UK PM Liz Truss Resigns After 44 Days & Covid Causes Organs To Age Faster - The Daily Show.mp4

Let's kick things off with an old-school story that's an update on the coronavirus pandemic. Or, as we call it now, just life. Now that pretty much everyone has gotten through COVID at least, what, seven times, scientists are wondering what that's doing to our bodies. And the answer is not great. We have some more concerning news now about the long-term impact of COVID-19. A study shows that it speeds up aging. An epidemiology expert from Washington University in St. Louis studied long COVID's impacts on your organs. In his research, he noticed patterns indicating the kidneys, the brain, and the heart all age faster after a bout with the virus. Yeah, that's right. Researchers say COVID can cause your organs to age faster than you are. I-I'm not even sure what that means. I guess you turn on the TV to watch Euphoria, and your kidneys are like, what about blue bloods? Come on! No, but for real, this is disturbing news. Fighting COVID is so difficult I mean, that is a great excuse for the next time you can't perform in bed, though, you know? Baby, you got to understand, my penis is, like, 85! And this is the scary thing about COVID. Because it's a novel virus, we still don't know what the long-term side effects might be. And what sucks is that it's always gonna be bad. We know it's always gonna be bad. Like, viruses never have good side effects. News anchors are never like, breaking news, we're learning now that nine out of ten people suffering from long COVID get those sexy V things. This is hot! Now, if we had more time, we could talk about the long-term strain COVID is gonna put on the medical system, or how weird organs are in general. Like, why do we have so many? Why don't we just have one big one that runs everything? But we can't get into that important medical discussion, because while COVID keeps coming up with new ways to attack our bodies, the virus of Russia, Vladimir Putin, has found new ways to attack Ukraine. Well, tonight, a third of Ukraine is without power after Russia destroyed power stations in the last eight days. President Zelensky says Russia has thrown the country into massive blackouts, and is urging his nation to brace for a tough winter. For the last month, Russia has targeted Ukraine's electricity grid, especially substations that serve as junction points between cities. Just yesterday, Russia unleashed these, a swarm of kamikaze drones to dive-bomb energy facilities throughout the city. Yeah, after being beaten back by Ukraine's forces on the ground, Putin has now resorted to using kamikaze drones, catty bitch. And, you know, if this doesn't prove that Putin's strategy is failing, nothing will. Because you never need to use kamikaze when you're winning. You know? It's like any time you see someone rushing somewhere with their hands full of paper towels. You know things are not going according to plan. Oh, ----, oh, ----, oh, ----, oh, ----, oh, ----. And, by the way, also, can we stop calling them kamikaze drones? If there's not a person inside, it's not kamikaze. All right? That's just ghostwriting the whip. And kamikaze is from Japan, so this is a war crime and cultural appropriation. So you're canceled, Vladimir Putin! Yeah! Let's see if Twitter will do what the U.N. could not. By the way, an interesting detail in this story is that Russia had to buy these drones from Iran, which kind of makes you question their military might. You're supposed to be one of the most powerful militaries in the world, but you ran out of ---- already? Like, you realize America never runs out of weapons. Never. America has so many weapons, sometimes it'll sell weapons to countries that it's gonna fight just to make space, you know? It'll be like, all right, here you go, Iraq. All right, now let's do this. Pyah, pyah, pyah, pyah, pyah! Now, if we had more time, we could talk about how Russia's access to weapons from other countries reminds us that the global sanctions aren't as global as we think, because they still have ties to Asia, South America and the Middle East. Or we could talk about how this Ukraine war is completely derailing not just Ukraine, but also Europe's economy and their energy supplies. But we don't have the time to get into that, because while Ukraine is in turmoil, there's another country in Europe that somehow is in even more of a ---- situation today. Great Britain. And that's one story we definitely need to make time for. Breaking across the pond, a political earthquake. Just 44 days. That is how long Prime Minister Liz Truss was in office before resigning just in the last few hours. I recognize, though, given the situation, I cannot deliver the mandate on which I was elected by the Conservative Party. This makes Truss now the shortest-serving prime minister in 301 years. Goddamn, Britain. Another prime minister? And this one only lasted 44 days. Boris Johnson had COVID parties that were longer than that. You realize how hard it is to get tired of somebody this quickly? Usually, politicians get a period of time where you like them first, and then you hate them. But Britain hated Liz Truss basically from day one. Imagine being on a first date. On a first date with someone, and they're like, oh, I'm so sick of all your ----. Like, but we just met. It's like, I know, and I'm suffocating. Actually, if this was a relationship, I feel like at this point, Britain's friends would be sitting down with it like, listen, honey, you've been through four prime ministers in six years. They can't all be the problem, huh? I'm just saying, maybe it's time to turn the vote of no confidence on yourself, yeah? In fact, for the next prime minister, maybe the U.K. should take things a little slow. Yeah, this is chaos. For the next one, maybe don't put a label on it. So much pressure, not prime minister. Maybe just have them be the person who lives at 10 Downing Street. In fact, don't even live there. Just sleep over here and there, you know? Yeah, then maybe leave a toothbrush behind, you know? And then, then they get a drawer for their clothes. And then when you're sure that this is the prime minister for you, then you bring them to meet your friends at the G7. How about that, you know? They're like, yeah, yeah, we're a thing now. We're a thing. And by the way, remember, the reason Liz Truss lost her job is because she came into office making worse decisions than a company's social media manager during Black History Month. Terrible budget plans, firing finance ministers, going back on her own policies, sending the queen to meet Jesus. Things were going so badly, so badly, that the British press trolled her with vegetables. In a sign of just how tenuous her standing was and perhaps how brutal U.K. politics can be, a British newspaper began tracking ahead of Lettuce to see if the embattled Truss would last longer than the produce, and it did. Yo, that's humiliating. That is humili... Imagine being so bad at your job that you lose a joke contest. Yeah, because at first, people were like, ha-ha, I bet she can't last longer than a head of lettuce. And then by the end of it, they were like, should the lettuce be prime minister? And maybe the lettuce will be the only one that wants the job, because right now, Britain's parliament sounds more chaotic than a family reunion at Hershel Walker's house. Yesterday was a shambolic day for her. We heard early in the day that her interior minister, the home secretary, Soheila Braveman, had resigned over an issue over improper use of her e-mails. And then later in the day, we heard that she had, in fact, been fired. And then there was a vote in the House of Commons, which descended into chaos. Some lawmakers alleged that government officials were actually physically pushing them, intimidating them into making decisions that they wouldn't otherwise have made. One lawmaker even alleged that some MPs were crying in the toilets of the House of Commons. What a ---- show. Did you hear that? People were shoving each other, crying, swearing, quitting, unquitting. It's almost like the whole government turned into a high school drama club rehearsal. I mean, members of parliament were crying in the toilet. Multiple members of parliament. Like, how many? What, was there a line? You know? There's people like, are you almost done in there? Are you almost done? Other people are waiting to cry, too, you know? It's coming out. Hurry, it's coming out! It's actually too bad that this happened in Britain and not in Japan, because, you know, at least Japanese toilets are so advanced, they can... they can probably actually help and console you. You know? There, there, Trevor, you're doing the best you can. Thanks, Toto. Don't forget to wipe. Yeah, I remember. Wiping is very important. Remember what happened last time. Shut the... up! Just shut up! Shut up! You're not helping! No, just shut up! No, no! You're not helping! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho! You know, the craziest part, the craziest part of this whole story is that Liz Truss only became prime minister because Boris Johnson was embroiled in so many scandals that he was forced to resign. That's the only reason she got the job. So you'll never guess who might be replacing her. The big issue, though, for the Conservative Party and for this country is that no one really knows who's going to be able to replace her. There are a number of names in the mix, including, I have to say, Boris Johnson, who's currently on holiday and on vacation at the moment in the Caribbean. There are a number of Conservative Party members who are calling for Boris Johnson to return to the helm. I went to my constituency at the weekend, and the strong message that I got was, Some supporters and some allies of Boris Johnson say that he may throw his name into the ring, which would be pretty remarkable since he was forced out by scandal just six or seven weeks ago. Oh, that's right, people. Old Boris Johnson is looking pretty good right now, isn't he? Not physically, of course. Physically... No, he looks like a Pomeranian who got stuck in a dryer. Politically, though, people are like, he's not bad. Here's an honest question, though. Britain, are you... are you guys really gonna put Boris back in office? Boris, scandals, Johnson. There is nobody else who could do this job. Nobody? In the entire country? Like, what about Paddington? Everybody loves him. With that voice, he could even have bad policies. No one would care. I want to burn all the migrants. Aw! Crazy tyrants.