5 Things Men Notice In Other Men - That Women Miss

Five things I would avoid in men if I was a woman. Now, I'm not a woman, but I'd make a pretty good woman with as well as I know men. But since I can't benefit from this, I'm going to let you benefit from what I know. So as a man, I've talked to enough men and listened to enough that I've heard them, what's important to them. And I also know when they're coming across in a way that's not sincere, when they're sending signals, a lot of times women miss. And I'm going to show you in this one the things I would look for and why they're so dangerous. And what we would do instead of that toward the end. If you don't know me, I'm Bob Grant. I'm author of RelationshipHeadquarters.com. I also have a free gift for you that you can see down below. You can see it right up here. As we jump into number one, if I was a woman with my skills as a man, I would pay attention, number one, to early intensity. Now, because I'm a man, again, I have an advantage over you. I'm wired differently. It's an advantage in some areas. This one would be early on that intensity. I know better than to trust it. Because I know intensity with men is not based on a deep connection. Intensity with men is based on what I'm feeling in the moment. And you may feel the same level of intensity, but men do not bond with intensity. Women are more likely to bond with intensity. I'm not saying you ladies always do this, but you're more susceptible to that with your emotions. We are not because for us with emotions, those emotions don't stay intense for long periods of time. We don't have the ability to run hot for long periods of time. You ladies do. I've talked with enough women. That the relationship's going and they're sharing and she's just getting started and he's full. And she's like, what went wrong? And I say, well, he's full. Why is he full? And I try to explain. He doesn't have the capacity. He can be really intense. And she assumes that intensity means this is, he's at a level of feeling that like they've gone to a higher level and that's the new level. And I go, no, that's not the new level. That's him going up. And then he's going to come back down. He's going to go back up. And it's more like five steps forward. Four steps back, five steps forward, four steps back. You can call that immature, please don't. You can say he's narcissistic. I hate it when folks do that. It's not narcissistic, it's him being a guy. Now, sometimes men, when they're really intense, they make promises. This is why I would avoid this if I was a woman. They make promises when it's really intense. What would I do as a man? I would slow him down. I would say, I appreciate that. I'd say, that's nice of you. But you know, this is our first date. This is our second date. This is early. Let's just enjoy dessert. I would literally say something like that. I wouldn't be super serious with it. I might stick my hand up and smile a little bit. Not because I'm trying to punish him, but I'm trying to keep him from digging himself in a hole of making promises he's not going to keep. Now, he should know better, absolutely. But sometimes when men get really excited, they talk about the future too quick. They made promises they shouldn't, and I don't always think that makes him an awful person. I think he's being impulsive. So since I know this about men, I'm going to do this to protect him. I would avoid this with him of getting pulled into this trap I call the intensity trap. Number two, what I would avoid men when they complain about circumstances. I'm all for being empathetic. I'm all for having a listening ear. But what I know about men is that these problems and circumstances you're having trouble with, That's your opportunity to man up. Don't say that. Don't use those words. This is me talking to you. That's your opportunity to grow. And I don't mean never have a bad day, but men are wired to solve problems. We're good at it. We like it. So when men aren't solving problems, they're not in their masculine. They're not at their best. I've sat in enough men's groups, some formal, some just a group of guys. And when someone talks about a problem, whatever, no one says, poor baby. No one says, oh, you poor guy. No one even thinks that. When they're going through a problem, we're like, I can get that because our thought is, you're going to figure that out. I don't know how, but you're going to figure that out because you have to, because that's what you do. That's just an assumption with us. So if there's some guy complaining, I'm going to cut that off kind of quick. I might say, I'm sorry you're having a tough time. If he keeps complaining, I'm going to call him on it, mainly because I don't want to be with a guy that complains all the time, because that's not good for him or me. I might say, I understand you're having a tough time, but what I'm not hearing is, I don't know, what's the plan? What are you going to do about it? And if he doubles down where there's nothing I can do, my boss is awful, my boss is terrible, then that's something I'm going to evaluate. I'm probably not going to want to be with this person because even if his boss is terrible, even if it's tough circumstances, there's always an option. Now, let me put a caveat here. I'm not talking about things he has no control over, like the death of his mom or someone close, developed cancer. I don't mean that at times. That's something that's totally out of his control. I wouldn't necessarily call that complaining unless it gets excessive. Even with that, I might still redirect and ask him. I say, well, what can you do or what could you do for her? See, I'm not trying to be his teacher, but I know this with men, is it's not helpful when they wallow in complaining. That isn't ladies that you just don't like it. Part of you intuitively knows it's not good for him either. Third one is, I would avoid a man that leads with money. What do I mean by this? Of course, if I was a woman, I would like him to pay for things. It's not I expect him to, it's not I demand it to, but it will be a way of him showing me that he's investing in me. It's his way of showing interest. It's his way of taking the lead. It's a gesture. It's not a requirement. But if he's going to lead with money, And spend a lot of money and impress me with how much he's spending and be disproportionate. On the first day, we go someplace that's $1,000, depending on the type of man you're used to going out with. It's something that seems disproportionate. And he talks about money a lot, talks about how much he made. I'm new to that because what he's doing is he's hiding behind it. And that hiding behind is I don't really get to know him that well. I would do the same thing with women that everything is about their looks. And she's always dressed up and nothing wrong dressing up. But she never has a down day. Every time she shows up, she's dressed up. I remember one girl in college, and it was a flag football. It's like flag football in college. And I was the coach of the women's team, which is a great way to meet girls. And all the girls came down and she came down, you know, she had sweats on, but dolled up with earrings. And I didn't laugh, but she could not let herself not be like that. She was just, it was too vulnerable or too something. And I never forgot that. And so in the same way, when someone overdoes it, men or women, men will do this a lot of times with money to impress and they'll tell you they're impressed. If I see someone doing a lot of money stuff, making a lot of money suggestions, talking about his car and his worth and all that, I would redirect that and say, that's impressive, but I'm really here to get to know you. Yes, I would literally say that. Again, not initially, but if it kept getting pushed and pushed and pushed. Because again, I'm not helping him. I'm here to fall in love with the man, not his money. Yes, his money tells me something about him. He's disciplined enough. He knows how to manage money. He's not terribly impulsive if he's able to manage money. I like all those things. But his money, he could be an awful, terrible person and have lots of money. If I'm a woman, I want a man's character. That's what's going to mean the most to me long term. Is he patient? Is he kind? Is he strong? Does he handle himself well in adversity? Those are going to mean more than him just having a lot of money and then just throwing stuff because I'll feel like he doesn't love me. I'll feel like I'm something he just bought. So the last one's going to be, or sorry, the fourth one's going to be a lack of follow-through versus intensity. We alluded to this at the beginning. When he's really intense and makes promises, if he follows through with them, that's fine. When he doesn't follow through with them, I would totally avoid this. I would say something about it, especially if it's a specific promise. Yes, I'm making plans for us to take a vacation. I can't wait for the day we're engaged. I'm looking forward to meeting your parents, whatever the thing is. I'm not trying to ascertain or use my super intuition to figure out, does he mean that? Does he kind of mean it? Ladies, I know that would be nice if we could do that. The problem is, you become a detective, I wouldn't do it. I would make note of it, and I would give myself a certain amount of time, a few weeks. If it doesn't happen, then I would bring it up. I'm not waiting for this. I'm not letting resentment build, because if this is someone I like, the worst thing I could do is resent him. I'm not going to cut him slack and pretend, oh, he just said that in the moment. He may have just said that in the moment. I don't like that. If I'm a woman, your word means a lot to me. What else am I going to count on if I can't count on your word? So I'm going to bring it up to him. And I'm going to say, remember when you said about going to see my parents? Remember when you said about engaged? And then I'm going to judge his reaction. Because the man I'm looking for is the man when I bring it up. He realizes he's in the wrong. I'm not trying to rub his face in it. But he did say and didn't follow up. If he makes excuses, well, yes, I know I said that. And why are you bringing this up? Why are you pushing me? Again, easier for me because I'm not a woman. But if I was a woman, I would be looking for this. And that tells me about him. I can't rely on him or I'm afraid to rely on him. Last one is, again, all these are similar. With future promises, it's not just does he fall through, but I'm looking for what steps is he taking right now? Not just does he fulfill it, but when he makes future promises, what do I see? What I'm looking for is I see him making plans for his career. I see him making plans for doing stuff for this family. I see him making plans. What's the plan for us? I wouldn't say that to him. And I'm not trying to everyday analyze. But when men are investing in something, real estate project, they're meticulously making plans or doing things to build that. Seeing her more often. Is it progressing more? What steps is he taking not just toward the thing he promised, but toward us as a whole? Is he seeing me more frequently? Is he talking about the future, not just making promises? Do I feel that he's actually including me in his future plans? And then what steps is he taking now to do those things? Because if we're stuck in a rut where we see each other a couple of times a week, we have fun like high school, and we're just kind of in this perpetual dating thing, I'm a woman. I got no interest in perpetual dating. No. If I'm a woman, I think I'm pretty good at dating. I've probably dated enough. I don't need more dating. I don't need a perpetual boyfriend. I've dated plenty. Don't need any more dating practice. I'm not put on this planet to be a great dater. I'm put on this planet to have a partner. And I'm looking for his future plans because if he just wants that, maybe there's a fear there's a, maybe there's an apprehension. And if I don't see that, then I give it a certain amount of time and I'm asking. But I really want to ask him, Pick a timeframe, usually six months or a year, as I'm wondering, how do you see our future? Yes, I would literally say that. How do you see our future? And see what his response is, because I'm looking for a partner I can give my heart to. I'm not looking for someone just to spend Saturday night with. If you enjoyed this, stay tuned for the next video, and I'm glad you joined us. I'll see you on the next one.