If You Can Answer this Question Your Confidence Will Dramatically Improve

Confidence does not mean certainty. In fact, in many ways, it's the opposite of certainty. And so I want to talk about that. That's the idea in today's video, that confidence is the opposite of certainty. I really think that having confidence in oneself is a hugely important part of our mental health, quality of our life, our emotional well-being, etc. So confidence, I think, is really, really important. Fostering a sense of confidence in yourself is a practice, really, but it's an essential one. Now, I say that because I have seen from time to time videos saying things like, well, this confidence stuff is sort of overrated. And the only way you get confidence is in doing things and taking on action. And you can have this sort of ridiculous sense of confidence in yourself. And it's kind of a waste of time instilling a sense of confidence. I disagree with this. And the reason I disagree with that is because one of my ways of thinking about whether something is legitimate is I look at childhood, because that's where a lot of our issues come from. But would we say about a small child that they shouldn't have any confidence in themselves? If it's true for a child, it's true for an adult too. So instilling a sense of confidence, having a sense of confidence in ourselves is really important. And the practice of how we talk to ourselves is a big part of what that is. But it's the opposite of certainty. What happens when, let's say, we'll go back to childhood again, when we don't have a sense of confidence. Now, what I mean by confidence isn't this delusional thing where you're trying to convince yourself of something, right? I'm not talking about that. Confidence is a very down-to-earth, practical, essential thing. When really what it means is confidence is I believe in my abilities. I have, if I can utilize my abilities, express my abilities, I've got a great chance in life of accomplishing things and doing what it is that I want to do. Okay, I've got a great chance. Now, when that is not instilled in us as children or as adults, right, we're walking around, I don't need the confidence thing. When it's not instilled, what takes its place is the need for certainty, right? So in other words, well, okay, there's this thing I'm going to do, I can't do it, but I'm certain it's going to work. It's actually the opposite of confidence. Confidence is I don't know if it's going to work. No idea. I really don't. It's hard to know, but I've got a great chance, right? Because you're taking your attention away from the thing or the outcome and you're bringing it back here, which is you're focusing on yourself with that sense of acknowledging your abilities, okay? And you really are not in denial of your abilities or you're not listening to that inner critic anymore and you're starting to talk to yourself differently. So most of our confidence issues in later life do go back to childhood, right? When we didn't have that sense of confidence and that could be an overprotective parent or an overly critical parent, right? When the child is trying to do things in life and they're getting either held back from it, they're told it's too dangerous or they're told that they're not doing it right and they're not allowed to make a mistake. So that in later life shows up as a lack of confidence and this need for certainty. It has to work before I'm able to do it, right? Certainty doesn't exist. Not in this three-dimensional world we're living in, right? So the idea here, the takeaway from today's video is notice whether you've been living your life from the need for certainty versus the need for confidence, which is the precise opposite. I think a lot of people think they're the same thing. They're opposites, right? If I'm really confident, there'll be no uncertainty. There'll be no doubt. There is. There'll always be doubt. No one can predict the future. That's a thing I've come to realize through the years. Pretty much anyone that's telling you what's going to happen in the future, a part of me goes, okay. It sounds maybe a bit obvious, but there are plenty of people online saying that they know what's going to happen in the future. But I'm like, okay, we don't know what's going to happen in the future. We don't know what's going to happen this afternoon, nevermind in six months from now. But what we can focus on, and there's much more benefit to focusing on, is our own abilities, our own strength, our own virtues, our own talents, and the biggest of them being, following up on some of the videos I've released recently, is the superpower we all have that we're overlooking, which is how am I talking to myself, focusing on what's the outcome, what am I going to do, how am I going to achieve this and that. What's the story I'm telling myself? What's the story I'm telling myself about my life? What's the story I'm telling myself about the character that is me in this life? Is that a good story? Is that a supportive story? Is it an encouraging story? Is it an optimistic story? So that's actually the secret, really, is in the story you're telling yourself about your life. That's a way you can build that sense of confidence in yourself without the need for certainty. So you're doing things in life and you're like, I don't know if it'll work. I don't know. I don't need to know. I have a great chance. There's every reason to think it will. It could work, it can work as long as you're focusing on where your power is, which is the story you're telling yourself about yourself or your life instead of outcomes. So keep that in mind. That's what I mean when I talk about confidence. It's not this delusional thing where you're trying to have this bravado and deny actually, really, that there is uncertainty in life. That's the delusional part of confidence is when it goes into complete denial about the uncertainty of life. Of course, there's uncertainty in life, but it's like you can still have absolute confidence in yourself to face those uncertainties, face those challenges in life. So that would be the thing. Notice whether you've been living from that place of needing certainty and have you gotten distracted from the real work and the real empowering step, which is to focus on your own abilities and to question any stuff in there that's questioning those abilities. That's the legacy we get too from childhood sometimes. It's like, where did I learn that I can't do this, that I can't succeed in life? I can't take on whatever it is that I want to do, but a sense of confidence. And if you've noticed that there are blocks in there and there's that inner critic, that would be the step to take. Not looking for certainty, that doesn't exist, but you can get to work in changing that inner narrative, bringing up all those blocks, all those self judgments, all those limiting beliefs, questioning, questioning, letting them go, letting them go and replacing them with something that is much more loving and supportive. And invest in your time in that inner work, rather than trying to change the outcome all the time. The outcome will take care of itself. This is the first step, the most empowering thing we can do. So I hope that's a useful concept. Confidence is the opposite of certainty. And I think if you live from that philosophy, it will probably serve you better in the long run. So thanks for being with me, and I'll see you guys very soon. Bye bye.