Taylor's First Day of High School! | Mortified

The moment I've been waiting for every single second of my life has been leading up to now Today, I've become a high school student Pretty cool. Hey, I'm so ready for this. Oh She's all grown up don't look at her baby. Look at you squirt no more small fry Now Taylor, I know you're nervous about starting high school. I'm not nervous I just want you to know it's perfectly normal to be scared Whenever I get those butterflies in my tummy, I always think of something Virgil once said Fortune favors the brave Virgil didn't he run that surf shop over in Mullet Bank? No Don. He wrote poetry in ancient Rome He inspired people who needed courage You're out of the blocks early this morning man, he's mind-blowing don't and on a full moon We're talking brilliant new beginnings life-changing even. Oh, I've never seen anything so auspicious in the whole time. I've been studying astrology You've got to start that aromatherapy massage business today This instant I haven't even finished breaking when the cosmos comes knocking Glenn. Do you turn it away? I'm not sure. I'm ready. Excuse me. What did Virgil once say about fortune favoring the brave? Where when I set up my clinic you don't mind giving up your room for a bit do you love it? Me You can bunk in with your sister what Mom oh I'm down Taylor. I know you're stressed first day nerves My super home mix de-stress aromatherapy on and it's amazing it stinks I can't believe my little girls old enough to go to high school. I can't believe you're rubbing that stuff on me Thank me later. Hurry up. We're late a Good day, darling Bye Now I'm only gonna say this once so pay attention These are the rules what rules you never said there was any rules and what rock have you been living under every high school has rules Driftwood high rules are as follows You did the flumes cat stick up again. I love the rules Okay rule one there to be no lame backpacks There'd be no backpacks with lame key rings hanging off them and no backpacks to be worn above the waist at all times No, seriously, I can smell dead fish Damn on a lift, what do you reckon? Hey, you can't go you haven't even finished time with the rules yet. Sorry only room for one Are you Hector Hector I thought I'd be happy to see her How bad is this one? Check out the length of this skirt? What's wrong with it? Oh Hey, isn't she a sister So people keep telling me hello. Do you want her to be a social reject? Oh Yeah, did somebody step in something? That is so disgusting Why didn't you tell me my skirt was too long? Oh, it's you you smell putrid Hey, thanks. Look, here's a map and a timetable. You meant to be in room for East Block to now Let's hope they have gas masks Yeah smell this What is it it's ultra detoxifying peppermint football, I'll say it again loving you've been given a gift from the universe Just to be sure I think you should practice on me Wow, this seems to be a lot of year sevens truth, but high as a total enrollment of 786 of which 130 a year sevens Wow This year there's six year seven classes. So let's see 130 divided by six equals 21.6 students per class. I'm pretty sure I'm the point six I'm good with numbers. I love him. What you do on the weekends, um stuff no Beach Yeah, I work out really hard maths problems. It's awesome Excuse me Sorry, I thought there's someone else Don't take this the wrong way, but can you smell something putrid? Chronic hay fever haven't smelted things since I was seven First you stand me up and now this you stand you up. I miss the bus. Where have you been? I've been looking everywhere for you meeting the guys in my class. They're great. My English teacher is hilarious Whoa, what'd you have for lunch? maths lesson Why is your neck red long story? What have you got now? geography maths Jimmy made up after school funky. Okay, but don't stand me up again Do you think Taylor's gonna be all right today much all I can say is there's nothing in the charts to indicate otherwise Oh, oh, yes. Oh, that's good Still it's a big step going back to being a little fish all over again. Oh nonsense lovey that age They're all six foot tall and bulletproof Maybe you're right in the stars Glen the stars besides. It's not like she's facing it alone. She's got Hector Absolutely, so forget about that focus all your energies on my bunions Now remembering that a reflex angle is always more than a hundred and eighty degrees Who can tell me the reflex angle of 90 degrees? 270 excellent right again Miriam Miriam and the rest of you guys. Can you finish these worksheets by tomorrow morning, please? And I'll see you all tomorrow Taylor isn't it? Can you just stay back for a sec? I'd take long How'd you like your first day at high school? Fine. Thanks, Miss Palmer. Call me Tina Tina it's a big step. I remember my first day at high school. I totally freaked I Think it's easy to forget how difficult these changes can be a new school new friends and hey, even our bodies are changing, too That's what I wanted to talk to you about Taylor puberty See when a girl gets to your age hormones start kicking in and well, it's a pretty cool idea to start using a deodorant like this one I'll dig up some reading material for your bodily changes, too Thanks Tina I'd better go now what I was so excited about high school is terrible Last stop though you have to get off Meeting you here. I'm just on my way to your place. Mom's giving me a massage Spooky much, how'd you know I was here? Was it the planets or the tea leaves? No, lovey Vince the mechanic. He's got my car in his workshop around the corner Come on, let's go That's Glenda's super strength home mix de-stress ointment, isn't it? Yeah Marvelous stuff can't get enough of it. I'm gonna be joking You know lovey a couple of weeks ago. I ran out of axle grease. So I use some on the car Darling I need to talk to you It's safe. I moved it all in with your sister. Oh, your mother's an angel of mercy Taylor without her I may never line dance again What is this solitary confinement I wish I Prefer privacy you cannot seriously expect me to sleep in here. Yeah I don't care where you sleep Taylor as long as you and your stupid teddy bear aren't anywhere near me This sucks then try the laundry out here. It's pretty nice this time of year No human can fit in here a muzzy will get claustrophobic. Hey, don't blame me blame dolphin woman and Madame T But this is double the size of mine You're permanently banned from here air freshener I Just remember stink bomb. This is my room. You're only on a temporary visa Hello It's boyfriend. He wants to come over Don't the United Nations have laws against places like that What can I do? You can try tunneling out I blame Jupiter. I blame your parents. Don't they realize you've just started high school Apparently not. I Wonder how Brittany's first day when it's into videos. She probably spent in show jumping. I Kind of miss it, you know, like walking to school and everything. It's not the same without her and mr. McCloskey Yeah, well times change I Even miss mr. McCloskey's bushwalking socks. You're kidding me You know, it's funny Hector Everybody made out that high school would be amazing. It is no, it's not it's really bad Just give it a chance Taylor. You'll love it. You just need a good night's sleep No, Haley dropped Jake up to Jake drop Tara and then Tara met Sam after Sam dropped Haley So that's why Haley was quite tired because she still likes it Can you keep it down I'm on the phone Everything will be all right. Thank you. Okay, is there a file in it? No, I've got something Morning, like an egg. Thanks. We're gonna go Hey, it's good one. Yeah Don't cry over it How's in your room sweetheart? Oh, you mean the mouse cage? It'll be better when the exercise wheels installed Like the old days is it way we are in the same French class, aren't we? Looks like it Hey Taylor Want to meet up for lunch again? Sure. I've had a heaps good idea. We can go to the library and work on some really hard geometry Hey, I'll see you there Who was that I just Miriam Hey, do you miss Brittany? Yeah Well, maybe just a little bit which bit Her metallic marker pens seriously. Oh, especially the gold one. Oh, yeah, that was cool And so was a battery-operated pencil sharpener. She got last birthday. Yeah and I miss how the corner of our eyes used to crinkle up when she laughed and The way she used to twirl her hair at the end of her finger when she tried to get the answer, right? What about Leon you miss him? Nah, not at all Morning Tina, here's that reading material. I mentioned. Thanks. Am I sick? Do I look weird you always look weird come with me Are you meant to be in this class And take a seat immediately you too Jim availa miss you a shovel. I will be your French teacher this year Now open your textbook to page four at home with the Revell family. You will note They are sitting at the dinner table the mother having prepared a sumptuous feast So, why didn't you tell us you were coming? It was kind of a last-minute thing But I thought you'd love Saint-Dominic's I changed my mind why? Personal reasons personal reasons what personal reasons excuse me. Is this what it's like a driftwood Everybody has to know everybody's business. Hey, I was just asking well if you must know I chose to come here, okay, okay Hey Taylor, I found the best problem. It's about the angles in a dodecahedron. You're gonna love it Sounds great Miriam. Maybe later. Okay. I'll see you then Really glad you're here Dang just who I wanted to see what's going on. I've got a surprise come on another one I've relocated Permanently why I had to do something. It was too much new school new room mom Put all of your stuff back in your room exactly the way you had it even mr. T. I know I know I am How'd you guess sweet Chakras were screaming. I say beware a screaming chakra in my experience. I can cause no end of grief much This is a little slow your mother's working miracles on my arches same time tomorrow. Yes Mistaken or is that a driftwood high uniform you're wearing This really is like old times Sort of it's been a big week Huge, but in my new capacity as best mother in the world. I have one more special surprise I'm offering every new high school student the opportunity to relax deeply I Was chakras screaming Stop stop everything you ruined. Oh, what's happened much a terrible mistake. I've been reading my charts upside down see Jupiter hasn't gone ballistic. It's mercury opposing Pluto You have to shut down the business today before we all go bankrupt Never seen anything like the whole time big studies from it. You said that the other day Dad what are you doing? Just having a workout So many times. I've thought it couldn't get any worse than this every single time. I've been wrong They're not this time. No the only thing that could make this any worse Wrong again, have you seen your father? Still your best Brittany saw him. Oh, he's cleaning out the garage. He's becoming a new man in an old body Do you have to it's good for him to get it out of his system you miss universe. Do you like an egg? It's turning 40 this week you know 40 I know he's a He's having his midlife crisis. This is more than a crisis. It's a catastrophe Tell me about it Have you seen the disgusting stuff? He's been pulling out of the garage And he's going surfing again in our beach and that thing and the disgusting old vinyl CDs. He's gonna play them It's gonna play your I hate Who's your I hate? My mom had a midlife crisis. She had it early. Did she empty out your garage? No, she dyed her hair purple and wore short skirts made out of leather He said he's gonna get his old band together in our garage What's an LP? It's a primitive sound recording device that warps in the Sun Taylor Yes, who I saw at the park not my dad. No Leon Leon You know Leon Leon Cool Leon gorgeous Leon sports hero Leon What did he say oh well, how was he how does he like his new school? Well, he was kind of in a hurry, so he didn't actually speak, but he looked awesome Oh, I wish I had a scene in I'll get over it. Leon's ancient history Diane Wittgenstein Diane and Phil zisti no Hold on hold on please Have an announcement the annual you seven parent teacher meeting is on this Friday All parents and guardians are expected to attend No along with their offspring of course My dad can't be seen in public especially with me Miss Palmer, I won't need one my parents are very busy on Fridays I'm sure they'll reschedule the impression I got when I met your mom at netball was that both she and your dad are keenly interested in your education They were keenly interested last week. Not this week. They're not keenly interested at all My dad have you your mom says he's a very creative person. I'm really looking forward to meeting him well He doesn't go out on Fridays Going out at all. Would you like me to ring him and ask no? Fine, I'll just give him the notice good. Oh, I'll post one too. Just in case My dad is not creative. He's embarrassing Maybe he's creatively embarrassing You can say that again miss Palmer is the coolest teacher in the world she can't meet him Just can't happen Hector. I'll die oh Is that one is that a man in crisis looks critical Betty's going board under that cap There's another one it must have been a baby boom so do you have a plan for the Friday problem do we I? Don't have a Friday problem my parent each night was two weeks ago before dad's midlife crisis kicked in Yeah, but you've still got that I have to live in the same house isn't the next three years problem I think you need a grand plan and a Friday plan. I'm hopeless at plans. You're the brains of the family I'm the looks you could take all their stuff to the tip in the middle of the night How will Barrett There's another one There'll be heaps of them in the surf shop and the music store all the prehistoric records being released in CD Hey cowabunga, dude Do you think about midlife crisis oh not a great deal lovey. I'm still in my prime. You know Maybe if you had it you wouldn't know you had it Maybe it's the kind of thing that only other people can see I'm blessed with a unique level of insight lovey nothing Let's find me now Do you think the bikini is me or should I go for the one piece? Midlife for dummies isn't bad. Hmm. What about buying a red sports car? Here's the one you want daughter's dealing with dads Hmm and has a whole chapter on surfboards and one on electric guitars and old records Son's dealing with mum's is good, too. It helps show mom that wrinkles were a part of life Plus it comes with a free set of ink blots. What are they for they help read your mind? What do you see here? an ink blot Yeah, but what does the ink blot look like? Salami pizza that shows you feeling hungry. It's amazing. Do you think I can use them to help solve dad's midlife crisis? Sure Yeah I'm gonna take this new board for a bit of a paddle Dad, we live right across the road from the beach Why do you have to drive anywhere me Robbo fungus and animal are going on a back to noose a pilgrimage surfing safari Will you be gone before Friday? No In that case, can you help me? I'm doing a project on the human brain counts me out What do you see when you look at? This pumping six-foot surf with me in the tube this 40 match where I scored my first one and only career goal this What is it? Can't say look fine Hey this girlfriend Don't tell your mother football Wait, did you say something? Your father needs help. I Know that he thinks you're his first girlfriend Shush you better talk to a counselor a counselor Is it that serious? Trust me. I'm an inkblot Child psychology third on the list. I'm here about a distant relative. Well, your distant relative will need to make an appointment I'm in the middle of moving offices But it's urgent. I need help before Friday, please. It's urgent Well, you better come in there So, um, my distant relative is having a midlife crisis male or female distant relative male Well, you'll be glad to know your father's troubles will be over in three years. I didn't say it was my father four years at most So what do I do in the meantime? A stint digging wells in an underdeveloped country. That's my recommendation I'm only 12. I Was talking about your father Sorry male distant relative. Well digging is good for the soul. What if this distant relative? Doesn't know how to dig wells. Oh all MDRs. Well, it's in their genes. I made my husband go to Chad What's Chad an underdeveloped country? in Africa Africa Excellent. That's definitely far enough It's an underdeveloped country in Africa, you wouldn't believe it I have been hearing from people I can't even remember all wanting to come to Dom's party on Friday Phones run hot all day. I didn't know he was so popular They weren't all fit in the house Okay, I'll call you later. Bye We're having a party on Friday for dad. We sure are Catering that is I'll cook. I'll make chocolate crackles and fairy bread. Oh It's lovely to see you so interested in celebrating your dad's birthday. Well, you know me Anything for dad, so it's Friday. Definitely. Definitely Hello Guess what? What we're talking a party for you on Friday for me. Oh, baby. You shouldn't have Don't make any other plans. Okay, no chance. I'm doing the music I must tell your father Robbo fungus and animal are all coming I think he knows and bring their wives and 16 children. I should have told them to come as the Brady Bunch What's a Brady Bunch? It's a large and permanently happy family from before your time Decided to give this party a theme late notice. I know Spontaneity never killed anyone. So what's the thing? Flowers in the ones that grow in the garden, I don't get it. I don't think he's think love think Sunshine and happiness. It's a hippie thing from the 60s You do know your father was born in the 60s, don't you? Where are we gonna fit everybody? I'm sure we'll find room This house is far too small for a party of the size you can use my room for extra space if you want I'll do anything for the success of the party That's very sweet of you Taylor hello Now, what will you be wearing my flower power party squad? Might be a bit late late You said you'd help yeah, I will but first I've got an important school thing And what would be more important than your father's 40th birthday, oh, I love mine is my daughter doesn't want to come to my party I'm silly. Of course. She wants to come she's been excited about it all day. How many Taylor? Yeah, but first I've got to do this Schoolwork sort of the whole weekend finish your homework. It's not homework. It's schoolwork at school Sort of on Friday after school Well, that'll probably be Waza good all was all right School that's it. What what about the school? Genius Why are you a genius wrong number? I just thought of a much bigger location for your father's party. Oh the school home on Friday We'll get right now. Uh, you can't it's uh, the halls collapsed. No, I didn't think of it before It's just a big pile of rubble. You must have missed it on the mellow I'm interested in booking the school home on Friday about 630 Isn't your mother just the cat's pajamas Dad I'm worried about you You're worried about me. What are you worried about me for sweat? Well, you're turning 40 and you haven't been to Africa. That's true There's surfing in Africa. Oh, yeah Durban Jeffrey's Bay They need help digging wells to in Chad, that's country in Africa, you know, that's one of the things I love about you squirt You're always thinking of other people Sounds fun, but I miss you way too much We can redirect the traffic We could lock mom and dad in the garage. I Don't think so We could tell everyone the school was flattened by space junk I'd better get going. I Don't think I can get my mail distant relative to go to Chad by tomorrow. I don't follow Well, the parent-teacher night is tomorrow after school. I don't follow He can't be seen in public with me, especially by Miss Palmer She's the coolest teacher in the world. I'll die Mm-hmm Hmm here's my professional advice tomorrow after school lock his keys inside his car I'm bleeped tomorrow Monica Dominelli if I can keep them away into the parent-teacher night is over and I should be okay miles Esther How's he gonna do it? I'm gonna lock the keys in the car should still be tied up right now Tyler Yeah, are you here yes, Miss Palmer your parents haven't responded re the parent-teacher meeting yet It's today Tyler today They've gone to Africa Africa yeah, it's deep wells in Chad. It's an underdeveloped country enough. Yes. I know I can phone them in Chad if you like It's probably a harmless little huntsman if it's anything at all Now where is it? It's okay went under the skirting board I Don't blame it Is there some problem with the parent-teacher meeting? I'm not hungry matter if people see your dad See what you mean your dad have a spare set of keys You're a genius So where's your mom gone the PE teacher wants to talk to her about why I can't do a forward roll matters anyway What about your mom what about her doesn't she have her own keys for the van All right you hit them off I tell them that I've gone to dig wells no no tell them that I'm stuck inside where Is that what they're wearing in Chad these days? Are you going like that oh no I didn't tell you it's a flower power theme party We're changing after the parent-teacher meeting What the parent-teacher meeting what Taylor didn't tell you we're back to normal when he turns 43 can we postpone for three years? Anything you'd like to tell us Taylor No, it's my birthday How'd it go? Well my high school teachers have met my parents in their hippie gear could it get any worse Hey guys nice to meet you Leon Great to meet you What happens at the sports high school thing it was a ripoff they still made you do maths and English and stuff Might as well be with my mates hey Hector. Yeah, hey Well at least one good thing happened this week hey there groovers My name is River, and I am heavenly rainbow It's my 40th birthday party man, and I intend to have a total blast So come along breathe in the air and just like you know They do come dressed as some girl called Janice Joplin Who's that No idea how she was super famous though Yeah some guy called Hendricks Wanna dance Come on forget about your parents and just be