Wearing Historical Clothing in Public: How to Feel Confident and Manage Criticism

I've received a few requests now from some lovely subscribers to address the topic of how to feel confident whilst wearing historical clothing on a day-to-day basis or out in public, along with how to deal with criticism when it arises. I am in no way a medical or mental health professional, so I do not think that any of this should be taken as medical advice. Rather, these are my thoughts about how I personally developed the confidence to wear historical clothes daily. I want to preface this video by saying you will most likely receive criticism at some point for wearing historical clothing out in public. It's different and it's daring. You're experimenting and you're taking risks, so this is inevitable. Humans often fear what is unfamiliar, and seeing someone dressed in 18th century or whatever century attire definitely wouldn't be familiar to the 21st century individual. But you shouldn't let that stop you. And the reason why is because no matter what, judgment is a natural response of the human brain. We are all judging circumstances constantly, perhaps not negatively, but there is an element of judgment and assessment always present because this is how the brain does benefit to risk assessment. The difference between day-to-day judgment and the kind that hurts us is the way in which it gets verbalized or expressed. It's when judgment gets expressed in a way that is hurtful that it does harm. But what does all judgment start out as? It starts out as just thoughts. And the biggest thing I've learned throughout my mental health journey is that thoughts are just that. They're thoughts. And we don't have to believe thoughts, not only our own, but the thoughts of others too. Some thoughts can be constructive and beneficial, but think about how many thoughts we have every day. Imagine if we believed every one of them. It would be disastrous and counterintuitive. Pull what you need from thoughts that make you progress as a human and the thoughts that weigh negatively upon you, take those with a grain of salt. The reason I think this is the first step to feeling more confident when wearing historical clothing out and about is because then when someone does speak a hurtful judgment out loud to you, you can remind yourself those are just their thoughts and thoughts are just thoughts, so the thought doesn't mean anything. Coming from that foundation is a great way to get going, but there are other ways to mitigate any nervousness or concern about judgment you might be facing. The next thing to recognize is that someone's judgment about you says more about them than it does about you. It is their perception after all, not yours. Sometimes when people say hurtful things, it's because they are hurting intensely inside. Coming from that place of compassion, it not only helps you to view their actions with softness, it also helps one to take things less personally and in turn utilize that criticism or hurtful comment as an opportunity to expand one's ability to be compassionate and patient. Now, this is very different of course than something extreme like if someone tries to physically harm you. I think at that point completely different actions should be taken, like legal action. Don't allow yourself to get pushed around because you're trying to come from a place of compassion, but if the criticism or comment is verbal and not discriminatory in nature, I think it's okay to try and just see it as the person hurting inside, so much so that they have to take it out on others. This doesn't devoid them of responsibility for their own actions, but it does help to bring you peace of mind. Although some criticism is healthy when it's constructive and can teach us where to improve and perhaps where our blind spots are, I do not think it's ever appropriate to criticize the physical attributes or aspects of another, as that is something that is in no way someone's blind spot, so to speak. This could of course be different in the context of a doctor being concerned for their patient's physical state, which is certainly not a criticism, so I'm in no way referencing this. Obviously, if someone has salad in their teeth or something, you can lovingly let them know, but when it comes to changing or demeaning someone's physical attributes, whether that be clothes, looks, body, whatever it may be, this is never okay, and I think it's important to recognize the difference between what is constructive criticism and what is not. So if someone is commenting negatively on your clothes, this is probably not constructive, unless say your skirt is caught on something and they let you know. That's very different, and there is a clear distinction between the two. Now that we've covered what to remind yourself of if someone does react negatively towards your historical clothes wearing, here are some more practical things you can do. You can ease yourself into it. If you don't feel comfortable wearing full-on historical attire, do it bit by bit. Start by integrating history-bounding aspects into your wardrobe and get comfortable with that, or just begin by wearing one big historical thing, like a long skirt for instance, or a funky hat, or even just a pair of gloves. It can be anything small or large, whatever you're most comfortable with. Gradually start to expose yourself to any potential triggers. I experience severe obsessive compulsive disorder and am very much still in the recovery process now, but when I was in treatment, the therapists do exposure therapy with you. I think the same principles can be applied to getting comfortable with wearing historical clothing out and about. The more you expose yourself to that feeling of discomfort or nervousness, gradually the brain learns it's no longer a threat, and it begins to react less and less, though it can take some time to get to this place. Try to be patient with yourself and keep persevering. Take it in little chunks, gradually increasing more of what you wear each time. You can also dive right in and just start wearing full-on historical outfits from the get-go, though I must warn you, it will likely be very uncomfortable at first. But the same thing will happen. Your brain will get exposed to what it deems as the threat, and it will see it less as that. You can become more comfortable. Use whatever of these methods that you think might work best for you. Some people are naturally more the types to ease into things, and others are more the types to jump, but ultimately, the element of exposure is still the same, and it creates similar results. I believe that the reason why we fear public criticism so much has to do with our primitive ancestors. We always used to live in tribes, and if we got rejected from our tribe, that almost certainly meant death. Our brains are still stuck in that same primitive pattern of connecting rejection with certain death. The next thing you can do, which is not always possible for everyone, is to find friends who are willing to wear historical clothing or even just history bound with you. I have no friends in my local vicinity that wear historical clothing, so I cannot speak of this method from experience, but I have heard of others who go to history bounding meetups or even historical costuming events, and there seems to be a resounding element of community and therefore comfort. People end up feeling like they are not in it alone, which helps to develop confidence, and perhaps that confidence could radiate out into your own independent life and make you feel more comfortable when you are alone. You can also see yourself as just wearing walking art. That's partially why I got started with wearing historical fashion in the first place. I wanted to have that constant immersion with art. By doing this, if a negative comment does arise from the outside world, you can just remind yourself of how proud you are that you sewed this thing or that some independent dressmaker or tailor did for you. You can be proud of the fact that you are so immersed in art. It helps to give you the bigger purpose for why you are doing what you do, which can help you remain confident even in the face of criticism. That leads me to my next point, which is find your why. Deeply think about why it is that you are doing what you are doing. Is it to support small businesses? Is it for environmental reasons? Is it to bring you joy? Is it to help with creativity? Is it for your authentic self-expression? Is it just because you love wearing pretty clothes? No matter how big or small your why is, it will help remind you of your reasoning, especially in a vulnerable moment, like if you are feeling down about any criticism you might be receiving. These are some practical things you can do, and now the rest of this video is going to be about how to engage with people in person who react negatively towards your clothing. The first thing you can do is actually not engage. It might not be worth your breath, and if you feel the emotions of insecurity, sadness, or upset bubbling up inside of you, try to remind yourself of the things I mentioned earlier. Remind yourself of your why, and that the criticizer is probably hurting inside, and finally that their thoughts are merely thoughts and should be taken with a grain of salt. The more you remind your brain of this, the more you are creating new neural pathways and altering the way your mind interprets certain circumstances. One of the most incredible things about the brain is neuroplasticity. That means our brain is able to form new thought patterns, and just because we think one way for a long duration of time, never means we can't change that mental habit. Changing that thought pattern though, begins with forming new habits and consistently sticking to those new paths. So even just saying to yourself, that person's words are just their thoughts, and they don't mean anything, and that person is just hurting inside, and it says nothing about who I am. Repeating that sentence to yourself is helping to form a new habit of reaction and response in the brain. And then, you don't have to engage with that person either. Viktor E. Frankl once said, Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. The next thing you can do is have a witty but not rude comeback. One of my favourites, if I've sewn something I'm wearing, is to respond, I sewed this entire outfit with my own two hands and it took me 200 plus hours. Did you sew anything that you are wearing? That will often get criticisers to quiet down. And it may actually encourage some of them to see clothes in a different way altogether. Obviously, assess the situation and see what might be the most appropriate response, if any. You can also tell a little white lie. Tell them that you're in the theatre, opera, or that you're going to a historical costuming event, or that you're an artist and this is your latest installation. I personally don't use this method, and quite frankly, it is no one's business why you are wearing what you are. But sometimes, this is enough to get someone to quiet down who is perhaps going on and on about what you're wearing. Of course, don't go too far with the white lie, and I would perhaps only use this on strangers who you will never meet again. And please don't be overly dishonest. Just utilize a reason that might make you feel more comfortable, because no one has to know the real reasoning if you don't feel like sharing that. The final thing to remember is that, while there will be criticism, you will bring so much joy to others, and most of all, you will bring so much joy to yourself. My favorite thing to witness is how children often react when they see what I'm wearing. Frequently, little children will scream, she looks just like a princess or something really sweet like that. And then I remember that I may have made that kid's day. Similar reactions come from adults too. You essentially never know what kind of positive impact wearing historical clothes can have on others. Perhaps it will even show and encourage someone who wants to wear more arcade clothing that they definitely can. It's just like with this channel. I never knew how many people out there would already be impacted by seeing someone wearing historical clothes every day. I regularly receive lovely comments from others expressing how now they've gained the courage to implement more historical fashion into their own lives, and that alone right there makes it all worth it. The most genuine guidance I can give is never sacrifice your self-expression because of others. Of course, this doesn't apply if one's self-expression does any harm to others, but if the way you want to express yourself does no harm, never ever sacrifice that. Always strive for that. It is so worth it to live a life of authenticity, and you deserve to. If something brings you joy, prioritize that. Make room for more of that in your life, regardless of how others will perceive your decisions.