'The Afterparty' with Brian Larson

Welcome to the show, Brian Lofton. Brian, how are you? I'm doing great, Syd. Thanks so much for having me. Of course. So before we take a look at your book, The After Party, tell us a little bit about who you are. And since it's a memoir, what kind of made you want to tell your story? Yeah. So I grew up in the suburbs of Boston and went to an all guys Catholic high school. And I came out at the age of 21. And I came out as an alcoholic at the age of 27. And I was really searching for a piece of literature or just a self-help book that could describe my experience and could be that book that I reached for in a bookstore, whether Barnes & Noble or my local bookseller. And I just couldn't find it. I found a lot of voices that. Seemed to resonate, but none that matched what I was going through. And so I decided I'm going to write the book. And I wrote the first two chapters of this book after I came back from a trip to Egypt and was inspired to submit it to my agent. And my agent took it, put it on submission to some editors, and it sold on its third day. It is one of those like wackadoo, never happens in publishing. It did happen in this case, and I'm so grateful. Now, with this story and, you know, you telling your story about sobriety and the kind of things you went through, what would you say was maybe the hardest thing you had to learn about yourself as you kind of dug deep into things that you had to overcome? Yeah, it's a good question. So a big part of the book was excavating my past and being able to sit there and sit here in my physical body is a big part of sobriety. And the book opens with lyrics from Maggie Rogers, it's her song Back in My Body, and that song became kind of this anthem for me as I was writing this book. And even in the early days of my sobriety, I thought that running and yoga and all these really health-conscious things could help me figure out sobriety, but what I really needed to learn was that being in my body and being okay with being here, present, in the now. was paramount to everything, no amount of yoga sessions, no amount of, you know, the artist's way and morning pages, which I love, by the way, could really help me understand how to be alone with myself and help me write this book. You can't sweat it out. You can't, you know, hot yoga isn't I did try. I did try. I went to I did do like hot yoga back in Boston. I did it here in New New York City. I have done it. I do love yoga. I just. There's a certain sense of, you know, the anxiety and the depression that came along with the substance abuse. And even before that, you know, I would say like this has always been a big part of me, but those facets that we don't typically deal with in life and growing up in a system and around family that maybe. Taking an SSRI or an antidepressant was maybe frowned upon, and that was a big part of my journey in early sobriety, was figuring out what is the right mix of... the chemicals going on in my brain. And also, how do I learn to be with myself again? And one of those big things was reading. And I just started to read voraciously. Like, I think in my first year of sobriety, I read 150 books. And people were like, Oh, my God, in a year or like a month in a year. Okay. Yeah, in a year. Sorry. Yeah, in a year. And, you know, it just, it reawakened something for me. Like, I was always a big reader in childhood. But getting sober meant Okay, I'm back with myself. I can sit here with a physical book. And to this day, I don't have an e-reader. I don't read on my phone. I sit with a physical book, an ARC, paperback, whatever it is. And I love to take notes in the margins. I love to just find that solace in sitting with the words of another person. And that, to me, has been a cornerstone of my sobriety. I also say, in order to be a good writer, you have to be an excellent reader. Those two, you know, they kind of get overlooked, even when I'm trying to promote a book for the first time, I still have to make time to read. Yeah. And I think, too, with like, if you're a writer, like you said, you have to be a reader and you. Kind of have to be diverse when you're reading, because I feel like that's how you get so many different ideas, you know, for your next book, whether it's something like a biography or, you know, something fiction. It's so many different genres out there to read that can kind of help with that. And I love physical books. Like, I kind of do both because sometimes Kindle is like easier to just toss in my work bag and go. But I do like the physical because there's nothing like turning the page, smelling it. Just I haven't gotten gotten to writing in my book. I don't think I could ever do that. There's something about like, I just feel like messing up the book. Now I'll do sticky notes, but writing, I don't, I don't think I could do it. You know, I think for me, I love, so having the pot, I have a podcast called Shelf Care Society and on the pod, I like to bring on the folks that I'll never have a guest on that. I haven't read their book. Right. And part of that means sometimes reading the book two or three times to really. Figure out what kind of questions do I want to ask this guest? And in order for me to do that, I have to interact with the text. And my way of interacting with the text is writing in the margins. What's so special is that I've gotten to share some of those margin notes with the authors I've interviewed on Self-Care Society. And. It just turns this kind of, you know, you get to see their face light up because they see that you've interacted with their, with their words. And maybe it's something they didn't recognize when they were writing the book. I just had V.E. Schwab on and I was showing her the first edition I have of Invisible Life of Addie LaRue. And the notes I had taken from like 10 years ago to now, or eight years ago to now, and she was just blown away. And that just created like a really, you know, you create a really. Sacred relationship between readers when something like that exists. And then it's cool, too, because, you know, if you go back and read the book, maybe a couple of years down the line, it's kind of like little goose eggs. You see where where was I at that point in my life for me to write these notes, you know, kind of compare and contrast to where you are now. And, you know, with your story, the after party, you actually had a chance to meet Oprah. So how was that experience meeting the queen of media and books? I did meet. Queen Oprah. She smells amazing. That's amazing. I can't say much because I signed multiple NDAs, but what I can say is that her team at Harpo is one of the most incredible teams I've ever had the chance to work with. And she is the world's best empath. When I tell you she intuits like nobody I've ever met before, granted, she does have the help of the Harpo team and producers, There's just some... something about her and she she truly gets at the essence of of your soul and what you are trying to do and I think she recognizes when people have something to say and she's able to amplify that and she takes it and she and she does the Oprah thing and it's just it's so beautiful watching her work uh and not to brag but This past week was, I got to meet her twice, and then I filmed back in January of this year, which will air in January of next year. And it's just so special to have, I don't know, to have shared the story about my sobriety with her, to have shared, you know, a dream that inspired me to get sober from my grandfather. And I don't want to give too much away, but she is able to intuit that my grandfather is still abiding with me. And she says that. And I just, I don't know, I want to cry now thinking about it because it's just, it's one of those things that I never could have. dreamed of manifested if I wasn't sober. And I think these are all benefits that come with sobriety that come with being back in my body. And I'm not out here trying to be like an evangelist for everybody to get sober. But I hope the book resonates most with folks who are either sober curious, or just wanting to live like a fuller life. And maybe that means drinking less Or whatever the habits are that society has taught us. Coming back to ourselves is the big part. And Brian, before I let you go, do you have any final words for future fans, fellow book lovers out there, especially since reading is coming back and it has come back? Yeah. You know, I think as a reader, you're always trying to find yourself in the pages. And for me, when I didn't see myself in the pages is when I decided to write. I would encourage readers who turn into writers that the writing process itself is excavating a lot of you. Whether or not you want to realize that you're in those pages or not, it's true. That voice, just honing in on that voice, is what is going to stick out to an agent, to a publisher, to an editor. My book is very voicey and it's very queer. It's very fun. And I can't wait to welcome everybody to the after party. That's a great tagline too, the title. I don't think so. So Brian, thank you so much for coming on to share your story. Congratulations on your sobriety. And I wish you all the success, whether it's Oprah, whoever other big name whiz that's out there. And thank you for taking the time to come and chat with me and fellow book lovers out there. Thank you. So thank you for being a steward of literacy. I really, really appreciate that.