Kriti Sanon Opens Up: Success, People Pleasing and Speaking Up

Real talk, my goal is to ask you some questions you've never been asked before. I want to take a stroll through your mind. So, Kriti, we've never met before. It's the first time we're meeting. I'm such a fan. But I've seen your podcast. Oh, thank you. And I've seen a lot of your work. I'm such a fan. But we've never met each other. We're essentially strangers. So I want to start by asking you a question as someone who doesn't know you at all. Okay. Young Kriti. I want you to think of the less than 10 years old version of yourself. Okay? What would she be shocked to learn about the current Kriti right now? I think the fact that she's an actress. Because young Kriti was very shy. Very shy. Major stage fright. Really? Took a very long time to open up. Would hide behind her mother's dupatta when people would come home. So, yeah. She would be extremely shocked to know that this is what I do for a living. Wow. Yeah. So, yeah. When did you stop being shy? Because you don't seem shy at all. You walked here full confidence today. You know, it's weird because I was talking to I think my mother recently about the fact that there are certain things that you try and change about yourself but you can't completely get rid of it. Like, I think I was always a very shy kid. Someone who, you know, could get bullied. Someone who was just… She was nervous when she got on stage or in front of people. And I have over time, I think, tried to teach myself confidence. My first photo shoot as a model. My first Ram show as a model. I messed up. I wasn't good. And that feeling was terrible. And I came back home crying, you know. And I remember my mother constantly because, you know, moms know you the best. So, they're also very protective. They know your weaknesses. And she was like, you know, I don't think this line is meant for you because it needs you to be extremely confident and extremely thick-skinned. So, look at Priyanka Chopra and look at this person and that person. But I think I'm proud of the fact that I always went back for the second show and the second photo shoot. I didn't give up. Would you say that she was completely shy, that shy kid? Was she also really critical of herself? Oh my God, you're hitting the spot. As I do. Because I was like, shy is, oh my God, like I don't feel comfortable sometimes around people. But there's a difference between that and also being like, I just did something and I'm going to analyze every part of what I just did and dissect it and then think about it over and over again. I'm an over-thinker. I'm a complete over-thinker. Welcome to the club. Such a pain. I know. Were you, for as long, your youngest memory of yourself, were you always critical and shy? Yeah, I was. I think I was. Like, I would give a maths exam and write all the answers on the side so I could go back home and check if they were right. Really? Yeah. Nerd. Yeah, nerd. My mom's a professor in Delhi University, so my mom used to teach me at home and she would actually check all the answers. So I was like, I think I was conditioned and grown up like that. Okay, got it. Where I had a teacher at home also to go back to. Correct me if I'm wrong, you were an engineer, then a model, then an actress. Three very different things. Yeah. And very difficult to do. You did not one, but all three of them. So what happened first, engineering? Yeah. Why engineering? I actually don't know why, because I feel that at a very young age, we all are sort of pressured to like, oh, who do you want to be? What do you want to do? You know, and sometimes we don't know, but now we have to choose something. I was good at science. My mom's a physics professor. So I was like, okay, maybe electronics and communication. Not knowing what the person would do. I don't even know what electronics and communication means right now. Yeah. People think we change bulbs, but no. Okay. I don't even know that. That doesn't happen. Every time I tell someone, they're like, oh, can you change this bulb? I'm like, there is a difference between an electrician and electronics and communication engineer. So, so yeah, but, but I found some interest in the communication part of it, which is like mobile communication and all that. But it wasn't really my passion. I was just doing it because I could be good at it. Um, and then modeling was also not something I ever thought of or wanted as a career. Um, I did it because I just wanted to try something out. If not anything, it'll be a great experience. It'll be something, you know? And, um, I just got into it, uh, with a fluke. Like it was really like my sister clicking some pictures. Don't you love when a hot person says it's a fluke? It's not a fluke because you're hot and you're tall. Trust me. If you would see those pictures that my sister clicked, actually, I'm like, what is this? Firstly, like what, what am I looking like? I want some home clothes with some shitty makeup, you know, and my own hair. And I'm posing in some corners of my house, sitting on a cabinet and all. They're like really hideous pictures. I don't know why they selected me in those pictures, but if some eye fresh face contest or something. And, uh, I actually applied for that because I wanted to get a portfolio by, uh, Dabur Ratnani and I knew that it was really expensive and I couldn't afford it. So I was like, oh, okay, this might give me a free portfolio. Let me try. And it happened. And then I was just modeling while I was still studying. So, you know, it was just more like a hobby. So in engineering and in modeling, would you admit are two things that you weren't necessarily passionate about? You just kind of did them. Yeah. Were you still driven in those things? Yeah. Like for me, I think I've always been like that. I don't think a maths exam would really do anything in the long run in my life, but for me it is important. So if I'm doing anything, I have to, I have to give my 200%. Uh, and it bothers me if I don't. Well, let's dig into that for a second. Cause it's like looking into a mirror. I'll tell you a story. My first ever job was at a fast food place called Harvey's in Toronto, Canada. And it was my first ever job. I was like 15 years old. And I remember there was like a slow day one day and everyone else that was working, they were just talking and hanging out and chilling. And I was just crouched down refilling the forks. I was like, I have to refill the forks. And the boss, the boss who was also just hanging out and she looked at me and went, you're always working so hard. And I have this core memory because I paused and looked around. I'm like, huh? No one else is actually working, but I have a compulsion that if these forks are empty, I have to fill the forks. Like there's no way these forks can be empty. I've always been like that. No matter what the job is, I always have to give it a hundred percent. Sometimes it doesn't even make sense. The effort I'm putting into something. Yeah. Sometimes it's not like that important, but you're stressing about something. It's a blessing and a curse. It is. When you didn't get a hundred percent or the first time you modeled, it didn't go well. Were you just sad or did it affect your self-worth as well? Of course, there are moments of self-doubt. Like my first photo shoot, I had not even done a portfolio back then. And the photographer actually was a very, very sweet and a very known photographer in Delhi. While he was clicking, I was feeling nervous and I could feel it wasn't the best. And he just asked me, is this your first shoot? And I was like, oh my God, he knows. You know, that means he knows. That means I'm not doing well. I felt like a little self-doubt of I don't know if I can. It's interesting that you went from engineering to modeling to acting because in their own way, each of those things has their own set of struggles and inequalities. Especially if we're talking about like gender and women and men. I imagine, were there a lot of girls and women? Not at all. Very few. Yeah, it was probably you and like- It's mostly men. It's like four girls in a class. In which one of those industries have you faced the most hurdles around? Talk to me about that. I mean, in general, I feel like firstly, when I started off, whether it is the kind of roles written, now it's getting better, of course. A lot of women are also choosing media stuff to do. They don't want to just be like the love interest. But many times I feel like when in the beginning, there was a script being narrated, the female character would not be well written in terms of what does she do for a living? You know, where does she come from? Who are her parents? What is her family like? Not much. Sometimes it's just the love interest. And the films were very male-centric, which most of the films even now are. It's getting better. I would still again say that. And just the little environment of how a man's treated and how a woman's treated, especially in the beginning when I was also not so known, I've seen it more, whether it is... So I'm known for asking questions. I love that. We're going to get along great. Tell me the questions you ask. I'm known for asking questions to my director on set. I feel like I am curious. I've always been. And I think that's the only way I've grown, you know, because I didn't know acting. I've not done any kind of like theatre or whatever before. I've learnt everything on the job. So for me, that's the only way of growing. And I'd rather ask questions than be like absolutely dumb. So I have been very curious. And I feel like when a woman asks questions, it's like, how many questions does she ask? She's going to ask 50 questions now. It's more like, she's going to come with her 10,000 questions. I think there's a conversation like that. Versus when a man asks questions, he's really involved. So I think that is one major difference I felt. Because so many times I would say the same thing and it would be like, don't overanalyze it, you know. And if it would come from the guy, it would be like, yeah, okay. Yeah, maybe we can do that. So I felt like I said the same thing, you know. So that I felt initially. I have been on, though very few films, because I can't take all the discrimination and I would kind of stand up for myself. But many times, like small things, whether it's the kind of room that Omelagta was given, you know, and the kind of room you're given. Or the kind of car that you're given. My point is, I don't mind a smaller car also. No, you should tell them you're tall. You're a tall person, you need a Rolls Royce. Duh! She's tall! She needs a Rolls Royce! Come on! So I feel I don't really care about the car so much or the room, but don't make me feel less. That's the only point. Yeah, I think that's totally fair. It's not that I require this, but I require being treated fairly. Yeah, that's it. So those little things, many times, like, of course, when it comes to senior actors, I totally get it. But when it's not so senior, sometimes, you know, even the 80s have a tendency of calling the girl first on set. Like, but is he ready? Yeah. Because if he's not ready, why do you need me on set right now? And I feel like people don't even realise that they're doing it. They don't realise that they're a little more scared of the male actor and, oh, his timing and, you know, but he's been waiting. But it's not so much for a female actor. I think sometimes we can be taken for granted. You know, before I started acting, I was an extra on sets. And I have told this story before, that I was an extra on the Sonam Kapoor, Akshay Kumar. Please notice I said Sonam's name before Akshay Kumar came. Thank you. But I remember being on the set and she just kept repeatedly saying, she's like to the director, she's like, I really have to go to the washroom. She's like, I have to go to the washroom, I have to go to the washroom. So Akshay sir is coming, he's coming. One second, we're going to shoot the scene. 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes go by. And I remember she just looked at me and she goes, see, this is a man's world. She didn't even know me, but she says, but I vividly have this poor memory and this poor girl. To pee. Yes, all she wanted to do was pee. And he was like, no, Akshay sir is coming. No, I'm just going to pee. That's interesting. So you, you do stand up for yourself. You speak out on set. Many times, you know, sometimes when I haven't, it's actually a thing. I feel like gender discrimination bothers me so much that if I didn't stand up for myself, I feel like it really bothers me for days. Like, so there have been times when I felt less valued. And then I reached a point where I did stand up for myself. There was a film which was being promoted and I just didn't feel like it was being promoted in a fair manner. The male actor was kind of deciding where I should come and where I shouldn't for the promotions. And I suddenly found that so weird and almost disrespectful that I was like, okay, fine. You know, you think you don't need me for promotions. Maybe you should promote alone. And I kind of stepped back. Yeah, do it alone. It's fine. Take it all. And did you do it alone? To a large point after which the director called me really requesting to come for one event or one thing. And I just went because I'm also ethical in my core. I'm like, okay, fine. Now he's calling, he's requesting. I can't say no to his face. It's not his fault. So I did go for one thing after, but a lot of it I kind of just backed out. Yeah. Young girls that are watching at home, I don't want them to think it goes zero to a hundred. I am very outspoken when I'm dealing with discrimination, but I wasn't always like that. But I am not very good at picking my battles in that way. Like any bit of injustice actually makes me stay up at night. I'm arguing by myself in the shower. I'm like doing the argument over and over again. Like I'm really bothered by things. And so if I'm not able to speak up about something, that's the only thing that bothers me more. And so I want to ask you just very genuinely, of course you're such a strong woman, of course you're outspoken, but there must have been times and still there probably is sometimes where you don't speak up because it's not always easy to do. Yeah, it's not. Yeah, there are sometimes really powerful people involved and you're not in a position where you can actually voice every little thing. And sometimes you have to kind of tell yourself that let this one go, let this one go, it's fine. Do you ever feel like there's been a time where you were forced to express gratitude or forced into a situation of gratitude and really you just wanted to be angry? I don't think I want to say this. You don't have to say this specific... Yeah, of course. Of course there's been times, right? There are times when you are showing gratitude but deep down you feel like you've not felt very respected by this person. Yeah, it has. And it's been hard to kind of... But I think there comes a point where, you know, after feeling all those things and feeling like why can't I speak up and I can't in front of this person maybe, I came to a point where I was like, I'm going to choose to not be around them. You can always. It's always a choice. So I feel like people who are making you feel this way and also you are stuck in a position where you can't really say much or do much, try and not surround yourself with them. Try and be as away as you can. And I've tried. You know, my first film came out and this is a really big deal for me. And I was like, I really want to do a good job and I want to make sure I do the most to promote it and I want to make sure I have no regrets around this and I give it my all. The amount of men who have spoken down to me during this process, that I actually had to call my therapist in an emergency session one day because I was like, I'm so disappointed in myself because you know me, I'm a badass. I am so outspoken. I put people in their places. But when this man spoke down to me, I said nothing creepy. I just sat there and I took it because in my brain what I was thinking was this person controls this movie. I'm not allowed to be mad at this person and I'm supposed to be grateful because I don't want this person to screw me over. And it was the worst feeling ever. It ate away at me for weeks being like, I can't believe you didn't speak up when you let someone talk to you that way. And I think the issue is that we teach women to be grateful before we teach them to have boundaries. I think it's not just grateful. I feel like in any industry, there's a lot of power play. So at times when someone is at a much higher position, you speaking up at that point is going to give you a little bit of satisfaction. But you also have to be smart because it's also going to affect a lot many other things. So you've got to choose. Sometimes all women have to choose that way. And it's not just women. I feel like I'm sure even men, like in any other industry, I'm sure everybody has a boss. Even men at some point would feel like humiliated or wanting to stand up for themselves. And they can't because he's the boss. So yeah, you've got to choose at least some battles. I always believe we all have a light inside us. And I feel like the light will start diminishing if you keep taking the insults or if other people are not valuing you and you're taking that, you're somewhere not valuing yourself. Where do you think you learned that from? You know, I was actually as a kid bullied quite a bit. Really? For what? No, like I remember these little moments and now they come back to me because I'm like, I think you used to do that. I go back to why is this affecting me so much? Every time you feel bullied, you know, in any situation, why does it eat you up so much that you couldn't stand up for yourself? So I feel like these little things that happen in childhood, I feel really affect you in the long run. So every time I'm not able to stand up for myself, it kind of takes me back to that kid. And I think that's why I always feel that I want to stand up for myself at least in some situations because otherwise I'm going to just really shut down like her. That's really sweet. You're basically being the person your younger self needed. Yeah. Oh my God. That's a beautiful thought. Yeah. You're parenting your younger self. I love that. You've also made a lot of intentional choices in your career. I think you said that, you know, you don't want to do item songs. You may have been very intentional about the roles you take on. Has that ever been scary? Like do people around you encourage you to do those things? Like commercial blockbusters? I've done it all. I've made all my mistakes, honestly. I'm assuming not all. Mistakes never end. I'm going to make some more, I'm sure. But different ones, hopefully. Hopefully. That's all we can hope for, that the mistakes are different. They should be different. But firstly, I don't like the word item songs. Neither do I, to be honest. Because I personally love dancing. And whenever I'm given a really good song, I want to go all out and I want to really dance my heart out. So I love dancing. And I've never really said no to an item song for like... Educate me, actually. Because I'm not... Everyone throws around the term item song. What do they mean when they say item song? I don't know. And why are the songs done by men, not item songs? Why? I mean, we're sort of objectifying when Shah Rukh Khan does Dardai Disco. I was about to say, Dardai Disco is the first song that came into my mind. I mean, you're obviously looking at him and he's looking amazing and hot. But why is that not an item song then? That's a great question, huh? So I feel like it's not... I mean, it's a loose term that people have just given to songs and they feel like, oh, she's looking like an item girl and all. Right. But at the end of it, they're dance numbers. And I love doing dance numbers. Provided they're done in a good way. The audio is good. The choreography is good. It's not done to just titillate people. But it's done to just... Chikni Chamini, I think, is amazing. I think she's done such a great job. It's so hot. So if something like that comes my way, it's not like I'm averse to it. Has there been any role you've done where you were nervous to do it because you're like, I don't know, this is a little risky for me. I don't know if this is the right career choice. Because as an artist, something I always find is I have two brains. One is the sensitive artist passion, where I really believe in the story and I love this art and this is going to fulfill my soul. And then the other side is the, is it going to be good at the box office? Is it commercial? Is it good for my brand? And they're constantly at odds with each other. See, we are obviously thinking about it being commercial enough for people to watch it. I don't want to make movies that only I'm watching. So I do want people to watch it. So that commercial aspect always comes to your mind. But I feel I've been more scared when I'm doing a film for not the role, but oh, this is a commercial project. You're more scared? Yeah, I've been more nervous because then your belief in the film is not really so much that you're doing it for other reasons. And those other reasons are not in your hands. You don't know if it's going to do well or not. That's not in my hands. Am I going to really kill it in this role? Is this role exciting for me? That's in my hands. So I feel like when you don't come from a film background especially, there's no one at home telling you what is good and what is not. You do have a set of managers and an agency and there's a lot of noise. And there's a lot of like, oh, look at this actress and she's done so many of these kind of films and it's all 100 crore club and all of that which now has become passe because 100 crore is nothing now. So you should. This is a great announcement. A lot of times they say that. It's an amazing announcement and it's going to do great at the box office and it's fine. You've got to mix it up. You've got to do some of these where you don't have much to do also but the film's going to be a hit. You need a hit. And I have sometimes succumbed to that and been like, okay, maybe they know better and I can't only do Mimi. I need a mixed bag or whatever. And whenever I've done those films, I think it's God's sign because they've never worked. Really? Yeah, they have never worked. It's never been a hit. So then I was like, okay, maybe it's a sign that this is not my path. It might be for someone else but not for me. Even if the film doesn't work but I've enjoyed the process of it, I think I take back something. I've grown as an actor or I've just been in the company of really talented people that I've enriched myself. Like you said, with conversations. Something I take back. If it's not a hit, I've not enjoyed the process. I've sleepwalked through my character and it's not been enriching in any way, then what do you take back? Nothing. So it's literally like you've skipped a film. Well, to tell you, I've enjoyed Mimi more than most commercial movies. Thank you. It gave me more than most commercial films also. Well, let's talk about that because it's a film that deals with a pretty taboo subject, that's seriousy. Yeah. Which I've never seen discussed in a Hindi film before. Maybe I haven't seen them but I haven't seen it discussed at all. Were you nervous to do a movie about a subject like that? Were you nervous about what the audience was going to say? Actually not. That's what I said. I feel like when my heart is convinced, when that gut feeling is there, I don't think I get nervous about how people are going to perceive the film. It's when you have doubts is when you start thinking people will have doubts. So I feel like, yeah, when I was taking the film up, there were people who said surrogacy is a very serious subject. Not knowing what the script is. The script actually has a lot of comedy. Yeah, it's super funny. I laughed a lot so many times. And I love the fact that a serious subject is wrapped with comedy and entertainment. I think that's the best way of conveying anything to the audiences and leaving a mark. And there were some people who were like, oh, you're getting arty. Arty? Yeah. Very arty films you're doing. So again, those people had no idea what the script is about. And then they were like, oh, you're pretty young. Why do you want to be a mother right now? Because I had to gain about 15 kilos for it. It's not a usual state that a heroine would want to look like. And so they were like, oh, you're becoming a mother. So it ages you and this and that. I feel like there was too much chatter. But none of that really got to me. Because I was just so excited about the subject, about the story, about the arc of this character, about shouldering a film like that for the first time in my career that I was craving for for so long. But I never got the right one. So I think I was just too excited. And I just knew that if I'm jumping into this, I'm going all in. Nimmi was also unmarried and this young girl who wanted to be an actor and she got pregnant because she wanted money. It's a very different zone. But I feel like all women, at least I feel like, we have this motherly instinct and this feeling inside us of nurturing and caring. So for me, the role came very naturally. Even though I hadn't, I've never been a mother and a lot about pregnancy I didn't know, which I got to know through the film. And I would question things like, but you know, she's had a baby, how can she just leave her career? It was a major thing in my head. Why has she stopped dreaming? And Lakshman sir said that when you become a mother, you don't think logically like this. Everything takes a little bit of a backseat and some things are not explainable, how much ever you want to fight for it. Sometimes it just becomes all about the child and just comes from within. The moment you see your baby in life, whenever you do, you will know what I'm talking about. So it was difficult for someone who questions a lot. Exactly. I'm not going to lie, when I watched it, I said the same thing and I loved the movie and I would watch it and I was like, ah, see this is why I can't have kids. Because it's going to make my dreams change. For me, that's how I felt watching it. I was like, other people, that's great. Listen, feminism is all about choice. If you want to have kids, that's great. For me, I was like, I also feel like where she came from, she didn't have the resources. She never got the money. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, so she couldn't really do anything about it. Wow, this is a complete dissertation on me. Sorry, we've taken a tangent. Don't worry, our names won't change. Perfect, perfect. I want to talk about another film that I absolutely adored called Crew. That was so fun and also just such a breath of fresh air because I feel like growing up, I mean, I'm sure you can relate. I grew up with Hindi cinema. It's exclusively what I watched. I can't tell you, growing up, I ever saw a movie that was led by three strong women that are messy, messy women, which I really like, who lie and steal and make bad choices. Not your good girls. Exactly. Talk to me about that. When you read the script, what was the process? Was it a no-brainer? Were you nervous about that? Honestly, I just got a narration. I found it hilarious. Like you said, a breath of fresh air. I felt like, oh my God, why don't people write comedy roles for women? I think women can be great at comedy, but it's just usually they're reacting to it. They're not doing the comedy. So, it was very refreshing to hear something like that with three women belonging to different generations, coming together, doing this, not a very feminist film or trying to give any message at all. Usually, I feel like when people are making women-driven films, it's either slightly not so commercial or it gets into a messaging zone or it gets into an intent zone. It's not just fun. Now, here, it doesn't matter. Those three could be men, but they just wrote it for women. So, it's not really related to the gender and it's three people really having fun and making you have fun while they do. So, I really... It was a no-brainer. I just heard it. I was like, I want to do this. It's one of the ones where it's... Feminist, not because it's trying to be feminist. It's mere existence. It's that. It's existence makes it because just three women being three women. I always say to people, there's room for all types of films. Yes, some films, you want to have that message there. You want to be like, this is what we're trying to do. But there has to be room for the movies that are also just like, we want three messy women doing messy things and having fun. You have your own production company too now, right? Yeah, I do. Blue Butterfly? Films. Films, yeah. Why the need to do that though? I think I always wanted to kind of get more involved in certain films, you know, which had my heart. And I felt it during Mimi because I was just so passionate about that project that I felt like I would love to be involved in something more than just being an actor. You know, how the story is written, how it sort of comes together. I would love to do more. And I think that doing more kind of, of course, I don't want to direct. You don't want to direct? That's very hard. I can't be with one project for that long. I want you all to mark this for 10 years from now for when Preeti is directing a movie because I guarantee it will happen. A lot of people have asked me this question but no, I don't want to direct because I just, I feel I'd rather tell more number of stories as a producer because I wanted to be involved in telling stories that I really was passionate about. And sometimes just support them more than just being an actor. And sometimes when you don't find opportunities on your table or people are not writing the kind of roles that you're craving to do, you have the power to create them. So I feel like for Dopatti, when I did that film, I was craving to do something which challenged me as an actor. I also felt very deeply about domestic violence. I felt like not much had been done, not enough had been done on that subject. I felt it like since forever now about that subject. I've always voiced against it. And then I was like, okay, now I can get this opportunity to also do something as an actor that I haven't done before. So it's a double role and it's got so many layers. There's so much to do. And after Mimi, I felt like I was trying to find a film that could take me that deep. And I didn't. Everything was a little surface level that was being written. So there I got involved with Kanika, the writer, and my co-producer. And we kind of created this film. It's the exact same reason I started my production company. I feel like it's very women to be like, it doesn't exist, so we're going to make it ourselves. But it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work, but it's a worthwhile endeavor for sure. I want to talk about Dopatti for a second because it was a really important film. It was also very intense. It dealt with a lot of heavy subject matter. What surprised you most about how audiences reacted to that? There were some people, I wasn't surprised, but I was a little overwhelmed with the intensity of the reaction. So when we kept a screening, just like my close people, friends, you know, who'd love to come and support and watch the film with us. There were so many who came out crying and really like, either they'd gone through it or someone's mother had gone through it. And they felt a very deep connect. And one woman came to me, who I know very well, and she said that, had I seen this film before, and she's out of a toxic relationship, and she's like, had I seen this film before, I would have gotten out earlier. And that broke me. I was like, oh my God. That's why films matter. They can actually do so much more. They can start conversations. They can sort of change the way you're looking at an issue. They can go so deep that you feel like you can leave a relationship that somewhere inside you want to, but you're not able to. Yeah, even topics like surrogacy or adoption. I think at the end, the last slate of Mimi, which talks about if orphans had a separate country, would be the ninth most populated country. I feel like that just gave me goosebumps. So I feel movies can really do a lot. Of course, there have to be a lot of those movies that just entertain, that you can watch again and again. It's like friends. I can watch it over and over again. It's my happy place. 100%. Absolutely comfort. Not to be too heavy, but I think it's important to bring up, when you talk about films like Dhopati, through my fund, Crown Island Fund, we do a lot of research. And one of the things that when I read this stat broke my heart, and I didn't know how to think about it immediately, and I want your take on it, is that according to a survey, one in two people in India, and a lot of those people being women, think it's okay for a husband to hit a wife. So a lot of wives think it's okay too. And I don't really know how to reconcile that sometimes because I come here, again, I was not born here, I do not live here. I, of course, don't believe anyone deserves to be hit by anyone, but I don't know how to combat some of that mentality. And the best I can do is try to make movies and try to have conversations. But I guess, I don't know, I sometimes feel like, should I give up? It feels kind of disheartening when I hear things like that. Yeah. Does that impact you when you decide to make movies and things like that? Yeah, of course. I feel like, but I really believe that a lot of issues surrounding women, I feel the first way and the only way to kind of break through is by women understanding the issue. Because a lot of women don't find it to be an issue at all. You know, because we're conditioned and we're taught like that and we've seen it around in our family, whether it's a marriage that's not working. You're always told that it's okay, you have to adjust. You know, and things like that. I feel marriage being such an important thing, firstly, in India. It's like, it's a question that starts from, you know, your whatever 20s when you're getting married. And it just goes on till you get married. So I feel, when it comes to even domestic violence being okay, a lot of women have probably either seen it happening around, grown up with parents where they saw their mother being hit by the father and mother taking it and being okay about it and still caring about the father, still doing everything. Where, you know, it then goes into your system that maybe this is how it is. So I think it's important through these films to kind of at least shake them up a little bit and say it's okay. That's why I feel like whether you're a man or a woman, you need to be financially independent. Half the time the woman is not leaving because she has nowhere to go. Because she doesn't know what to do. Because the man is the provider and now if she leaves this person, how is she going to live or take care of her kids? You know, it just surrounds so many of these questions which are all related to money. So I feel like it's very important for especially women to be financially independent because you should never ever be dependent on anybody for your basic financial needs. Totally. I agree. There's a lot of unlearning that's involved in a lot of this because I think we all accept certain things and if there's a general rule of thumb is we should question everything that allows injustice to happen. Yeah. And firstly, you realize that it's an injustice. Exactly. I don't think a lot of people realize it. Yeah. Because it's familiar. What's familiar is not always right. I always say that. True. You do a lot of work with the UN, SDY. You were named it's a very complicated title UNFPA, India's honorary ambassador for gender equality rolls off the tongue. The UN is very good at easy titles like that. I can tell. Yeah, true. But you said in one of your speeches that it's really important for women to innovate but we don't allow women to innovate because we don't give them the resources. Talk more about that because I've never heard someone talk about the importance for women to innovate in that way before. A few things that really took me by surprise was when we talk about women's health, when we talk about innovations happening in the health industry or any other industry, women are usually not at the table. And it's strange because if they're not at the table then how are you taking decisions about their health? An average body is a man's body. It has been for a very long time. So drugs that were tested on men were actually given to women without really realising the repercussions, the effects on a woman's body. A woman's body, yeah, we all fight about men and women being equal and all of that but biologically, physiologically we're not the same. You're different, yeah. Your car safety measures were tested on a man's body but women have different neck, weaker muscles around certain areas which needs more protection. And if everything is tested on a man, how is it going to be beneficial for a woman? So it's very important for women to be at the table. I recently made the switch from a male physician to a female physician, like a female doctor. And I did my blood work with her recently. And she was going through my blood work and I was like, yeah, normal compared to this chart. And she's like, this chart is for a man. She's like, your whole life, this chart you've been looking for, she's like, these are for men. This doesn't apply to you. And it's crazy how I've been living my whole life thinking that my numbers for this are good and my numbers here are bad. She's like, none of this applies to you. It's crazy. 50% of the human population, medicine is not made for us. But that's shocking because that's like the basic need. I know, truly, the basic need. Let's play a little Would You Rather. I have a feeling you're going to be really good at this. You're a little spicy. I like it. I'm going to give you two scenarios. You're going to tell me what you would rather do, okay? And then I'm going to dig into it a little bit. Would you rather your search history be leaked or your notes app? Notes app. My notes app has basically poems. Poems? That's so cute. Mainly poems. Stuff that I've written or some rubbish stuff that you'll never understand so that's okay. Wow. You're better than me. My notes app has some ---- in it. Really? Yeah. I'm feeling a type of way. Do you use it like a journal? I sometimes. It's honestly an array. Sometimes it's like groceries, somebody's name and then like a deep thought. What? Like note to self, seek revenge on this person. You know what I mean? Like my notes app has got some stuff. Okay. So your notes app would be leaked. That's good. Poems maybe would publish into a book. Perfect. Would you rather go on national television with no makeup or share your bank balance with the world? I don't mind going no makeup. Absolutely okay. Just the lighting has to be good. Would you rather date someone who can't take a joke or someone who only communicates in jokes? Oh my god. That's a tough one. Hmm. Definitely can't date the second person who only communicates in jokes because sometimes it's not funny. Yeah. That is a tough question. That is a very tough question. Can't take a joke only communicates in jokes. I'll be single. Yeah. Cheers. I'll date myself. Would you rather have an honest friend who's too blunt or a hyping friend who lies a little bit? Honest friend. Any day. Really? Yeah. Any day. I'd rather have the honesty out than just like some fakeness. Because if you're friends you can't be honest with then who are you going to be honest with? That's true. Yeah. I would want an honest friend with good timing. I'm that honest friend. Are you? I'm that honest friend too. I'm learning to quote what I say with a little bit of sugar. Oh, are you really blunt? It's going to be honest but it just needs to be nicely put. So I can be blunt. So I can and the problem is I don't know why but sometimes you know like if someone's showing me their trailer or someone's showing me something I'd first find what is not right. Because you're very critical to establish this. Yeah. So I'd first say yeah, really nice but you know if this changes and all. You know where this comes from? I talk about it in therapy. Being perfect. It is I have an instinct and my friends have called me out often. I have to fix things always. Oh my god. Like we should have a chat often. They're not asking me to fix it. They're saying watch this thing. But I Sometimes they're asking for an opinion. So here's a trick I've learned. Are you ready to save so many of my friendships? If someone is saying I want to tell you something here's a story, watch this. I just ask a simple question. I say do you want me to listen or do you want my advice? I just ask that question. I'm going to do that. Because sometimes they go oh no I just want you to listen I'm like perfect then I will shut the hell up because my instinct is to fix, fix, fix, fix, fix. Yeah. Now there are some friends who probably you know I know that they're showing me a trailer that is going to come out tomorrow or the day after then I just shut up. Okay. I'm like it's really nice. I'm so bad at lying. Okay. Very good, very good. Would you rather be known as too much or not enough? Too much. Me too. I get told I'm too much all the time. But I love too much is great. Yeah. I get told I'm too loud too energetic I have too many needs. I get told all the time too much. My too much is only too many questions. Really? Yeah. I don't think there's any other too much. Bluntness sometimes. Would you rather run into your ex while holding hands with someone new or run into two exes together? I don't give a damn. Honestly. It doesn't matter. Past is past. I'm not in touch with any ex. Here comes the Bluntkriti. Jessica. Yeah, I don't really care. Because I feel my present is present and I am not in touch with any ex. I feel like Love it. Healthy. Would you rather sit next to the relative who asks about marriage or the one who comments about weight? We know both exist. So. I mean, I don't fluctuate much so they can comment about weight. It's okay. I feel like I'd want to sit next to the relative who asks about marriage because I find it funny now. I just find it funny because everyone that asks me about marriage is in a marriage they complain about. Really? Yeah. Every auntie and uncle asks me about marriage I'm like, you are fighting with your husband everyday. I don't see that around me much but I want to take it to a point where I start like really seriously saying something that bothers them. Like, I'm not gonna. I feel like I've learned so much about you and if I may in the last couple minutes I want to ask you about something honestly because I see myself in you in a lot of ways. I'm two years older than you so I'm just a little bit older than you but I feel like we've talked about a lot of things that I've really been reflecting on recently. You're obviously a very critical person. I am as well. I'm very self-critical. I'm very critical of other people. I'm very critical of my work. Have you gotten to a point in your life where it feels exhausting? Yeah, of course. And I have also done some self-reflecting thing where I've been like, okay, I don't have to be perfect at everything. There are some things that you gotta consciously back away from and be like, it's okay. You know, you're also a control freak I can sense. Yeah, I can also if I'm doing something whether it's like my skincare brand and you know earlier I used to like really kind of get into like detail management of every little thing and now sometimes certain small things I'm like, it's okay, you decide. That you decide is such a breather for me. It's important. Sometimes I think that I have an obsession as outspoken as I am as big of a feminist and I think I have an obsession with being a good girl. I really do think It's called the good girl syndrome. Yes, it's and going back to I'm tying this all together by saying it might have to do with the fact that you know, we both grew up with Hindi cinema and I only saw the good girl in Hindi cinema. Yeah. And I only was taught good, bad. There was no in the middle. There was a good girl or a bad girl. Yeah. And so I feel like now if the internet is ever mad at me even if I totally believe what I'm doing is right I have a complex around like I need to be a good girl. I need to like work really, really hard and it's tiring. Yeah, I feel like the good girl syndrome is also about like you know, you're close people you're always trying to please everyone and sometimes you keep yourself last in it. You don't realise you're doing something because you don't want to hurt someone or you don't want to you know, you want to be there for someone but sometimes I think we kind of keep ourselves last and that's also a woman thing. I feel like women don't take care of themselves enough and they're always prioritising other people's health and other people's needs before. So yeah, it is exhausting and it's going to be of course if you're this critical and this wanting to be perfect and every little thing. Sometimes you've got to it is exhausting and I reached a point where I was like you know, if you don't understand me it's okay. I think that need to be understood is sometimes so strong that you've got to detach from it and be like if you know me enough you will get it and if you don't get it maybe you're not close enough. So it's fine. Okay. Then I'm going to wrap up by saying we know you have a critical voice inside you I know I have a critical voice I have many voices inside me what would the loving, compassionate Kriti say to the critical voice inside of you? Don't be so hard on yourself to say the least actually and it's okay sometimes you've got to realise that five years down the line it's not going to matter. So I feel like sometimes and I do that now where I step back and I'm like is this really important? And a lot of times the answer is no. So I think that question is a good question because I mean now when I look back it's fine if I got like four marks less in maths man it doesn't matter if I you know I used to actually walk around when I was learning the syllabus for a test so much that my feet would start paining and I'd be limping to the gate of the school and I'd not eat and I'd like you know my mother would just roam around behind me with a juice I want to just hug that baby and be like don't take so much pressure I want to hug her too and as someone who just met you today and has only talked to you for a few minutes what I would tell that young woman is you should be so proud of yourself everything you've done is very difficult going from engineering to modelling to acting is not easy the way you stand up for yourself is not easy you had no blueprint to do any of this and you've remained driven and you should be so so proud of yourself it's not easy to do thank you I am proud of myself yes as you should be and thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me today thank you it was lovely actually did I ask you things you've not been asked before? absolutely I love and I love this connection because I felt like oh there's someone else who feels the same way I know right? alright Kriti let the people know why should they subscribe to this channel because I think this is by far one of the most honest conversations that I've had and I've really found a spiritual twin here someone who I really connect with and I don't know about myself but she looks hot oh she looks hot too too hot too smart talented women like, comment and subscribe