Bruno Mars Moments So Funny They Turn Normal Questions Into CHAOS

Y'all just mad because you ain't got this. You ain't got this. Quit hating, all right? Because Jesus made me perfect. Bruno Mars is one of those artists who can make any interview, sketch, or random question instantly funnier. Whether he is joking, dodging, exaggerating, or fully committing to a bit, the moment never stays normal for long. He has an earpiece. He's got to say whatever I tell him to say to the nurse. Yeah, I'm feeling something in my throat and I don't know what it is. Okay. I just don't want you to touch me though. Oh. Are you able to swallow okay? No. I have not swallowed since the Super Bowl. No, I haven't. I haven't swallowed since the Super Bowl. You know what hurts the most when I go beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. You know what hurts the most is when I go beep, beep, beep, beep. Like a truck backing up. It's like a beep, beep, beep. It's like a truck backing up. Back up when you do that. Stand up and back up. It's like when I'm going beep, beep, beep, beep. A medical prank is weird enough, but a fan story gives him room to make the cure even more illegal. What's the craziest thing a fan has done to get your attention? We were in Chile. They found out where I was staying and they were just downstairs and I waved hi to them, but that wasn't enough. These like two girls stayed until six o'clock in the morning just screaming, screaming. I was just like, I mean, the whole, the whole neighborhood was just, you know, and this poor girl's just screaming for, oh no, it was six in the morning. So what'd you do? I got one of those blow darts and I got it right in the neck. Oh, good. Straight shot to the jugs. Knocked her right out. The same quick exaggeration shows up when a live stream button turns into a full technical disaster. Make some noise for Anderson . Oh, I probably shouldn't have pressed that button. Hold on. There's a bet. Make some noise for Anderson . Nah, probably shouldn't have pressed that button. I'm going to figure this out. Make some noise for Anderson . Bruh, bruh, bruh. I got to find the right, y'all. I got it. Anderson . ****. Nope. That ain't it. That ain't it either. We're going to find it. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen. I'll make some noise for my brother, Anderson . That's the sound I was looking for. Once he finally finds the right sound, a radio host finds a way to make his catalog sound much less innocent. You know what I'm convinced the song is about too? Let's hear it. I think it's about your private parts. I'm very sorry. 24 karat magic. You talking about? Danielle thinks it's about your penis. Every single song I've ever written has been about my private parts. I knew it. Bubble butt included. Grenade? Grenade. Oh yeah. That joke lands because Bruno rarely defends himself. He usually makes the question more uncomfortable. Can I ask you, off the back of you performing on the X-Factor, have you got a favorite? I know that's an annoying question, but did you like anyone in particular that you saw over the weekend? I'll be honest with you. I have no idea who I'm kidding. Come on, guys. Help me out. Don't play me out. They said, come on down to the show. Performing sick. I said, all right, baby. Now I'm going to shuffle this for you. Do it 24 times, though. Yeah, he can't even shuffle. Even a basic promo gets tense when he has to compete with the other version of himself. Hi, I'm Bruno Mars, and I'll be the host and musical guest on SNL this week. Wow, that is a lot of pressure. Yeah, you better bring it, host. I think I'll be just fine, musical guest. Yeah, we'll see about that. Jerk, huh? Yeah. Handsome, though. Yeah, beautiful. The polished stage image disappears fast when someone asks what his hooligan side actually means. I have this hooligan side of me where, you know, I'm a young man. I'm a gangster a little bit. When you would say hooligan, you mean, I don't know what that means. Hooligan, like a troublemaker. Hooligans, you know, it's a riff-raff. Troublemaker. You're a troublemaker? You look like a clean-cut troublemaker. Yeah, I know. Like, your trouble's like not using your- Don't let the looks fool you. Like, were you in a gang or something? I punch small children. You do not. Childhood footage puts him in a corner where the safest answer is pretending the talent never existed. We have a wonderful clip. Oh, no you don't. I know where this is going. Can you still do impersonations? No, I never could. I think it was just a gimmick because I was this big and I had the suit. Who could you do today? Who could I do? I'm trying to do me. If I asked you, like, bring back Michael Jackson. Oh, man. Michael Jackson would always go, um... A compliment about success turns into the kind of self-description no publicist would ever write. What is the secret to your success? Just hit the gym, man. You gotta hit the gym. Do you know what? It's so true. The amount of girls that have been tweeting just saying, he's fit. That's it. That's all you need. That's what I mean. If you have some biceps and triceps... The thing is, Bruno, you're looking swaggish at the moment, man. I'm so fat and drunk right now, it's incredible. But Melvin's right. Y'all got, like, a new little image going on. Yeah, for sure, man. We like it. We like you. It's like sexual chocolate. I feel like sexual chocolate. It's more like awkward peanut butter. When a show offers him authority, Bruno immediately treats the title like a trap. Would you ever do a show like The Voice or something? Like, as a judge, a coach? I don't know. Who am I to judge anybody? Who helped you? You're Bruno Mars. You're Bruno Mars, yeah. I think we have some credit here. I'm 47 now. Is... You look great. Buddy, thank you for that. That's seriously very sweet of you. Spin that record, all right? No, I'm just kidding. That's very good. The character work gets even bigger when he commits fully to being the person everyone is supposed to hate. Please welcome Crystal Fust! Yeah! Go ahead! What you want, want, want? Are you just jealous because I'm young and I got a debit card and I know where the party is? Y'all just mad because you ain't got this. You ain't got this. Quit hating, all right? Because Jesus made me perfect. A sketch can start silly, but Bruno plays fear like the machines might actually have a plan. Oh, no. Why are they staring at us? Hey, how can they stare at us? I mean, they're not even robots. Come on. Okay, that one's smoking. Hey, get out of here. Oh, my God. Why did you do that? You're going to make them mad. Oh, my God. Did you see that? Back in interview mode, a fan question gives him a story that gets uncomfortable before it gets funny. So, what is your most psychotic moment with one of these girls? One time we were out somewhere and we did like a meet and greet. Right. And this one girl, she came up to me and she goes, I swear, in this accent, she goes, Bruno, I like you. And I said, oh, thank you, sweetie. Thank you. I hope you enjoy the show. She goes, no, but I like you. She kept saying this to me and we had to call security. A cultural greeting sounds respectful on paper, but his face starts negotiating before the moment even happens. You know, I want you to stand again. Okay. Just for one minute. No problem. Because I'm a Maori boy from New Zealand. Right on. And I thought it would be an honor if we could honk. Do you know what that is? Have you done that? What's that? Nose to nose. Is that what they do? I've never done that. You've never done it? That kind of creeps me out. Does it? No offense. It's a traditional Maori thing, so you just go nose to nose. Nose to nose? Yeah, like this. Like this. Like this? With Anderson beside him, serious fan questions become a place for Bruno to dodge responsibility instantly. What TV shows are you guys watching right now? See, I watch Squid Games, like the rest of the world, because I'm a normal person. But I can't get Andy, like, to hurry up and watch it. It's too cool, you know? The world's talking about a TV show. Let me watch this. Still watching Martin. Is a hot dog a sandwich? You know, you guys really hit us with the heavy stuff. Can you give me an idea for a date with my girlfriend? No. Get your own ideas, you pervert. Next question. Even major celebrities in the crowd become imaginary pressure when Bruno explains what he thinks they are judging. All the famous people that go to your shows, like Beyonce was there, Jay was there, Lenny Kravitz was there. When you know people like that are in the audience, does it make you nervous or do you think, OK, I'm going to show out a little bit? Both. I know Beyonce watching me, and I just got this feeling she's just saying, what you going to do? You little jerk, what are you doing? You know? So I'm out there. Lenny was in the audience last night, and I'm playing guitar. I'm like, yo, what's up, Lenny? You see that? You see me? That performance anxiety flips at the airport, where the threat turns out to be a much stranger request. I was at the airport, and these huge Irish dudes start pacing around me. And I was like, all right, it's going to go down at the airport. Here we go. And they go, aye. I think they're Australian, so let me change the Australian accent. He said, aye, you Bruno Mars? I was like, yes. They said, could you sign our forearms? So they busted out a sharpie, and I'm signing these rugby players' forearms. I'm like, yo, that billionaire song, you're a legend. You're a legend. Oh, that's so great. A quick hat question becomes a confession about the one hairstyle problem he refuses to risk. Can I share one quick story with you? No, you can't. Next question. How many hats do you own? Because I've never seen you wear the same hat. How many hats do I have? I don't know. Hundreds? You know what it is? I wish I could just rock the hair like that, but I don't have the Bon Jovi like this. See, I have curly hair. Right. And if one curls out of place, I look like a maniac. That same vulnerability gets pushed into a costume job, where even waving feels emotionally dangerous. This is going to be the easiest hundred bucks you've ever made. Basically, just pop on this patriotic mouse costume right here. Wave at the tourists, you know, that kind of thing. What if they don't wave back? In the emotional state that I'm in, if I wave and they don't wave back, that's just going to be really, really hard. Awards night nerves are one thing. SNL promo chaos gives him another reason to freeze. If you win, which I got a feeling you might win something tonight, are you ready for your acceptance speech? I'm definitely going to choke up there if that happens. Going to choke. Definitely. Hi, I'm Cameron Diaz, and I'm hosting Saturday Night Live this week with musical guests Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars. Yeah! Can we unfreeze? No. A survival question sounds simple, but Bruno finds the least practical weapon in the room. What would be a hand weapon of choice for a zombie apocalypse? I don't need weapons. You see that right there? That's a ring I just got at Zales. What's the worst song you've ever written? Oh, I don't even want to say it. The worst Bruno Mars song you have ever written. The one that even now makes you come out in a weird sweat. Me and my partner Phil wrote a song called Bedroom Bandit. That's all I have to say. Even when Ellen gives him a gift, he makes his own appearance the problem. You wear hats all the time. I let myself go, Ellen. No, I like your hair. Thank you. I love your hair. And I got you a gift, so I'm kind of glad you're not wearing a hat. You don't have to put it on now, because I don't want you to mess your hair up. On SNL, self-doubt becomes a full breakdown before anyone can even finish helping him. Bruno, how you doing, man? Kenan, y'all! I couldn't help but overhear, you know? You know something, Kenan? You're right. I can do this. What? I didn't say that. Nah, I was more wondering about the Filipino girl. No, no, no. You were right the first time. I can do this. I'll be great. Kenan, you're in my shot. Get your ass off the stage. A stuffed bird turns into a quiz where the wrong animal might still make the better punchline. What was that? I'm not even sure if that's the noise that they make. This is called an inu. No, no, I'm sorry. This is a Moluccan cockatoo. No, I'm not. It's a kiwi. It says it right there. It's a kiwi. Do you know why it's called a kiwi? Why are you asking me? Do you know why? I bet you don't know the story. No, I don't. Because if you press it, it goes. When the conversation moves to stage production, he undersells everything until the price tag gives him away. Your production has its own dressing room, which is very cool. What have you brought along with you from the tour? What did we bring? Man, you know what? We didn't bring much. The production, I always say, is just the bonus stuff. So I don't know if we brought much. We brought about $10 million worth of production. What do you think it's like? Is there a difference, do you think, opening a show as to closing a show? Oh, man, they're ready now. I feel bad for whoever's closing. The live show confidence keeps slipping into chaos whenever the crowd reacts faster than he does. That's the next album. All right, guys, this is what we're going to do now. It's not coming off, all right, so shut up. A fan asks about his sex symbol status, and Bruno immediately turns the compliment into a visual problem. So this guy is asking if you have noticed, or what do you think about you being a sex symbol for the ladies? Oh, give me a break. Sam, huh? Is that his name, Sam? Sam, I don't know who you're working for, but thank you. This is my sex symbol face, you ready? Can you put sex symbol right there? We will, definitely. We'll just do it again for backup, ready? No, you've got to go up and down, are you ready? The songwriting story starts casually, then one blunt hook changes the whole room. And we just started jamming. He walked in, I said, what do you think of this? I see you driving around town with a girl I love. Come on. What do you think? No? And we almost didn't even sing it for him. But he goes, man, I love it. After that kind of honesty, fame itself becomes another joke he is happy to misuse. Have you ever used your fame to pick up the ladies? Absolutely. Why be famous if you can't go, excuse me, I don't know if you know me, but I'm a big deal. I'm the grenade guy. So on the album as well, obviously, you've worked with some incredible artists in the past. Can we expect any collaborations on there? No, you can't. No, no, no. This is my show, damn it. Nice. A pop culture question lets him defend a song most people were already laughing at. Are you familiar with that song by Rebecca Black called Friday? It's one of the greatest songs ever written. Why? Are you kidding me? I don't understand, you guys should feel the same exact way I do. When I heard that song, I was just like, hell yeah, it's Friday. Guess what? Tomorrow's Saturday. And then Sunday comes afterwards. Let's sing about it. Can you sing along? Even his stage name has a story that sounds half family nickname and half studio joke. Bruno Mars, I hear it's not your real name. It's not my real name. It's not his real name. What were you? What were you called? Peter. So where did the Bruno come from? Bruno, I was a chubby baby and there was a wrestler in my dad's day named Bruno San Martino. And he was a stocky guy and I used to walk around like a little bulldog. My dad said, so he always called me Bruno San Martino. Mars just kind of came joking around in the studio. Yeah. Saying I'm out of this world. A reunion question gets answered so dryly that even the album plug has to be restarted. How did you two get together? Craigslist. The album actually comes out on Tuesday. Okay, let's do it back. It's been a while since it's been on TV. You got to be like more excited when you say it. Oh, yeah. A fake news quiz becomes perfect territory for Bruno to take the strangest animal threat seriously. Runaway emu captured by police. Is that a real UK headline or a... Emu, the bird? Yeah, the bird. Runaway emu captured by police. That's got to be real. If it's not, I hope it is. I don't even know how that happened. How could an emu... Those emus are crazy, man. Are they? Have you ever seen one? I've seen one, but I don't think I've had firsthand experience of an emu. They're nuts. They deserve to be locked up. When the topic turns to Adele, the joke drops just enough for the musician in him to show up. Adele is the truth. You know, she claims she comes in the studio. She knows exactly what she wants to do. I'm on the piano. She's on the couch. I'm trying to play her something. I keep looking over to see if there's anything that's, you know, waking her up, her senses. And I play the first two chords on the chords. This is my last night with you. She goes, what's up? What's up? Then a high school memory brings the charm back to its most embarrassing possible setting. A quarantine hobby sounds productive until Bruno decides his editing debut should be a tribute. You're into technology or you have some new hobby or what are you doing? I figured I'll take this time during quarantine, get behind the computer and learn how to edit things. I edited something to you. Okay. Can we get a gift? Can we get that gift for her? And more of the same. That is so sweet. You look beautiful. All right. Thank you.