We Made the Most Unnecessary Breakfast Sandwich Ever

There are breakfast sandwiches and then there's this completely unnecessary pile of breakfast insanity. Wow, that was mouthful and this is going to be a mouthful. Wow. Ask me, I'll go ahead and say, Sam, why are we, why are we doing this? Why are we doing this? Because you wanted it. Because Max asked for it. Remember I talked about a TV show from like the 70s, maybe the 60s? I don't know. It's called You Asked For It and the guy, he'd come on and he'd say, yeah, we're going to see the inside of Air Force One today because Gene Smith from Albuquerque, New Mexico, You Asked For It. We're doing this dumb thing today because Max asked for it. And what Max asks for, apparently he gets. I don't know why. We do these things for our kids, don't we? Anyway, this thing should be like this. I think it'll be this. That's as far as my hand will stretch when we're done. We'll do a test at the end and see. This. This is my protein tray being shielded from flies because ta-da! Here's what you got. You got your American bacon. You got your O'Canada bacon. You got your sage breakfast sausage. Listen, just buy the sage one. No pimping here, but Jimmy Dean, you got our backs. I love that ----. And here, a couple of chicken thighs for the chicken. So I'll take these away for a sec. My bacon. Throw them on the Evo. Okay, on we go. I don't know how many we're going to use. So I got like six or seven pieces. Let's just make them all. Apparently, I've got six. Why is that one so much thicker than the rest? All right, leave those alone. Get our chicken happening. All right, we start with two bowls. And here's what we do. We're making the dry side first. Flour, cornstarch, baking powder, garlic powder, onion powder, smoked paprika. What do you call it, Max? Smoked papi. A little cayenne. And a junk of salt and pepper. And let's mix this. All right, then take about half out. And half looks like this to me. All right, let's just flip these guys. Oh, nicely done, Samuel. I mean, nicely done, Flattop. I didn't really do anything but put them on. Here's a question. Why is this guy? What happened to him? I mean, it's nice, but dude, look at the rest of your family. Got you looking like that. All right, those will finish way less time. Let's finish off our breading for the chicken. Okay, pick a side, any side. I'm going right here. Splatter. That's an egg. We'll give it just a little beat. We'll add some milk. Recipe below. Mix this and some hot sauce. There you go. You got your wet side right here. We have our chicken and we go like this. Dry, shake off. Wet, drizzle off. Back into the dry. And we push down and coat well. Onto a rack and then they'll sit for 10-15 minutes before we fry them. And then it's time for some Spam and Canadian bacon. First up, our Spam. And if you're wondering why it's so dark, it's teriyaki. Oh, it's gonna be great. Next, Canadian bacon. And last but not least, a little oil and a little sage pork patty that we'll make. Here we go. There you go. Into a proper patty. Semi smash. Now we're just getting this stuff gorgeous. And the most gorgeous of them all is gonna be the Spam. Not gonna lie. It's a fave. All right. So the Canadian bacon. First up. Canadians, always ready to help. Let's check our Spam, shall we? Lovely. Oh, this guy needs a little bit more time but also a little seasoning which we haven't given him. We got chicken to cook, pancakes to make, eggs to scramble. All gonna be good. Okay, here's our bacon. I got it off. Looking perfect. Canadian bacon. We'll now join it. They're cousins. So they can sit this close together, you know? Of course. This guy can get flipped. Okay. Let's see what's going on here. All right, fellas. Spam and Spam. Here. Another minute and a half. And off comes the snossage. This guy's there. I'll keep these guys warm. And it's chicken time. And here we go. Uno. And dos. A little shake so they don't stick to the bottom. And now, just cooking chicken thighs. Yeah, probably five minutes in here. Out they come. I'm getting close to making this beautiful sandwich. These are almost there. I want them between 175 and 180. They're about 160 right now. I'm gonna give them a last minute fry before we finish building this sandwich. Now, I say we make some pancakes. All right, let's grease up a couple spots on here. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make three. I don't know. Will I use them all? Maybe. Maybe I just want one to, maybe I just want some to eat. I mean, how many does it really need? One? No, probably more. Cook away, little men. Cook away. All right, ready to go. Don't screw this up, Sam. Don't screw it up. That's a lovely pancake. Nice and thin. That's what you want for this application. That's what you want. You don't want anything too thick. All right, another minute off they come. You sit right there and be patient. I'm coming to you. Let's make a sauce. Very simple. You know I'm using mayo because I like mayo in most of my sandwiches. And this is a breakfast one. I also like a little spice, so we'll throw in a little chalula. But because it's breakfast, I feel the need to put a little maple syrup in. Oh, baby. Sweet, hot, savory. How could this be bad? The answer is it couldn't. Okay, stay right there. We're scrambling some eggs. Okay, here's what we're doing. This will be for our scrambled eggs. So I think two is probably enough. So salt and pepper. A quick beat. And yes, there will be cheese melted on things in this, but I love to put some American cheese just broken up into my scrambled eggs. So good. And while I'm here looking at it, one more thing to make it extra creamy. One little shot of mayo. And we mix. Let's figure out our bagel situation. There you go. There's our bagel. And yes, of course, the obvious thing to do is cut it because you need it cut before the gardeners get here. Like that. All good. But I don't know if you remember from the open, I promised an egg baked into the top. Well, that's going to be our egg in a hole situation. And we got to make a proper hole because that ain't no hole. So I've got my handy dandy cookie cutters here. Let's all decide together what size we need. We could agree that's too big. Too big. That one, Max? Or this one? That guy? I think so. Here's what we have to do. You can tell from the top. Does that look like it's centered? I can't tell from here. It's not centered. What have you done to me? What are you doing to me here, man? Look how cute the center is, though. Okay, so I say we get these over. I've got an egg ready to go. Let's butter everything up and make some magic. And look, I built everything back up together again. How cute. Love it. Okay, we'll put the mini in the middle. Then the ring here and the bottom here. And now while this guy's cooking, in goes our egg. The hole Max chose. So if it's not right, we could have actually gone smaller. Let that cook away. We're gonna let this white set and try and keep the yolk. The word? Yolky. Yolky, runny. Yes. All right, these are perfect. You, nice. You come off. This guy, ow. Ow, you come off. And this guy. Jiggly yolk. I can't wait. All right, time to scramble some eggs. And we go like this. A little butter in the middle. And our egg. Very excited. Are you very excited? I'm very excited. I'm telling you, a slice of American cheese in your beaten egg is transformative. I know it's nothing earth-shattering here, but just do it. Can you see how beautifully it melts in? I'm just gonna undercook this because the heat when I pull it off will continue to cook it a little bit more. All right, off we come. Let's drop the chicken and build. All right, Max, if you trust that I can pull those out when they're ready, let's go back to the front and build this monster. Build this monstrosity. How exciting. Here we are. Place the bottom. The top I'll put on at the end. And we begin with some sauce. Always sauce because you need it. And because it's got the maple syrup in it and the Cholula. And oh my. First up, I think we go chicken. Like that. Cheese. And we melt. Let's put a pancake on. Ow! A couple slices of Spam. Ow! We'll go sausage. Okay, let's go bacon. Okay, we have another pancake coming in. Now, Canadian bacon. Uber creamy scrambled eggs. Come on, you. And the tater tots that we almost forgot. Bacon. One more cheese. Now, ladies and gentlemen, the crowning glory. Our egg in the hole bagel top. Okay, it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It is not possible. It is not possible to eat this, Max. Do I smash it? The egg will come out. Tell me what's happening. I can't see. What if I cut it in half? Should I try and do that? All right, let's cut this biatch. Oh my goodness. Very unnecessary breakfast sandwich. Okay, come on, kids. Let's have a bite. If we can. Oh my god. And we eat. That's not even funny. Am I clean? Oh my god. The Canadian bacon f**ked me. My own people's bacon. So I'll tell you something. You can identify all the flavors. I'm getting pancake. You can identify all the different layers. I'm getting pancake and bacon and the tots. Spam, so delicious. A little bit extra salty. Wow. Cheese for days. And the soft eggs are the best. Don't make this. Unless you're crazy like us. Not that you would let us know in the comment that this is what you want to see us make. But let us know something that's a little more manageable. A little more reasonable. Damn. Will you bring a tray? Baking sheet. Holy s**t.