Nurturing RESILIENCE : Raising Children in a Conditioned World | Dr. Gabor Maté and Jay Shetty

So, you know, you share all these insights and research and work. What I'm interested by is, let's say a child today is raised in that way. I find it fascinating that if you then migrate that child into the real world, and for everyone who's listening, I'm doing my quotation marks, like real world, they walk into this conditioned world that we currently have. If we almost raised a village of children in a, I don't know what the right word is, but I guess in a more natural way. But then they evolved and had to get a job and work in the world. How would they function? What would be your take on how they would do? I mean, is there any research on that? Or what would be your thoughts about how they would deal with the then capitalist society that is drilled around results and performance and being beautiful or smart or cute? How would they react to that? That question has actually been studied to some degree. And they would not automatically buy into the values. So they may need to get a job, but they wouldn't identify themselves with the job. And they wouldn't judge themselves based on the external values of success. They would also enter the world with a sense of purpose. And I know purpose is very important to you. So a sense of purpose can only arise from us if we're in touch with our real selves. So they would be in the world, but they wouldn't be of the world in a sense. They wouldn't identify themselves with the values that society would push on them. So I think they would struggle, but they would do reasonably well. And they'd hold on to themselves in the process. They wouldn't live a life that's based on what do other people think about me? Am I pretty enough? Do they find me attractive? Have I collected enough goods and objects to make me feel okay about myself? They wouldn't buy into all that. And to the extent that this has been studied, and it has been, those people that can be in this society without buying into its values tend to be healthier and more grounded emotionally. The reason why I love hearing that is because it's the first time I've connected these ideas together that when I was born and raised in London, I was born and raised with all the usual pursuits. I have a good education, a good home, a good financial situation, etc. Those were the ways I was raised, and success was a big part of my culture. And I chased the validation of my family and the external surroundings of my community and what my aunts and uncles thought of me. And when that validation was dissatisfying or didn't feel like it was actually coming my way, and when I was finally introduced to the monks at 18, I then seeked the validation of the monks only for them to teach me that the issue wasn't who you seek validation from, the issue was seeking validation in the first place. And so what you've just said to me is in three years, I got a crash course in what you're saying where we spent more time in nature. We were trained in unlearning the behaviors and habits that I'd developed for 21 years at the time. And then when I came back into the world, the way you just described that is exactly how I felt. I almost felt like a new person coming back into the same world that I left with a completely different approach and a different map of how to navigate it. And you're spot on. It's still hard. It's not that it's perfect and it's easy, and it's not that I've got it right. It's just that when I am challenged, I have a toolkit or I have some ideas, as you said, with purpose that help me think about the problem differently. You're not governed by the same thing. When I went into the world of work, and I just want to give people a practical example of what Dr. Maté is saying is spot on. When I went into the world of work, we were all told that we had to be good at a list of 10 things in order to succeed. And I looked at that list of 10 and I was like, I can do one of those things really well, and I'm only going to focus on that one because these other nine are not my nature. They're not my purpose. And it's so strange because that one thing made me extremely successful at the company I worked at and then has become how I've built my career. And it's so true that had I'd gone in and done what 90% of people did, I would have become what 90% of people are doing. That really deeply resonates. What is the difference though with, and I can't wait to read some of that research on that. I think that's fascinating. When you have a culture where I think most people who read this book today, The Myth of Normal, will say that they can relate to having trauma, illness, and trying to be on the path of healing, especially our community here. They are absolutely going to love this book. This is exactly why we have this show. But I find that we would all agree, I think if I asked everyone to put up their hands and say, how many people feel they experienced a traumatic environment at home? I think most people would raise their hands. If I asked how many people felt when they were children, that they had unhealthy relationships with their parents to some degree, I think most people would put their hand up.