The Happiest Play in Football

When everything operates flawlessly, an NFL offense performs like a symphony, with solid contributions all the way from its foundation in the trenches up to the show-offs who end up getting all the spotlight. But any composer worth their salt can draw up a decent score with established structures. Where it takes a true maestro is going outside that known to create something truly memorable. No matter what team you're rooting for on game day, it's impossible to not smile when a 300-pound lineman thunders his way into the endzone, especially when the play call directly schemes for that moment of glory. Rightfully, there's been a movement pushing for more focus on the big man in recent years, but for the first time in 17 seasons, 2022 saw zero touchdowns that were drawn up for big men. They played 285 60-minute games, and not once did a lineman get to feel the glow of the spotlight. That isn't fair, so today I want to take a moment to campaign for this great play and bring further fans into our ranks. Because in the past, it might have seemed like we were trending towards a better world, but clearly, our work is not done yet. For as long as the NFL has existed, big boys have been finding their way into the endzone. Point-blank interceptions, rumbling fumble recoveries, and strokes of luck placing them in the right position to put six on the board have long been the most devastating morale blow a defense can inflict on its opponent. I mean, come on. But even still, it wasn't until mere decades ago that NFL coaches received the divine inspiration to pick up their pen and draw offensive plays up specifically for the king-sized men of their rosters. Of the early adopters, the most famous, of course, are the 1985 Chicago Bears, featuring William the Refrigerator Perry, who became a household name in addition to being a household appliance by punching in not one, two, or three, but four offensive touchdowns in a single season, despite being a 335-pound defensive tackle. That electric run really started to tip the scales and assert that the human tanks normally relegated to the trenches could also easily double as an offensive weapon when they're called upon. The classic battering ram run technique used by William Perry and company still makes an occasional rare appearance in today's NFL, typically as an homage to that play's sacred origins. In fact, the most recent example came in 2018 from Akeem Hicks, who was by no accident also a defensive tackle for the Chicago Bears. When it comes down to it, there's truly no play structure more guaranteed to shake the foundation of your stadium. I mean, I don't know the first thing about physics, but I'd have to imagine that accelerating that type of mass generates a whole lot of force. And the best part is, it even leaves room for a wrinkle here and there to always keep the defense honest. Even despite the inherent power and respect the big boy dive call generates, modern offenses are still foolishly defaulting to the guys they specifically pay to carry the football. But while it's incredibly rare to see a refrigerator running these days, that doesn't mean we have to abandon all hope. Because in today's era of trick plays, the true value of the big man lies in the element of surprise. You may have heard this announcement a handful of times when watching football games in the past, but I certainly wouldn't fault you if you've ever wondered why this specific phrase has to be In a nutshell, linemen reporting in as an eligible receiver is an exception to the established framework of each play, which exists to set a baseline for the defense to counter against. In the NFL, every formation requires there to be seven players lined up on the line of scrimmage, and out of these players, only the outermost two are considered to be eligible receivers. That's why you'll see outside receivers communicating with the referee to make sure they're up on the line of scrimmage, and anyone else who wants to catch the ball on that side of the formation has to be a yard off of it, like a slot receiver or a tight end. On top of this, the NFL's numbering rules also ensure that linemen in that range of numbers are never allowed to advance beyond one yard on a pass play. If they do, they're going to be flagged for ineligible man downfield. These rules intend to basically have players play to their strengths most of the time, and on passing downs, that means locking offensive linemen in a cage with the defensive line. That little announcement we mentioned before happens to be the key to get out, but to obtain it, you gotta do a series of side quests before the snap. Specifically reporting into the referee with this hand motion, the referee announcing it to the defense and world, then correctly lining up as one of the two outermost players on the line of scrimmage. Most of the time, even after all of that, it's usually still to just be an extra blocker on the edge of a formation, but even if all of the correct elements fall into place for a lineman to get their day in the sun, there's never a guarantee that it works out if the defense isn't caught napping. In 2021, arguably the greatest effort in big man history was stricken from the record books because it wasn't technically legal, but I'm not going to forget anytime soon, and to be honest, if you hadn't told me, I would just assume this was drawn up to be an IMAX-sized screen pass. Robert Hunt's Herculean effort that will remain forever immortalized in the Dolphins' facility wasn't the only shot big men got at breaking the plane in 2021, though. In week 16 of that year, the stars and gravitational fields of nearby planets aligned, and we saw a miraculous three touchdowns posted by offensive linemen on a single NFL Sunday, the most in over a hundred years of league history. So since 2022 ripped the rug out from under us and decided to forsake everything we learned that day, let's go through those scores one by one and understand first-hand how these plays are a viable weapon in today's league. Here we have the Philadelphia Eagles putting the New York Giants to bed in the fourth quarter, so from the five-yard line on second and goal, the defense doesn't think anything of right tackle Lane Johnson reporting eligible to line up as the outermost player on the line of scrimmage. When the play begins, the O-line sells the fake handoff to draw the defense towards them, and after engaging with his man, Johnson snaps back around to face the ball, letting the D-linemen think he just won outright. But once his teammate Devontae Smith draws away the last remaining threat in the secondary, it's all about baby soft hands to pull in an unguarded touchdown reception, especially because Jalen Hurts doesn't hesitate to put some zip on it. To cap off this perfect call and execution, we get an attempted leap up into the crowd, but that is a lot of man to pull up into the first row. Let's stay in the NFC East for big man score number two, which happened in a total beatdown of the Washington football team at the hands of the Dallas Cowboys. It's third and goal after a very long drive, and since the previous play was a handoff that went three yards to the one, it looks like Dallas is bringing in their bigs to finish the job. Here is our protagonist, Terrence Steele, reported as eligible to set up the jumbo goal line look, and again, the Cowboys are about to sell the run hard. So hard, in fact, that Steele nearly loses his footing tossing his man to the side. But just look at that poise to whip his helmet around and pull the ball right in for a killer blow right before the two minute warning. It's effective, and it is completely demoralizing. Now let's up the stakes for our final big man grab, with the Jaguars and Jets separated by just one point on a fourth and goal from the one yard line. Connor McDermott, who's an offensive tackle standing six foot eight and a lean 310 pounds, lines up on the left end of the line of scrimmage. So even though he's reported eligible, no one across the ball thinks for even a second that he's anything but an extra blocker. Even when the ball is snapped and he breaks straight into the end zone, the Jags zone defense opts to double cover number 85 Trevon Wesco, who's a tight end that had only caught three passes the whole year. That's how low the perceived threat level is. But even though our hero is now streaking across the end zone without a soul within 10 yards of him, pressure on Zach Wilson is going to force McDermott to create the most glorious moment in nearly a decade of Jets football. I wanted to save this one for the last of the trifecta from that blessed Sunday, because it truly demonstrates both the athletic prowess of the big man in the red zone, and also the fact the defense just instinctually pays zero attention to Alignment that throws a chip block essentially activates a cloak of invisibility that no skill position player can ever have access to, and every one of them have pretty superhuman levels of athleticism, so for the life of me, I don't get why we don't see more of this potential tapped into. So here is to a prosperous future for big men everywhere in 2023 and beyond. May the play calls shine upon you for generations to come. So we've discussed a lot to this point, but even with the buffet of evidence presented, we've still left out a critical element to the true power of the thick six, and that is the immortal celebrations that occur after the fact. So to the 32 NFL coaching staffs that are all obviously watching this video, if somehow at this point you aren't 100% sold on adding a specific big man red zone package to your arsenal, allow me to send you out of here with an inspired change of heart, once and for all. I love to see a fat guy score. Why? Because look, you get a fat guy spike, and then you get a fat guy game.