Find Healing After Spiritual Abuse and Rediscover Your Faith and Calling - Anna Vaughn

What is spiritual abuse? How do we find ourselves in the midst of it? How do we expose it and help others get out of it? While these questions will be answered in Anna Vaughn's book, Caught in the Crossfire, the real questions we will answer is how we encounter the Lord in the midst of painful experiences. Until we are rooted in our beloved identity and intimacy with Him, we cannot function healthily in life. This is why the mandate from the Lord stands. Expose the abuse, find God in Easier said than done, but it absolutely is possible. Out of that identity will come forgiveness, compassion, and intimacy with God the Father. Anna's heart is for the chains of religion to be bound and for grace to be loosed in the souls of those who desire freedom. She thrives in communicating the heart of the Father and has prior experience in leading young adult ministries, speaking in churches, leading women's events, and ministering through the prophetic gifting of the Holy Spirit. Tina Griffin here. Welcome to another episode of the CounterCulture Mom Show. I'm with part two, our next fantastic guest, talking about leadership and the lack thereof with founder of Stirred Up Ministries. Anna, my word, red flags of leadership. You dropped a bomb yesterday. Welcome back. Thank you. I'm happy to be back. First and foremost, I always say this with two-part episode people. I'm telling you guys right now, if you didn't see yesterday, you have to stop watching this. Go there, watch the first episode so you know exactly what Anna went through, what she struggled with, and had terror and horror experience of four years, you said, underneath spiritual abuse from a well-known person in Indiana, was it? Yes. But you're not going to give his name. We're just going to pray for him from a distance. I tried, guys, yesterday. I tried. But you do believe in justice like myself. But at the same time, I totally heard your heart yesterday on wanting him to find freedom as well. You're on the program talking about the red flag. So if we're in the midst of it ourselves right now, we have a friend that's been talking about this or spouse. And it can also be a normal, regular job, not even in ministry, where there's abuse taking place emotionally, spiritually. We've got to address it and warn other people. So you're back. Phenomenal insight yesterday. Not what I expected more than what I even bargained for. It was great. You and your husband, Luke, and baby girl reside in Michigan. Congrats, by the way, on just having your first born child. How was motherhood so far at five months in? I love it. I have to brag a little bit because my baby was the easiest newborn in the world, slept through the night, nursed well. She's been wonderful. But we did hit that four-month sleep regression. And man, I did not know sleep deprivation until I experienced it. So I have a whole lot more compassion for moms going through it. I tell you what, and yet the Lord gave you four years of a crazy experience with spiritual abuse, and you got out of that beast in preparation for now motherhood. So good luck, sister. Put me on speed dial. Call me any time. I had four kids in four years. I've got currently four teenagers under the roof. And it's hard, but at the same time, I'm going to miss it. I'm like, Jake, please don't graduate. I want you here forever. And he's like, I can't wait to fly my plane. So phenomenal insight yesterday on the episode. We talked about spiritual abuse, the red flags, but we didn't talk about how you got out of it. So we're going to talk about that today. Like how did God rescue out of it? You did talk about how it spiritually drained you, physically drained you, and this guy and his staff were after you even three seconds after brain surgery, which is wild. How did anxiety and fear begin to ruin your joy and hurt your health during this four-year insanity? Yeah, so I'd never experienced panic attacks before, and so I literally felt like I was dying. If you've ever had a panic attack, I'm so sorry. It's one of the worst things ever. And so that lasted for quite a while until I opened up to one of my counselors about it, and she started walking me through some tools to work through it, some breathing exercises, those type of things. Fortunately, I was able to get on the other side of it through some inner healing, through some counseling within just several months, and so that was a really big blessing. And I could see everything that was happening for what it was. I knew my boss was a narcissist. I knew I was under spiritual abuse at this point, and I asked God if I could leave. And I remember him telling me, you 100% have the freedom to leave, but if you stay, the blessing will be greater. Well, I am always down for a challenge, and so I was like, all right, I'm in, Lord. I don't know what you're going to do, but I know you're going to do something phenomenal. And I was naive because the next year of my life was literally the worst. It was very, very, very difficult, because once something demonic is exposed, it is just trying to take you out the entire time. So I now knew what I was dealing with. I could see the gaslighting. I could see the narcissism to an extent. Obviously, I learned a lot more after I left, but I could see what I was dealing with, at least in the moment. Still wasn't talking to anybody about it. Still was really living in a lot of isolation, but was trying to see it for what it was, separate it. And then I got to February, I guess it was 2018, because I got to February of 2019. I was laying on my bunk, and I literally felt the grace for my season lift off of me, and I started to panic. And I was like, Lord, if the grace leaves, I can't do this. Because I realized what was happening is I wasn't doing it in my own strength anymore. The first two years of ministry, it was all my own strength. I was having panic attacks, anxiety, abuse. But now that I had recognized what it was, had language for it, all of a sudden, I'm like, God, I need your strength. I'm weak, and in my weakness, you are strong. Well, the grace suddenly lifted, and I was like, oh my gosh, I can't do this. And I am telling you, the abuse got 10 times worse. Not only was it my boss this time, it was also his wife. It was also other members in the ministry. And so that lasted for about a month until all of it came to a head. My boss pulled me into a meeting for several things he was angry about. I spent a lot of time in meetings. He was always yelling. He was always reprimanding us. And so I wasn't surprised I got pulled into a meeting. But this time, the entire meeting was attacking my character, attacking who I was. I can't tell you how long it was, because I literally disassociated. And I was staring at the floor while he was reprimanding me and yelling at me for all of these things attacking my character. And for the first time in my entire four years of being there, I cried in front of him. And I was so discouraged because I had kept this front up. And I just broke. And I recognized that I was broken. Okay. There's like five things I want to talk to you about. First of all, what was his response when you cried? Was he laughing at that? Did he demean you more? Obviously, he didn't wake up because I'm assuming he's still this type of person today. But what happened the second you broke? And then it probably also made you so frustrated because you did not want to look weak to just validate the lies he just told you. Yes. So instantly, he changed his tune. He started building me up, right? Because his whole pattern has been narcissism and manipulation. So he recognized that if I were to use that against him, I couldn't now because now he started building me up. So he would have called it healthy criticism that he was helping me grow because now he just affirmed me. And so I instantly recognized that manipulation. And that made me angry. I remember looking at him and being like, is this meeting over? Can I leave? And he said, yes. So I stood up, walked out the door, drove to my parents' house, fell into my mom's arms, and ended up telling my parents everything. And at that point, they'd known some, but they didn't know the extent of it. My dad got involved. Another intern's dad got involved. We're only 22 at the time. We're basically kids. We're dealing with someone much older. And so my dad ended up confronting my ministry leader and having a conversation with him. My dad has excellent leadership skills. And so it was the right conversation. Go dad, man. And you know what, when you take someone down, but you're humble in the midst of it, that makes these narcissists, power trip type people cringe when you take them down spiritually in a godly fashion with grace, but sharing truth, because that drives them more nuts than just being a jerk. Correct. And my boss never could take on anyone his own age, right? He was always going after these kids, after these people whose brains weren't developed, because he could manipulate and use them. So now when he's faced with somebody who has biblical knowledge, knows the Word of God, understands leadership, and he's confronted, he just melted. Because what is he even going to say? Because now the bully has met his match in a lot of ways. And so he called, my boss ended up calling me after the conversation. He wanted to get to me before my dad. So he ended up calling me after the conversation, apologizing and asking me to stay. And I said on that phone call, I'll call you back. Like, I'm not talking to you. I'll call you back. And I called my dad and I said, I need you to tell me what happened. And my dad's like, well, I'm not going to give you any details, but if I were you, I'd pack yourself up and go, but it's up to you. And that was, that was all I needed. And so I ended up calling my boss back and saying, I'm done. And he had strict instructions that I was not allowed to speak to the interns about me leaving. Oh, of course not. And then 55 people followed you out of the office, right? Like that, uh, there's that Tom Cruise movie where everybody got up and left. I think it's exactly what happened. So he had a meeting the next morning with the interns. I was in, I was allowed to be in the meeting, but I wasn't allowed to speak. And this 19 year old boy looks at my boss and says, she's our, she's our leader, not you. And if she's leaving, we're going with her because we don't, we don't know what went down, but we know that it was bad enough that if she's walking out, we're walking out with her. And we all left and the ministry ended just like that. Um, this is just unreal. This should have been taped. I don't know if he had security cameras up or not. He probably did. If you can get that footage years ago, how many people got up and left after you? So at that point there, there had already been several interns who had already previously left because of what was happening. So there was, uh, four that walked out with me. Oh man, I wish I could have seen that scene. This is so bad of me. Like you want grace and you want freedom. But part of me is like, uh, what goes around comes around type of deal. You know, those are the kinds of things that I remember growing up as a kid, you want to put in the world what you want back from the world. Do you want to, uh, not be stomped over, trampled over a lot of people, massive spiritual abuse today, massive spiritual abuse from a lot of leaders, well-known leaders, and even peons. You said something critical that I'm going to wrap my brain around during this commercial break, support our sponsors. They allow us to get phenomenal, phenomenal guests like Anne on the program today that help us be freed in Christ, look at the red flags and help other people find freedom. This is wild that it's happening all over the globe today. More with Anna right after this. Have you ever wanted to start a charity or ministry? Launching a nonprofit can be time consuming, expensive, and overwhelming. If you have a vision and mission, but don't know where to start or how to raise donations, Capstone Legacy Foundation is your solution. Their ministry charity project allows you to receive tax-free donations without the expense and hassle of forming your own 501c3 and in less than 48 hours. 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I am assuming one of the blessings was you were able to see even more of the manipulation, the more of the justification, the more of the abuse to now warn people of even more of the bullets that could be flying their direction from corrupt leaders in ministry or in work in general. What other things and ways did the Lord bless you by sticking with it and being in there longer? Yeah, so I actually finally had language for what I was experiencing, which was spiritual abuse. So the longer I stayed before that, I was like, I know what manipulation is. I know what narcissism is. I know what gaslighting is. But now as it went on, I was like, wow, the way that I had been blinded, the rose colored glasses that I'd put on, the fact that religion as a whole, ministries as a whole, and I'm not talking about all, but I'm talking about a majority, will tell you you're doing something for God, you're doing it actually for man. And that was the blessing that I walked away with, because I hated ministry. I'm not going to lie. I didn't ever want to do it again. And the Lord said, not only are you going to heal from this, but you're going to start your own ministry and you're going to do it right. Because what people are missing is they get hurt by humans. They get hurt by pastors. They get hurt by ministry leaders in the church setting, and they walk away and they blame God. And I felt the cry of God on my heart of like, tell my people to stop blaming me because it wasn't me, because I am just as hurt by what these ministry leaders are doing. I am just as hurt by the abuse of all forms that is taking place in the church, and my generation, the younger generation, absolutely wants nothing to do with church because they're like, this isn't real. This is fake as all get out. Like, we don't want to play pretend. And so, the blessing that I walked away with was number one, the ministry ending. I was like, thank you, God. Like, wow, didn't see that coming. Number two is I actually got to form a new love for ministry, what it's supposed to look like. And then number three was being able to be like, none of this was him. It was all man, our own flesh, our own woundedness from our childhood. It's interesting you made the spank comment because the reality is, is very broken people with very broken childhoods continue to live out in the world and don't deal with the hurt and the pain from their past. And it just comes back out as adults, right? And so, all we're dealing with is hurt people hurting more people. Okay, here's what's nuts. You're at the point now with the second episode saying what my mind is thinking about at the exact same moment. I've officially been cloned, everybody, right here with Anna. I didn't think it was possible. You are so full of wisdom for your young age. It is mind-blowing. You know what to say, how to say it, crystal clear, makes sense, pierces the heart, computes in the brain. And literally you are, God is freeing so many people from spiritual bondage right now as they're tuning into your, what you're sharing. That is God in and through. The fact that you are obedient and you don't turn your back on God because it wasn't God's fault also is getting me so fired up. We talk the same language. You are absolutely unbelievably one of the most profound young women I have heard speak in a long, long time. You have wisdom beyond your years. And God is going to use that mightily because you're being obedient to his calling now today, addressing the corruption from a fake, fraudulent Christian ministry standpoint. You know, a lot of times people are out there showing the corruption in our world, but not a corruption from the pulpit, not corruption from the ministry side, the Christian religious side. You're nailing it. You're speaking my language. Okay. A couple of one-two punch questions here. You say we aren't all given a fair start in life, but we are responsible for what we do. Can you explain that more? Yeah. Like when, let's use the example of my childhood versus my boss's childhood, right? Like he had a very rough childhood. So now he's got all this pain and all these things. And so my childhood is I have Christian parents, Christian grandparents in and out of ministry, like how is that fair? However, we all reach a point of adulthood where now we're responsible for what happened to us, not what someone did to us, but what we're going to do with it. God wants to redeem everyone's story. He wants to use everybody's story. And so we are now responsible. God, what are you going to do in and through my life? And how are you going to turn this around for your glory? I completely agree. And I am a firm believer in severing the generational curse from the previous generations. If you grew up in a crappy, horrific household, woe to the people that harmed you emotionally, physically, verbally, however that happened, pray for their soul. If they're still alive, try to lead them to the Lord today, forgive them, call them, do whatever God is calling you to do right now to show the love of Christ to the people that just like we, nobody deserves it. And yet that's what Christ has called us to do. But secondly, if you grew up in that horrific household in the past, man, may that be a stake in the ground today for everybody tuning in that you are firmly going to place your faith in the Lord and say, God, you know what I grew up in. That was horrific. But how can I do a 180 with my own family, my own spouse, my own kids to show you in and through to sever this at the root? Oh, you got, I got chills all over my body. I have to put you on speed dial, man. I do not want this to be the last time we ever talked to each other. Um, phenomenal insight. Okay. This is a one, two punch question as well. Did you ever questioned God or his character after the experiences you had? 100%. I am human. I was frustrated. I was angry. I didn't want to talk to God for a season. There was a season in my life where I didn't talk to God and I would literally, I didn't know how to pray. I didn't know how to talk to him, but he would invite me into the secret place and I would just go and be with him. And he said to me, you don't have to do anything. You don't have to say anything. I want you to just soak up my presence. And that lasted for about three months. And then one day I walked in there to do that very thing. And he said, okay, now it's time to stand up and let's get to work. You've rested, you've healed, but now we got to open the word again. We got to go start meeting with people. We got to start unpacking all of this hurt and all of this pain, because I refuse to keep you stuck like this. I refuse to keep you in a victim mentality. And so, yes, I was angry with God. I was hurt with God, but where else was I going to turn? And that's what I kept coming to. As frustrated I was, as angry as I was, I knew the peace of God was still better than what the world could offer me, than what the fear could offer me. So it's like, yeah, I'm mad at God and I might want to run away for a minute, but I'm still going to have to turn around and run back to him because he's the only option. I'd already encountered his love, a relationship with him, his peace. And so I was like, that's it for me. I can throw my tantrum, but at the end of the day, I'm going to get up and I'm going to have to go back and be with him. Every day in Nigeria, Christians are hunted, villages burned, families torn apart. And while many talk about the problem, few are willing to step into it. That's where equipping the persecuted is different. We are not a mission of awareness. We are a mission of action. 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Besides harmful 5G radiation, we are constantly bombarded with EMF exposure from Wi-Fi routers, smartphones, laptops, smart appliances, all contributing to massive sleep issues, headaches, fatigue, nausea, dizziness, brain fog, heart palpitations, and even increased cancer risk. I've been using two WaveGuard devices for over six years. I have the KeyHome, which gives me whole home protection, and the KeyShield when I'm on the go. WaveGuard uses depolarization technology to significantly reduce EMF radiation without blocking your Wi-Fi or cell signal. Protect your family now. Use CodeTina at checkout to save 20% off all devices at WaveGuard.com. That's WaveGuard.com, CodeTina. Anna, before I leave you, girl, you have been such an encouragement to me. You have filled my heart, got me all passionate again for the Lord just in the last two episodes. It's crazy. You have a phenomenal book that's out there. Everybody got to get their hands on it. Five star, not surprising. It's called Caught in the Crossfire. It talks about your personal spiritual abuse, four years of craziness and how you got out of it, and how there's hope and healing. And if you haven't seen part one, again, it's a reminder. You have to go listen to part one on what in the world happened to Anna with the spiritual abuse for a four-year period at the age of 19. I tell you what, narcissism in the church today, in our globe today, we got to combat that. Pray for the people that are doing the spiritual abuse. You also have a fantastic website, stirredupministries.com. People, you can go there and donate to her cause, bring her in to speak, subscribe to her newsletter. She has fantastic workshops. She's all over the place speaking around this nation. Learn more about her ministry and pray for her, Luke, and their newborn baby girl. God is going to work in and through you, girl, and through the listeners and viewers. Go out there and make a difference, everybody. Share this episode with the masses, counterculturemom.com. If you want to jump on board with us as a partner, we'd love to have you. There are networks waiting to receive Anna's information. We're currently on 39 TV networks. I want to do 50, 100, because I do want to reach the masses with people like Anna with their stories so more people can find freedom. So donate to our cause if you'd like at counterculturemom.com. Click on the pink donate button top of the page. Every dime goes towards more airtime out there around this globe. Anna, you rock. Keep at it. You are a warrior. I'm very honored to have you on the program. Go get them, girl. Thank you.