit rested safely in my guardian angel's embrace—warm, holy, and far removed from the mortal world.
Meanwhile, my body remained below, where those beasts continued subjecting it to unimaginable cruelty.
Yet I no longer felt either pain or humiliation.
I said to my guardian angel,
"I have a feeling my life will not be long. When my time comes, please come for me and lead me into your kingdom."
My guardian angel's heart ached.
Although I could not see her face, I felt the deep bond between us. Without a single word, I knew tears had filled her eyes.
I do not know how much time passed.
Looking down through the ocean of orange light, I saw that those beasts had finally stopped. Blood already covered the ground beneath my body.
I have no idea how long I remained unconscious afterward. I only know that my guardian angel never left my side.
For a very long time, I remained within that warm, healing ocean of orange light. Never before had she stayed beside me for so long. It filled me with indescribable happiness, and because of her constant care, I recovered remarkably quickly.
After enduring the rape used as torture, I neither suffered a mental collapse nor surrendered. The senior figures in China's entertainment industry were astonished. Someone as physically fragile as I was had somehow survived such inhuman torture without breaking.
Afterward, the entertainment industry used the details of what had been done to me to threaten other artists who wanted to resist. Only then did I learn that it had taken them a long time to clean the room where I had been tortured, because my blood had splattered not only across the floor but all over the surrounding walls as I struggled against the assault.
I later heard that the people assigned to clean the room had arrived together with the men who tortured me, bringing a complete set of cleaning equipment with them. In other words, scenes like this were routine for them. They had become so accustomed to these atrocities that they carried them out with the efficiency of a well-rehearsed assembly line.
What I endured only strengthened my determination to expose the Black Industry Chain, no matter the cost. Even if it meant being torn to pieces or condemned to eternal ruin, I would reveal every one of their crimes to the world. I hope that no one in the future will ever again suffer such unspeakable persecution, nor witness such utter destruction of human conscience.
In the end, my resistance succeeded. I was no longer forced to serve others with my body. I finally had more time to gather evidence exposing the Black Industry Chain, and I was finally able to remain faithful to the woman I loved, honoring the promise I had made in my heart.
Later, I was tortured to death. The girl I loved cried for me throughout the entire night. In truth, my soul remained beside her for that whole night. Sadly, she could no longer see me.
At that moment, my heart was filled with both sorrow and sweetness, because she had truly engraved me into her heart, just as I had engraved her into mine.
In this lifetime, there was nothing else I could give her. My confession of love through my music while I was alive, and the chastity I preserved until my final breath, were all I had to offer.
《鐫刻》 Engraved
Lyrics & Music: 余夢龍 Yu Menglong
跌入海的月澤跟隨風起落
The fallen moonlit tides rise and fall with the breeze
吹開命裡紅塵 我觸見心河
The dust of fate fades, I touch the river in me
倚身天地山河 牽念你的我
Between earth and sky, I carry thoughts of thee
不怕徒於煉焰悲歌
I fear not the flames, nor the sorrowing sea
逆在劍的光影延著夢裂帛
Against sword-lit shadows, I follow dreams torn apart
鋒芒涅槃如我 重燃了喜樂
Reborn in my brilliance, I reignite my heart
隱遁一程海色 緊隨你跋涉
Through hidden seas of blue, I journey where you are
不去想巨浪荊棘波折
Beyond the raging waves and scars
你見過我桀驁的清喜的赤誠的心從悲憫歷過
You have seen my fearless, joyful, faithful heart pass through compassion’s fire
帶著踏蹄成河的驍勇去奔赴遼闊
With courage like thunderous hooves, I chase the boundless desire
每一絲絲一縷縷情字逐放在我生命綻開因果
Every thread of love I carry blooms, revealing destiny’s design
它半疼半喜鐫刻
Half pain, half joy, forever carved in mine
時光有它尚未卷收的溫和
Time still keeps the tenderness it has yet to hide
只因它未說破 我才能捕獲
Because it stays unspoken, I can hold it by my side
悄然命運交錯 愛闖入靜默
Quietly our fates entwine, love enters the night
似雨落風刃輕輕吻過
Like rain and a blade of wind, a gentle kiss of light
我不懼無路可活不在乎風霜它將暖掠奪
I fear no road unseen, nor storms that steal the warmth away
我的悲歡勇敢地爭取著熾熱鮮活
Through joy and pain, I fight for a brighter day
每一天天一點點我期望的一切有了輪廓
Day by day, little by little, my dreams begin to show
讓我為它精心描摹
Let me paint the life I long to know
攜一世風華來鐫刻
With a lifetime of glory, I engrave my soul forever
Yu Menglong:
The primary reason I have shared the stories of the abuse I endured is to expose the black industry chain.
I hope that my supporters—the Lemons, the Yu Family, and all who care about me—will not immerse themselves too deeply in those painful experiences, as doing so may cause emotional trauma of your own.
I fulfilled my mission. My guardian angel and I have already reunited in our world. So please do not grieve too deeply over the suffering I endured during my lifetime.
Continue with My Musical Inspiration: “As It Is”
Explore the complete collection of stories behind Yu's original music:
https://www.ganjingworld.com/collection/1ilf9v6tumi3bHSSitX6quX11i0p
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