The Climbing Film That Failed

Am I looking you know like in you know when I look at the camera sorry can I just take this thing off because that was in my ass. What a debacle this has been. If I had a name to the route I would have called it two steps forward one step back like let's just say that. Okay uh the whole thing started I guess when I was checking to Mike and I was like hey Mike there's this massive sea cliff in Sicily like it looks flipping awesome uh and it would be I might go do it. Seb said that he had this plan to go and bolt a 300m deep cliff. It was awesome. It just went from there to, hey man, I've got an FPV contract. I'm like, what the f***? Oh my god, oh my god, this is pretty big. Yeah, we turned up, got messed about with a hire car. That was the first one. Then we had to wait for ages for the bolts and then we had to wait again because the ropes hadn't turned up. The bolts came in like a week and a half later. The ropes came in a week and a half later. that shafted it here, there and everywhere by everything. Then we went and looked at the crag and the guidebook only had, in the whole cliff, maybe five or six roots in it. And the first line we looked at was really horrible to protect on the top. It was just going to be a huge sort of undertaking with loads of different like things that we don't know about. So that got poo-pooed, we didn't do that. So we moved from there and we just thought it was like, oh, you know, there's this crag nearby. I think that should be quite easy access. And we went and looked at a different line, but that line had this massive block on top which may or may not have fallen on our heads and killed us or like trundled through a school. Couldn't happen. So that was awful. Why is there three of us? Ah! There was a beautiful corner that I thought, oh wow, that could do with a line. As I came down the corner, I started spotting incredibly rusty bolts. So that was no good. Oh God. We found some roots that go. Okay, we're in this cliff that we find a single pitch with a flat top so we didn't have to do the whole dynamic. Anyway, there's a lot of nonsense. I seem to spend like 50% of my time trying to work out what the hell's going on. The more that we looked at it, the more complicated that looked like it was gonna be, particularly because, unbeknownst to me anyway, the top of the crag has a lot of really, really sharp rock. It's essentially like a conglomerate of blades ready to kill you. This is our super high-tech rope protector, which is gonna keep the boys safe. It's high, yeah, it's clearly, it's dual density. It's yellow on the outside and black on the inside. I thought someone across the pier to me was going to be like, oh yes, this is going to be good. And that next saga started. I can't breathe anymore. You don't need to breathe. I think I may have picked the wrong partner for the trip. I just wished I knew that before the trip. If I go do something, I like to know what I'm doing in a way. I don't want all the answers to everything, that's just not possible. On the other hand, I found that this evening was almost the opposite. I'm pretty noisy. I run around a lot and I shout and scream and holler and giggle and laugh and joke. Seb's very, very, very serious. I like to have a good idea of what to do and don't. You're lame. Pornhub would be totally into this. Is this like bondage, adventure, outdoor, amateur? I'm done with abstinence. I'll push you on the swing. You had a nice day. Maybe there's a reason there's no roots there. Because it's wank. this is wanked in all honesty I feel like at some point somewhere down the line Seb's decided that I'm a useless liability essentially I found that he would be differentiated by I was maybe being quite quite careful about stuff whether he I'm not I'm not down with that essentially I like I love climbing I love the risk in it and all the rest but when I when I can when I can mitigate and minimize the risk it's like that that's what do it because i i know i can i can keep myself as safe as possible sometimes it's just you know it's not very safe but i know that i sort of own that to myself so off the back of that he just got more and more like anything i said was no good and we just weren't really able to communicate with each other are we friends again oh come on what if i buy you a gelato what on the budget Marnie! Hi! There's a lot of pressure I started building up and it's a lot of friction I started building up in the team. Whoa! Multi-pitching and I picked a tiny, tiny ledge to belay from. And I'm not sure Seb's going to talk to me anymore. That's stupid. What is this? What is this? You want it? Oh, before that, like, you know, I've done the odd multi-pitch years ago, but I'm not super hot on that stuff. And then the worst climbers in the world proceeded to get shut down so then the third or fourth option was the line that we actually did which was mostly chosen because it seemed like the most achievable because by that point we were like two weeks into three weeks of being here and we had nothing to really show for it apart from a bunch of like dead ends like that one doesn't work out i felt massive amounts of pressure not because not because it was filmed but because uh mike was here to film it was here it's here to work and to produce something for someone else you know this has to be a hard route just something like good footage now that's a lot of pressure for sure they just leave me a few balls i'm not terribly happy with some of his work um off here come it's done it's finished let's climb it it'll be much more of a holiday it was but in between endless hiking up scree slopes and falling over and rigging and unrigging and whatever it's you know oh boy it's been an experience pretty average isn't it uh i've been i've been asking myself why did it go so tits up like why why i did think before the trip i was sort of i kept asking myself in a way because i knew he wasn't super experienced i kept asking myself what what is he doing here why why am i taking him what is this is our trip but he can't i just learned that you need to pick the right people for what you want to do that's the hardest part i try to keep myself together for a long time trying to keep tensions down and myself oh yeah rotten cooler oh it means that you had enough you made enough love with your partner from the back door that your back door is broken now yeah this is very much rotten cooler i'm kind of trying to put a positive spin on things because no one really wants to hear you know we went here and it was hard work for three weeks and uh we're kind of leaving with with a much lesser route than we wanted having learned nothing i think we haven't learned anything have we All we really know is that limestone is sharp Yeah. Ah, yeah. I feel pooped. I'm roasted. Never worked so hard at this temperature of my life I've never stood in the sun so hard in my life. I've never stood in the sun so hard The next step is finding the right partner and we go climb the sea cliff together because that line is still not bolted. Eventually, eventually we will make a video about a successful trip. Third time lucky, huh? Third time is the charm. Oh, you've got the logo! I'm done, I'm done. Today on Climbing Daily... Welcome to Epic F***ers, today we're... Hello and welcome to Daily Climbing. Hello and welcome to Epic F***ers. Today we're on Tinder. Welcome to Tom Bailey. Welcome to Epic F***ers Daily. Today... Welcome to kicking cactus on top of your friends.