China’s 42M Leftover Women Despair! At 38, Only Broke or Ugly Men? 20+ Blind Dates, No Match

I have a question. I was born in 1998. I'm 38, born in the year of the dragon. I'm 5'1 and weigh 98 pounds, and weigh 97 pounds. I've never married or had children, and I support myself. I'm from Anhui and work in Hangzhou. When I went home this year, my family set me up with a man. He earns 200,000 to 300,000 yuan a year and is around 5'7. His only drawbacks is hereditary hair loss. He's already bald and shaves his head. I keep wondering, are men like him my only options at this age? I'd like to find somebody who's reasonably good-looking, without genetic problems, who earns 200,000 to 300,000 yuan a year, is at least 5'7", has never been married or had children, and isn't from some remote city. Are my only choices men who are unattractive, broke, or have some health problem? I want honest answers from everyone online. I won't get upset. I really don't understand. I'm not someone who absolutely needs to get married. Still, I'm afraid I'll regret it later. People can change their minds as they get older. What if I really want to marry someday, but by then I'm too old? It might be impossible, or much harder than it is now. I don't know what else to do, so I'm posting this to hear what you think. A 28-year-old single woman in Hangzhou shared her frustrations with dating. Attractive and soft-spoken, she preferred staying single to settling when she was younger. Now, she still doesn't want to marry someone she considers poor or unattractive. In China, women who reach 35 without finding someone they like face slim odds of finding a partner who meets their expectations. I regret it. I really do. I'm 36 and still single. When I was younger, my standards were ridiculously high. I rejected men who were right for me and kept dreaming of marrying way above my station. I never took a good look at myself. I'm dark-skinned, short, and overweight. I can't cook or do housework. At this age, I don't have the energy to love myself, or the courage to love someone else. I've been thinking about it these last couple of days. It's my own fault I can't find anyone. Why couldn't I be more accepting? I've decided that if I have to put up with a man's faults, if the choice is between partying, visiting prostitutes, gambling, or domestic violence, I could put up with domestic violence. I could. If I have to choose between smoking, drinking, or not knowing how to cook, then I'll do the cooking, okay? I'll cook so none of us goes hungry at night. A car, a home, savings, college education? I don't ask for any of that or even think about it. I'm not good enough. I don't deserve it. I'm not asking anymore What am I supposed to do? I'm even afraid to go into the city now I feel sad all the way into the evening and I can't sleep well anymore I'm 32. I think I have a lot going for me, but my love life has been a complete failure I just can't meet the right person. I'm really not asking for much My parents keep pressuring me and I see how anxious they are I don't want to disappoint myself, feel this miserable, or make my parents worry. Still, waiting is so stressful. Anxiety is widespread among older single women. As they age, they have less control over their dating options and face more limitations. Holding on to very high standards can make finding a suitable partner increasingly difficult. I'm 30. I studied hard growing up because I wanted to be thoughtful and well-informed. I eventually earned a graduate degree. I worked hard to become capable and reached middle management at a state-owned company. I exercised to stay healthy, energetic, fit, and looking good. Yesterday, though, I talked with a woman who runs a matchmaking platform. She showed me lots of well-educated men whose backgrounds matched mine. Most only wanted a woman with an associate degree who was under 30. They barely had any income requirements. Before I left, she told me, You need to hurry. You're already 30. Wait any longer and there won't be many desirable matches left. They told me older women were already past their prime. Women like us don't set limits on age, weight, family background, looks, or even money when we look for a partner. We insist on just one thing, the most useless thing, chemistry. We keep waiting for that feeling, and in the end, we pay for it by never getting married. I was talking with a guy friend the other day about why no one pursues me. He said pursuing a woman these days is riskier than chasing a thief. Catch the thief and you might recover what you lost. Get the woman and your losses are just beginning. I thought about it and it made sense. I went on a blind date this morning. He looked average, earned 3,500 yuan a month, and had a car but no home of his own. Yet he wasn't interested in me. As he left, he actually said, you're out of my league. What was that supposed to mean? Several short video vloggers have offered a male perspective on frustrations like hers. They describe men's approach to choosing a spouse as a relatively practical, rational process of screening potential partners. I notice a lot of men say the same things now. I can't afford to support a beautiful woman. I can't even afford to marry an average-looking one. I save for most of my life only to marry someone who's already been with another man. Then I'm expected to worship her and cater to her every need. I'd rather spend that money on myself and my parents. Why not treat myself better. Older unmarried women, often labeled leftover women in China, have long been a complex topic in public debate, dating, and popular culture. One vlogger shared his view of single women's expectations based on his own encounters and observations. A lot of attractive women over 30 have already made up their minds. They don't plan to marry or have children. They won't settle. They're using money they earn through their own work and independence to build what they see as their ideal lives. They travel abroad, develop their careers, broaden their horizons, dress up, and take beautiful photos. If a man likes them, and they like him too, they'll have some fun. It meets their need for affection without costing them money. Tell one of these women you want to marry her, and she'll hear you out. But once the relationship has run its course, she'll find a chance to break up. They can't let go of the idea of marrying into a well-off family. If you don't come from one and talk about building a future together, she'll think, I might as well work for myself and treat myself better. Unless she can enjoy a comfortable life without working for it, she's willing to stay single. She just won't put it that bluntly. They've given up the idea that they need an imperfect relationship as a path to marriage. Really, they've stopped trying because they can't find someone well off. Then they insist their lives are wonderful and that they refuse to settle. It's not that they don't want to marry. It's not that they don't want to marry. They just haven't found someone who can transform their fortunes. They know it's almost impossible, so they've given up and stopped asking. You might think they're carefree, but I find it sad. Some refuse to admit it. Even when they try to hide the truth, I can hear that sense of wanting something they can't have in the things they let slip. Repeated blind dates leave many older women disappointed, emotionally drained, and frustrated. Some stop dating to protect their mental well-being. They may be giving up their hopes for matchmaking rather than marriage itself. Their anxiety may stem less from age than from their shrinking options. I'm 32, and I've already prepared myself to grow old alone. This year, I really threw myself into blind dates. I made a plan, meet at least one man every week. In the six months since the start of the year, I've met more than 20 men. After all those dates, I'm completely disillusioned with matchmaking, especially for older singles. The older unmarried men I meet don't have much going for them, but they have plenty of drawbacks. Some are overweight, around 220 pounds. Some are unattractive. Others have very little to offer, own nothing, and even want to get something out of you. Some barely talk or seem to have mental health problems. Overall, very few seem normal to me. Then when you finally meet someone normal and ask what he wants in a partner, he says someone like actress Liu Yifei. I don't know what to say. It's so disappointing. Finding someone after 30 is incredibly hard for women. Instead of putting myself through this and agonizing over why I can't find anyone, I'd rather give up now and prepare to stay single forever. If I find someone, I'll consider myself lucky. If not, so be it. When I was in my 20s, blind dating wasn't this difficult. I could meet fewer than 10 men and definitely start a relationship. I'm not saying it would lead to marriage, but I could at least date someone. After 30, that changes. You can barely even get a relationship started. there's nothing I can do. Data shows China now has more than 42 million unmarried women over 40. In its top-tier cities, the unmarried rate among older women exceeds 35 percent. Matchmaking events and services face severe gender imbalances. In places like Hangzhou and Chengdu, the ratio reaches one man for every 40 women. Older women are eager to marry, and even younger women feel anxious. Meanwhile, many men are giving up on dating and matchmaking under the pressure of large marriage payments, high home prices, and the cost of marriage and raising children. I was born in 1991. I'm 35 this year and have never married, so I'm considered an old single man. I've noticed that older single men and women like me face the same problem. There's no one to date. It feels like we'll never get married. Many men complain that women in mainland China focus too much on money. Yet as the economy continues to decline, jobs are insecure, and layoffs can come at any time. Financial survival is a major source of stress. Women seeking security feel they have to prioritize money. When considering marriage, they also have to weigh the real costs of childbirth, physical harm, reduced career opportunities, and even losing their income. Without a financially stable partner, women can feel deeply vulnerable and anxious during pregnancy and giving birth. The difficulty young people face in getting married has become a shared concern for many families in China. Young adults worry about finding a suitable partner. Their parents worry that they still have not started families. Every weekend, parents gather at matchmaking corners in city parks. They hold profiles including their children's ages, education, jobs, income, and property, hoping to find them a spouse. I'm at the matchmaking corner in Chang'an Park, and it's almost entirely women. The place is full of accomplished single women. Their profiles are packed so tightly there's barely any room to hang them all. Some have high incomes, strong academic backgrounds, stable jobs, or wealthy families. Their only issue is that they're a little older. I just saw several women go through every man's profile here and reject every single one. His income was too low, his family's too ordinary, or he wasn't tall enough, educated enough, or good-looking enough. None met their standards. These accomplished women keep looking and keep getting older. The longer they stay single, the harder it is to find someone. Eventually, they've waited so long that they're still unmarried well into adulthood. One user on X described passing a matchmaking corner in a Shanghai park. Many accomplished single older women were looking for husbands, including graduates of prestigious universities with Hong Kong residency or U.S. green cards. The user felt women with those backgrounds should not have to look for partners in a park. Still, the user saw age as a major obstacle, suggesting some were only a few years from menopause and might never marry. Now I understand why Qingdao has hundreds of thousands of unmarried women. I just spent a long time at the matchmaking corner at Haibohe Park. It was packed. More than half the crowd were parents worried about their children's marriages. Over 80% of the profiles on the walls were women's. Regardless of their own circumstances, many women want a man over 5'9", with a bachelor's degree, a home, a car, and an annual income above 150,000 yuan. He also has to be ambitious and considerate. I wondered why everyone's at the bar so high. They asked me, you call that high? Aren't those the most basic requirements? How can anyone support a family in Qingdao on less than 150,000 yuan a year? I was speechless. The reality is that men who meet those requirements are in high demand across Qingdao's matchmaking services and dating platforms. Lots of younger women are interested in them too. So I want to ask the men watching, if you live in Qingdao and meet those requirements, what would your ideal partner be like? Would you still consider a woman older than you? One man commented under the video, older single women are too picky, demand too much, and are too much trouble. I wouldn't consider a 36-year-old woman even if she brought a dowry of 100,000 yuan. As education becomes more accessible, more women are pursuing higher education and gaining social standing. Their expectations for marriage have changed too. They want more than someone to share daily life with and increasingly seek men with more to offer. Women are not the only ones under pressure. For ordinary men, high home prices, large marriage payments, and the cost of raising children can also feel overwhelming. More young men find that even years of hard work may not be enough to meet the financial expectations for marriage. Many are exhausted just trying to get by. They're stepping away from dating, and some feel they cannot risk getting married. These pressures have created a cycle in the dating market. Women's standards rise while men's confidence falls. Women willing to build a life together get overlooked amid high expectations. Hardworking, ambitious men are discouraged by marriage payments they cannot afford.