How God Used a Narcissist to Teach Me How to Love (2024)

Hello, hello, hello. Hello there. The Design Target. I see you, Miss Lady. Hello, love. Carol CA, shalom. How are you? So good to see you beautiful ladies checking in on this wonderful Monday night live with your girl, Mommy So True. Oh man, you guys know I'm excited to be here. I'm very happy that you are here for, you know, joining me today on another live. So good to see you guys. Yes Jesus, hallelujah, Alisa Williams Hello queen, how are you India X, hello my sister, how are you doing, how are you doing, hopefully blessed and highly favored as always, right J Mac, finally alive for you, okay, happy you made it Mika love hello there sis, I'm well, thank you for asking um superior king or yeah, something like that, hi hi, how are you sir, hello step down one so thoughts, how are you doing, so glad you caught a live, Karen Northern, oh salutations mama so true oh you guys are amazing, thank you so much India X, naturally rolled all the way in New York Long Island, okay okay, I got family out there actually a lot of my family lives in Long Island, believe it or not, that's um the so-called crazy side of my family out there in New York, yes, so good to see you guys from all over the world I mean you're checking in from so many different places, there's no telling where you're at but wherever you are city state country it's a pleasure to have you here, good evening to you, good morning to you you know good afternoon maybe Jen B hey Javon Smith what's up i love you guys right back i'm so grateful to be here with you all alicia hey sis how are you queen 271 so good to see you okay idaho okay okay why are you laughing don't laugh i thought about living in idaho once upon a time because i thought that um there would be jobs there it's a place where people don't really go i was like that might be a place for someone like me to go duck off at and and work jobs nobody wants to work out there i guess that was back when i was figuring out life after college so thank you for sharing that you are checking in from idaho so good to see you guys um nef the goddess what's up you're one of the many who's helped me through one of the hardest worst moments of my life oh I'm so happy that you're here thank you for sharing that testimony it's beautiful to hear that it's so amazing to know you guys are out there you're watching and it's helping you that makes me feel so good and actually that's the reason why today's conversation is so necessary so shout out to all the warriors the Thrivers in the house. You guys are in the right place. You're checking in with your warrior sister, Mommy So True. And oh my gosh, when I say this is a real journey, it's a real spiritual battle. We're going to elaborate a little bit more today because I want to give you guys a chance to tune in to what is happening in your world. Today I posted a video just to give you guys a brief about what's going on with me and I want to take a few moments on this live to dive a little bit deeper into that conversation. Before I get started though if you're new here if you haven't subscribed you're more than welcome to hit the subscribe button join the community you know if anything i say resonates with you on this live um if you are thriving if you are on this journey and you feel where i'm coming from with what i'm about to say today go ahead and hit the like button as i speak feel free you know like comment share the content reach out to people invite someone to come and watch this live because there may be some things that they need to hear if they are dealing with a narcissist if a narcissist has been in their life many of you sitting right here watching this live there's a reason why you're here it's not just for you know laugh giggles and entertainment no there's a reason why you're here essentially we all are here because we truly care about our lives we truly want to heal our life and so today i want to i want to bring up a very deep and interesting perspective on why it's you going through this many of you you come from a big family it seems like you're the only one going through this you're the only one being attacked you're the only one who's up against all these odds you're the only one who's always being ostracized and oppressed it seems like you just can't break away get away something is going on it's never enough you're never enough nothing you say or do is never enough you just seem to be so unqualified to be a part of your own family which is very weird but I'm gonna tell you right now why it's weird I'm gonna tell you right now why you have also not just done that but you've also dated these narcissists you've married them many the cycle has continued it started at birth and it's been going on and on and on and on and on and today is the day that we are going to have a major breakthrough because this is a survivor's community and what we do here is thrive everything we learn here helps us grow helps us thrive because that's what it's about this channel is not about trying to understand a narcissist it doesn't stop there there's knowledge there's education you're going to learn a lot of things you may not know about dealing with narcissistic people but this channel the goal here going up moving up staying up because first and foremost you and I we were designed to do just that we were put here to shine and we've been attacked because of that very reason you've been attacked because of that very light that even maybe you might be afraid of so today I shared with you guys in a video and I said to you I said God does use these narcissists this may not be for everyone i'm talking to god's people i'm gonna always be talking to god's people i'm gonna always be talking to the chosen ones because everybody's not chosen if everybody was chosen satan would not be real satan rules the world so everyone in the world is not chosen you are very unique you are chosen let's make sure you know that if you forgot i want you to reclaim that if you don't know i need you to proclaim it affirm it because you are unique you carry light and because you carry light, you have an assignment on this earth. There's something about you that offers healing, that offers growth, stability, improvement, empowerment, inspiration. You bring that to others. You take that glow and that light everywhere you go because you carry something that is called empathy. To me, empathy translates also to anointing. It translates also to being chosen you cannot have empathy if you are not chosen because people with empathy have a heart like God a spirit like God many of you if you think back to those relationships you were in with narcissists you remember the light that you brought in you remember how much it felt like they were just so different from you no matter how much you fought it you felt it you know it was not it was not right something wasn't right they were off they were off today that video told you guys God does use a narcissist the reason why I've come to this moment this testimony I've shared many times on my channel how even myself have been struggling trying to figure out what God is doing here what are you doing God how did I get into this what what did I do wrong because I'm I wasn't getting it I said before I ran into a malignant narcissistic man I was working on myself i was pouring on my i was pouring into myself i was learning how to love me in a different way like never before so i was so confused i said god what what am i what is it and many of you might might have been that person because you weren't and you're not who you are now before you met them you were someone different probably independent probably doing your own thing probably doing a lot of great things and and not not that you were perfect but a person that's empathetic like you, a chosen being like you, you live to improve. Self-improvement is part of our DNA. We want to be better and that's why the devil deceived us with what looked like it was good for us. Let me break down a little bit and tell you why I am now convinced that my perspective that the devil sent the narcissist is I'm reversing it. In some cases, yes, because guess what? This is generational curses, for many of us this is a generational trauma so you are being attacked by these demons because it's lingering in your family there's some type of curse attached to the women in your family, the men in your family, something is there so yes, in many situations yeah the devil is definitely after you setting you up with narcissistic people left and right But today I want to point something very serious out to chosen ones, true God's people, people with with true God inside of them, like not just saying it, not just holding a Bible like a covert narcissist. And when it comes to prayer, you can't even open your mouth. We're not talking about the fake religious Bible thumping, demonic narcissist. We're not talking about spiritual narcissists. We're talking about real people with real godliness in their hearts because you never gave your soul to any demon in spite of what you've been through. Matter of fact, every time things happen, it puts you closer to God. You're the one I'm talking about. The same one who I said in the beginning is unique and have something for the world. You're the one I'm talking about today. God allows and allowed these narcissists because our lives need strength. You need this, abuse is intended to strengthen your life. And I'm going to tell you why. I'm going to give you a few things that in my opinion, in my perspective, from my experience, knowing what I know as a true survivor of narcissistic abuse from childhood, I'm going to help you understand something here today that's very serious. The abuse was intended to strengthen your life because like I said, you're gifted, you're unique, you have something major about you. Your light is not, it's not common. Many of you carry amazing gifts, a true calling because of the extent, the severity, the heaviness of your calling you needed this abuse to strengthen your life, let me tell you why and I'm not saying that a narcissist is some kind of spiritual teacher that they teach you, no no no, they didn't teach you anything, they can't, they're not capable of teaching you nothing, they're dumb, they're very dumb, you've seen it, you've witnessed it, let's not go there because all they're interested in doing is trying to suck power out of you take power and control over your life, they can't empower you if that's what they're focused on, so we know they're not they're not any kind of spiritual teacher in any kind of way if anything they teach us how to do bad they teach us how to fall into addictive behaviors they teach us how to beat ourselves up hate ourselves they teach us how to dwell in anger works of the enemy the works of the devil the works of the devil man this is the devil's camp the devil's playing ground you want to know why you keep walking into narcissists running into narcissists because this is this is the devil's world this land is strange for you chosen one this is a strange land this is why the pain the the things you're learning about the narcissist you just can't fathom it just still doesn't add up it still don't make sense you just can't believe people are out here doing this to other people you're in a strange land and you were put on this land because there's something you need to do for the land there is something you need to give to the land and i'm gonna help you today those of us who know that this is completely spiritual warfare hit that hit that like button so i know so i know that you understand where i'm coming from and so i know that i'm not crazy i know i'm not but you know the pain the pain the pain and the pain see god has always been there y'all god was there from the moment you started to form in that womb god knew you god knows you now he knows your name God knew you God understands you God sees you God is watching you has been always is and is doing it right now the reason why I use words like survivor and journey and healing journey is because this is a healing journey it took me almost it's going on maybe 11 years since I started my healing journey as a child I grew up in the church there's a religious background there many of you have that same background because God was always with you. God knew what he was doing. You might have been hurt in the church. You might have went through hell and back with church people. You sat in the church, didn't understand it. Even though your discernment was high, many of you, you can break down the Bible as if you were there when it was written. That's the gift a lot of you carry. That is part of what God needs you to embrace. Nobody can bring souls to God the way you can. You are designed to do a major work here. A major work here. I'm gonna tell you that right now. The reason why the attack is so severe, your light is heavy. I don't know who needs to catch that, who needs to grab that, who needs to take that, but you better do it. You better do it because I know you're tired. I know you've had enough. I know you know you don't deserve what's happening, what's been happening, and what has happened. I know that a lot of it doesn't make sense. There's no true answers because it's spiritual very much so spiritual this is rather about an experience that made you very uncomfortable the assignment that's on on you the assignment over your life the anointing that you hold it is so enormous you have to know how to be young you have to know how to how to adapt in uncomfortable situations because once again don't forget i told you this is a strange land you have to understand why you are able to withhold and withstand all of these storms that keep coming against you because let's be real if any of us if all of us were to sit here and share our stories and create documentaries many of us jaws would drop we would say wow how are you still alive how did you make it let me tell you why it's because God allowed you to go through this exercise you needed to go through this exercise you need that strength this to strengthen you you you've read the bible and if you haven't let me tell you about a man named Jacob, for those of you who have siblings, those of you who've been attacked by family, let me tell you about Jacob and his brothers you guys give me one minute because my dog is spazzi when i have guests coming over when i'm working so i got family stopping in today and of course i'm on live when they want to stop in but it's okay, situation handled, i'm back, i'm back, nothing stops, the show continues where i left off is um, we are talking about Jacob, Jacob one of my favorite examples in the Bible, see for me you guys, i use the Bible as a guide for my life And now I'm using it even more. It's my, it's my best tool, the biggest weapon that I have, because knowing what I know now, I cannot unsee anything, not within me, not in this world, not in this life. I cannot unsee anything. Enough has become enough. And I am so done. so man, when i talk about Jacob, my favorite story really in the Bible because i can resonate and i relate so much to Jacob, just like you guys, you did nothing to your brothers but they want you dead why? because they see light that you don't even see, isn't that deep, those narcissistic family members they know you got light that's why they did you how they've done you, that's why they hate you narcissists hate you period because they know you have light this is why they inflict the pain is to dim the light just think about the torture this was literally hell on earth experience many of you didn't even know you were gonna make it think about the physical manifestation of demonic illnesses because they are the mental disorders and the anxiety the depression addictions all of that i've been i've been a victim to all of that god being so good i am finally fully taking my power back and snatching away all those things I've sat here and told you guys you know my habit with weed and my struggle with that my struggle with men in my life I'm 33 years old and when I think back to the relationships that I've been in the ones I've dodged the ones I've I've I've I see everything for what it is I know I know what could have been the broken versions of me but I also know where I've worked on myself and did not deserve to keep meeting broken people and that's what's been happening so now i am forced to to go ahead and step full throttle in my calling thank you to the covert narcissist amen if you know you know a malignant gonna wake you're gonna wake you up a covert is gonna is gonna force you it's gonna force you to stop playing get it right you get it right run to god covert gonna have you run to god you're gonna run for your life that's where enough is enough back to Jacob and his brothers they tried to destroy him they tried to kill him they tried to steal from him doesn't that sound like the work of Satan to kill steal and destroy his only purpose and intent but guess what though God the God who who knew Jacob before he was formed in his mother's womb that God had a whole nother plan a whole nother plan Jacob needed to obtain and exercise that strength because one day he was going to be sitting in a position where he would need to be strong enough to handle any and everything that came his way so he could never be torn down and then at the end of all of that guess what God made it clear I will prepare a table before you in the presence of your enemies my goodness shout out to my Jacobs out there. You're the ones I call thrivers. I know it's you because just like me, going through this will leave you asking and wondering why. God, what's going on? What are you doing? I'm not understanding. What is happening in my life? Where are you while I'm going through this? How are you allowing me to go through this? I've asked that question many times. Many times I've been so hurt, just want to give up not understanding why i look to the left i look to the right narcissist i look up narcissist i look down narcissist wow what is what is wrong here find yourself driving around late at night asking God what is wrong what's going on banging on your steering wheel losing your mind having panic attacks losing your mind anxiety attacks losing your mind smoking blunt after blunt after blunt thinking it's gonna help you keep your mind my God see God gave me this beautiful revelation today he said you would have never noticed the beauty of my glory if i did not keep allowing narcissists to teach you the lessons that i need you to to learn because guess what as chosen as i am i'm stubborn as hell because i'm human the flesh is a problem but i serve a God who already knew that, that's why he sent his only begotten son to die, for he knew I wasn't gonna be perfect so he made sure to do what he can to help me see what I need to see because he knew what it was going to take to fully awaken me and for so many of you that is exactly the truth for you that is exactly the truth for you I just want to take these last few minutes to give you a couple reasons why I know God is showing you something, trying to tell you something. When these things are happening, if these things have happened, if you resonate with any of the things I'm about to drop, hit the like button, share a comment. If you're watching the replay, let me know. I'm going to start with number one and this is coming from experience. Number one, you prayed for God to turn you into the person that he needs you to be. You've prayed at some point in your life, even way before that narcissist came, You were asking God to help you become the person that you need to be because you've been a spiritual being. You've been godly. You've been seeking after God. You've been trying to get to where you need to go in life because I said it in the beginning. You are that empathetic chosen being who cares about your life, who's always carried a vision for your life. So at some point, being the praying woman and the praying man of God that you are, you've gone to God and you said God I need you to help me be the person that I want, like help me be who you want me to be, do you know how dangerous of a prayer that is I've been praying that for years and didn't even realize it I was praying that when I was a kid in church didn't even realize what I was saying, God said okay I got you daughter, but I have to test you, I have to prepare you, like Jacob you will be refined through the fire, you had to go through the fire you must go through the fire you said that prayer you asked God for something very heavy you just didn't know it you just didn't know it oh my god number two number two you question your faith in some kind of way and when i say question your faith i'm not talking about you not knowing what religion to be in sometimes that's the issue too but I'm talking about questioning the idea and the concept of who God is not wanting to embrace certain aspects which is the truth the people who run from the Old Testament suspect the people who want to modernize and create all these new terms all this new age stuff people who are caught up in things that are witchcrafty astrology and things like that I've been a victim I've been subject to all of these things before that's why I can talk about it I'm free from it now it's easy to talk about something you're free from worrying about whether or not your your your astrology thing is saying something all of that reading into things that have nothing to do with God falling for things that are that are man-made the internet is teaching us a lot of things with spirituality this and high vibrations this and all kind of language and lingo and stuff like that but if you're not careful if you're not careful what you are doing is you're keeping you're you're making a statement to these demons who are paying attention to you that you question your faith that means you don't trust God that means you don't know who you are for real oh oh oh who are you learning God from where are you learning where are you learning about God at how much time are you putting into your day to learn about God was the last time you prayed more than once a day have you fasted lately do you own a bible do you open it do you read it or are you just sitting on social media letting this pastor tell you this and that pastor tell you that and this prophet is that and that prophet is this do you not do you have a mind of your own when it comes to god and your spirituality and and and what you need to know for you are you in alignment spiritually with god do you have a relationship with god i know this is deep and i know this is the truth and i know a lot of people will not be ready for it but i do not because this is the realness and if i'm telling you i'm telling you if you're tired if you're truly tired of going through this this is what you want to know oh gosh somebody sent me a super chat let me go back thank you so much Marti Vander Zee oh my gosh thank you so much love i appreciate that so much you guys i you know the super chat stand out because there's so much comments coming through so if you if you do those super chats they stand out and it's easier for me to see it and go back but i'm speaking to those of us who are very tired exhausted which is an understatement you're you're tired mentally emotionally you're tired verbally you're tired of talking, you're tired of explaining, you're tired of defending, you're tired of trying to prove a point for yourself so my number one, my number two thing is, are you questioning God? Are you questioning your faith? Do you have a faith do you understand who God is? Think about that because the narcissist and the narcissistic abuse will cause you to get deeper with God, it will, you can't run from it I mean you can but if you're chosen, you are not gonna be able to run from it, you are not gonna be able to dodge the pain, will force you to go and learn the truth, go and learn the truth about what you are going through because God is the only way out of this, some people you know people email me contact me text me all the time about being trauma bonded, how do you get out of it? Why am I still thinking about them? Why am I, why am I this, why am I that? Is God in there in any kind of way? What are you doing spiritually to detach from this demon? Because after dealing with a narcissist, you need deliverance yourself, especially if you've been dealing with it and dwelling in it for a long time, there are some things that maybe need to be delivered off you for you to be able to free yourself and thrive, the number three thing, if this has happened, if this is happening if this is something you think to yourself, have ever thought to yourself, I want to tell you, this is part of the reason or maybe the main reason for you why God allowed you to go through this experience, for many of us this right here is something we are still working on need to work on and be intentional about working on that number three thing is that you feel you don't have anybody in your life you feel you don't have support you don't have anybody to actually validate you so you seek it whether you're you're conscious of it or not you seek it this this is where that perspective of oh i need to settle down i need to get married i need to date i need to be on the dating sites i need to hang out here and hang out there and be seen and then also even deeper this is why you got so attached to a narcissistic person because they they gave you fake validation in the beginning that was the love bombing some of you need to realize why the intensity of the love bombing was the way it was for you because your desires turned into an attack you're seeking validation so here goes a test because guess what god wants you to learn and strengthen your life with that test because you're living in a world full of selfish people and seeking validation is only going to get you hurt it's only get you it's only going to get you destroyed killed and stolen from you can't be out here seeking validation you need to be seeking god i'm telling you y'all validation you went through narcissistic abuse with your family they broke you with words and criticism for a reason it was it was meant for your self-esteem to be torn it was meant for you to learn the power of loving yourself a narcissist comes and teach you that don't don't she were you seeking some type of validation because you just feel that you don't have nobody. Sometimes you run from narcissistic families and run straight into a narcissistic man or woman's life because you think that they came and saved you and rescued you from your problems with your family. You ran right into the hands of the devil. You ran right into the bed of Satan. You ran off and married a demon because your family inflicted you with so much pain. It made you want to run away. It made you want to run away and find comfort, safety somewhere. This had to teach you to strengthen your life because seeking validation will always steer us in the wrong direction we will always hit rock bottom trying to trying to be validated by a person a human we don't need nobody you don't need nobody lord i'm talking to that little girl who was abandoned and broken and neglected and just always by herself got to the place where she became codependent looking for love in all the wrong places god allowed it that same little girl had a call and she needed to strengthen her life because one day she would have to sit before multitudes of people and exhibit that strength i'm telling you it's a real journey you don't need nobody's approval or validation you need you you need god that's it that is it it taught you and it's teaching you not to trust people even jesus himself was like i can't trust humanity i can't trust humans because they are wicked chosen one you see it you see how wicked the world is look at how you've been treated you cannot trust people the first thing a narcissist comes in and do is try to gain your trust that's the first thing they want if you're empathetic enough if you're broken enough if you're blind enough you're going to you're going to give them your trust and that's how it all then they then they take your mind and your heart and your spirit being and then now you're somewhere just but you're still alive you know what i call that that's that's called living in hell on earth it seems like you're dying it's like you're burning but you still gotta wake up every day take care of your kids go to work clean your house do things and you can't even do it when you when you leave that situation ship it's like you're dying nothing is easy to do everything is hard everything's overwhelming you want to give up you want to just lay there and just stop breathing because it'll take the pain away you find ways to numb the pain because the lesson behind it is do not trust people you're too good of a person and they are nothing like you have too much love you need to protect it because love is not out there it's not out there and if you have self-love you won't need anybody to validate you you will be able to withhold your fleshly desires and let people prove themselves to you uh-oh talking to myself again talking to myself again, Lord, humanity is wicked. Humanity is wicked for Jesus himself to say, I don't even want to be around these humans. I'm good. That tells you a lot. If these things have happened, if these things are happening, please see what it is and understand that this is, it's a game changer for you. I really pray that I help somebody with this information because the truth will set us all free the truth will set us all free and I know that that's what we want in this community we want to be set free we're tired enough is enough we deserve true love we deserve happiness joy and peace and God wants me to share with you today that you won't get that until you see what needs to be seen and choose to never unsee it oh my god god bless you all for being here i i really pray that what i've shared with you today helps you i really pray it helps somebody monique mccray thank you so much for the super chat she said narc family to narc relationships was training for such a time as this yes yes we've been exercising y'all some of us we've we've obtained some strength that can't nobody stop us where we're going where we're the things we're about to do in life where God is taking us you can't stop us because we're not looking back there's no there's no backwards what's that saying forward ever backwards never or something like that I mean like it's up from here they've prepared us for this very time This very moment where God is ready to use his children for his glory. It's you and I, Jacob, casted out, ostracized, talked about, spat on, abused, abused severely. Physically, they've hit you. They've beaten you. They've inflicted diseases on you. They've held your life back. They've sabotaged your life however they can with witchcraft, with voodoo, connotations, spells, curses, everything. But God is like, I've prepared you for this battle. I've prepared you for this battle because I know what I've created you to be. And I knew what it was going to take for you to now be a certified demon slayer because that's what we've become. Thrivers, that's exactly what we are. Demon slayers. Come into my world if you want to. Come if you want to. try this being if you want to like i said i thank god for all of it at this point because it put me right where i need to be and if that's you i'm so proud of you i'm so happy for you we are healing our lives we are taking our power back and we're keeping it we're holding on to it we're never letting it go again because we're tired and thank you for watching today because i wanted to truly share with you some of the things that is happening and has happened because god wanted to use that narcissist to strengthen your life. God is going to get the glory out of this. No matter what has happened, what is happening, and what you are up against, stand strong, warrior. get in your word and fight, warrior. the best affirmation is in the Bible. people ask me for affirmations all the time. I literally just want to just, I want to start throwing scriptures at y'all. the best affirmation is in the Bible. This is spiritual warfare. Who's ready to fight? If you're ready to fight if you if you're ready to keep fighting this fight hit that like button if you have not already but my brothers and my sisters i love you all thank you so much for everything it's been a year and a half since i've joined this platform and have started sharing my story I never had a plan I didn't know what God was doing I just knew I was doing something that I was forced to do and it brought me to this very moment now today where I know what my purpose and my true calling is and i will never ever sleep on myself sleep on god and allow the devil to sleep on me the humiliation is enough the embarrassment is enough enough is enough i'm tired because i know who i am i would no longer allow demons to dim my light and i encourage you to take that same energy and hold on to it because i am with you Alisa Williams thank you so much she says thank you for your message from all of us i appreciate you i appreciate all of you and as much as i want to sit here and get into the comments i'm not i i love that you guys engage i'll go back and watch the replay and maybe look at the comments later on but for now i'm just gonna let it sit because i know my chosen ones are in there you've engaged you said what you need to say i also know there's demons in there i don't have time to to get into that type of energy so i'm gonna let things sit where it's at if the comments have been good for you good for you but i'm gonna leave it here and I'm going to encourage you to keep walking highly armored in God. Christina, thank you so much for the super chat. You are a blessing. I love you guys so much. Take care. I will be back Wednesday at 7 p.m. for Winning Wednesday live with your girl. I will see you there. Don't miss it. Take care. If you haven't subscribed, hit the subscribe button and make sure you hit notification bell so you don't miss the live and the weekly videos. Okay. All right, guys. I love you so much. Take care. Take care. if you need to utilize me as a life coach to help you on this recovery journey, to help uplift you, to help you step back into the woman and man of God that you are. Book those sessions. Reach out to me. Look for information in the description box. I'll leave you with the light. Continue to shine. Much love, guys. Take care. Stay blessed. Until next time. Bye, everyone.