Parents Open Up About Their Experience Adopting Teenagers

I wish people understood that all kids weren't bad. Like, they have a good inside to them. She used to pick me up from school drunk. She used to take me to school drunk. Like, I started to miss my mom when she wasn't drunk. That's how much she drank. So our dad was out of the picture for a long time. The very last time I saw him was when I was seven and he was behind bars in prison. My mom came inside and she was like, you guys have to go with him. Like, I started just busting out crying because she had to pack all my clothes in the bag and everything. The first night I wasn't able to cry, but then the second night I was in tears. I didn't really know what was going on until I realized that I wasn't interested in my mom for a long time. I've always wanted to adopt. My sister was adopted and I remember having a conversation with my mom. That conversation included, well, older kids don't really get adopted as much. And so that for me planted a seed very early in my life. And it has always just kind of resonated in the back of my mind that that's just not fair. Glenn had moved out, maybe it had been six months or so. Not a very long time. And I brought up the idea to Josie this time around for Lauren and Nelson. I said, man, you know, it just doesn't feel right. It feels kind of empty. I feel like we're supposed to have, you know, more kids. I guess is the best way to put it. Called and said, we have two kids that are in need of a relatively quick placement for adoption. And, you know, what do you think? And we were like, we're ready. Like, we can do this. And they're like, OK, they're moving in on Friday. The first time we ever met them, they had their bags with them, knocking on our door. And they know that we want to adopt them. Hadn't even met them. And then next thing you know, we're in their home and it's really scary. It was really hard. I know they were nervous. Like, you could kind of tell they were little. But they handled it so well. But they did. They were so chill about it. And we were only their second placement. Third placement. The first month that they were with us, both of them, especially Lauren, would just talk about everything. You could tell that every time she would tell the story, like, she would become lighter. Like, you could just see her peel away all these layers of like, I need to talk about this. I want to share this with somebody. And it was so, oh, it was just awesome. Seeing both of them just like, turn into themselves over that short period of time. It changed a lot. Like, I used to be super disrespectful. Super disrespectful. I got in trouble a lot here. But it's like, everything makes sense now. Like, I just guess I didn't have a reason to be angry anymore. I guess I was just sad. We really kind of changed our parenting style to be more of, you know what? I'm not going to focus so much on what I can give you. We're just going to do this thing. Like, we're just going to live together. And we're going to appreciate each other. And we're going to respect each other. And we're going to talk about everything. And we're just going to figure it out. And that has been kind of pivotal for our success as a family. Yes. Period. It's about love and support. And so you're not going to like everything your child does. That's life. Whether they're adopted or biological. But one thing I've learned from my children and from my wife is it's about being loving and just being there for them. I tell my friends, like, how it is. And they feel bad for me. Like, they say, do you miss your mom? Like, they talk to me about it. But they're happy that I'm in a safe home. I used to cry because I missed my mom. But like, when we got adopted, it just felt like we moved into a home. At first it was like, weird. But now it's like, it feels good. I feel like I have somebody. Like a family. It's nice to be able to be there for these guys. Because I've been through things, too. And so I feel very fortunate and blessed. I feel like they give me way more than I can ever give them. When it came down to the idea of adopting a teenager, potentially, we thought that the things that teenagers could bring to us would be challenging or could be challenging, but that we were up for that challenge. And that has turned out to be tremendously awesome for our family. And I think a lot of people are scared of adopting older kids or fear that that bond can't happen. I think it's different than with a baby. But like, it's so gratifying when you get to that point where you're like, this is just normal. But that does come to something important, because you do bond. We adopted these children because we just felt like it was the right thing to do. They had a need, and we could fill that need, and so that's why we did it. So they're just our children to us, and we just happen to get them later in life, is how we look at it.