“Life is like heartbeats—there are ups and downs. And when it's flat, you're dead.” As soon as Mrs Ira Suppiah said this over the phone, we both burst into laughter.
I have never spoken to anyone who exudes as much cheerfulness as Mrs Ira Suppiah, a former teacher at Anglo-Chinese School (ACS) and a solemniser for almost 15 years.
Even at the age of 80—and age is just a number to her—Mrs Ira Suppiah keeps her days busy receiving visits from schoolboys and spending much time counselling soon-to-be husbands and wives before their solemnisation ceremonies.
To Mrs Ira Suppiah, the saddest thing is seeing couples she once solemnised taking the path towards divorce.
Learning to love each other and tolerating differences are key to happy marriages, according to her.
‘Do Not Just Say Yes to Any Suitor’
Before getting married, couples usually only see the nice side of each other—after marriage, they start to see the other side, and that's when problems begin to surface.
Perhaps what is more important is for couples to have a rational view of their compatibility before getting married.
For girls, Mrs Ira Suppiah advised, “Do not just say yes to any suitor; it is important to understand the other person’s family and family values.”
If someone has not experienced love and care from their family, it is unlikely that he/she will be able to truly understand how to love and care for others.
“It’s important to find a man with a rich heart, not a rich wallet. Together, you will become richer and richer with a rich heart,” said Mrs Ira Suppiah.
Dealing with Incompatibility
“In marriage, it’s not how compatible you are that matters. It’s how you deal with the incompatibility,” said Mrs Ira Suppiah.
The number one thing to avoid, according to Mrs Ira Suppiah, is asking the other person to stop behaving in a certain way. “You have to take it slowly,” she said.
Once, before solemnising a couple, Mrs Ira Suppiah asked the husband-to-be if he drank. The groom said yes. She then turned to the bride and told her—quite unexpectedly—not to ask her future husband to stop drinking.
Mrs Ira Suppiah then turned to the groom and said, “Please continue drinking, but in moderation. Remember to go home early and spend time with your future wife.”
Touched, the groom immediately said he would quit drinking, but Mrs Ira Suppiah said, “No, please continue drinking, but with limitations.”
A month later, the wife called Mrs Ira Suppiah and said her husband had stopped drinking.
“So, don’t push, and don’t expect the other half to be perfect,” said Mrs Ira Suppiah. “Always have a positive attitude.”
“The basis for a happy marriage is love, respect, and care for each other.”
Bridging the New Couple and the In-Laws
Having problems with in-laws is one of the most common issues that couples face in their marriages.
Mrs Ira Suppiah’s advice is to never argue with your in-laws—let your spouse be the bridge.
One couple solemnised by Mrs Ira Suppiah faced such challenges. When the girlfriend first met Mrs Ira Suppiah for consultation, she was already seven months pregnant. Her boyfriend’s parents did not initially approve of their son marrying her, though they eventually gave in.
Before their solemnisation, Mrs Ira Suppiah told the girl that whatever unhappiness she might encounter with her in-laws after getting married, she should not confront them. Instead, she should keep quiet, tell her husband, and let him handle it.
So the girl followed Mrs Ira Suppiah’s advice. Her husband’s parents were pleasantly surprised at how she conducted herself, and thought she was well brought up.
“How we talk and deal with people reflects our upbringing,” said Mrs Ira Suppiah.
While the couple were happy they were finally getting married, Mrs Ira Suppiah also reminded them of the love from their parents during the wedding.
"Both of you, your mother carries you for (not only) nine months in her belly and three years in her arms till you could walk and run, but a lifetime you will be in her heart, thoughts and prayers.
“The best gift they (your parents) have given you, as an investment—not just money—but education, has made you who you are today.
“Education is not about teaching one to make money; it is about character building,” said Mrs Ira Suppiah.
Staying Happy and Positive
“I hate negativity,” said Mrs Ira Suppiah.
She is the kind of person who can joke even in the unhappiest situations and rise above them.
One golden tip Mrs Ira Suppiah gave was to always look forward to something nice tomorrow and embrace love.
“So the most important thing is this four-letter word: love.”
“Start the day with love, and end the day with love,” said Mrs Ira Suppiah.
“Laughter is the best medicine. But if you laugh for no reason, you should take medicine,” she said lightheartedly, and we both laughed.
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