Bill Burr's Guide to Driving Etiquette- The Valley.mp4

I think that what this video really is is just a tour of the valley. Is it wrong that I get creeped out by that car wash sign? All cloth and then in quotes it says soft touch. Get your hands off me. All right I'm showing this is the part of LA you're never gonna see. This is up north in the valley. Oh another apartment building. Yeah because we need more people. I'd love to be an old guy living in the valley someday you know. Just walking around with my striped shirt. Just talked to the other old biddies down there at the coffee shop. Drinking again and thinking of when. When you loved me. I'm having a few. I want a day drink. Roscoe Boulevard. Okay this ******* lunatic looking down at a goddamn phone. I wish it was a ******* sign of some ---- you know. I don't mind her because she's kind of aggressive. They come up and they go to like bump into you. This guy looked at us like he's gonna get discovered. I swear to god there's something about the valley that just makes you like two, three in the afternoon you just want to go into into a bar you know. You meet some guy that did a guest star on like emergency. I used to be on a show. Watch out I was on chips. Get the **** out of here. What was Eric Estrada like? Ah he's a great guy. See now that guy right over there he should have made that ******* left. He didn't make it. Then he turns his directional on. That's a big LA thing. You wait till the light turns green and then you put your directional on. You leave that person right up against your bumper. This guy sells sandwiches and donuts. He's got a picture. You got to pick a *******. It's probably delicious right. Look at that piece of ----. It's just these rundown strip malls and then it'll be like the greatest ******* donut you ever had. That was a nice u-turn that guy just made there. I like that one you know. He did it. He got out of the way. Everything was fine. This guy's having a ******* cookout right here. Dude that is like next level homeless. Dude the valley is the place to be homeless. Look he's cleaning up after himself. Oh ---- the adult con. Why are we driving in the opposite direction of that? Dude everybody watches porn but can you imagine if he's showing up to that ******* thing? I'm a really big fan of your work. Just creeping him out. Oh my god could you have enough security at that thing? Oh ****. See what I did there? I just stopped so this guy could cut the corner. You got to look out for the trucks. That's another thing you got to watch out for is all these assholes who cut in front of trucks when they you know they got all that weight behind them. They can't stop. What I love about the valley. Look at all those signs out here. All these old school signs. Back when we thought we were going to like colonize the moon and ---- you know. U.S. Fitness Mega Center. Old school movie theater. Dude this is the ----. I bet there's some really good places to eat out here. And a ******* In-N-Out burger without a line. Wow. Oh there's the line. That ain't bad. There's so no traffic I'm doing a bunch of ---- you shouldn't be doing. I'm looking at the drive-thru at ******* In-N-Out. How does Burger King survive this close to an In-N-Out? There's nobody in there. There's a whole bunch of nothing right ******* there that when you get a kid people buy it. Buy you a big ******* pink teddy bear. Jesus you see that lady in the Terry Bradshaw shirt with the fishnets. Maybe she's some of the talent there at the Spearmint Rhino. Jesus have you ever seen so many sun damaged people in your life? You get ******* get out here man. This is the desert. If I lived here I would sweep up all of that ******* trash just for my own ******* well-being. Look at that. Was that the original Walmart? Where the **** are we? Dude the valley's the ----. It's the place to be. I wonder what a house costs out here.