Funny ATC Conversation - Compilation

With a hat on Taxiway Bravo right before November Bravo. You got a hat on November Bravo, you said? That's affirmative. Uh, okay. A hat. Uh, can you put it down to vehicle and frequency? Get it in the ground, you got 9-4. There's a hat on Taxiway Bravo and November Bravo, if you could go take a look. Okay, I'm heading over, 9-4. Red, red stock hat. And we're moving the taxiway. Thanks, 9-4. Delta 10-86. Delta 10-86, tower, you with me? Delta 10-86, tower. Tower, call 1-3, uh, tower, call 100, runway 1-3 is closed. Tower, red team to go on to 1-3. Tower, you copy, call 100, runway 13 is closed. Call 100, you said runway 1-3 is closed? Affirmative, 1-3 is closed. Team red, tower? Tower, you have an aircraft off and running. Delta 10-19-9-9, go around, climb and maintain 2,000. 19-9-9, going around. The airport is closed, the airport is closed. We got a 3-4. Call 100, say again? Tower, you have an aircraft off 3-1 on the north vehicle service road. Please advise crash rescue, LaGuardia airport is closed at this time. Tower, Delta 1-6-2-9. Yes? Yeah, there's a little wildlife running around in front of me over here. Do you want a vehicle out there? You probably should. Okay, just hold in position, stand by. Roger. He's heading over to the grass now, but it's probably going to be okay, but somebody ought to come check it out anyway. All right, hold in position, traffic's crossing downfield. Roger that, hold in position, Delta 1-6-2-9. And what is it, do you know? You know, I really don't know. It looks like a really big rat, but it might be something else. That's a New York rat. Well, that's for sure. First-class meal. Call catering. Didn't mean to start all that, you guys.