Can Romance Survive Financial Realities? | Love, Money & Relationships

People did not have a place to go and learn about money. We all followed the formula, go to school, get a job, yeah? Then suddenly you're earning a salary or start a business, money is coming your way. And somehow, by magic, we were just told to figure it out. So Centronomy is the place where you figure out your money. And it's also the place where you get your money to talk to you and to talk to itself. Save the 500 volt, yeah? Because money is about building a habit over time, yeah? Because it doesn't matter if you have, if today with 20K, you don't have money, please trust, especially given what you've said, I want to buy nice things. If that is the motive, you'll earn 200K and go buy nice things. And you say, I don't have money. Yeah, because you know what? The world is never going to run out of nice things to buy. Welcome back to my channel and today we know we know we are all looking forward to valentines so today we are going to talk about of course the big day of course we know it's about love it's about uh love is in the air and it's red but again we know something that Matters, like it will affect you. So we are going to attach money and love. We want to see can romance, can relationship survive finances reality. Like the reality of the thing is we don't have money, but I love you. The reality of the day is I want you, but today I don't have money to buy flowers. I don't have money to go out for a date. It's Ken. Yeah, Ken Romance. surpass, can they survive where there's that financial, what do I call it, challenge or instability or the reality, the reality of money, okay? And of course, me, since I do, me, I know nothing about money. I know, but I don't know the impact, some of the effects money has into relationships. So that's why today I have a guest, a guest who is someone maybe you've heard about her. If you've not heard about her, you've heard about her business. Let me call it the business. So if you've not heard about her name, or about her, you've definitely heard about her business. Her name is Washeke. Allow me to introduce you to the show today. Thank you. I'm feeling a bit nervous. I don't know why. Having you here in Anishitua, because I know I'm not good with money, so I'm afraid some talking points will be... Don't worry. Please be kind. Don't worry, don't worry. Yeah, but I'm happy to have you. Thank you for having me. Maybe you can introduce yourself, and then maybe your business, just a brief chat about... Okay, I think all people need to know about me is I'm a student of life. I think everything that has happened in my life has become so that I have lessons. I didn't start teaching people about money. I'm the founder of Centronomy, but I didn't start teaching people about money because it was perfect. So don't be nervous. You're not sitting next to somebody who's been perfect with money. You're not sitting next to somebody who even today didn't make a mistake with money because money is a relationship. Today, it's Valentine's. So remember, money at the end of the day is a relationship. And a relationship, like any other relationship, has ups and downs. So I think God put me on this purpose and calling of Centronomy To turn my message into a message. So my message became a message about money. I started Centonomy because I had been bad with money. I'd been earning, working in the banking industry, investment industry. I did stockbroking at some point. What did you think somebody who's done that has? They know everything about money. It's been a month. Yeah. Then I left that, the comfort of a salary to start a business. And that was it. That is what taught me about money. So it was not actually having money that taught me about money. It was being in a position where I don't have money that taught me about money. And I just started really thinking and having conversations with people and then realized, at least then, now many people are talking about it. People did not have a place to go and learn about money. We all followed the formula, go to school. Get a job. Yeah. Then suddenly you're earning a salary or start a business. Money is coming your way. And somehow, by magic, we were just told to figure it out. So, Centonomy is the place where you figure out your money. And it's also the place where you get your money to talk to you and to talk to itself. Because we handle, we go spend. We don't think about savings. We don't think about how does that impact our debt. Today, we don't think about how all that impacts the relationship, how it impacts investment, how I plan for things like taking my child to school or bigger things that will come along your way, even plan a wedding. Yeah, or event. So we are all caught up in, and especially today you're talking about love, we're caught up in so much emotions around money. Well, money itself is very simple. One plus one will always be two. It will never be a million. So if you're a little... Managing money on a one plus one level, please don't expect it somehow to be a million. Math is very simple. And that's what sent on me started to bring authentic conversations to people in a platform where people can come together and honestly learn about money. And from that, we also moved to another area that people should know about money, which is entrepreneurship. So that is what I do. Wow. And that was, I think you've touched on everything. I think what I've gotten is you don't need money to learn about money. No. You started learning how to use money when you didn't have money, not when you had it. Yes. After you didn't have it, that's when you started learning about how to. Can you build a house without a foundation? No. Yeah. So think about all those people who win money instantly. That's always a good example. They gamble or something and win a lot of money instantly. Even if they win millions, where are they usually in the next two months or three months? Because the money is not there. So if you can't manage a hundred bob, you can't manage a million bob. So you have to learn about money because then you realize even the small amounts you're taking for granted. A lot of people say they can't afford this autonomy or they can't afford this and that. So even I used to think that. And then I did, you know, the calculation that started Centonomy is 300 Bob. I talk about it all the time because it started, the 300 Bob started Centonomy. Before I started, went into business, I used to spend 300 Bob a day on lunch. And this was then, okay. And then when I didn't have the money, it was 300 times 30 is 9,000. Yeah, that's already realized in a month. I'm just spending 9,000 shillings. That could be grocery shopping. It could be so many things. Yeah, then the scary thing was 9,000 times 12. That's 108,000 shillings. Yet what is at home food? You can carry, I'm not telling people to diet, but you can carry food. from home so you for us we always look at those small areas where people are cheating themselves so you can invest that money you can pay school fees without money for me honestly because i can go on holiday with this money at the end of the year if you give me 108 000 she thinks that's a holiday so even the life that you want to have the things you want to enjoy are in the small All amounts of money. And if you realize what has changed in the world recently, we've got more and more places to spend small amounts of money. So they've brought the spending down to, now you can... It's just 200 shillings. It's just 200. Or you don't have, you can, ah, there's a mobile app with debt. So we can borrow and spend small amounts of money way easier than we could. So convenience has come at a cost. Yeah. And let me ask, now that we're in this season, Do you feel like, why does this conversation always keep on coming up on a day like now, the three days to come, Valentine's? Because on that day, we are going to spend a lot, a lot, whether it was budgeted, whether it was not budgeted, whether it was there, whether it wasn't there. Why does money always come up? Because on a day like today, people are using spending as an expression of love. So it is what is, I buy the flowers, we go for dinner. You see, there are a couple of gentlemen I know who are very stressed today because of what they are supposed to be doing, yeah? But we use that as the expression. And then 15th come and then we act normal, yeah? And then we have to pay back the day. So money... When it's mixed with love, not just love, it's just relationships has always been complicated because the spend like on a day like today is emotional. Some people can afford it. Some people cannot afford it. And what we don't like to be honest with ourselves is can I afford or I'm keeping up with what everybody else is doing and putting pressure on another person in my life to keep up with what. Everybody is doing, but really what you're looking for is an expression of love. There's so many ways. There's so, even a book is an expression of love. But the show, I think with money, you've always got to understand who are you actually doing it for? Is it for you really? Or what other people will think? So we are enslaved with finances in to, I want to go somewhere today and have the right picture. Actually, that was the thing. It is the real life versus the social media. Real finances, I know, I don't have. But I need to show that, you know, today I got flowers. You know, today I went out for a date. And as you've said, on the 15th, we're back to normal. So today I'm somebody special. And the more money I spend or is spent on me, the more special I am. But is that the case though? No. Yeah, that should not be the case. Yeah. If you want to know if you have a healthy relationship with money, ask yourself this question. When money is there, am I the same person? When money is not there, am I the same person? Or does my personality move up and down depending on whether money is there or not? Then it doesn't matter how much money you have, you will never be financially free. Because financial freedom is first freeing your identity from money. So whether I have 50 bob today and I have 5 million tomorrow, am I the same person? Do I treat people the same way? Are my values the same? Yeah. Or does money, are my friendships the same? Or does money turn me into a completely different person? So the spending is never bad. It is not bad to spend money. Let me be clear about that. But the motive as to why you're spending the money is what creates a healthy or unhealthy choice here. So today, what is your motive in spending that large amount of money? And are you going into spending that tomorrow you will have the Instagram shot, but you will be crying? So is the Instagram shot worth more than the tears and the misery you will be in? Um, uh... Tomorrow, me, I'd rather just stay home and be happy consistently. Thank you. I agree. And I love that you've said, even friendship, not even romantic wise, romantically, even friendship, money, when you have money, we all have these friends when they don't have money, they're sick. Like they're sick. They're not okay. Like you can tell they don't have anything. They change behaviors. So right now you're You're up high. You're like, let's do this. The next minute you're like, Sijiski, Sijiski. So yeah, that question is, ask yourself whether money, whether you're the same person, whether with money, with different amounts of money, then you know how ready you are for money. Do you feel like it also boils down to people breaking up? Because I'm assuming on that day, as much as I know I don't have money and I need to post. I need people to see. I mean, I have someone. So if they don't see my flowers, they'd be like, what do you mean? Does it? Take a major part in relationships, money. Of course it does. And this is not about the day. The day is neither here nor there. Relationships, yeah. It's money, even statistics show a lot of people are breaking up because of money. A lot of people, the conflict in their marriage is not just romantic relationships, even families. Friendships is because of money. And I think it's that part, what role does money have to play? But the most typical ones is a couple, a man and a woman, who are in conflict constantly about money. And this is why people are in conflict about money. You both came into the relationship with a separate relationship with money. And that separate relationship with money was formed in the years that you were not together, when you hardly knew this person. It could be simply what you observed when you were growing up. How money was treated, yeah? How the rich uncle was treated and the poor uncle was treated formed an opinion about money. How your parents interacted with money. Maybe you grew up in a house where there's always like, there's no money, there's no money, money doesn't grow on trees and things like that. So you have a scarcity mentality about money. You didn't see that, so you're scared to spend money. Then you're with this person where for him, he didn't grow up like that. Money was spent easily, yeah? So while you want to hold on to money, when money comes, he wants to spend it. Yeah, when you love, you get married. Yeah, your money, you guys fell in love. Your money behaviors did not fall in love with each other. Yeah. Until today, I think a lot of counselors miss the point in actually discussing money from a personality perspective. You have a different personality from someone. He has a different personality. How do you get that personality to talk the same language? For many marriages, it never does. Because people were not taught how to start talking about that. So money means so many things to different people. And then depending on how we are socialized, men are supposed to do this, women are supposed to play this role, men are supposed to be the provider. It is yet in a world that is changing so fast and changing on those roles so quickly, yet we are supposed to do that. So that is why it's usually about communication. Someone is brought up thinking all our money should be in my control. Someone is like, no, me, I should have mine and you have yours. So that is what causes a problem. And I love that you've said we've been brought up differently. Because personally, I grew up seeing my mom working. So I'm used to you can work, he can work, we both move on. Actually, I've seen my mom furnish the house. So those are things you'll see me doing without even feeling the need of telling someone, can you do this? But then I'm now imagining meeting someone. Who is not used to seeing a woman or a woman who is used to are you even going to talk the same language? Is it even possible to talk the same language? If that person has not done some work with themselves to change, some people, that's how they were brought up but something along their life whether it's experience got them to change their belief system. So what you're really working on is what is your belief system? So two people can be brought up in the exact same house But they walk away with different beliefs. Someone can say, my mom never worked. That's why I want to marry a woman who works. And I saw that whatever, someone can say, my mom never worked. And even me, I want a wife who doesn't work. So it's really about the belief system. And some people at some point question, most people should question, what are the beliefs that are inherited? And am I imposing that belief on somebody else? Or should I question? Should I actually question my belief? When the belief system is fundamentally different, people will clash. About, about money. But it doesn't mean all is lost. Because if you're together, what you want to do is come up with a formula. I always tell people at the end of the day, this is a formula for relationships. What is mine? What is yours? What is ours? There is no right or wrong to this answer. Some people can say everything we earn here is going to be controlled by one person. And you find for them, they're happy. It doesn't mean it is a formula for... Everybody, when I went for counseling, the counselor used to tell us all of us should, our money should all go to the man's account and we manage from there. Of course, I looked for a team and said, never, ever. That's never going to happen to me in my life. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I personally believe, this is my belief, everybody should have some level of independence because too much information is also not healthy. you don't need to know what I spent on shoes all the time or when you went out with your boys what you spent. I don't need to know every single thing. But as long as we are clear what are the boundaries and the things we have said as a family or as a couple we're going to work on this together that is happening and not being interfered with. Over 16 years I found the rest stops being contentious. Yeah. Don't someone say, why do you have a new They are giving and getting the SMS because it's a joint bank account. So there's a level of information you don't need. And then being careful, you handle these responsibilities, I handle these responsibilities. And let me say this, because I think a lot of women that you may have on this show, who watch your show, may be like, but me, I don't work. Yeah, or I'm not the primary breadwinner. Yeah, I earn 50k, he earns 300k. So it's always him who has the control. Let me just say this, you work. You're the one who raises those children. You're the one who organizes the house and the one you do so say. But what you do is what is referred to as unpaid labor. Unpaid labor. Now, I've had a couple of clients who that was the case. But through conversations and realizing that work has value, they now say, it allows me to go to work and earn money. But the part of that money is also yours. So when I earn, X goes to you for your personal spending, X goes to me for my personal spending, and the rest we are doing this because these are the family obligations. So women don't ever think just because you're not the one who earns more money or you don't earn money, That you don't have a right to financial decision making in your house. That is wrong. But it is a belief that is going to take a while to change. But it doesn't change unless those who are in that situation start having conversations and open conversations about it. And it doesn't mean anybody's bad. It's just that nobody has ever thought about it. I talk to men about it and they hear it that way for the first time as well. Actually, if she wasn't home, these kids would be running amok. Yeah, exactly. So when you kind of think about that, who thinks through? through that. Is there a class for that in Centronomy? Yes, in Centronomy 101. Of course, we're teaching people the principles of money, but we have a special segment called Money and Relationships. Really? Yes. As part of the class, because we understand many people are going to be in some form of relationship. Yeah. So, if I teach you, but you have all this knowledge in your head, but you're still going back. Back to the same house. It doesn't matter how much knowledge you have. It's there the person is not empowered. Not even that. We even have a couple's discount. And today if you're watching. You can still sign up for the Centonomy 101 classes. They've just started. You can actually join as a couple. You can actually see through. And which is powerful. Because then it's not about your issues with each other. It's about here's a professional telling you. This is the way to run a family budget. Here's a professional telling you this is the way to invest. So, you know, those things we have, I was angry with you because of this. It doesn't matter. So your idea on shares, I don't want to hear because I was angry with you. No, then that is removed. So your money can start operating independent of emotions. Emotions, yeah. Then let me ask, I'm happy you've mentioned you have a relationship and money segment. Yes. Can you, because there's someone who's not, He or she is not in a relationship right now. But then you want to pinpoint these red flags when it comes to finances in your person or in your friend. You find yourself, either I'm the one who does this, does this. Is it a thing? Should I watch out? Can you maybe share just a few red flags which I need to know this person that I'm getting myself with has this tendency, has this habit, where maybe we need to talk about it before. First of all, the red flag will be something that makes you uncomfortable. You see, this is not a universal red flag. Yeah. But there are obviously things you can point that, given what I know about this person, if you cannot connect the dots to how they have that money to spend, red flag. Thank you. Like how they make this money. What does somebody do? If they're spending, you observe them spending a lot of money, where do you have, can you do a money trail of sorts? You don't have to know the exact number, but you can kind of, yes, they said they work here, they said their business does this. Okay. But does it quite equate to it? And on general money conversations, are they open about talking about money? It's not about, please tell me what you earn, but your beliefs about money. What are your aspirations about money? Yeah. So if they stop at my aspirations are to have the biggest car in the world, yet you are a person who wants to create wealth. Yes, please note that wealth is not a nice car. Yeah, so you want to create wealth, you want to do well in your career, and all they keep talking about is material, material, material things. You're going to have a problem. And then just your own reactions is something that they're doing also making you uncomfortable. Because especially as women, we tend to doubt our instincts. Yet something happened or a comment that they made. Yeah. And then just go back to what do you know about somebody's background. It can point you to the places of potential conflict. But if, and even for men, and this works both ways. Um... Even if she's completely not, she's oblivious to that there could be a limit on spending and wants to keep getting, then you're also going to have a problem. And I think also for men, the few men who may be watching this is at that moment you want to impress. But when you get together, that's not real life. You're almost like on a reality show. But then real life will, at some point, with money, come and actually take over. We have a lot of people who come into Centronomy before they get married. And I think it's the best decision. Forget about the flowers are going to cost us X at our wedding. It doesn't matter about the flowers. That's what it was. If this money conversation is not done correctly. I love that you've said get to get to understand where they're getting their money from because right now I think we have so many and let me not just say ladies even men who are Dealing with so many cases where you've been involved with this person. This person you are living the life. Like you are living, I think I recently saw a documentary on Netflix where a lady just got involved with a guy living the best luxurious life. And you see all of us, we want that life on Instagram. I mean, we all want to post today, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. But you never sit down and question, where is this money coming from? Which is a very simple question, but we can assume it. Most of us will say that. See, I've been spoiled. I've been bought an iPhone. Latest, I've been bought a car. Because he's given you the Instagram live to post about how happy you supposedly are. I am happy. Like, I look happy. You look happy. Yeah, but... The look of happiness can be bought, but happiness itself is always something that's deeper than that. And let me tell women this. What if, what about the day he's not there? Because this is, I mean, you can imagine the cases I've seen in 16 years, where from that lifestyle, somebody can't even afford fuel for their car anymore. So what happens when he's not there? What do you have that you have agency over? And when I say agency, it's somewhere, it's your bank account. It's you who has control about it. To also sustain yourself. Yeah. So you see, you don't get a pass at life. Just because today you have somebody taking care of everything for you. Life doesn't give you a pass because things happen. People get sick. People lose jobs. Businesses go down. People get retrenched. Remember COVID happened. Yeah. Life happens. People get divorced. People get separated. What's your plan? So I don't ever believe women should sit without a plan. Yeah, I don't believe they should sit without a plan. And if you don't know where the money is coming from, where it goes, where it is saved, you're just really hoping. That somebody is going to take care of you forever. Is that sustainable? No. Yeah? It's not sustainable. Where they don't even have what we teach at Centronomy, called an emergency fund. If something happened to your source of income, and in that case, the source of income is the man, do you have three months that can sustain your rent, your basic expenses, as you figure out plan B? So even if it's something small you are doing for yourself, it's not about earning the same amount of money instantly. Start doing something for yourself. And what is this plan? How does this plan look like? Like right now, I'm in this family. I have this person. I'm okay. So what does this plan look like? Have a plan in case. Leave the in case. I just want to tell the student, what do you want for your own life? You see, you were given that life and you came into this world not as a couple. You came into this world first as an individual. Even where God created and I'm a person of faith. So I see the Bible. He created me alone first. What was that life supposed to be? What do you want to achieve? Because I fail to believe that any of us are sitting here without wanting to achieve something in your life. But did this comfort zone make you forget all your ambitions? I know women who are very wealthy, but they keep moving on with their ambitions. So my first problem is, why does that stop you from having ambitions? Even before we get to the emergency part, yeah? Then once you're also clear, this is where I want to go, please understand there's nobody who will take responsibility for you for that. They may help, but it is still your plan to make. Yeah, and to run. So it could be, I want to study this. This is the career I want to work. This is the kind of business I see myself starting. So please see yourself as a different identity also from that relationship. It is unhealthy to put your entire whole self in that. It is also very, it puts a lot of pressure on the relationship itself. Please tell them it is unhealthy. Yeah, I feel... Yeah, like, yeah, we forget. And it puts a lot of pressure even on the men. And I see many, many men I see who agree. Where the whole relationship is their whole self. Nobody was meant to carry that for you. So what do you want? Then on the back of that, create a financial plan. Which is, if this is what you want to achieve. Yeah? For yourself, I'll just use my I want to go on holiday at the end of the year. That means I save 10,000 shillings every month. You see, it's just saying for myself, I want to do that. Or figure out where 10,000 shillings is coming from. Even if somebody is helping you, but it was yours. You have to be the CEO of your money. Everybody. Everybody you're the CEO of your money. And let me tell you, even for couples, the couples we have seen who work together, They achieve phenomenal things. So I think being in a relationship can be extremely powerful if you handle money the right way or it can go the opposite direction. I feel like you've summed it on. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm even imagining even if Mia was the man and you've put your everything on me, including our kids, you. Of course, we'll get tired at some point. Like, we are human beings, all of us. Now, I want to ask, there's this woman who is watching and thinking, Mwaseke, you're saying, I start planning right now. And maybe I'm earning 20K. Of course, I'd love to pass this information to my partner, assuming he's going to take it the same way I'm taking it to him, you know? Like, not everyone is going to pay me for unpaid labor. Like, they'd be like, ah, of course, we are headed there. We are talking about that. So with time, we'll get somewhere. But right now, there's someone who's watching and he's like, I want $20,000. I mean, I want all this nice stuff. But I can't. I can't afford it. Because how am I going to start with my 20,000 if I buy a hamburger, I buy a leka kiatu, a handbag, finished. So maybe just planning that 20k, where do I start? First she has to know exactly where the 20k is going. Even when we speak to people, we realize even people who are earning 20k, people who are earning 50k, they don't know where that money is going. They have an idea. But can that person tell me exactly one, two, three, four, where is it actually going? So even in that 20K, there's money that she doesn't know where it has been going. Then from that, start there, okay? If you can say 500, Bob. Save the 500 gold, yeah? Because money is about building a habit over time, yeah? Because it doesn't matter if you have, if today with 20K, you don't have money, please trust, especially given what you've said, I want to buy nice things. If that is the motive, you'll earn 200K and go buy nice things. And you say, I don't have money, yeah? Because you know what? The world is never going to run out of nice things to buy. Yeah, it's never going to run. You buy the latest phone today, tomorrow, they've come up with a new phone. So you no longer have the latest, yeah? So the world never runs out of it. So with that money that you have today, what are you actually? Then, yes, you earn 20k. Let's say it's from a salad, yeah? What are you doing with the time that you're not at work, yeah? I started, before I started Centonomy, I used to write articles for the newspaper. This paper is something like 3,000 or an article. It's money that somebody can easily discount, yeah? Because I was like, okay. And it was that time of I'm broke and all that, yeah? But I was like, it's 3,000, Bob, I don't have. So are you discounting the places where you can actually? Put a thousand bob somewhere and make it 1,500 because you're waiting to be able to afford the nice things which cost a lot. So usually what happens, someone with 20K has zoned down that having enough money is 100K, but they're missing today's opportunity to make an extra 500 bob. What is in your hand today? Everybody has something in their hand that they can use. We have watchmen who sometimes have found their way into centronomy. We have hawkers who have found their way into centronomy. Shortly, they have figured out a way to buy a car. Or they are washing cars to make extra money. We have people who have been that purposeful where hawkers have entered Centronomy. Someone who was a watchman has entered Centronomy and there's a time he had, now he had got up to I think he was buying his second car that he had Ubered them out. So I don't think anybody has an excuse. But you have to take responsibility. What can you do today? The thing with many people is they want to do the things that sound nice to do. Yeah, it sounds nice to have a business that is selling clothes, for example, but you're missing maybe it's mandazis that you have to make because there's an opportunity down your road, there's a construction site, and if you sell your mandazis there, they'll actually do that. So get our heads away from, that's where that whole nice things is usually because you want to fit in with other people. But truly what Centronom is about, we want you to have nice things, but on the journey to wealth creation. Because wealth creation, this is what wealth creation does. The day I cannot show up at work, my life is still being sustained. So it's not about the nice things. Nice things do not make you wealthy. And there are many people who are speeding down the highway of poverty in luxury items. Okay. So what do you actually want? And what can you do with what you have today? If you save 500, Bob, today start. After you save for three months, then figure out, okay, what do I do with this 1,500, Bob? There are so many things. We can't cover them. In just one session that you can actually do with small amounts of money. Just like you can spend small amounts of money easily, you can also start making small amounts of money as well. So what you're telling us is basically look for multiple income sources. For sure. Even if you have the most comfortable salary, I still challenge people. Then what are you doing on the weekend? I mean, are you limited to the 40 hours a week? And people get so comfortable. But many people's salaries are not going to be able to fund things like retirement. When you do the math, it's not going to, what they were saving. Because as their salaries grew, their expenses grew as well. So what are you doing? Can you start a business? Can you start a project? Or are you good? Women are good at so many things. I'm always the one who plans my friend's birthday parties. And I'm like, I ask her. And so? All, they call me all the time. I'm like, did you get something out of it? No, from the goodness of my heart. Ah! And fine, you did it for your friends, but it's showing you, they keep calling you. It shows you you're good at it. Maybe on weekends you can be planning parties for other people outside of your friends. And even your friends start getting them to pay you some money. And they actually, they're happy. They actually will. But you've just never, because women, we're so used to doing unpaid, Yeah, so we don't question the things naturally we've been told we are good at and saying, hiya, is this a skill? So of a certain time, we've seen people who now they do landscape, they are necessarily, but they do landscaping. And later on, you realize these small skills lead up to actually where some people are like, now I want to do this full time. It's become a business that I can actually do full time. Even my first business started by something I was doing part time. Yeah, then I started doing it full-time. Okay, I'm loving it because you're challenging us. Yes. Because clearly, we all get comfortable. My salary will come in, I'll pay the nanny, I'll buy food, I'll stock up the fridge and then I'm left with some for transport and I'm okay up until next salary. So we just get comfortable. Yeah, we get comfortable. It's not like we can't do any other thing. We just get, we're okay, we are safe with the paycheck to paycheck. Now, we have a... We have someone who is, okay, let me give you a case study, like a story. So we have someone who is meeting with her husband. I was having my good money. You are having your good money. Now we've come in together. We've gotten married, of course. Now we are a family. How? Of course, I had my money. Maybe it was more, especially, let me start with that case where the woman was earning more and the man was earning way less. Not kidogo, but way less. Now we are together. How do we maneuver this? I feel like sometimes this is such a challenge. It causes such a conflict. Especially when the woman is only more. It does cause a conflict. Because both people are fundamentally living against a belief that they have about money. And it's not, so this is not the fault of any one person. So usually, so sometimes it's men have been conditioned to. To be the provider. That is what has been thrown down their throats. But they've been conditioned. And I've been having, we've been doing men and money conversations. So people go to our platforms, you'll start seeing men and money, men talking about money. Um, so So it's just not wrong. But in this day and age, as you see that situation is happening more and more. What is this? I've had men speak like this. So it's not just me because I'm a woman. There has to be a rewiring of what provider also means. Because you see some people have been very financially provided, but you find they're with a partner who's not present. So they still feel something is lacking. Yeah. And I think what is challenging, simple, the answers are very simple, but they are complicated, but not easy to do. Because we are talking about things that are very... Emotional and form a core part of people's identity. And we are trying in this day and age to change that. So we find that this is a generation that is now having to change. The other ones may not have that much of a problem. The ones coming after us, they're like, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? So that is what is happening. And also for the women, sometimes they're also dealing with resentment that they are the breadwinner. Because they have to have been conditioned as much as they have gone out, their careers, they're earning more, but it's also their conditioning, I should be provided for. Yeah, I should be provided for. So as I said, the answer is simple, but not easy. The two people have to talk about openly and even if it's with a professional. And say, this is our situation. How do we navigate? And we still want this marriage or this relationship to work. How do we navigate? And what I've seen, it's not instant. It's saying, okay, back to how do we manage the money that is coming in, even if it's coming from you? Now, this is where I also ask men to be careful. If at some point the woman was earning less than you, And you? Controlled decisions because you are and constantly threw in her face because I'm the one earning more. Please don't automatically expect that when she's earning more, she won't want to control decisions. You see what was displayed. So you also have to be very. Oh, that's where they say. If you are domineering. Yes. When you're domineering with money, when you're earning more, please don't expect she's going to come and. Just because she's like, oh, the person who earns more should. Yeah. So even men, even be careful what message you are sending because you don't know what will happen today about the dynamics. So ask yourself in a relationship, what does money mean in the relationship? Does money mean control? Then irrespective of who has the money. Yeah. Remember the money doesn't care about your gender. That means they walk away with the control. So you need to be very clear what message you are making money mean because when the tables are turned, money will still mean the same thing unless a lot of work is meant to do that. So now they have to come together, the people you're talking about, and say, okay, what is money now going to mean? And sometimes it's also being honest. I'm better at this. Yeah, I was with a couple a while back and he was like, he was Annie, but she's like, but you're the one who's a better financial manager. Yeah, so, okay. So be honest about who's better at doing. ...at doing certain things and let them do. If I hand you this money, our electricity bill is never going to be on time. Yeah? Yeah? So who is actually better at doing things? What does money mean? If we want money to be fair, treated equally, it doesn't mean power, it doesn't control, then the structure, the foundation, has to speak that way. And then back to that formula. From that, you still decide what goes to the joint things we are working on together. What's mine and what's ours. What I though, again, again, you see, I speak bluntly because of 16 years of seeing all sorts of drama. Yeah. Ours looks like this. Mary and John are on the legal documentation. There's ours, but it is in one single name. Mm-mm. No, it is not ours. Okay. So ours is always real. So you can't say this is ours. And then I'm working for us. But then you're like, every title has one name. Yeah. So every bank account has one name. That, that, that, that. So what is going to be ours? Yeah. Because we are working on joint objectives, but understanding everybody has individual. What's going to be mine? What is going to be yours for, you know, I don't care if you go on holiday with your friends, as long as we are working towards ours. So it's safe to say we need ours and we need mine, mine. I have seen, what I can just say, over the years I've worked, people are human beings. Remember, We were born separately. People need space to be their individual self and have individual goals and aspirations. I could want to do a course, but you don't understand why I want to do it. As much as I've tried to explain it to you. You will never. You, you, you don't... Maybe I want to do a course in AI, but you've believed AI is a fad coming to you. But me, I know for my... So I want to spend 50,000 shillings on a course on AI. Yeah. It's okay. It doesn't have to be a conflict. Me, I'll take it from what I've been saving for myself to do my personal things, yeah? But if today as a family we've decided we want to buy a house, we want to buy a car, we want to take the kids to this kind of school, it is C, and we've said, because you earn this, you put in this, you earn this, I put in this, that money stays towards the joint objectives, yeah? And I'll tell people, don't, don't, I'm saying it because it's a short program we have today. Take it one step at a time because what people have to learn is I need to understand your money language. So what is the simplest objective you could work on together? You need to buy a new fridge. Fine. Let's start there. Don't start with a kid's college fund. Start there. Then you notice things about each other. And it's okay to say, to get this right, we need Somebody who's outside of us. That's when people come to Centronom. They're finally listening to people who are not involved. But they're telling them this is how it's going to be and these are the structures to set up. And I can tell you once the structures are set up, it's fine. And then go, see, it's Valentine's. How about you take yourself on a money date? Yeah? How about we do love once a year? How about we do money every month? Just have one money date per month. And it will be so uncomfortable. The first one will be so uncomfortable. But the second one, very uncomfortable, but a little less. The third one, a little less, a little less, a little less, a little less, a little less. And if you've not been transparent, don't expect 100% transparency up front. Just go on a Monday, just open the doors, but have a money conversation, have money dates, at least, I would say every month, if you can't, at least every quarter. And when the structures are in place, you don't have to do them, you can even do them every half year. So it's important to talk about the money. So even this Valentine's, just go talk about the money. If it's something, like, talk about these money conversations. Let's just be opening up. Or today put somebody at ease and say, instead of that money you would have spent. Let's open up. Yes. Peace. . And start depositing there. Can we do something simple? And then do something. Because if we are fighting tomorrow about the money, if you know tomorrow's fight will be about the money, don't spend money today. that's so true that's so true yeah because like that's so true yeah so I think I I I've learned something. I've learned a lot. Honestly, I've learned a lot. The names should read. They feel like basic info but it's not basic. It feels like general knowledge but not to everyone. For some, you're like, oh, this is our home. But when you get to the name, it's not ours. It's not ours. You see, such things will be like and maybe right now because there are no chaos, it's a time to address it as opposed to when there are chaos. That's a good point. Now when you learn something, And even those who don't have money, please address your issues when you don't have money. Yeah, when you're in the 20Ks, please don't think that suddenly someone has a million shillings. That is when they're going to talk about their money issues. Ah, no. It won't change. No, it won't change. Yeah. So address, and if you're a young couple especially, just address the money issues now. Because later when more money comes, It will just complicate. It will amplify the problem that exists today. It will be more obvious, the problem that you had a disconnect. But now because it's maybe on survival, it's not that obvious because all you're trying to do is get, you know, make ends meet. But the day there's extra money that is beyond ends, it will still... You're like, I thought when we had more money, we would save and invest. Mm-hmm. But he may be, or he's thinking we should save and invest. And she's like, no, I thought when we have more money, we will move to a bigger house and we will get a bigger car. So sort out what we want money, plan to have more money. So even these conversations are not about what you have today. What are we going to do when you have money? But also back to the lady who's about herself and her 20K. She should still make a plan and say today I'm earning 20k but now I've seen to meet my goals next year I want to be earning 30k. What am I doing today at my job so that I earn more money next year. So money just doesn't come without a plan. So now she'll be like okay now when they say who wants to be involved in this project even if they're not paying me today I'm going to put up my hand yeah and show I'm committed so that when At some point, I can go ask for a raise and people will be like, aha, are you serious? How did you get there? Yeah, exactly. So just plan to earn more money. So if I can just throw a challenge, if you are earning double your income, to earn double your income, what would you have to do? Wherever you are, your business, your job, your wife. What would you, not to say I'm telling nobody else, have to do to be the person who moves from a 20K salary at your place of work to a person who moves 40K salary? Just map it out and then do those things. But do the things before the money comes. So that you don't get confused along the way. Thank you so much, Washeke. I feel like we've learned. Personally, I've learned a lot. I am the kind of person... Emotions. I think I tend to spend with emotions. There's that week of the month where I feel like if I'm stressed out I will shop for myself just to make myself feel nice. Yeah. Emotions run my spending habit which is something we are trying to deal with. So let me give you a solution. Remove your spending money away from your saving money. Then spend. But then you see, Keisha, I'll go back. No, no, you can't. Don't put your savings money in a place you can access easily. So like I, I had that problem. So my salary got paid into my savings account, which I can't touch. And then I withdraw from that, the budget for the month. So to literally touch my savings account, still today I have to walk to the bank. So it takes me a very long time. And the walk is enough to settle the score? Yeah, I'd go Q, E, T, C. Then I'm like, it's never that serious. Yes. Yeah, okay, okay. So that's ultimately. Because at the end of the day, it will be the most important thing is not where you will have spent money. It is where you will have saved and invested and grown money. That is what is going to lead to wealth creation. Whether you did your hair versus buying flowers versus this, versus going out with your friends, that math is not going to help you. You'll do them because you enjoy and you must enjoy your life. But at the end of the day, you want to have those investments that if you are not working, they are working for you. Yeah. Thank you so much for your time. Thank you so much for coming to my YouTube. I honestly have learned so much, as I said. And I'd wish to have you over and over. And for the people who are watching, please send on to me. The link is here. Reach out. Even if you want to join with your spouse, or your friend, or you just want to learn more about money. Thank This year I'm living with, it doesn't have to be money. You just have that knowledge. Yes. Somewhere along the way, Use it. But having it doesn't cost you. Like, it won't cost you much to just know, I need to save, I need to invest here, I need to... You'd rather have it as opposed to not have it at all. I think what we do in St. Omni, first, as I said, you. we make your money speak the same language. You see what is happening with people. Puh. Uh. I spend, but then I also have debt. Then I have obligations to pay for, but I also want to save, but I also want to invest. But whenever I'm making those individual decisions, I don't factor in any other decision. When I'm taking the debt, I don't factor in that I wanted to save. When I'm taking this debt, I don't factor in. So what we do is connect the dots for you with your money so that the plan you come up with is actually your own personal. um financial plan yeah so you now feel you have a relationship with your money and as I said before you're the CEO so you've given your money a job description that works for you yeah like me you can't tell me not to go on holiday but I created a job description with money that works for me so I go on holiday but I've still saved I've still invested I've still grown a business but I had to get my to be able to do that I had to get money talking the same language So I don't make disconnected decisions. So a lot of the time it's just we're disconnected. Then we feel confused. We feel afraid. Then we're not arming ourselves with the knowledge. So we give you that connection and arm yourself with the knowledge. And then people realize, so I'm not alone. Then you're like, imagine whatever problem you're facing. You're not alone. So you'll find out people are talking like you. Now you resolve it together. And you won't wait for long. A change will happen during the 12 weeks that you're in the program. The program is for 12 weeks, guys. Those are just four months. And it's only two and a half hours per week. And it's online. Yeah, and it's virtual. And it's online. So it's just dedicating two and a half hours per week. Yeah, two and a half hours per week. For 12 weeks. Yeah, so I think that's why most of us, most of my friends circle. We are okay with it because you see you only need two and a half hours. Just two and a half hours. A week, not every day. And also it's not physical. So just need to know every Wednesday from 4 p.m. I'm seated for two and a half hours. It's very fit for people who are busy, people who have a lot to do and still want to learn at the same time. Yeah, so thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you for coming. Thank you guys for watching. I hope you learned something. Please leave a comment down below. Ask any questions. We are going to share the details here, the numbers you would call, even the poster. We are going to give the poster. So in case of any question, please reach out in the comments. And yeah, I hope you learned something. Personally, I learned. I hope you all learned. Okay? This year we move. It doesn't matter. We make wiser decisions, okay? Until next time, bye-bye. Bye-bye.