Asking 80 Year Old Canadians About Their Biggest Regrets in Life

When you see young people, what do you think they're doing wrong? I know they'll probably never own a home. And I don't know about getting a job. It's a harder time. I worry about them. I was worried about money. Money, money, money, money. That was a big problem. Was it worth worrying about in the end? Yeah, because I now have this lifestyle which I couldn't have been able to afford otherwise. My father tried to control my life as much as he could. I thought he was a better judge than me of what I was capable of. Was he right? No, of course he wasn't right. Sympathy to me is a crutch. People that want sympathy, uh-uh, you fight. Some people, no matter what you tell them or what you say, it's not going to help. So there's no point. Trust your gut. Anything that doesn't feel right isn't right. In this video, I'll be asking strangers in their 70s, 80s, and 90s, some of the oldest and wisest people on the planet, what advice they would give to their younger selves. How old are you? I'm 84. I'm proud of it. Why do you say proud of it? Because some people don't live to the age of 84. So I'm thrilled. I don't hide my age. Whereas a lot of women, if you ask them how old they are, they're not your friend anymore. Right. Where do you think people go wrong in the process of getting older? I think your mindset seems very different than some of the people we've spoken to. They just become very depressed. They don't like getting older. And they want sympathy. And sympathy for what? They're not in a hospital. They're not alone. Some people, no matter what you tell them or what you say, it's not going to help. So there's no point. Yeah. What does it feel like to be 91? Not as good as being 60 or 70, I'll tell you. I'm sorry that I didn't do as much as I could have when I was younger. And able to. I relied too much on my father. Being of the old school, sort of tried to control my life as much as he could. It was a start, really, when I started working. I ended up working for someone that he presented me to. He did not like some of my life choices. Buying a house or buying a car. I ended up going against his wishes. He thought I couldn't afford either. Yeah. Was he right? No, of course he wasn't right. But at the time, he thought he was right. And I was too, I guess, enthralled with him. But I thought he was a better judge than me of what I was capable of. I regret a lot, but I'm thankful I'm at this stage in my life. What do you think makes a good father, in your opinion? Showing love. Showing support. And being there for them when and if they ever need you for anything. So you're 71. What is something that you think you spent a lot of time worrying about over the course of your life that might not have been worth all the worrying? Worrying about having a clean home. Spending time with family and friends would have been a lot more important than spending time doing housework. Do you really care about what somebody thinks about you? Are you dressed like this or are you dressed like that? Does it matter? No, it doesn't matter. The only time I cared about what others thought about me was when I was teaching and 27 and not married. You were worried about, like, what would people think of me? That bothered me. And I wanted to have children. But it worked out that I got married when I was 27. Oh, you met the same year. Yeah. Okay. And your husband is still around? No, my husband passed away many years after I remarried. Second one still with us? The second one is still with us but not with me. Trust your gut. Anything that doesn't feel right isn't right. I didn't really trust my gut on my first marriage. But he passed. Yeah. So you caught a break, I guess. Well, I divorced him. Okay, before. Okay. And I have two children from my first husband. That was my gift. How long were you together before he passed? I think we were together 50-odd years. Wow. Yeah. And happy? No, not exactly happy. I made myself happy. I did my things. Why did you not leave? Was it not a thing in your age? It wasn't a thing to do. Yeah, I wouldn't have done it that way. And you're married right now? Divorced. How long were you married for? 47 years. Really? Oh, my God. So you just got divorced recently? Yeah. And I wish I'd left many years ago. What kept you? The children? The boys. Yeah, my boys. But if I look back on it, I mean, they were adult men by the time, you know. If I'd left 10 years ago, I think I would have had 10 years more of being myself. Many years ago, my son once spent some time with some friends, and all the friends that he was with had divorced parents. And he said, you know, Mom, if you and Dad ever get divorced, I don't think I'll ever talk to you again. Wow. And that had a huge impact on me. Yeah, you never forgot that. I never forgot that. And then I stuck it out until the time the boys both had left home, they both had their own lives, and I thought, they're old enough to handle it now, and that was it. You think if you didn't say that, things would have been different? I think I probably would have had more courage to leave before that, yes. Being in a marriage that was a very miserable marriage, I wasn't living for myself. Whereas now, I'm alone, I'm enjoying life. Nobody to worry about, just myself. It's great. You know each other very well before you sign those papers. You were with your husband for basically 50 years almost? More than 50. You're how old when you got married? When I got married, it was some, oh my God, bad length, 63. Okay. 1963. Oh my God, almost 60 years. What do you attribute to almost 60 years together and very, very happy? Doing a lot of things together, exercise, the bicycle, walking. Walking a lot. And this helps us to be together du plaisir, when you are happy. When you're happy. To tell you the truth, since my husband passed away, 2020, so it's six years. Six years. When he was sick, I had no time to go to the gym or to here or to walk. And when he passed away, now I am a bit better, let's say, and I try to walk. I have this journal that we created. It's called Advice Collector. And the whole point of the journal is just to be able to approach strangers and then ask them for a piece of advice. So I just collect advice from people that I meet. Okay. And I'm wondering if you wouldn't mind writing a piece of advice for me. Okay. Be confident in yourself and be considerate of others less fortunate. I didn't have the confidence, but I was considerate of others. Remember to trust your gut. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Enjoy life. Don't sweat the small stuff. Take all the chances and opportunities that come your way. Don't be afraid of life. You should travel all over the world and know other people before you marry and settle down. Enjoy life as much as you can. You have to open your horizons. Like yourself, love your family, and be thankful for every day and for the special people in it. We have traveled all over the world and spoken to more than 10,000 people. What we have discovered is that talking to strangers is an art that everyone wants to be better at, but nobody seems to know how to do. We created this advice collector journal that we have released on our website that helps you do exactly that. The advice collector is simple. Walk up to a stranger, ask them to leave a piece of meaningful advice for you, and then start a conversation that might change your life. We have released a very limited batch of these. You can grab one right now to learn how to better talk to strangers by clicking the link in our description or scanning the QR code on screen. All right, back to the video. My husband passed away at 43. I became a widow at 37. You just have to play the hand you're dealt. It's horrible to see someone you love have cancer. And then when I was diagnosed, I fought hard. I thought my children are not going to lose both their parents to cancer. You have to have a positive attitude, be thankful for what you have. I just had a positive, tough attitude. You have to because sympathy to me is a crutch. People that want sympathy, uh-uh, you fight. And you're cancer-free? Thank God, yes. And I've met a very nice gentleman here, and that makes life interesting too. And the people here are very nice. Yeah, a nice gentleman like, uh... A nice companion. Yeah, we do things together, and that's nice. I was married when I was 21. My wife passed away about 14 years ago. So we've been married for a long time. We were married for a long time. But the last few years were not good years because she developed Alzheimer's, and the last couple of years were not good years for me. What kept you guys together for so long? The family, maintaining our family. But you loved each other. Oh, yeah. It's a happy marriage. Definitely, yeah. After over 50 years of being with one person, what is your definition of love? I'm curious. Love is having support, real affection for each other, and not being afraid to show it. But you have a companion right now, right, because it's who we just spoke to? She considers herself a very close companion, and she doesn't stop in disclosing how much she adores me. And I don't take it that well because at this age, you have to know what your limits are, and, you know, I don't know. I like being close. I don't like being reminded always, constantly, about how much this person thinks of you. It's almost as if she worships me and that I'm not that good of a person, you know. So she needs to relax, is what you're saying? Yeah. Well, she knows that I can look as long as I don't, you know, continue. You don't order. You can look at the menu, but you're not going to order. That's right. Exactly. Still, she's a smart man. That's right. You have 90 years of experience. Thank you. Yeah. If you could go back in time to talk to your 25-year-old self, knowing what you know today at 84, what would you say to her? Just do what's good for you and don't worry what anyone else does, but she's not going to listen anyway. She's not going to do anything. This is life. I wouldn't want to go back. You learn if you're teachable, and we hope to, and it's the attitude that we have of being with the right people. I would say don't worry about getting married. That's not the most important thing in life. Worry more about building your career and go as far as you can in your career. Have more fun in life. You know, enjoy life. I think I was very serious when I was younger, very serious about what the outcome was going to be and to do all the right things and make sure people liked me. But I think when I was younger, I was very hard on myself. Be more aggressive and have confidence in yourself. That's one thing I did not have. My father did not instill the confidence. My mother tried to, but she was sort of under his thumb too, so it's not as if he was aggressive or abusive. He wasn't, but he was very old-fashioned in that respect. What is one thing that when you were younger, you put a lot of importance on, and then as you got older, you realized it wasn't worth worrying about? I was worried about money. Money, money, money, money. That was a big problem. Was it worth worrying about in the end? Was it worth consuming so much of your time on? Yeah, yeah, because I now have this lifestyle, which I couldn't have been able to afford otherwise. I worked from the time my son was 10 years old. I stayed at work until I was 70-something. Wow, because you wanted to or because you had to? Both, but I did want to. I enjoyed working. I worked for Brown Shoes. I bought all my shoes there growing up. I couldn't afford the shoes. When you see young people, what do you think they're doing wrong? What do you think they can be better at? You know what? It's not what I think. It's how they feel about themselves. I'm 27, so... You're a baby. I'm a baby, yeah. How old are you? You're a baby. I remember it well. 30 is a baby. I do. You know, people who are 27 and 30 feel like their life is ending. They feel like if they didn't achieve what they thought they would achieve, their life is over. But you're saying, just a baby. Seems like a silly thing to say, but when you're 27, 30, just getting started. Exactly. It's whatever you feel, whatever you do. My granddaughter graduated from university, and she wants to travel before she settles down to work. So she's working in a restaurant to save money to travel. All I wanted to do after I graduated was go to work. Is she crazy? Or does that make sense? No, I think it makes perfect sense. You have a long time to work and settle down, and so now while she has no ties, it's time to travel and grow in her perspective. Are you worried for them in any way? Because the world is so different now than it was for you. I know they'll probably never own a home if they live here in Toronto, and I don't know about getting a job. It's a harder time. I worry about them, but I'm glad that I won't be around to worry. There's a lot of people that don't want to have kids right now, and they say the kids take your money, take your time, your energy, they take your youth, they take everything, but you still recommend having kids. I have one friend, she never had children, and she was quite okay with that. And then as she got older and she saw me with my children, I think it really hit her. I remember her saying to me one day, yeah, now I really do regret it. Because first of all they're babies, so you enjoy their babyhood. Then they become teenagers, and teenagers can be a pain in the neck, but they're also wonderful to watch them grow up and go through their different stages. Then you see them get married and they have their own children. It's just so wonderful to watch your kids grow up and flourish, and then they become your friends. Does that feeling ever go away, of being a father and taking care of your kids and worrying about them? I hope not, because I enjoy it. That's what I live for, their enjoyment, their livelihood. When they take trips, I try to put myself in their position and regret that I didn't do it, but I love the idea that they're able to do it, so that gives me pleasure.