**Trump's Midterm Convention! 5K For Voters Oil Prices Soar! HIGNFYUS S5 E1**

I know you missed us. Shut up! I know you missed us. Welcome to Have I Got News For You. I'm Roy Wood Jr. In the news this week. Trump unveils plan to calm angry midterm voters. Voters wonder, will this man ever be president? I don't know, man. No, I don't think so. Consumers weigh in on a $2,000 foldable iPhone. No! No, and no. On Amber's team tonight, he's the host of Love It or Leave It and Pod Save America, available wherever you listen to podcasts. And I'll just note that he's been here for 10 seconds and has not yet denounced Hasan Piker. It's John Lovett. And joining us back on the show with Michael, she's the founding partner and Washington correspondent at Puck and author of Motherland. You can get it on paperback October 20th. I'll ask her more about which was more meaningful. The book or being a three-time returning guest on Have I Got News For You? It's Julia Yockey. All right, we've been away for a while, so let's get to it. Time for the biggest stories of the week. Amber, John, take a look at the monitor and tell me what is the story. This is a Texas. These are balloons. Now, that is also a balloon, but it can talk bigger, fartier sounding, making balloons. So a kid had a party. It was really big. Am I close? Yeah, so remember that kid in the Twilight Zone where every day was his birthday, because if you disappointed him, you got put in the cartoon and eaten? Yeah. Sort of like that. Okay. The story is President Trump doing what he can to save face for himself and his party before the midterm elections. They did that by having the first ever midterm convention in Dallas this week. What was the name of that special event? Douchapalooza. Republicans hold what they're calling a Trumpapalooza. Trumpapalooza. It's Trumpapalooza here in Dallas, Texas. It's going to be a Trumpapalooza. We're going to highlight all these amazing things that the president's doing. Whose idea was this? This was the president's idea. And that's the head of the RNC going, hey, don't you put that ---- on me. It would make more sense if they had called it the Trumpoompapalooza. Then I would understand. Nobody had a better comeback for the name Trumpapalooza than former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. What if it's called Trumpalapalooza? Trumpapalooza? Trumpalapalooza. No, Trumpalapalooza. Trumpalapalooza. She's still got it. But Trumpalooza wasn't a concert. It was a celebration of American values. Please raise your right hand. I pledge to the greatest president in the history of the United States. Loves us so much he can't even breathe. Will go out with my family, my friends. I'll do it anyway. I don't care if I'm registered or not. I'm going to try and cheat like hell like they do. I think they found the voter fraud. There it is. I would just say, you know, I'm not a doctor. And I just want to be clear about that. But if Trump is having trouble breathing, I would say it could be patriotism. It could be deep vein thrombosis. And I might think about getting it checked out. I'm honestly fine if he doesn't get it checked out. Shame on all he's made you become. Why do you think the Republicans decided to have the first ever midterm convention? The Republicans didn't decide to have it. Donald Trump decided to have it. The Republicans are terrified to tell him it's a bad idea. And it is a very bad idea. Trump's name was spoken just on the first night, I believe, 155 times. He said, I am on the ballot. Everyone dislikes him now because of everything. Everything. To be fair, if you don't say his name 155 times, how is he going to pay attention? That's true. If you say his name three times in the mirror at midnight, a ham appears. Trump and Palooza was held in Dallas because one of the most watched Senate races in the country is between Democrat James Tallarico and Republican Ken Paxton. Looking at things from both sides. It's a tight race. Luckily for Ken Paxton, old Donald Trump pulled up to Dallas, got in front of that microphone, and let the voters know just how much he likes Ken Paxton. The fact is that some may not like the way he dresses. I don't. They may not like the way he talks. I can see that, you know. Then they say, you can't say this, sir. It's so insulting. Please, sir. Some people don't like the way I look either. You may not like the way he looks. I thought that was a Kevin Hart roast. Trump is loving this riff. He's been doing this a few times, and every single time it gets longer. So the first time he did it, he said, he's not much to look at, but he's a great attorney general. Now he's just riffing for like 15 minutes. He's ugly. I don't like talking to him. You don't like talking to him. Terrible clothes. No charisma. And then he forgets the last bits. The big question coming out of Dallas this week was whether or not Trump speaking on Paxton's behalf would help secure a win for the Republican. And here's what one Republican voter had to say about that. Why not Ken Paxton? Because he's trash. He is a disgrace. He's a disgrace to my party. He's a disgrace to humanity. And he's a disgrace. But she didn't say he was ugly. Ken Paxton isn't the way he looks. It's everything else. He's deeply, deeply corrupt. Deeply corrupt. So perfect. That was perfect. It was perfect. If Republicans keep the majority this November, what did Trump promise every single American adult? He has to have promised them money, right? Is it money? Let's hear it. Only I can make this promise to you. If the Republicans win the House of Representatives and the United States Senate, you win with us and you get $5,000. It will be called the Trump dividend. We'll call it the Trump dividend. Congratulations. We're rich. It's not legal, right? Why you gotta be like this? It's fun. Why can't we just have fun? Who cares if it's legal? Here's Brett Baier asking J.D. Vance about it right after the announcement. $5,000 for every adult citizen. So you do the quick math. That's about $1.3 trillion. I can hear the critics' heads exploding. I love people getting into the specifics about why it's not possible. Don't worry about that. It's not real. It's like, hey, Mr. Nigerian Prince, actually, you should be able to get an advance on your own money. Given the amount you have, there should be a line of credit available to you. Sure, great point. He's lying. We need to start lying. We should have been lying. Have you ever craved the ability to fly? Well, there's only one way to get it. You gotta vote Democrat. Now, in all fairness, Trumpapalooza wasn't just pledges of allegiance and promises of money. The Republicans were actually very activated. They are ready to fight this November, and they're ready to share their message with America. And no Republican was more fired up than South Carolina Senator Tim Scott. That message was intense. This is a battle for the heart of our nation. I said the heart of us extreme candidates won't rip that heart out of our chest. It needs to be American. Hear me, Dallas. I'm excited for Tim Scott because I feel like based on his energy, I do think he lost his virginity. If you're gonna be completely insane and scream about Democrats destroying the country and your heart's being ripped out of your chest, you can't have a mild-mannered cowboy standing behind you. They look like a couple at a restaurant where one person mad about the service... and the other's like, I'm sorry. That's how he be when we be out. Question. Who else was there at the convention? In a bit like Passover, they did leave a seat open for Jeffrey Epstein. It wasn't just Republicans, though. There were some surprise appearances from some Democrats. Trumpapalooza. I'm Senator John Fetterman, Pennsylvania. Yes, I'm a Democrat. Why am I here talking to you today? Because, well, I'm a common-sense Democrat. I'm always gonna stand with America. I'm always gonna reject the extremes in socialism and that anti-American way of life. He look like he pet rabbits till they die accidentally. I love him and squeeze him. I will name him George. But, yeah, there were a lot of mistakes made at Trumpapalooza as well. Some of the guests left early. Like the letter L on the podium. The last. This is the last election we're ever gonna have. What's crazy is within moments of the L falling off, Google updated their maps. Republican poll numbers are looking shaky ahead of November. A new Gallup poll shows that more and more independents are aligning with the Democrats. How is Trump gonna drum up enthusiasm for Republican midterm candidates? Insulting their faces? Not show up. That would be best. President Trump says he's going to spend $500 million of his own Super PAC money to help his candidates make it through in November. Here's the president. I think I have, like, close to a billion dollars in the Super PAC. And I'm allocating probably $400 or $500 million. So I'll be spending... Yeah, we're gonna spend a lot of money because we don't want to lose our country. I want to keep these people wealthy, happy, and they have to keep us fed, right? Why didn't he do the pinky when he said that? What do you think the last two years of Trump's term Nice to think about. I'm just gonna sit with the question for a moment. So Democrats winning will leave a lot of big problems unsolved, but part of it is relying on voters to understand that Donald Trump is still gonna be the president, and we have to be making a case both for accountability and investigations, but also laying out what an agenda could look like if you had a president that was willing to sign that kind of a bill. John, he's not gonna live another two years. Come on. Look at this. There's a little Trump in every one of your hearts now. Look at what you've allowed to become. You want to slay the monster, but you become the monster. Michael and Julia, watch the clip. Tell me, what is the story? Oh, the same guy we were just talking about. The straight-up whore moves. They're digging for oil, and then, oh, gas prices. Oh, is that a Tesla? Okay, we got the president, we got the straight-up whore moves, we got the anti-Semitic car. I'm gonna say this is about... It's an awkward car. This is about the war in Iran, which we keep winning. We win this war so much! Yes, the story is, Donald Trump's war in Iran has been a big old failure, much like Trump's casinos and Trump steaks and Trump children. Oh! The difference... The difference is, unlike with Eric, this time, the entire world is paying the cost. There have been ramifications across the globe, from Saudi Arabia to the United States, from Lebanon to Venezuela, and Americans can't say we didn't know what was coming. Someone told us, if we elected the wrong president, this would happen. Julia, who predicted the kerfuffle that Iran would cause for American oil prices? Is it Donald Trump? Here's the source. Communist gross incompetence disqualifies her from being president of the United States of America. And to make her president would be a gamble with the lives of millions and millions of people. She would get us into a third world war. I voted for Kamala, and then we went to war in Iran. He's not wrong. If you vote for Kamala, we will go to war in Iran. I did that. This week, the global price of oil Yeah! And the price of diesel is now the highest it's been in U.S. history. That's one of them, like, records you don't want. Like, you don't want largest kidney stone. Now, of course, the raising oil prices are affecting a lot of Americans, but there is one person that's doing pretty, pretty good with the increase in the oil prices. According to CNBC, since the war started, Donald Trump's oil and gas stocks have, quote, gained approximately $1.5 million to $4.4 million. He doesn't even feel that. But that's got to feel good, right, to make a little bit of money on something you started. You tell me that don't feel good. I mean, for Trump, that never happens to him. Oh! To make matters worse, after attacks late this week, Saudi Arabia shut down an important oil pipeline. So this is not a stable situation. How long do you all think this can go on? Winners don't really decide when wars end. The loser does. And so if Donald Trump is telling us that the war will end after the election, he's also saying that we're going to have decided that we lost, which I don't think he wants to do. So I'm not really sure what's going to happen, because I don't know if you've got to be paying attention to the news, but the president is terrible. Even though the administration pretends otherwise, there's no reason to believe that Iran will give in any time soon. And that's actually so obvious that even the second and third dumbest people in America know this. The Wall Street Journal just reported that both Vance and Rubio and other top advisors have privately told the president that this war could possibly last far beyond the end of his term. That's great, then. It's not his problem anymore. I like that part of their theory of the case is that they really hope that Iran doesn't hold a grudge. They don't seem like the kind of people who... Yeah, like, my feeling about the Iranian Revolutionary Guard is they're kind of let bygones be bygones people. So last Sunday, while American soldiers were in danger, President Trump posted 60 times in less than 11 hours, or as the New York Post put it, Trump floods social media with A.I. images, annexing two countries, renaming a state, and claiming ownership of the moon. He's right about the moon. That's our ******* moon. I want to... Look, there'll be a world after Trump, but we have to have our own views. And my view is, that's our ******* moon. Own the moon. We got there first. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. We got there first. That is our ******* moon. And I got to tell you something. I see a flag of another country on my ******* moon. There will be no expense that will not be worth getting some more dudes up there and women for once. That's right. To rip... To rip that flag out of the ground. Good night moon was written by an American. Did Neil Armstrong not get out on the moon and say one giant leap for mankind? He didn't walk on the moon and go, this is our moon, bitch. He said mankind. It was implied. I don't remember them putting the UN's flag up there. While our troops fight a war that no one wanted, one that the administration was told from the beginning was going to raise oil prices, put Americans in danger and have no clear end point, the guy who got them into all of that is doing this. Around 7.30 last night, Trump again posted about changing the name of New Mexico with this AI generated video of him putting America on a sign and then dancing to the YMCA. $5,000 for you. We'll be right back. $5,000 for you.