Penderitaan Batin Berasal dari Kecemasan dan Ketakutan!!! Nonton Video ini Untuk Mengatasinya

Have you ever heard of an interesting story like this? A boy and a girl are playing a game. The boy collects stones and the girl collects diamonds. The boy wants to exchange the girl's diamond for the stone. The girl agrees. But when they exchanged, the boy silently hid the most beautiful stone and gave the remaining stone to the little girl. The little girl gave all her diamonds to the boy. At night, the little girl thought she had a beautiful stone. She fell asleep. But the boy's eyes were upside down and couldn't sleep. He asked, did the little girl also silently hide her beautiful diamond? Psychologist Carl Jung said, the outside world we see is our mental reaction. Just like the little boys in the story, each of us experiences a lot of anxiety, anxiety and internal turmoil. As everyone knows, conflict and mental illness often occur. It comes from our hearts. So where is the root of this conflict and mental illness? How can we get away from negative emotions such as depression, anxiety and fear? How are you all? Welcome to Mata Ketiga channel. Keep following our philosophy lessons so that your thinking can continue to improve. The book we are interpreting this time is Our Inner Conflicts. This is a book about psychology written by Karen Horney. Each of us has some basic emotional experiences such as depression, anxiety, fear, etc. Some people can let go of their emotions and behavior and finally return to work and normal life. However, there are some that develop into mental illnesses such as neurasthenia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety disorder, panic disorder, body shape disorder, etc. They even become lazy. This is also due to the development of certain mental conflicts. There is a reason. After watching this video, you will find the answer. The book we are talking about this time is mainly to help you prevent such problems and can stop it from the beginning. Next, let's take a look at the core ideas of this book. The core beliefs. Suffering comes from interpersonal relationships. In the book, Horney suggests the following core ideas. People's psychological activities are closely related to social culture and all psychological activities cannot be linked to the past especially for neurosis or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Disturbance of interpersonal relationships or deficiencies is the main cause. In the long run, this will cause people to form distorted values. The biggest difference between humans and animals is that we have complex psychological activities and these psychological activities make it possible for humans to produce high IQs to be the rulers of the world. But these psychological complexities also have side effects because they create various psychological needs in humans and these needs will definitely cause conflict. For example, in a romantic relationship, we not only hope to be close to our lover and talk about everything but also hope to have our own space and privacy. Here, intimacy and independence are contradictions. Psychoanalysis calls the contradiction between these basic needs as a basic conflict. When the psychological needs that are so needed conflict with each other and there is no way to adjust then suffering arises. Because this happens to everyone, why don't most people suffer from neurosis? Because in a safe and orderly interpersonal relationship humans can easily adjust to that desire and the pain of letting go of the desire can be transformed into a feeling of fulfillment by hope in that relationship. For example, to accompany our children we are willing to let go of our personal time of entertainment even though we are a little disappointed because we don't have our own time. When we see our children suffering, we will feel a strong sense of achievement and pride because we feel that we are responsible parents. However, when the interpersonal relationship is disturbed this conflict becomes very tense and difficult to reconcile. Likewise with raising children, if the relationship between husband and wife is not good the more the wife accuses the husband of not caring for the child then the husband will feel that the older child is a burden that is burdened by his wife. He will feel like he is committing a sin. Dedication cannot be transformed into pride and a sense of achievement becomes very hopeless. So what should be done? Nowadays, people tend to resolve basic conflicts by pressing needs to avoid suffering as a result of conflict. In the short term, pressing needs can quickly remove the pain caused by basic conflicts. However, in the long term, avoiding these conflicts will cause psychological pressure and continuous neurotic behaviors. For example, there is someone who is clearly afraid of being teased because of obesity but he even uses his own self-indulgence attitude to suppress the pursuit of beauty and let the appetite dominate himself. Interestingly, sugar and carbohydrates are very useful in reducing anxiety so this person also has a behavioral conflict. The more he is worried about being teased because he is afraid of being too fat, the more likely he is to eat to reduce this anxiety. In the end, the behavior of suppressing anxiety becomes the main theme of his life and as time goes by it grows into overeating. Without clear values, the way we avoid conflicts can only cause mental disorders and prolong the feeling of suffering which will eventually result in abnormal behaviors. We talk about the importance of education. We think that the real values are to build a hope in people's hearts and to tell people what is right and what is the direction of our efforts. What are the consequences of suppressing one's own needs over a long period of time? The first is that it will form a defective personality. Long-term suffering will form three types of defective personalities. If there is no clear value, conflict can only be avoided by suppressing one's own needs. This pressure will also damage the growth and perfection of the suffering personality. Let important characteristics such as hard work, trust, kindness, etc. not be seen in the personality of the patient. If suppressed since childhood, someone may not even be able to develop these characteristics in their personality. After these important qualities are neglected, people tend to develop some paranoid personality traits. Some dangerous behaviors will continue to appear in their lives. For example, if someone suppresses their desire for care and love for a long time, then they will lose their trust in others because they cannot feel the warmth of interpersonal relationships and will fall into continuous hostility and suspicion. In the book The Conflict With Dinas, Horny presents three paranoid personality traits based on people's attitudes towards others, namely a submissive personality, an aggressive personality, and a quiet personality. Some may even think that the three types of personalities presented by Horny are in line with the three strategies used by humans to face interpersonal crises. This also proves the conclusion that neurosis is a disturbance of interpersonal relationships. What really happened? In our opinion, what phenomenon is most likely to occur in interpersonal relationships? It must make people lose the ability to trust others. Whether you want it or not, it will always make people surrounded by conflicts in interpersonal relationships. For example, children who have experienced violence in the household since childhood often feel that everyone is powerful and evil. Children often feel unimportant and easily left behind. Actually, everyone has a primitive need to obey, attack, and avoid others. But in a normal state, these three primitive needs expose each other. Only people who are safe and healthy in interpersonal relationships can always balance needs through trial and error and flexibly decide which needs must be met at a certain time and which needs must be released. But people who have long experienced mental conflict do not have this flexibility. To avoid conflicts between individuals, they can only keep most of their needs in a state of repression, only one need that can dominate their actions. For example, people with a primitive personality will trust others very much and they will be hurt if they cannot fulfill other people's requests. So they always show obedience and suppress the need for independence. In this way, they are very capable of tolerating other people's torture without aggression and avoidance at all. What about an aggressive personality and strong control over others? They may always blame others and always want to seize the right to speak. In their view, only if they have controlled others, can they prevent others from controlling and hurting themselves. In their hearts, tenderness tends to make themselves dependent on others and when they are dependent on others, they feel easy to be controlled. Therefore, even a little tenderness in their eyes is dangerous and embarrassing. They cannot sympathize or be touched by other people's tenderness. And in their view, everything is just a tool they use to achieve their goals. And a lonely person may only drift away from the crowd and no one wants to be found. Thus, he does not have to please anyone or have a conflict with anyone. However, this kind of avoidance will not bring a sense of security to hide in the outside world. On the contrary, a lonely person must continue to insist that the outside world is very dangerous. Only then can he help himself to reject the idea of wanting to bond with others. So the price of a lonely person's temperament is often eternal loneliness and anxiety. Of course, these paranoid characteristics are generally understood as different personalities, aren't they? That's because they don't seem too serious and don't affect their normal social functions. The three paranoid personalities show their attitude towards others, but they also have an attitude towards themselves. And just like their unruly interpersonal, this attitude is often not regulated and controversial. For example, the personality of the followers is very pleasant and obedient to others, but they are very cruel to themselves. How can they accept this? The answer is that they use a defense strategy. There are two dominant defense strategies, i.e. the ideal and externalized self. What does it mean? Let's take a look one by one. According to classical psychoanalytic theory, human psychological structures are divided into three modules, namely id, ego, and superego. Superego with id is a primitive desire and only wants to be lazy and enjoy. While superego is a pursuit of morality and social idealistic ambitions, forcing us to work hard. Even when we have to be lazy, when we have to enjoy and work hard, it is a decision made by the ego in the middle of the balance. It requires several psychological functions for the ego to play the role of decision-making. For example, when we need to be persistent in working and studying, we need determination, self-confidence, and commitment to the facts of thought to help us overcome the temptation of ease and comfort. These facts of thought shape our personality. Therefore, the process in which we make choices can also be seen as a process in which our personality functions. A personality that actually needs constant effort to be perfected. For example, if we want to acquire the quality of determination, we must continue to take risks and practice. By accumulating experience little by little, we can finally improve our ability to resist regression and continue to persist in working hard. But this process cannot be completed by ourselves. Taking risks requires self-confidence and courage. And this psychological power can only be obtained in a safe interpersonal relationship. But for a neurotic patient, because of the disturbance of the interpersonal relationship, they can not only not draw energy from the interpersonal relationship, but are also strained by various relationships that will make them very unreliable and brave and cannot place their personality. So what if someone does not have some qualities and does not want to lose the benefits of those qualities? Then he can only take a shortcut through fantasy to create a perfect picture to replace his true personality. The perfect picture of this fantasy is the ego. 2. Paranoid Personality Externalizes Conflict In addition to the ideal ego, paranoid personality often externalizes conflict to avoid a basic conflict. What is called externalization of conflict is assuming the internal conflict itself as an external event or associating one's own responsibility as an environmental factor error. For example, it is clear that he is a traitor, but always suspicious of others betraying him. It is clear that he is very sad, but always feels sorry for others because of their misfortune. It is clear that he does not want to learn, but always thinks that the noisy environment is disturbing his learning. And the externalization of conflict that hurts the most here may be externalizing insults against oneself and being belittled by others. It is clear that he has a low self-esteem, but always feels that others look down on themselves. This will cause suffering for a long time, feel ashamed and low, and feel that there is an enemy around him every day. And he must always use a fighting posture or an arrogant posture to cope with the real fatigue and anxiety. How to solve our conflict and mental illness? We have talked about so many problems that are caused by unresolved basic conflicts. So how to solve those problems? Let's look at an example. This is a story about a student who has learned and suffered from depression. John's first student was a hard worker and a good student. But he was very sure that he did not have enough intelligence to get good results. He was afraid that if he failed in the exam, he would be considered an idiot and laughed at by his teacher and classmates. So every time he read a book, he was very anxious. He was afraid that failing would show his stupidity. And he was also afraid that he would not be able to study with good results and he would look more stupid. While studying, while worrying about the consequences, he finally felt better and stopped trying to study. A learning process like this is certainly very stressful and painful. So the time to concentrate on studying is getting shorter and shorter. After all this time, John's student felt very tired of studying and refused to go to school again. So how to solve this problem? To help John, to solve it requires understanding of the basic conflict and a method of resisting conflict. The most important thing is to observe the conflict between his own ideals and reality, as well as the conflict between his own ideals and the outside world, and learn about the mental conflict process from here. After fully communicating and listening to him, his treatment is to understand that in his life, John's student values are all low. Only studying can achieve the highest. In addition to studying, he is stubborn about other things and his relationship with his classmates is also not good. Ideally, he always believes that as long as he is accepted at the university and gets a good job, he can live a successful life. Now we can see that John's student's good values are actually only to create himself who is idealized by the famous university label. It seems that with that label, you don't have to do anything and go straight to the top of your life. To find the reason for the mental conflict, the doctor investigated John's growth experience and found out that John was beaten by his father and bullied by his teacher when he was still young because of his fluctuating values. This made him believe that people in this world are for the sake of personal gain and cannot be trusted. Even his father himself just wanted to show his values to his classmates. If he can't get good values, he will lose his usefulness value, will be hurt and left by his family members. Only when he has good values, he can be accepted by his family and friends and he can get enough votes among his friends to serve him. In addition, in John's view, to maintain a good value, a very good talent is a very necessary condition and he needs to gather this talent to ensure that he can continue to achieve a very good value. This self-pressure process is very painful to force himself to be able to concentrate on studying. John's students even hit themselves with madness. Now the doctor has found the reason for John's mental conflict. How can he help John? According to the principle of psychotherapy, during treatment, first of all, it is necessary to help John's students to improve their values. John's bad feeling comes from the fact that he puts too much pressure on someone's functional value. For example, so that his father can show off, flatter his parents and show off among his classmates. He relies too much on his own functionality to produce value. It is easy to produce an overcompensation effect. What does it mean? This is like if you plan to go abroad, it is impossible to only bring enough money because you are not used to a foreign country and you are not sure. So you have to bring more money for emergencies. John also thinks in the same way. He must gather the ability and psychological resources to overcome the limits needed to make himself feel comfortable. The orientation of values ​​that put too much pressure on such functions makes John's students always worried that they are not capable enough and as a result, he forces himself too much. Have you ever noticed that the most important part of John's lost values is his understanding of emotional values? He does not realize that in addition to studying well, he also has to use other values. If a nurse can help John's students see the role of emotional values in a relationship, then John's students can rely on strong functions to help him maintain a personal relationship without becoming paranoid. If John can realize that asking for advice from a teacher and a classmate actually also gives others the opportunity to be a good person, and if he can express his gratitude to his teacher and classmate, he will find that this kind of gratitude and dare to ask does not hide the sincerity of his shortcomings. This is also the most popular element in a personal relationship. Thus, he will not be too worried about being laughed at because of his bad values. Only after John's students perfect his values, he can jump out of this desperate situation. Only when he begins to face life with his true self, then true love will grow and he will find the friendly side of his teacher and classmate. He can only see the loving side of his parents who really want to see his child be successful. Only when someone feels that the environment between them is safe, he can absorb enough energy to overcome the challenges of life and find his own way through continuous effort. By the way, do you remember the tension we left at the beginning? Yes, that is the question of why people can be lazy. Now we can use the perspective of this book to reveal the answer. What is basically called laziness is a compensation behavior produced by people to alleviate the pain of low self-esteem, but does not stand the compensation behavior produced by hard work. So what is the relationship between laziness and low self-esteem? Let's take the example of John mentioned in our previous case. When he feels himself in an awkward relationship, then he has no way to make a mistake safely. In this way, there is no way to improve his ability to learn. Because learning itself is a process of making mistakes safely and summarizing the lessons learned. The lack of that ability will definitely make people feel more embarrassed in an interpersonal relationship. In this contradictory state of mind, people will be very anxious and afraid of difficulties when doing something hoping to get a perfect result. Once you do something with this mentality, the pressure and temperament of anger will follow you everywhere and you can only alleviate the pressure of debt through procrastination and avoidance. So everyone understands that laziness is not a matter of moral character, but a product that is not devoid of distorted values. In other words, if someone's effort is not to develop himself, but only to get a certain result and a certain social status forever, then whether he wants it or not, he will be lazy. So that's why we repeatedly say that we want everyone to have a developing mindset. There are too many people who can't work hard because they feel inferior and give up before it's their turn to fight for talent. The result is that they misjudged that this proves that they do not have talent. Unfortunately, if someone does not have a developing mindset, even the best talent cannot help him solve all conflicts. This is our review of our book Konflik Batin. See you in the next video. If you like this video, don't forget to subscribe, share and like. Salam!