NYC Ballet's Sara Mearns on Alexei Ratmansky's SOLITUDE

I'm Sarah Mearns, and here I'm dancing a principal role in Alexei Ratmansky's Solitude. This is the second movement. It's a very emotional moment in the ballet because you see Joe dancing with Theo for the first time. This was Alexei's first ballet as choreographer in residence, officially with the New York City Ballet. It's very, very personal to him. Alexei's family is from Ukraine and they still live there now. We premiered almost two years to the date since the war had started. It sort of seems like a story in reverse. The curtain opens and you see an image, Joe sitting on his knees and the little boy laying on the ground. This is actually taken from a real image. There was an explosion at a bus stop and the boy got caught in the explosion and passed and his father found him and didn't leave his side and just sat there next to him. So this is what you see when the curtain goes up. The music itself is very, very emotional and dramatic and not many people choreograph to Mahler because it is so big and it's almost untouchable. But if anybody can do it, Alexei Ratmansky can do it. In the last rehearsal we had before the premiere, I still didn't really understand what my role was and that's okay, I don't need to understand. But he gave me two corrections. One of them was he motioned his hand from his chest outwards and he said, there's hope coming from here. And he motioned to the back of his shoulder blades and said, there are two wings coming out from your back. And I was so overcome with emotion that I had to turn away and leave the stage because I knew then exactly what my role was in this ballet. It's very hard not to get wrapped up when I'm dancing this and not get emotional and cry, but I know that I have to hold it in until I get off stage because I want the audience to be able to feel everything they can feel watching this ballet. I think Alexei did a very, very brave thing in making this ballet and I remember feeling after the premiere that if I was never part of a new ballet again, that I got this one. I got to be part of this ballet.