'And If I Die Before I Wake' with George M. Johnson

In this episode of What Happens With Sid, I would like to welcome a best-selling author, George M. Johnson. George, how are you? I'm doing pretty well today. I'm doing pretty well today. That's great. So I first fell in love with your work of art after I read All Boys Aren't Blue. And I actually saw it when I was at the airport in Atlanta. And the cover just drew me to it. And I was like, oh my god, the writing is amazing, like the storyline behind it. And then you have a new one that is getting ready to come out. But before we kind of take a deep dive into those, tell us a little bit about who you are and what really sparked you into becoming an author and Telling your story. Yeah, I mean, I think who I am at my core is community. Like, I have been invested in community since I was very, very young. I had my first soup kitchen in my city where I grew up, Plainfield, New Jersey, with my grandmother when I was 14. And so I've always been like. I'm motivated by like how can I help other people be better and how can I help other people feel just as motivated or those people within my community, the LGBT community, who didn't have the family support that I have, how can I like somehow be their family? And so in many ways, I've always been a writer, even though I went to school for something totally different. I was always like finding ways to put my voice out there, whether it was Twitter, whether it was a blog. Then I started writing for like Ebony magazine and Essence and like all these publications. And then in 2017, 18, I was like, okay, I need to be doing something even more, right? I had the wonderful experience of growing up with a very loving family. And I was like, I just wish more people knew that there were families out here that supported trans people, LGBTQ people. And so that's when I came up with the idea, like, I think I should write a book about my very interesting life story in this small city of Plainfield, New Jersey, and All Boys Aren't Blue came out and seeing how so many people felt seen for the first time and felt heard for the first time, I think that's what continues to give me the motivation to create the stories that I'm putting out there. and I love your new book that is getting ready to come out which I actually haven't read and it's If I Die Before I Wake and the beginning of it got me because it was technically a letter that was to your younger self at the time and now tell us before we kind of I kind of get off keel and go all over the place with this book tell the viewers a little bit about what's involved in this other story this other side of your life. Yeah, so All Boys Aren't Blue, it ends right around, like, age 21, even though it does have, like, some forward pieces in it where I talk about where I was at when I wrote it, but it kind of ends at 21, and the same way that that book started with the trauma, which is my teeth being kicked out, I was, like, what, I started thinking about, like, what are starting points in our life that we think are tragic moments that actually become starting points? And so that... That's where, like, I was like, I remember being 25 and being diagnosed with HIV. And I was like, I thought that was the end. And in reality, that was the beginning. Like, that was the true start of Where I would get to be today as a 41-year-old just celebrating my birthday, and that's really what I poured into And If I Die Before I Wake, and I just thought about how many moments in life we feel are like a death, a death of an old version of ourself, but then also how important it is to realize that even though we bury the older versions of ourself, it's okay to go revisit the graves. It's kind of what my wavelength is. And it's like the same way when you lose a loved one, you don't stop going to the cemetery to visit them and you don't stop telling them stories, even though they may be in like an ancestral place for you. And so I started to reflect on that, like as myself, like, well, maybe I need to start revisiting some of these versions of myself that that I buried that may still be. Wondering if I'm okay now, like is that version thinking about me? And I know that sounds like spooky to be like, yeah, you're revisiting old versions of yourself. But I think it's important that we do because we're always growing, we're always changing. And as a professor once told me, we're always becoming, like we're always becoming something else. So it's smart to just go back to a version of yourself that didn't think that they would see you here. And to almost talk to that version to let them know like, no, like, I'm okay. And The decision that you made back then, although it might not have been a good one or a bad one, it still all played out in the way that it needed to play out for the story to be told. And so I think the book is really me going back just to remind that scared version of myself, that scared young adult that was fearful of so many things coming my way to say like, no, like you're going to you're going to get through this and you got through this. And look where we are now to be able to tell the story together. Yeah, and I love how you brought up, you know, the becoming because I think a lot of times we get so caught up in our past selves, essentially, and not really focusing on like, what those lessons have taught us and like kind of who we're turning into. And I also like, you know, how you talked about when you lose a loved one, it's almost like, you know, that old self. dies which I didn't really learn and really understand until I lost my grandmother which she was a major part of my life and she still is even though she's gone and I really sat and thought about it when I was kind of going through the process and I was like that old life is technically dead like you're technically starting all over again because I've like literally my whole because she died when I was 25 my whole 25 years she was a staple in my life staple everywhere everywhere I turned it was my grandma and then you Kind of have to rewire your brain to rework with that person, you know, not around like, I don't know how many times things have happened and I'm like going to dial her number because I haven't deleted it yet. And it's like, oh crap, she's, she's not there. So it's like, you kind of have to rewire your brain. And I think your book is a great example of, you know, the trials and tribulations that you overcame and the things that you went through, but you didn't let it define who you were. And you kind of just like, okay, this is a part of my story. This is part Part of my, you know, history, whatever. And you kind of move on and grew from that Yeah, absolutely. And I think about it from that same standpoint, right? Like, I still remember my grandmother's house phone number. You know, my brother, he saved like voicemails from her, you know, so you can still hear her. And I think it's something I've also learned too. It's funny. It's like, the memories don't necessarily fade, but what they sound like. Right. Start to forget what their actual voice sounded like because you don't hear it every day. So I'm always like going back and looking at old videos that I have of her where she's talking just so I know like, OK, that's what she sounds like. So when I hear the voice in my head from her saying do this or do that, I know exactly what it sounds like. And I think that's really what what the book is about. Right. It's like the people who shaped my life, whether it be my grandmother, whether it be my brother who passed away. Okay. They play such a pivotal role and they still hear and like you still feel their presence and you still remember their words that like encourage you. And so I just felt like it was important for me to kind of write this love letter to them in a way and kind of like also telling their story. I think it's Toni Morrison who said like people don't really die. They only die if you stop telling their story. And so I've been just so thoughtful about how. All of my books have introduced these people who people may see as characters, but their names will be forever remembered because as long as if I turn 80 and people are still buying All Boys Aren't Blue, there are people still being introduced to my grandmother, you know? And so I think that's the beautiful thing about it is that. Like, writing memoir is not easy, but when you put yourself out there, you put your story out there, and you're vulnerable and you're transparent with the world, it can save so many lives, lives that are here that you can actually see and watch how it's helped them, but then you also get to think about, like, how many lives this book will save when I'm no longer here, and so I think that's why I, like, I write the way I write, and I continue to, like, tell my own story, despite how being so vulnerable and telling about my business can be scary at times, but I think in the end, it's always worth it. Yeah. And so many people are so receptive of it, too. You know, like seeing it in the book community, you know, on Bookstagram and BookTok. Now, between your two books, especially this latest one that's out, what would you say is the biggest lesson you've learned from yourself? And what is the lesson that you would love readers to take away from it? The biggest lesson I learned for myself is that I'm always going to be like in a state of working on myself. And I say that to say, I think a lot of times we don't revisit past things, and this work forces me to revisit events and things that were traumatic, things that were happy, things that were sad. Thank you And so I think for me, what it then helps me to realize is that I've overcome this before. so much for joining Like, there were moments where I was writing it and I was dealing with situations while writing the book, thinking I wouldn't overcome them. us today, And then I'm writing and realize I had overcome this already. and we'll see And it was like, wait, I've already overcome being broke. I've overcome dating, bad relationships, and this and this. you next time. And I'm writing like, wait, I've overcome these things. Why do these things still bother me today when I run into them, when I know I can overcome them? And so it does help me in my day-to-day so I don't, like, doom-scroll my own life anymore. Like, there are times where I'm like, I wish this thing happened or I wish that thing happened. And I'll sit with it. But, like, I think I do the Beyonce rule. I think she said she allowed herself to sit with stuff for 24 hours, I think she said. Either 24 or 48. But then she said, like, after that, it's like, okay, I got to move on. Because I've overcome other things and I can overcome this. Yeah. I think what I want readers to take away from the book is that, one, we're a lot more alike than we are disalike, despite the various identifiers that we all live in. Thank That even when a story has specificity, it can have a universal effect on people. I could never imagine that there would be, like, 80-year-old white grandmothers who were championing All Boys Aren't Blue, right? Like, and I would have never imagined, just some of the people you. who have said, like, the book made them feel a way or helped them with something that wasn't my quote-unquote target audience. Let me know that. There is so much power in just telling your own story. And I think it was Maya Angelou who said it, like basically like when you share your truth with the world, like you heal others, like, like sharing your truth will ultimately end up healing so many others who couldn't find the words to express the same feelings that you're telling them that, that you share with them. And so I do hope that people and readers take, you know, that away, right? Like we live in a time where humanity sucks. Like, you know, like, and, and, and people don't look at people as people. They look at them as a statistic or a number or a vote or a this or that. And I mean, you can even, you know, look at the elections, like the way they talk about like the black vote is so, it's a dehumanizing way that they speak about it. Like we don't have autonomy and brains and thoughts. And so I do hope that people take away from the book that. No, you are an individual, you are a human being, and you don't deserve the dehumanizations that we are placed under every day. And even despite our differences, whether I'm Black and queer, and you're Black and straight, and you're white and straight, same thing, all affect us, right? And so I do hope that readers understand, like, again, we are much more alike than we are different. George, is there going to be more from you? Hopefully another book soon? Yes. So I do have another book coming. Um, my second book with Leah Johnson, uh, comes out May 11th. It's called There's Always Pride Here. It's about my birthday. Yeah. Um, it's about four college students. First time going to New York City Pride and it is funny and chaotic. And I think it's like one of just one of those good reads that, you know, you could You know, that has a very happy ending. And so, you know, it's a young adult romantic comedy. And so super excited about that. And then I have some other things in the works that I guess everybody just stay tuned. So there should be some stuff coming soon. So, well, I cannot wait to read the next book that is getting ready to come out. And I can't wait to have you back so we can talk some more of your masterpieces when it comes to your story. And thank you so much for what you're doing in the community, but most importantly, for taking the time to come and chat with me and fellow book lovers out there. We greatly appreciate it. Thank you for having me.