7 Signs They Actually Like You in Early Dating

Are they actually interested? Do they like me? Those are questions you're probably going to ask yourself at some point while dating. So in this episode, we're going to cover the signs that someone is in fact interested in you romantically and the number one way to confirm if they like you, especially if you're confused. Welcome back to Dating Intentionally. I'm Talia. I'm sharing a no-nonsense advice for navigating dating and relationships with confidence and ease, whether you've been dating for a while or you're just starting out. I believe dating can be fun And especially. When you're pretty sure they're into you. So today we are talking about how to know if someone likes you in early dating. And I can't believe I have not done an episode on this yet. Throughout the years of doing this work and hosting this podcast, I've mostly talked about focusing on if you like them. And even though we are turning the tables in this episode, I want to say up top, knowing whether or not you like them and how they're treating you is extremely important. So we're not dropping that idea. While we're also assessing if their interest is there too, because obviously for a relationship to work, the romantic interest has to be mutual. So let's jump right in and talk about the signs someone isn't to you. And these are ranked from the most important to the least important, but they're all pretty important. And as always, I love your comments on YouTube, Spotify, and your DMs on Instagram. You can slide into my inbox at any time on Instagram at dating.intentionally. I love getting your questions. You can ask me anything and I try to respond to as many as I can. Okay, first we'll talk about the seven signs and then we have a lot more after, so stick around. Here we go. The number one most important sign that someone is interested in you is that they keep showing up. They keep asking you on dates. They keep reaching out through texts, especially to plan dates. That's most important. That is the number one sign. Someone who is showing up on dates and spending time with you is at least interested in getting to know you, or they've likely already decided that so far they like you enough to keep hanging out. That's the most important one. I don't think people spend time with someone. that they don't like. I mean, for most of us, like we're not going to spend time and keep showing up for people we don't like. So look, I get it can be confusing if they have kids, a busy life, whatever else is going on. But if they continue to actually spend time with you and reach out, that's a great sign they're interested in you. Number two, they actively get to know you. Questions are the most obvious way to do this, but of course we know not everyone is great at asking questions and someone could be interested in you, but just don't know what to ask. We can extend a little bit of grace there, but sometimes this can show up in how they listen to you and how they let you share more and seem really receptive to hearing more about you and your life and everything you want to talk about. They just want to keep you talking, okay? That is a great sign that they're interested in you. Another way they could actively get to know you is by showing interest in your interests, like participating in them. Someone who's into you just wants to know more about you. So that's another really important sign to look for. Number three on my list is that the connection progresses over time. So there's some escalation. more dates, more comfort, more time spent together, more intimacy, more communication, like it ramps up. And obviously we like the slow burn here. We don't want it to ramp up too quickly, but if it's ramping up one way or another, that's a great sign that they're into you. So those are the top three. Okay. They keep showing up. They are curious about you and things escalate. Okay. Those are like the three simplest signs to look for that they're interested in you Here are a few more though. The fourth one on my list is that they tell you they're interested. If someone can say, I like you or something like, you're so wonderful, whatever, something that they say out loud that lets you know they're interested in you romantically, that's a great sign. They're literally telling you that they like you. And I love this one because I think someone who can tell you they're interested in you out loud, I think that's a very attractive quality. And to me, it's a sign that. They're a direct communicator and maybe comfortable with expressing themselves a bit more, which is really important. All right. Moving on to number five on my list is that they make a point to touch you. Okay. This can be a sign. I know some people are nervous about breaking the touch barrier. So that's why it's a little lower on the list in terms of importance, but it's still important. But if they're touching your arm, your shoulder, knee, hands, if they're putting their arm around you, kissing, obviously, that's a pretty clear sign that they're interested in you romantically. And this is why people get confused when touch doesn't happen a lot by like date four or five. And I get it because like touch can feel scary, intimidating, and sometimes triggering for people. So some people are a bit slower to get there, but I do think this is an important sign of romantic interest. Number six is that they remember stuff you say. Someone who likes you is going to pay attention when you're talking and they're not going to be on their phone. They're not going to be spacing out, thinking about what they're going to say next. They're going to be thinking about the stuff you say. They're going to maybe even mention it after the fact. They're going to be paying attention and remembering stuff you say. They're present when they're with you. And it's such a good feeling when you can tell the person you're dating is super present and they remember what you say. It's so great. So that is number Number six on my list. And number seven, the last one is they flirt. So this one's on the lowest one on the list because I think flirting can be very ambiguous. Like it's sometimes it's hard to tell if someone is being flirty or friendly. But if you can tell they're flirting, that's a sign that they're romantically interested, usually. Again, some people do have flirty personalities, which is, again, why I put this last. I know I do. I love to flirt. But if they're giving you a little extra attention, if they're joking with you, but not in a nagging way, not putting you down, but in a cute way, if they're giving you compliments and maybe being a bit silly, that could be a sign. So those are my top seven signs to look out for. Let me know what you think in the comments. I don't think they all need to be present. Some people will show you they like you before they say it. Some people will say it before they show it. Everyone's different when it comes to how they communicate that they're interested in someone, but I hope that this list can make it really clear for you. It's like, are these signs there or not? When it comes to just to share from my personal dating life, I knew Johnny liked me because he gave compliments and flirted with me. He asked me questions and remembered stuff I said. And also on the number one list, like that was it. He kept showing up. That was the biggest green flag ever. He kept asking me out, reaching out. And it surprised me because on our first few interactions, like on the date, in the conversation, I didn't think he was that into me. But between the dates, I knew he was because he kept initiating and showing up. He also did tell me, of course, at certain points down the line, he texts me things like he's so glad he met me. He was looking forward to seeing me and all that. But the consistent showing up was the biggest and clearest sign. So here are some signs that might seem like they're into you, but maybe don't read into these, okay? Number one, watching your Instagram story, okay? It doesn't really mean anything. I'm sorry. I leave my phone open on Instagram stories sometimes and they just kind of go through or I'm just tapping through and quickly. That's just not a sign. If they've seen it, you don't actually know if they've really seen it. You know what I mean? If they're just tapping through or just they left their phone open. Also responding to your Instagram stories with like a fire emoji or a heart. I'm sorry. That is the laziest way of showing interest and I'm not going to count that. Also body language, okay? Some people are like, oh, you could tell by your body language, like if they're mirroring you or if they're making eye contact or their feet are pointed towards you, like their body squared with you or like if they're standing close to you. I don't want you guys to be like drilling into the body language, like trying to tell if someone likes you because I feel like that's exhausting and it's just not always conclusive, especially when compared to the other signs that we just went through. That being said, I do think body language on a date can communicate some stuff. Obviously, if your date is creating a lot of space between you two, then maybe they're not that comfortable with proximity, but I don't want you guys to be counting the seconds of eye contact and all that stuff to see if someone likes you. It's just not worth it. And you may have heard this advice online. If they like you, then you won't feel confused. I do think there is a lot of truth to that. Like when someone likes you. You're going to know, you're going to feel it. But I also get that you might second guess those feelings if you think you've been wrong in the past about someone liking you. It's also important to remember that people are going to show that they like someone in different ways. They're not you. Just because you would text and be responsive and everything doesn't mean they have the same kind of responsiveness on text, right? Like someone can genuinely like you and be attracted to you and still be a slower texter. Someone can like you and not initiate dates in the same rhythm as you, or maybe they're not as much of a planner as you, right? Some people are more spontaneous. That doesn't mean that they don't like you though. It's less about, are they matching me perfectly? And it's more about, are they consistently moving this forward in some way? So just to recap this part really quick, we're looking for these clear signs of showing up, moving things forward, getting to know you. That's the biggest indicators that they like you, or at least trying to figure out if they like you. And I hope that the rest is kind of like, okay, we're noticing it, but we don't have to give it as much weight, especially the social media stuff. And remember, all the signs that I just said are ways that you can show interest too. So how do you confirm that someone likes you? I have bad news. The signs help, but they can only go so far. And if you've listened to my show for a while, you're probably not surprised to hear me say that we should not spend too much time analyzing and reading the tea leaves of someone's behavior. The best way to confirm that someone likes you is to give them something to react to. What happens when you show you like them? You have a lot of different ways at your disposal that you can show interest. So what did they do when you asked them on a date? Tell them you think they're hot, you know, or that you're crushing on them. What happens when you flirt with them first? It could be even as simple as telling them that you want to see them again after a date. It doesn't need to be that bold. Make a move of any kind. And I know, and no, I do not just mean looking at their Instagram story and sending off a heart emoji. That's not enough. I don't want you sitting here dating from your back foot, just reading the signs, pay attention to the signs, then act on it. If you like them and want to date them, you have to make that known. That is your job. And like I said, you have many different ways to do that. You can be flirty. You can be touchy. You can give compliments. You can show up to initiate dates, like anything that feels comfortable for you. Do it. Because we can sit here and read and analyze the signals all day, but if no action is taken, then the connection just doesn't happen. And that is the best way to confirm their interest, is show yours first. I know, it's scary, and it's probably not what you want to hear, but it beats spending a ton of time and energy analyzing every text and their use of punctuation. Here's an example, by the way. So in college, I shot my shot a lot, and I was shot down a lot. When I was interning at SNL, there was a guy that I had a huge crush on, another intern. And I remember one night I asked him out and he straight up said he was interested in someone else we were interning with. And I was gutted, okay? But at least I didn't have to spend the rest of the semester like deciphering whether or not his joking around with me in the office meant something. And it was fine after that. We just went back to being coworkers. And yes, of course, there were other times in my life where I've made a very clear move and it was reciprocated. And that's more relevant for in-person connections where you don't immediately have the context of dating. But I'm always glad when I've done that because either way, It will either move the connection forward or reveal as a dead end. And that's fine. Then I don't have to waste time and energy analyzing. So whether you're new to dating or not, you have to get comfortable with showing interest somehow. Like I said, up top, relationships can only work if the interest is mutual and they need to feel that you're interested in them too. That's the only way it's going to pan out for you. And I can't tell you like how many people that are out there, because I talked to them who are scared to make a move, who actually are interested in you potentially, but they're scared of rejection too, because everyone is, no one wants to be rejected. No one likes that. So just know that by you making a move, it's a gift. It's a gift to yourself. It's a gift to them. It's a gift to the potential of the connection. That's why I really want to encourage you to be a little bit bolder. I'm not saying you have to make big grand gestures, do anything super scary. It's just communicate that interest directly, you know, effectively, consistently until you are sure that they are either interested too or they're not. So let's talk about mixed signals. If you're confused after a few weeks of dating about their interests. That's something to look into, but it's not a huge concern, again, because people show interest in different ways. And that's why it's so important to look at everything they're doing to show up. I think it's normal to be a little bit confused about their interest in early dating, a little bit, because you don't know them and you don't know how they are and like how they prefer to show interest, how comfortable they are with it and with dating. So I think there's just a little space to figure it out and feel it out because Again, they could be showing interest in their way and it just doesn't land for you. And we don't immediately want to call things off just because you're not sure. It's also like, do you like them? Right. So I think if it's the first few weeks, that's okay. You just need more time to see what's up. But if it's been like. two months at least, and you've been out like eight, nine, 10 times, and it's just kind of like you're really not sure if they're into you, that's more concerning. Ideally around at that point, like two months and on, there's some progression, there's some verbal affirmation, talking about how you feel each other by then. I'm not talking about defining the relationship, just confirming mutual interest. That should be happening with With physical touch somehow, whatever you're comfortable with, verbal, like. So integration, like all the things. So if at that point you're still confused, you've got to bring it up. So here's a red flag to look out for along the way. If someone says they're interested in you, they say, I like you, you're wonderful, whatever, but none of their actions back it up. Like they're not in touch. They don't make plans. They don't remember things you say. They don't try to get to know you. that's a red flag. Pay attention to their actions. It's so easy for someone to say, I like you. I could say it to anyone, but do my actions back it up. That's really important. Another red flag to look out for is knowing the difference between someone being interested in you and someone enjoying your attention. Two different things. So this could be like they text you a lot, but they don't make plans. They're enjoying the dopamine effect from getting your text, but they're not actually showing up to see you. Or maybe they love flirting, but they never move things forward. Things don't escalate. They're not, you're not really getting to know each other on a deeper level. It's just that light flirty banter all the time. They deflect the conversations like that's also a red flag. Or maybe they tell you how much they like you, but they keep you in a vague situation. Like they're like, oh my gosh, I like you so much, but I just, I can't commit right now. Like I'm going through some stuff, but I don't want to lose you. Come on, come on. Or maybe they only show up and pop up when you start to pull away. That's just that hot and cold behavior that we do not want. Or they enjoy companionship, validation, sex, or attention, but they're not really building anything with you, right? That's just someone who, again, wants what's convenient. Someone enjoying access to you is not the same as someone being interested in you and investing in you. And this is tricky because there could be someone who loves access to you. They'll show up when it's convenient for them. They're going to be in touch, but they're not really going to learn anything about you. That is a red flag. And I ran into this a lot when dating as well. I wanted someone who was vetting me too, who was getting to know me to figure out if I was the right fit for them, just the way I was figuring out if they were the right fit for me. I found that the people who enjoyed access to me, but weren't interested in me, they were kind of using me to fill a void in their life. I felt like it was like I could have been any woman. They were just plugging into their their life to like have a girlfriend. They didn't really care who I was. So if they're seeing you, but they're not trying to get to know you, that's a red flag. And if they are trying to get to know you, that's a green flag. So again, just to recap, if you like someone and you want to know if they like you, you've got to make a move somehow. Do something to show interest to see how they react. And if you're confused early on, that's okay. Give it a little more time. But if it's further down the line and you're still not sure if they like you, that's more concerning. And someone can love access to you, but not actually want to get to know you and they're not actually interested in you. And finally, I want to say that someone being interested in you is super important. It's necessary for the relationship to happen, but it's not enough for the relationship to work long term. Someone can really like you and have strong feelings for you and still not want a relationship, be emotionally unavailable, be too inconsistent for you, not be able to meet your needs and not be compatible with you. I don't want you to settle for someone who just likes you and that's it. You still have all these other things like compatibility, your needs being met, and everything else I just mentioned that you need to make a relationship last long term. And one other tip I want to share before we wrap, when you go into a date with someone new or anyone, I want you to assume that they like you. I want you to just assume that they want to be there. Even if you don't know yet, remember that your presence is a gift. Even if you've been rejected a lot or you've never had a relationship, I want you to remember that someone showing up to a date is a sign that they're at least interested in getting to know you. That's why they're there. That's the point of dating. And that's why you're there too. So again, interest is important. It's not everything. And I really hope that this episode helped you really spot those important signs. We have a fresh dating dilemma for you and just know if you want to submit yours to the podcast, you can do that in the show notes. I answer one on every episode and I appreciate everyone who has submitted one. All right. I, 33 male, have a crush on my coworker, 23 female, and I'm having a hard time figuring out when the right time is to tell her how I feel. We're still in the talking stage and she doesn't know for sure that I like her, although I have a feeling she might suspect it. What confuses me is that I got a lot of mixed signals from her. Sometimes she seems like she's avoiding me, which makes me think maybe she isn't interested. But then there are moments where I catch her staring at me and sometimes she'll even bite or lick her lips while looking at me, which makes me wonder if there's some attraction there. The funniest thing is when I catch her looking at me and I look back with my beautiful hazel eyes. Sometimes she'll completely close her eyes when we make eye contact. I honestly have no idea what to make of that. Is she nervous, embarrassed, flirting, or am I just reading too much into it? I don't want to rush anything, especially because we work together. I'd rather take things slow, continue getting to know her, and eventually ask her to hang out outside of work. If things develop naturally, I'd like to be honest and tell her that I'm interested in her. My biggest question is, when is the right time to tell a coworker that you like her? Should I keep playing it slow and see if she gives me clearer signs that she's interested, or should I eventually just be upfront and ask her out? And how do you tell the difference between genuine flirting and simply reading into her body language? What would you do? Thank you so much for submitting this, and obviously it goes really well with today's topic. And I want to get this out of the way, but the age gap is a bit of a red flag for me. You're a 33-year-old guy, she's 23, I think 10 years is fine, but usually I think it's better if the 10-year age gap is later, like after 27 or 28. 23, that's someone who's maybe just out of school, if they went to school, and they're just in a very different place in life. And I'm not going to say don't go for it because it's your life. It just made me pause and I just wanted to say that. Anyway, like I said earlier, body language alone is not the best way to tell if someone likes you. What would I do? I would not spend this much energy analyzing if she closes her eyes or stares at you when you're looking at her. I would try to get to know her a bit more outside of work hours. I think, yes, you should shoot your shot. But I also think, get more information. Is she even single? Is she actively dating? Is she straight? Let's confirm that too. I think the best move with a coworker is to ask them for coffee or lunch or a drink after work just to chat, just to keep it platonic and outside of work at first, because it's also important to know if you're interested. Outside of work, like having a real conversation where you're not surrounded by coworkers and like you can spend more time just chatting about life. And if it feels like it's too much to be one-on-one at first, you can make it a group hang with coworkers. So that's the first step. Then once you confirm she's actually single and not seeing anyone, then yeah, ask her on a date, assuming she doesn't work for you directly. It can be tricky to date at work. And I have a whole episode on that, which I'll link below. But assuming she's not your direct report and you're not her direct report or whatever, like, and it's fine. Yes, you can ask her out. Whatever you do, though, please do not wait around to see if she like bites her lip again next time you pass in the hallway. You've got to make a move one way or another, and you can start small with a platonic hang and go from there. That's my best advice here. Not reading the tea leaves of body language. Let me know what you think in the comments on this one. I am really curious to hear your thoughts if you're watching on YouTube or listening on Spotify, and I hope this helps. And thank you so much for listening. Thank you for trusting me. Don't forget, you're doing great. And if you know someone who is navigating dating and could use a confidence boost or fresh perspective, share this episode. And if this podcast has helped you, a five-star review on Apple or Spotify goes a long way. Once again, I'm Talia. This is Dating Intentionally, and I'll see you next time.