English that Native Speakers Don't Really Use

There's something I don't get about English, only one thing. Give me time. At school, we learn things like, I am fine, thank you, and you? But in real life, I hardly ever hear native speakers say that. That's because there's a difference between correct English and the English people naturally use in conversation. So I am fine, thank you, and you is wrong? It's perfectly correct. But if I asked you, how are you, I'd probably expect something more like, I'm good thanks, you? Or not bad, how about you? so school taught me English absolutely, just not necessarily the English I'd hear over coffee exactly then I have many questions I was afraid you might how would you say I do not understand again completely correct but between friends you'd be much more likely to hear, I don't get it. I don't get it. Exactly. And what if I really don't understand? Then you can say, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. I use that one quite often. I've noticed. What about, may I ask you a question? Perfect English and perfectly appropriate in more formal situations. But sitting here with me, just say, can I ask you something? So, can I ask you something? Of course. Why did my English textbook make everything sound so serious? I have absolutely no idea. Here's one I've used hundreds of times. I would like a coffee, please. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. But listen to what people actually say in cafes. You'll often hear, could I have a coffee, please? Or simply, can I get a coffee? So, can I get another coffee? See, you're learning already. No, what I mean is that I actually want another coffee. What about this? I say that a lot. I must go now. Ah, very textbook. What's wrong with it? Nothing. But in everyday conversation, you're far more likely to hear, I've got to go, I'd better get going, or even I should probably head off. So if I suddenly say, I must go now, I'll assume you've received an urgent message. What about saying, please repeat? Understandable. Correct. But it can sound a little mechanical. So what would you say? Sorry? Could you say that again? or simply sorry I didn't catch that I didn't catch that this is one I use when I meet new people what is your profession now you really do sound like a textbook oh no what should I ask what do you do that's it that's it three years of English lessons and apparently we could have saved four words I like very much Italian food ah now that one actually needs fixing we'd normally say I really like Italian food or I like Italian food a lot really like Italian food although apparently we're in Rome and yet we're eating French pastries now we're mixing English Italian and French that's too much for me. What about the sentence, it is a pleasure to meet you? Lovely English, but unless the situation is quite formal, most people would simply say, nice to meet you. Or good to meet you? Absolutely. So shorter again. You're beginning to notice a pattern. Here's another one. I'm going to take a shower. That's actually completely natural. Really? Yes. And that's important. Not everything you learned at school needs replacing. Finally, my textbook gets one point. We're not trying to make your English different just for the sake of it. We're trying to notice the difference between English that's possible and English that's natural for the situation. Ah, I see. So why do textbooks teach expressions people don't use very often? Because when you're learning a language, you need clear structures. And many of those expressions are still perfectly good English. The problem comes when we think there's only one correct way to say something. But real conversations are messier. We shorten things, we use contractions, we leave words out, and we choose expressions depending on who we're talking to. So I didn't learn bad English. Not at all. You learned the foundation. Now you're learning what people do with it. Okay, let me try. It has been a great pleasure conversing with you. I must now depart. Or it was great chatting. I'd better get going. Much easier and considerably less alarming. See you next time? Definitely. Wait, shouldn't that be? It would be my great pleasure to see you on the next occasion. Please stop.