Time Limit On Love: Challenging Traditional Arranged Sikh Marriages | Absolute Documentaries

While some people dream of meeting their life partner in a chance encounter, for others, chance has nothing to do with it. It is nerve-racking to marry somebody you haven't dated. Some New Zealanders are trusting their families to find them the perfect bride or groom for a traditional arranged marriage. I believe in my family to choose a boy for me. How does it feel to hand over the most important decision in your life? Just cross fingers and leave it on God. Yeah, he's feeling very nervous. And how much do you need to know about a person before you agree to spend the rest of your life with them? We have not kissed yet. Hopefully after the wedding. First it starts with friendship, then it gradually turns into love. Meet the Kiwi families upholding the time-honoured tradition of arranged marriage and witness some very different ways to say, I do. This is the start of a journey towards love. Words love. In two weeks, betrothed couple Baljinder and Johnny will become man and wife in a semi-arranged traditional Sikh marriage. In the five months since they met, the couple have fallen in love. But their meeting would never have happened without their parents' consent. At the beginning, when the whole alliance was sort of brought up, our mothers called their friends to find out the caste, the age, the occupation, education, what their parents did, where they lived in India, you know, only once. All of that bio data went through the approval system where we actually given each other's numbers. So I got a text message, Hi, this is Baljinder and my mum gave me your number, she told me to text you and we should meet. I was like, should I reply now? She was like, I don't know, I'll wait. It must have been like four or five days actually to reply back to me. Which, yeah, kind of broke my heart before I'd even started. I texted her back saying, yeah, let's catch up for a coffee or lunch. Let me know when you're free and we can meet. But he was very charming. He was a gentleman. I didn't really give away anything and kept her on her toes. So she wasn't sure. So eventually I just had to actually come in. I just asked her. She asked me, are you going to see me again? I know what you mean. I know it sounds a bit cheesy, but it felt right. Just three months later. Johnny gained permission from Baljinder's parents to propose. An engagement ceremony followed, but the formalities didn't stop there. There's no sort of late night dates or spending too much time together. Like we can't go hang out at the beach in my bikini or anything. Sort of growing up in the culture, you kind of know what the expectations are. I'm glad when it's all done. Oh yeah. At least we get to see you more often than once a week. Sorry. It's kind of fun though. It's been exciting. Just having some restrictions. Because otherwise it can get quite boring if you're in each other's face all the time. Oh is that right? Yeah. Ha ha ha! We're really looking forward to getting married so that we can actually have a proper relationship. There'll be many new experiences for this couple to look forward to, but there's one first Baljinder is particularly anxious about. It's only after she's married that she's allowed to enter Jonny's house, which will also become her home. So, are there sort of certain expectations around what I should or shouldn't be doing? No, it's just really about how you come into the house and then it's just about Making your own and it's just like you've been living before, it's just exactly the same, so. A lot of different people. I mean, all they want is a bit of love and respect. Not to worry about anything, all right, sweetheart? Yeah. 36-year-old Johnny runs his own business and it was important to him that he had control over his own destiny. As an Indian that's grown up in New Zealand, the concept of arranged marriage has always been around me. But the meaning of it has been slightly different to me and it's always been about finding the right person but on my own terms. Without realising it, Johnny and Baljinder grew up living very parallel lives. She came to the country roughly about the same age as I did. Funny thing is, she went to the same primary school I did, she went to the same high school I did, a few years behind me, so she's actually been kind of like, we have this joke that she's been following me around her whole life. She finally caught up to me. I'm pretty much a modern Kiwi guy. I have a little bit of cultural things that I get involved in but New Zealand is my home and I've grown up here since a little baby. Despite both being raised in New Zealand, Johnny and Beljinder will observe the most traditional Sikh wedding customs. Probably just a little bit on the sides and probably just trim up the beard a little bit as well. Just line it up nicely. Generally I'm clean shaven or I have a little bit of stubble but because I have to wear a turban generally we have to have a beard when we wear a turban. I started growing this end of last year and just see how it kind of works for me and it's kind of really grown on me, I mean literally. Perfect, you're ready for your wedding day mate. Fijian-Indian car salesman Wazeem is in the market for a wife. I'm looking for something like a sedan, nothing too high mileage and nothing that doesn't take too much petrol. OK, we do have a Nissan Bluebird. This Muslim bachelor is relying on the long-held tradition of arranged marriage to find him a bride. I did try to go for a love marriage but unfortunately it didn't work. My parents and most of my friends got arranged marriage and marriage has worked out really well for them. So I think this is the right time for me because I'm pretty much nearly 40. And now the time to settle down. With most Indian arranged marriages happening well before the couple's turn 30, at 39, Waseem's time is running out. I have given myself like six months to settle down. And that's my deadline pretty much, to get married by end of February next year. Basically I'm looking for a type of girl who can understand me. I've been living over here for a long time, so I'm a very open and social person. What kind of car do you want your wife to be? I think Mini Cooper. Pretty, economical, affordable, easy to find it. No stone is being left unturned with a search conducted across three countries. At the moment my parents are living in India and my friends are living over here in New Zealand. And I myself am registered to a few dating sites and one of my priests is helping me to find a Muslim bride in our community over here in New Zealand and Fiji. But do Wazeem's workmates think finding a bride the traditional way is the best way? It's really hard to be with a stranger. An arranged marriage, she's a stranger, kind of. I have already tried doing a love marriage and stuff, and it didn't work. So I just want to change my strategy. And, you know, I feel, like, more comfortable now, like, getting into arranged marriage, because, like, parents and everyone involved inside, and then they'll, like, you know, always secure your back, like, you know, while you're here. Once you get married, it's really tough. So what do you mean, it is tough? It's tough as in when you're single, then you have like freedom, you can do whatever you want, you can go wherever you want to go. But once you get married, you will be stuck with her and you have to, after work, you just have to go back home, you can't go to like... Well, I guess he seems very manageable guy, so he should be able to manage. Let's see, but initially you have to bear with it, man. Based on the right girl, yeah, you'll be all good, yeah, you'll be sweet. Because she's after a good husband as well. Along with you after a good girl, so I don't think there's any problem in it. It's just a matter of finding the right girl, isn't it? Yes, that's true. I hope so. Yeah. I spend a lot of time being single and I want to get married before 40, that's my target. And I don't want to end up living alone for the rest of my life. And my parents, everyone, I'm the only one left unmarried in my family, so this is the time. Sikh bride-to-be Baljinder is the eldest of four daughters and like many unmarried Punjabi women, this 29-year-old accountant still lives at home. You should take note of this, Baljinder. You're going to be having to make tea for your husband as well. Baljinder and her sisters were raised knowing they would one day have an arranged marriage. My parents were arranged. They were engaged for a very long time, but even in that time they didn't get to see each other. It's really after marriage they actually really spoke. We got to know anything about each other. I think the term arranged itself is actually outdated because what happens is that it is more of a set up now just like you know you would set your friends up on a blind date and you get to see each other and it's the same way you know you meet a few people you go on a date with them, you go on more than one date with them and you see if it works or not. You don't like them, you don't even have to confront the person you just tell your family I don't want to be in contact with that person anymore. In the perception on arranged marriages, a lot of people think you are set up when you're young, like as children your parents have put you in a relationship with someone that you're going to be married to in the future, but really we have a lot more say in who we marry than most people think. And the reason I sort of trust my parents on it is because I think they know me better than anyone else does in this world. They wouldn't actually get to the stage where they got me to meet anyone unless they thought there was a good chance that I would be happy with them. Growing up in Western society, the girls now see things very differently from their parents' generation. My parents are extremely traditional. As a teenager it was a lot harder. We had a lot of disagreements. But as I've gotten into sort of my late 20s, I've become a lot closer to my parents and I can understand their perspective a lot better. And they've become a lot more comfortable with our lifestyle and, you know, that we do live quite differently to how they lived. You're ready to go. Ready to get married. Baljinder is not the first daughter in the family to be wed. Second eldest Ravinda married nine years ago and has two children. My sister's marriage was more arranged than mine because she got married when she was 19. I didn't know him at all. I saw him for 10 minutes and two weeks later we were married. So, yeah, it's been good ever since then. Ravinda and her husband now live in New Zealand, but their married lives started in his family home in India. Because we're in India, my mother had come back to New Zealand. I was there on my own with my in-laws' family. But they were all very nice and sweet, and they understood. So they made me feel like I was at home, and, yeah, they were very nice. So it wasn't that bad, but, I mean, I was left all alone. I think my parents learned. A lot from my sister's marriage. She had to put her own education behind everything else because the kids came along and everything. So when I brought up that I wanted to go study further, they were okay with it because they knew after marriage it. Most likely wouldn't happen for a while at least. She's very happy and she's found a good guy. So, you know, I didn't put them off arranged marriage. It was just the time that she got married and I guess that's why I've just gotten a lot more time. Bel. Beljinder may have had more time to get to know her betrothed, but there is one tradition time has not changed. So we're moving in with his family, it should be interesting, a little bit concerned because I haven't actually spent a lot of time with his family, so I'm not quite sure how their household works or what his parents are like, but he's a really good guy so I'm sure they're all nice people as well. I'm not too sure about his parents' expectations, I will find out. It's just a week till Johnny and Beljinder's Sikh wedding begins. A lack of understanding about the many wedding traditions has led them to seek guidance from someone who's been through it all before, Johnny's cousin, Raman. It's not just about the groom and the bride, it's actually about the families coming together as well. So you're both not marrying each other. You're marrying all of us, Beljinder. He's marrying all of your family. Both Beljinder and Jonny, they're coming from very religious and traditional families. I think all the ceremonies and rituals that they all go through will actually prepare them and set them up for the next chapter of their life. You will have maiyan and then jaggery. Which is the turmeric and all the paste they put on. Yes. And then there's Chooda ceremony where your uncle will put the wedding bangles, which is a colourful big set of bangles on your arms. It's up to you how long you want to wear them for. Some people wear it for 11 days. Some girls wear it for six weeks, six months or a year. No, I'm not keeping them on that long. 11 days it is. So I haven't actually gotten to visit his house so far either, so I don't know where I'm going to be staying or what I'm in for. Why do we still do that? Keeping the traditions alive really and makes things more exciting and adds a bit of mystery. Traditionally I think, you know, sometimes the brides didn't even meet the family at all, let alone the actual groom they were going to marry. Yeah, so at least you got to meet each other before that and then making it a little easier for you both and then at the same time just keeping the traditions. Just know that you're coming into a very nice family. You're not leaving a family, you're actually gaining another family. I think what Johnny and Bilzinder are doing is absolutely beautiful and very brave as well, but good on them for going through with it and keeping their families happy as well. I think that's an interesting thing. This one piece will make 52 layers. Watch on mobile devices or the big screen. All for free. No subscription required. In Auckland City, Diwali Festival of Lights is being celebrated. 39-year-old Muslim bachelor Waseem is on a matrimonial mission to find a bride before he turns 40. There's so many beautiful girls around. Do you like any girls here? So far I haven't seen anything. I'm trying, I'm trying. I'm just trying to build my confidence. There are a lot of girls, come on. You've got to be brave. Come on, you'll find one. It's very hard, it's very hard. Trust me. When you come in my shoes then you'll understand. It's really hard. Are you going to sell yourself then? Yeah, I think I should just go and say that I'm a very simple and nice guy. And let's start with friendship and let's see like how it goes. With numerous potential prospects in attendance, Waseem has narrowed down his search to some key criteria. I'm looking someone, I'll say like height-wise about from 5'2 to 5'4, 5'5. Weight-wise I can say maybe from 50 to 55, 60 kgs weight-wise. Should have some long hairs. I prefer like long hair girls, good smile, easy to talk and easy to understand. I'll walk around and see if I can find someone, try to talk and see how it goes. He'll be a very good husband because he's a very honest person, he respects women, he's sort of a person, even at 2 o'clock at night, you ask him anything, he'll stand by you. But he is a little bit shy. I'm trying to be brave, but I'm not that brave though. I just don't want to take any slap on my face. Just go to any girl and approach her. You want to be my bride? That's it. You've got to be brave. That's it, that's it. Ask them if they want to be your bride. Go. Will you marry me? That's my name. And nobody will say no to you, I know that. Oh, it's not that simple. On your left, on your left. Those ones, those ones. I think I can make it. You can just say hi. Go, go, go, go for it. People have just left. Excuse me. Hi, guys. Hi. How are you? My name is Wasim. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. How was the dance? It was good. What did you guys do? We took Bhangra. Bhangra? Yeah. The Punjabi one? Yeah. So I'm looking for a bride. And if you do know someone, Ah, intro's right? No! Okay then, thank you. See ya! There have been no prospects. Wazeem is leaving the festival disappointed but not defeated. It will take a little bit of time but maybe not here so maybe next month or next week we go somewhere else, he'll find the right person. I still have like five months to left and parents are like working really hard on me. And their main goal is like you know to be in this deadline they want me to get married so hopefully like summer is coming who knows and I have to lose weight too. Parents says like I have to lose 10 kgs before I get married so that's the target. Today marks the start of five days of wedding ceremonies for Sikh couple Johnny and Beljinder. The first official event will be a traditional Punjabi Sangeet. So tonight is when the celebrations will officially kick off. The whole point is just dancing and the singing, which there will be plenty of. You'll find over the next few days that all our traditions actually involve different members of the family doing certain things. You know, it's just to acknowledge that we are all family and we are all in it together and everyone has their own role to play. Over the years, the Sangeet has evolved into an opportunity for both families to meet before the wedding. And hopefully get along. I've met the parents, his parents, his sister. I've met his auntie in India. So far, so good. We actually get to see most of them today, so I guess we'll get to know each other more. But I think Baljinder's got to worry about that more than us. Making a good impression. Exactly. Baljinder's mother, Manjeet, is more concerned about her daughter's impending departure. Oh, too much missing. Thank you. She already, she's told us she already cries sometimes, I know, because she's not ready to let go, but I think 30 is a good age. We are both happy, we are in the same range, we are in the same culture, we are in the same range. It feels good, it's a very beautiful family. It's an exciting time for both families, particularly for Johnny's parents, who are preparing to welcome a daughter. This occasion, it's a big occasion for me, so whole family, whole community, so we're all together, that's why I'm very happy. Johnny and Baljinder, they know each other very well. She will come to our family and we will be very happy. But it's actually pretty nice getting to meet some of his family and then all my friends and family that mean a lot to me, they're all here as well. And they're all ready to have a good time, so it's actually quite a good atmosphere. Not everyone is in such high spirits. I had a bit of an accident, broke my collarbone. I wasn't able to do much and yeah, I was a little bit upset with myself. Yeah, you just sort of psych yourself up and... Tonight, a jago ceremony is being performed. The centuries-old tradition is a loud and boisterous procession that once announced the start of the wedding. We're going to enter with drums and those things up in the air. This is starting off the wedding celebrations pretty much. This is the wedding starting off now. Originally performed on the night before the wedding, relatives of the bride and groom would go around the village with the jago pot decorated with oil candles, singing and dancing as an open invitation to attend the wedding. That was definitely a good vibe, especially with my sisters meeting all of his cousins and sisters, they all got along really well. It's not really about... Myself or Baljinder, it's about everyone just getting involved and having a bit of a party. Tonight will be the last time the bride and groom will see each other before they marry in four days' time. And there are many more rituals to take part in before then. Yeah, we've got the Mehndi night on Thursday and then the Haldi night and the Chuda night on Friday. And then eventually we'll get married on Saturday. We're looking forward to that part actually. Wazeem's quest for a wife is not going well, so he's made a decision. In order to increase his chances of finding a wife, he's going to India, where he'll meet potential brides found for him by his parents. It is very exciting for me. Each week I'll see one girl over there, talk to their family. If everything goes fine, probably I'll get engaged and get married over there. And this willing groom will have just one meeting to impress each possible bride. If the girl's parents decide that you can meet her, you have to be in traditional dress. Shoes like these ones. I'm thinking like I'll wear something Indian dress, traditional Indian dress to go and see the bride. And I'll have something on the top, which goes on this one. So I look like a bit more royal. What do you think of these ones? Like, you know, do you think it suits me? Do I look like an Indian in this one? I do feel like a little bit nervous but I'm more like excited than nervous man because like you know I've been waiting for a long time like you know it's I'll say like 40 years it's not it's nearly more than half of my life. To many Westerners the idea of meeting someone once and then agreeing to marry them is hard to grasp but for Wazeem arranged marriage is a familiar concept with successful matches in his family going back generations. In our culture when you're getting married it's just not only bride and groom getting Everything matters, it's like families. So, you know, they won't make a wrong decision like choosing the right family for me. Because parents are getting older. That's the only dream they have got at the moment because everyone in my family has got married apart from me. So I just want to make them happy. They've been working really hard to find me a girl and I really don't want to disappoint them. My biggest fear is like if I go over there and if I don't like anyone, then what I have to do? That's the biggest fear. Every Sikh man should look and feel like a prince on his wedding day. And today Johnny will begin his transformation from bachelor to groom with a Maya ceremony. Tonight is what's called Maya and it's basically the ceremony where everyone in the family puts turmeric on me to make me look prettier I guess. The union of Johnny and Baljinder would not be going ahead without the absolute support of both sets of parents. We find a suitable match in the same caste, same religion. Some people same caste but different religion. So then we family face many problems. In the modern age, if they both compromise with each other, then marriage is successful. Outside, Johnny's sister and female relatives set the stage for the Maya ceremony with a Rangoli design made with a coloured powder and thought to bring good luck. We are just making Rangoli with the different colours. The colour is just like symbol for the blessings and just like to fill their life with a bright colour. The Maya, it's actually really focused towards you, so it's very intimate, you know, everyone's pasting you with their turmeric paste. The spotlight is on you, so it feels really nice to be able to share that moment with everyone that's involved. Yeah, it's about love and family and everyone just sort of bonding together. Are you feeling cleansed? I'm not sure about that. I feel I need to have a shower afterwards. 39-year-old car salesman Wazeem set himself the lofty goal to get engaged and married within four months. With his search for love unsuccessful in New Zealand, Wazeem returned to his hometown in India, hoping his family would have better luck finding him a life partner. I went and had a look at about 10 or 12 girls. First week I found someone, but they don't want to send the girl to New Zealand. There was one family. I liked the girl by seeing the photo. I said, yep, I'm happy to get married. And then... When the girl's mother came and saw me, she said no because I don't have a beard as a religious person or I don't practice my religion very much. It was a little bit disappointing and I was not sure whether I'm doing the right thing or not. Selling cars is, I think, way easier than getting married. With his four-month deadline fast approaching, Wazeem had just one more woman to meet. On Friday, that was the last girl which I was looking before I come back to Auckland. I walked in, I saw the girls and then she was like very pretty. Initially when I saw her sitting on the chair and then when I walked in, when I see her face, then 90% I knew like she's the one. An excited Wazeem could be putting the cart before the horse. While his prospective bride and her mother have agreed to the match, the father is yet to give his blessing. As he waits for someone else to make the biggest decision of his life, Waseem seeks support from married friend, Naz. So Waseem, have you got the photo yet or not? Yes, yes, I did get the photo. Wow, pretty. Yes, she is. So what do you think? I think she's the one. She's the one, wow. Fingers crossed. Yeah. So when is the engagement happening? I'm just waiting for her father to get approved. Yeah. Mum and her, they already said yes, like both of them. My parents said yes. So she said yes to you? Yes, she did. You did? Yeah. Mashallah. I'm feeling lucky. Oh, that's good. Did you meet her? Did you talk to her at all? Yeah, I did ask like three questions only. Only three questions? I was thinking to talk to her. I asked her a couple of questions, so I asked, like, what's your name? What did you do? What's her name? Sultana. Sultana, wow. And I asked, like, what she did and then what's her plan in future. And she's studying or she's finished? She just finished MBA. She did, like, HR management. So what did you like about her? Because you agreed to her, you said yes. First of all, like, you know, first sight, like, when I saw her, she's pretty. Yes, that's true. She got, like, big bright eyes. What about the hair? She got long hair. Oh, did you like long hair? Yeah. Yeah, oh that's good. Now you have to send gifts for the father, so he agrees, yeah? Bribe him. Bribe him, yes. Sultana's father will be considering Wazeem's prospects. But will he be willing to allow his daughter to move to New Zealand? Her families, any of her sisters or brothers are living abroad, are they? No, none. Because they're all in India. Yes, they're all in India. So she'll be the first one out of the family. She's the first one in the family to come. So how does she think about it? I'm not sure I'll ask. I'll let you know. Yes, yes, make sure. Yeah, I see it. We change for her and hope things work out for her. I mean, first of all, there's cultural change, and she needs to get used to it and definitely need a lot of support and assurance. You have other families in New Zealand. It's been two weeks since Waseem returned from India, but there's been no answer from Sultana's family. Wedding pretty much driving me crazy. I believe Sultana is the one. I only met her once, but I still have the same feelings. We said, like, once I get married to her, like, she has to come over here. To make her happy, like, I'll do pretty much anything. You know, like, I'm a cook, like, you know, I can, you know... I cook for her sometimes and I do have a lot of friends and I'll do whatever I can do so she can be happy with me over here and then she doesn't feel homesick. Hopefully like we get married and stay together for the rest of our lives. If a father says no, I won't give up. My heart's set on getting married and then me and my parents will be still looking for another bride. After seeing her I felt like all my dreams had come true so I hope everything works out from here. It's the day before Baljinder and Johnny's wedding. The bride's siblings are bracing themselves for the imminent departure of their sister to another home. So this is my last official night at the house. So tomorrow after the wedding ceremony and there'll be an official sort of send-off farewell for me, which will be a really emotional moment actually. Are you nervous for tomorrow Baljinder? I'm not. Are you going to miss us? Because maybe I should be. Are you going to miss us? Yes. No. No, I don't want to think about the fact that I'm leaving you guys just yet. It's like tomorrow though. Aren't you getting butterflies? I don't have butterflies. She hasn't even cried once and then there's us all like... She cried when I was packing. I can imagine her. She will be the only one that's crying hard out. Are you going to cry now, Jessie? No. Think about your make-up, Jessie. Think about your make-up, yeah. And I'm going to come visit you all the time. Oh my god, Jessie, your make-up's getting ruined. Come on, let's save all the tears for tomorrow. The idea that a bride must leave her family home and become a daughter within her husband's family can be hard for a modern woman to understand. Yeah, I don't completely agree with the whole concept. I guess that's because we're all girls in our family and at the end of the day, you know, I'd like my parents to have one of us stay with them. I don't want them to be alone at the end of the day. But I think, yeah, that's something that probably definitely needs... a bit more open-mindedness around it. Despite two daughters remaining at home, Baljinder's father, Avtar, is struggling to say goodbye to his eldest. I will miss you. He's excited about it, but I can tell that he's a bit nervous as well, like you can see it in his eyes. He's normally like real happy and chatty, but he's been real quiet lately. His daughter is leaving, so it's hard. That we still follow the traditions and stuff, even though we live in such a modern society. But we still stick to our background and our roots. I think you appreciate that. Before the cultural ceremonies begin, Baljinder's extended family share a meal with a distinctly kiwi flavour. When it came down to the turmeric night and also the bangles that was on a lot more personal level because it was you know traditions that I personally had to go through in order to prepare for the wedding itself. This one is actually a traditional ceremony which, yeah, basically saying goodbye to the female which is going to go into our next family. It's a little bit happiness and we do have sadness in the family as well. Yeah, I was actually just reflecting on everything and especially because all my family came one by one, you know, my parents came in, then my sisters came in and as they came in, yeah, just because it makes you realise all the importance that all the people hold in your life. With the turmeric paste applied, the women prepare for the bangles ceremony. So this is the milk. So when they put the bangles on, they have to dip the bangles in first, and then they have to put it on. So it's more like just washing and making sure it's all cleansed, and then put it on. Traditionally, a bride will have 21 bangles on each arm, which can be worn for up to a year. It's said that as long as a bride wears the bangles, she'll be exempt from performing household chores in her new home. As they were putting them on, I actually found it kind of scary. I think it really struck home that I would only come back into this house as a visitor from now on. I mean, my parents would never term it that way, but that's essentially what it is. Yeah. Baljinder always knew she would have a traditional arranged marriage, but she didn't expect that she would have the chance to fall in love with her groom first. In just a few hours, Baljinder will marry Johnny in a traditional Sikh temple wedding. So today's the big day. At the moment I'm pretty relaxed, not worried. I will probably get a bit more emotional later on during the day. But right now I'm sort of just eager to kind of go get it over and done with. Probably should be nervous because I don't really know how the routine works at the temple either. But the good thing is he'll be in the lead so I'll just follow wherever he goes. This whole wedding has been an opportunity for Baljinder and her very Kiwi sisters to connect with their culture, even if sometimes they've had to make it up as they went along. Right now, stress. Feeling stressed. We don't know how to set this thing. We've never done this before. It needs to be pinned down so it doesn't move. I don't know. We just have to do something to get it right. Johnny also needs support to transform into the perfect Sikh groom. Yeah, so just getting ready for the big day. A friend here got him to come over to tie a turban on me. I don't really usually tie one, so I don't really know how to tie it properly. Obviously, I want it to look right. Wearing a turban is part of our culture, part of our religion, and it's a sign of respect. Sort of finding it a little bit hard to hear a little bit, but it's not too bad. It's over my eyes a little bit. His very traditional look is topped off with golden slippers, a wedding scarf, and a sword. Good. Yeah, the sword is part of our tradition. Essentially what happens was that guys would get married, they would go to the girl's house or the girl's family's place. It could be far away. And obviously people knew that everyone there got jewellery on and everything, so no one would dare try and do anything in the way. So, yeah, just in case. So, you know, hopefully I won't have to pull it out. So right now we're going to start a blessing ceremony. So we bless off the boy before we go to the temple and marry him off. It felt really good, because everyone was just, you know, really cheerful, and, you know, you have these nerves and all these other emotions you're going through, but then everyone's just so happy around you, then, you know, just sort of forget about that and kind of enjoy the moment at that time. The one thing I was worried about was actually because women always take forever to get ready, and especially our family as well, so I was telling everyone, like, come on, hurry up, hurry up, we have to be there on time, we have to, I don't want to be late. At the temple, guests are gathered to greet the bride and groom. But with no sign of Baljinder, Johnny is left to wait in the car. Bride's not here yet, so they're running late. So we should... We've got some bonus points there, so sweet. I'm always going to have that little upper hand in life. No one can ever blame me for being late. But there's no rushing this bride, as she savours the last moments with her family before the wedding. It's just a bit wet at the moment, yeah. My dad's quite emotional, and my mum's been emotional this morning as well. But I think things will cheer up a bit more at the temple, so we'll see from there. But yeah, I'll be married the next time you talk to me. Yeah, me too. As both families prepare to greet, Baljinder arrives just in time to sneak into the temple. You can't go upstairs from back here? Yeah, you can't do the stairway. Yeah, but it goes to the front of the gurdwara where everyone's facing. There's no way to go up. OK, where does the gurdwara go? OK, let's go. Baljinder will now remain safely out of view until she is escorted into the ceremony. So downstairs the groom's side has arrived. Our family is formally greeting his family because this is our function, we're inviting them and formally welcome them in. Satsang with Mooji After a prayer is performed, one by one members of each family greet and exchange garlands. The groom's family are then invited inside the temple. But first, the bridal party teases Johnny by demanding money before he can enter and wed his bride. $2,000. What about gold? Gold? How many of you is that? Two? Six. That's $600. $100 each, dude? Come on! Don't be cheap! Can we go up to a grand at least? With Baljinder's bridesmaids paid off, the wedding can proceed. Guests pay their respects to the Guru Granth Sahib, the Sikh holy book. The Sikh marriage ceremony is called the Anand Karaj, which translates literally as blissful union. Sitting down there and waiting for her to walk in and sit down next to me, it's an emotional time. One of the emotions I was feeling through was the responsibility I was about to take on, and it's not something that had to be taken lightly. You're making a vow to someone, she's entrusted her life with me, this is a serious matter and you can't just walk into it lightly. It was odd, it was sort of a... Out of body experience. I don't feel like that was really me. It was quite funny. Trying not to giggle. I've never seen him like that before. So it was quite an odd look, but he looked very serious. I was just like, yeah, I should behave. Yeah, I think she just starts giggling when she's nervous. Baljinder takes hold of Johnny's scarf before circling the Sikh holy text four times, signifying that the couple are now one soul in two bodies. All I knew was, you know, my mum just said, wherever Johnny's walking, you walk. So yeah, that whole time I was just going along with the flow. I didn't know what was going on, to be honest. While I was holding it, I could see him in front of me, obviously, and I was just like, wow, this is going to be my husband now. Oh. Once it was over and my friends and my sisters all came, I was like, look, you're married as well. Oh, yeah. We had a kind of like a little partial hug, didn't we? Oh yes, once we got up. I kind of gave her an oh yes. Yeah. You made it. Yeah. With the formal wedding ceremony over, the bride has returned to her family home in preparation for the doli, the official leaving ceremony. So now we're just waiting for them to arrive and they're just taking that opportunity to just have a two-minute nap. Which is now over. They're here. Jonny's family's here to take her and do a little ritual just to say that we're taking your daughter now, she's married to him. So we'll do the ritual and we'll send her off with her stuff. That's when it gets emotional. So most of it was happiness but then the other part is, you know, daughter won't be here, we won't see her on a daily basis. It got very emotional at that point, it was so bizarre like because all my family is crying and I was like I'm getting so emotional at this point as well I'm like holding back tears literally and I was like no I cannot cry here right I need to be strong but it just felt like I was responsible for all of everyone crying here and I was like saying goodbye to my family I kind of wanted to just run out and go no it's okay I'm staying. I'm dying. I think Johnny was quite emotional as well though, he felt like the bad guy, taking me away from everyone. The whole ride back to his place I didn't look at him. Are you crying? Baljinder's new mother-in-law then blesses the couple with a pot full of water and milk. It was a very happy, joyous time for us to walk into the house and it was really nice to have Baljinder by my side. The family then welcome their new daughter with light-hearted games. This is welcoming her and introducing her into the family and breaking the ice, basically, to make her feel that she's welcomed and we are so happy and pleased to have her in the family. And, you know, that we understand that, you know, leaving your family behind can be a little emotional. It was so much like my family and it was just, it was a very warm welcoming. So I sort of forgot about everything for a little while and it was actually, it was quite nice. It's all done for us anyway and today's the first day of our lives together and we're very happy about it anyway. Yeah, we're happy. Yeah. Just come for me. We're soulmates and I've just felt that right from the beginning and she is really special. So I'm learning so much more about him and it's actually pretty exciting. Some of it's interesting, most of it's good and it's just understanding him better as a person. I don't know, it just all feels very normal, right? I'm going to do like him more every single day I think, just a little bit.