Happy Wife, Happy Life Podcast | Episode 4

Your love's in the dumps, you're feeling real dreary, you need some advice, send us your query, we've got big thoughts, but marital experts we're certainly not, it's Bridget, Carmen, Kristen, and Kat, no podcast on earth gets more wifely than that, again we're married, we're married and gay, don't do what we do, just do what we say, happy wife, happy life, hey everyone, welcome to happy wife, happy life, a podcast, we are your go-to non-experts on love, marriage, and everything in between, we'll be answering your questions, offering up helpful insights and advice on what works and doesn't work in our marriages, are we qualified to do any of these things, no, should you make important life decisions based on our suggestions, highly doubtful, is our lack of actual expertise going to stop us, absolutely not, I'm Carmen Craigloe, and this is my wife of 13 years, Bridget McManus, hi, I love you, you're pretty, oh I love you too babe, and we're joined by our other favorite wives, hello I'm Kat Davis, this is my gorgeous wife, she's just as gorgeous as Bridget's wife, even more gorgeous than Kristen Smith, hi everyone, already starting out the competition, we've been married for six years, so we win because we've been married for 13, you're right, I really enjoyed your intro Carmen, that was excellent, and yeah, no, nobody should really listen to us, except for listen to us, as Bridget likes to say, we're a damn good time, all right, you guys want to go to their first question, do it, okay, what is the last secret you kept from your wife, and this comes from Heidi P, Heidi P, last secret, anybody have a last secret that you kept from your wife, I mean this question is a juicy one for me, because like, first off, wives, do you keep secrets, well stupid secrets, like if Francine poops on Carmen's pillow, I don't tell her, I just change the bedding, what, one of our dogs is named Francine, and she has a little butthole problem, that's what the doctor called it, the butthole problem, where things just fall out, like poop, cute little egg nuggets, it's contained, it's not water, it's this really easy thing, and I never have my glasses on in the morning, so I just go, what's that, and I pick it up, and I'm like, oh, that's literally like dog poop in my hands, whatever, so Carmen will be like, we'll be hanging out with friends, and she'll say, oh, Francine hasn't had a problem in a while, and I'm just like, no, she hasn't, because it's like, I just clean it up, I'm not going to tell her, I'm not going to like interrupt her meetings to be like, guess what, but it's always on her pillow, it's always on Carmen's pillow, Carmen, did you, are you aware of this, well, now she is, now I am, and I guess the main takeaway is that the linens are being changed, of course, they're being changed, immediately, I wouldn't go like, wipe the poop off, and like, and flip it over, I'm changing this, but I don't need to tell her, but have you ever forgotten to change the pillowcase, no, no, I immediately change it, that's my job, I guess this is something I don't need to know, yeah, why do you know that, good call, honey, I like that you're keeping that a secret from me, like, whereas if one of the animals is pooping, or puking in the room, Carmen will go, oh no, and I'm like, I come running, what's wrong, and she'll, look what happened, and that's her way of telling me to clean it up, versus like, if one, something happens, I just clean it up, I don't make an announcement, or I'll come in the room and go, guess what, I just cleaned it, I just like, live my life, and keep going, I think it's worth announcing, it's, no, it's not, it's a health issue, it's a health concern, I, I enjoy announcing it as well, because you need credit for that, that, but she doesn't announce it and clean it up, she just announces it, and then I come in and go, what's wrong, and she's like, poop on the ground, get stuff, I'm not above that move, Carmen, I'm not above that myself, see if it works, Carmen, do you keep secrets from Bridget? I really try not to ever, because I don't want to forget something that I'm supposed to, like, too many things can go wrong, right, I don't want to do it, you see, I'm not a good liar, I'm not a good liar, and I don't want that responsibility, I mean, it's hard enough to keep positive secrets, like, you don't want to forget, like, you don't want to forget, if I have a secret about something, and then I forget that I was keeping it a secret, and it just falls out of my mouth, and she'll be like, what, kind of like Francine's poop out of her butt, not unlike the hatch that opens for Francine's butt, and then I'm like, oh, god, why, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then I have to cop to having had a secret, and I think that's the sweetest reason, the most innocent reason to not keep secrets, it's like, what if I forget it was a secret, yes, it's, and in this time, I was ready to be on my high horse, and be like, I don't keep secrets, and then I remembered, I kept a doozy of a secret, and it was shitty of me, but it, it wasn't, like, horrible, but, like, the last secret I remember keeping from you, and I did finally come clean, was that we, I, I had pet insurance for Birdie, and we had agreed that it wasn't worth it, and I was supposed to cancel it, and then I just couldn't bring myself to cancel it, because I was sure the second I did, she would, like, fall out of a tree, or something, like, Birdie would fall out of a tree, not I would fall, yeah, but, like, that's something, and so I, I didn't cancel it for, like, a year, and then I just, like, didn't tell her that, I just kept paying that bill, and so I finally, we have a yearly financial summit at the house, and I finally came clean, and was just, like, I was supposed to cancel this, and I didn't, and how did I react when you told me? You were very generous. I was, like, oh, that's fine. We also, at that same summit, found out that we were both paying for Amazon Prime. Worst, worst things were learned at that meeting. Monthly, and not annual, to say, it could be, save you a lot of money if you meet more regularly. I mean, that's, we are why Jeff Bezos is the richest man on the planet, is our double, double subscription in our house. I love that you have a summit at your house, versus just, like, you're just talking to your wife on the couch, like, you have a date, you guys do it. It happens New Year's Day. We gather all of our financial information. It is now my favorite day of the year. I look forward to it. It's our, we don't plan anything. We don't see anybody. It's awesome, and the most responsible thing I think the two of us do on our own. I got one. If I wanted to go out with friends, is it okay to tell my wife that I don't want her to come? Did Carmen write this question? One, two, three. Yes. Oh, we're all yeses. Oh, yeah, that's good. That's a unanimous. I mean, I don't like it, but it's fair. I won't want to come. I will just say I don't want to come. I don't want to be invited. Don't invite me. She says you can't come. You're going to want to go. No, I'd be like, okay. All right, I'm projecting. No, that's exactly what I do. Kat was like, you know what, like, you know, the week ahead of time, Kat's like, I don't really want to go to the movies. And then I'll be like, okay, great. And then the movie time will come because like, you know what, I kind of want to go to the movies. And then I'll have to say, actually, I sort of want to tie, I want some time alone with my friends. And then she would get very upset. Really? You get very upset. Oh, yeah, I would. Kat gets upset when I don't sit on the couch with her and I sit on the chair. Well, there's a closer spot. Do you still get upset? Or is this back in the day? She got upset this afternoon. Too true. I just had to hold this bee inside me. Yeah, no, it's true. I got mad this afternoon. But sometimes she like snuggles with Grizz when I'm also available. And she goes to like the solo chair. There's like one comfy chair. Solo chair? You mean the chair? Of a couch. Many people and many members of our family, all the dogs and all the humans. That's the group chair. A chair that can fit one dog or possibly two humans. But if she's already in there with a dog, I'm X'd out. Makes me sad. Okay. I understand. Carmen, any thoughts on this? Kristen, I think you should sit in the chair anytime you need to sit in the chair. I agree. I think so, too. And the group chair, you mean the couch. She's carrying your baby, Kristen. The solo chair. No, I just think that it's healthy to have separate interests and to do your own things. And yeah, it is a risky choice, though, to say, could you not come to this thing? Bridget did want to go. It's a risky choice. Would you tell Bridget not? Finding her words very carefully. Because it could blow up. You know, it could turn into a whole thing when it's not even a thing. I can't. I think if you came to me and said, babe, I'm going to go out with Eric and go to this thing. I'm trying to think of anything that I'd want to go to that you two would go to. I can't imagine. But let's say I want to go. Like, we're going to go see a Robin. And I don't want you to come because it's going to be our thing. I might be like, OK, cool. Do you mind if I just go and just get a different seat? Like, whatever, if I really want to do something. But I mean, I don't think I'd care. Do you think I'd care? I think it would annoy you. Is it a hot chick? Who the **** are you going with, Carmen? This is hypothetical. OK, so let's start again. If Carmen's going with some skank ass bitch that's sending DMs to Kristen, who's making porn? Wow, this escalated quickly. So it's fine. It's one thing to make plans, and it's another to specifically say, and I don't want you to come, right? Like, that feels like a little sketchy. Like, it's one thing to be like, hey, I'm going out with my friend. Like, I wouldn't automatically assume I'm going to be included every time you go out with your friend. But also, like, once upon a time, a very long time ago with the original L Word, there was this girl I was with who was a little bit lesbian. And I would invite her over to my house to watch the L Word with me in my lesbian gal house. And her boyfriend was not allowed to come. And he got mad about it, because he was like, I don't have friends who would say that, like, you can't come to what we're doing. And at the time, we were like, that's fucked up. He doesn't get it. This is a chick thing. But like, I was 100% trying to have sex with her. Cat Davis! 100% that's why he wasn't invited. This girl is gay. She's in a relationship. Come watch the L Word. Is she gay? I mean, she, it turned out, is bi. I was half right. But I was, no, this is, come on over. We're gonna, come on over. Do you ever hook up with her, Cat Davis? No, I do not. Sorry, I already missed that boat. I was gonna say, he was upset, because he was smart. That's actually, like, I think the dumb guys are the ones who are like, oh, it's just a bunch of women hanging out. And what's the big deal? I'm like, oh, you're dumb, dude. Yeah, I was mad. I was like, well, would he be mad if we hooked up? And the answer was also yes. And I was like, ooh, they eventually got married. Broke up? Oh, they got married? Are they still married? Okay. I thought you were drinking a margarita, and then I was like, my baby. Why are you drinking with my baby? Cat is not drinking alcohol. That's a ginger beer. Very nice. I also just had a realization that, like, I'm used to not being invited to things. Or just growing up, I was used to not being included in things. I mean, they literally played a game in elementary school that was, don't sit with Bridget at lunch, and I sat by myself. So I think I really don't mind being alone. I was not always included in things. For real. Pardon your heart against it. Yes, my heart is black, so I'm fine. You're benefiting from the past trauma of Bridget's non-social life. I'm so broken. Yay! I will say there have been things that Cat has been invited to that I have specifically not been invited to. Did not. Bothered you. Well, because I had a similar thing as you, Bridget. I got excluded by friends, by my brothers. So that's a hard thing for me. And if Cat said, I don't want you to come, I might feel a little sad. Fine, I'm going to go have a cooler night with other people. And then I'm going to call Carmen and be like, what are you doing? Is it cool? Can I join? What if your wife said, I want to go do this without you, but I'm going to bring you home a present. Would that work? I would love a present. That's a good idea. Make it delicious. And make sure it took you at least 45 minutes. Okay. Are we talking about sex? What? I don't know. I thought she was talking about food. She's talking about food. Empanada that you had to stand in line for. Because it was a popular food truck. That's what I'm talking about. It sounds like a real specific request. Do we know the name of this food? Empanadas. Those are good. Just my favorite. You know where to get the present. If you want to do something without your wife. Here's the bad news. I totally spaced out for like 30 seconds there. You don't know what we're talking about, Kat? If you're just joining us, Kat has not been paying attention. She's going to pee. She's going to go pee her pants. She's leaving. She already started peeing. Did you pee? This is a pregnancy thing. So Kat got up. Do you want to go help her? Carmen, I can do like whole music. Do you need to help her? Hose her down. Oh. I can't hear her peeing. You want to bring the microphone in there? She's screaming. Why is she screaming? She's screaming, oh no. Oh, is she okay? That's what happens when you drink when you're pregnant. Are you okay? Okay, she'll be back. Yes or no? Here we go. It's time for a battle question. This one comes from Rosa. Can you think of any scenario where you would approve of and allow your wife to be indecent proposaled? Is spending the night with a wealthy stranger for a million dollars ever okay? Anyone doesn't know, this is from a movie called The Indecent Proposal, a 1993 movie starring Demi Moore. Or is it Demi Moore? Who knows? Demi Moore, Woody Harrelson, and Robert Redford. Right. And so it's about a couple, Demi Moore and Woody Harrelson, and then they get in financial trouble and this billionaire, Robert Redford, shows up and goes, I will solve your problems, I'll give you a million dollars, but I have to sleep with Demi Moore. So would you let your wife sleep with someone for a million dollars? It's a perfectly normal question to ask in this time. It's a yes or no question. Get your paddles ready. One, two, three. Yeah. Oh my god. We all said yes. Terrible. I've never watched that movie, but this is four yeses right across. We're not terrible. We're all poor. We're all gold diggers. We're all artists. Somebody give us money. Have sex with my wife, please. Listen, I feel like, is there ever a scenario in which, for me, I'm like, yeah, if Kristen was like, this person is attractive and I would enjoy this, then yes. But if she was like, I don't know. I just want to feed our baby. Then I'd be like, no, we are fine. I say opposite to what you said. Feed our baby. Fine. Just want to **** someone because they're hot. That's, you're not allowed to do that. So a million dollars? She can have great sex with a stranger. Your baby is starving and you want her to like die on that hill? What are you talking about? I'm just saying if the, like the thing, our baby's not really starving, but I'm just saying like, we are going to get by no matter what. We don't need a million dollars. We are doing fine. We are always. I just feel like if she's going to have sex and put her body on the line, that she has to at least be a little bit into it. It can't be just for the money. I wouldn't want her to. We're not throwing them into the, like they don't have to have sex with like Steve Buscemi or someone they're not attracted to. You can, it doesn't have to be a monster, but because usually I'm not going to just like give my wife to anybody. But it just, if Carmen's like, listen, I think this would be a good sexual experience for me to have sex with. I'd be like, go **** you. Why is it that Kat and Bridget are giving Carmen and I to somebody? You guys are discrimination. Which you will like send us out as a ware for you. Yes, you are our prostitutes and we are your handlers. I'm not your property, babe. Legally you are. I have a document on my wall. What'd you say, Kat? Well, it wasn't the question. Would you let your wife be indecent proposal? Yeah. Would you sign off on it? Fine, not allowed. You would approve of and allow your wife to be an indecent proposal? Yeah, totally. Can I be there? Can I go? Sure. Can I spectate? Yeah. What's, what's the scenario that would work for you? Kat was saying that you'd have to enjoy it. Yeah. Okay. It's a, it's an indecent proposal. So Kat has the option of saying yes or no. I will say, I respect your decision and support you either way. As long as I get at least half that money. The job is on the floor. I don't want to watch. I want to watch you cash the check. Time out. A million dollars does not go where it used to go back in the day when that movie actually came out. So it's probably, this is like $600,000, right? So you're going to let someone take this valuable property right here for an evening, an evening with your woman for $600,000. If they think they can handle it. You can't see what Bridget is doing. But it was a lot of hands up and down her whole tiny head. She's groping herself. Breast exam. It's really important ladies to check for lumps. Check your breasts. You got to go in a circle, nice and slow. Any irregularities. I gave you a million dollars for that. Oh, there it is. Wait, Carmen, did you say that you wouldn't want to watch Bridget? No, I don't want to watch. I don't want to watch me either. No, I look, I would be okay with this. I'm like you, Kristen. She would have to be into it. Unlike Bridget, who's only going to let me do it if I'm not into it. I feel like I'm on a puke all of a sudden. So I feel like I really, I think I would say like morally, I wouldn't, I just, I really am that jealous because I originally thought I would do it for the money. But now I'm thinking for $600,000, no. What's your price? For you? Your body? Yeah. Oh, I don't know that I have a price. Oh, I feel a little nauseous talking about this. There's definitely a price. Can you just like hold hands with them and watch TV? I'm fine with that. That's for like $10. What'd you say? That's friendship. Oh, that's friendship. I'm so glad you said no $10 to come sit on the couch and hold hands with us, Carmen. Okay. I'll be there in a little while. So like crazy sex, you're having crazy sex and I have to be okay with it and be standing outside the door. Can I drive you there and drive you home and take you and bathe you afterwards? Vinegar or something? Madder and sadder, Bridget. You're going to ruin these proposals for everyone. And they used to be a wholesome pastime. I feel like, but I also feel like Kristen and I are more open in general to the idea. Who knows? Life is an adventure. Maybe someday there will be some crazy sexcapade we need to go on that, you know, we haven't thought of yet. And the idea that like, you're in like some beautiful place on vacation and some wealthy stranger is like, although that would be fucked up. I don't know. I'm like trying to picture it. And I'm like, who asks that? Okay. Wait, Bridget. What? We're, we're, we're somewhere like in Northampton or something. Where does Hillary Clinton hang out? Oh my God. I'm not ******* Hillary Clinton. Stop it. And Hillary Clinton's like. Oh, I would for a million dollars. I might pay her a million dollars. Well, who wouldn't? Who would not pay Hillary Rodham Clinton a million dollars? Well, it's not that I objectify her in that way. At least half of the population. Okay. If Annette Bening wants to have sex with me to feed your child cat, I would do that just to feed your child. I think you should. I think this is the old, this is, I registered for that exact thing. So thank you. As long as she's playing the character in, um, the kids are all right, where she's got that lesbian braided belt. I was like, Oh God. Then she starts singing that Joni Mitchell song. Once again, I'm doing another breast exam. Okay. Yeah. So, but I mean, I feel like it can Carmen be in a coma when this happens. You already questionable guys. I just don't think this is the right panel for this question. Listener. We're sorry. We couldn't come down any clearer on this Demi Moore classic. Don't watch the movie. I wish that Robert Redford wanted to **** Woody Harrelson in that movie. I'm, I'm, I paid a million bucks to see that. New game. Has my wife been paying attention to my stories for the last 13 years? Does she make notes about my likes and dislikes? Or is she just a self-absorbed narcissist? Whose navel gazing is destroying our marriage? Wait a minute. I know this is an introduction, but this we're about to find out because it's time to play. Do you even know me at all? Oh, the tables have been turned and I'm scared. That's right. Carmen and Kristen edition. Oh God. Y'all should both be very scared. You stayed up very late planning this. It's going to be great. Okay. So Kristen and, and Carmen are asking Kat and I the question. And this is how I just want to clarify. This is how we think you would answer, right? It's testing your knowledge of us. Okay. So it's not like what I think it's what you would do. Okay. Got it. Just this time. It's about us. Shut up, Carmen. It's going to be hard. I know for both of you to be like, wait, what? But yeah, the answers are about, wow. And it doesn't work the same way where we're competing for best couple ever. Yes. And we were, we're playing for, uh, whoever loses gets a divorce. But last time we played, but last time we played the game was too long. So Carmen and I decided to make it a little bit shorter. So we're now, uh, it's D I then you earn your V then O R C. So for every question we get wrong, we get letters toward divorce. That's correct. Like pig or horse on the basketball court. Okay. Great. Same game. I love that you want to hurry up the divorces. You're like, let's just make this game faster. All right. We should get divorced as quickly as we got married, honey. Bye. All right. Okay. Kristen, you want to take it away? Oh my gosh. Do I? Question number one. If your wife had $500 to spend as they wished, what would they buy? This is multiple choice. A. A fancy dinner. B. Clothes. C. Vintage toys. Or D. Put it towards the credit card. Oh, okay. And this is you guys, not us guys. I definitely know Kristen's answer. I know Kristen and Carmen's answer. All right, show off. Carmen, let me get points for my wife. All right, you go first, Kat. Vintage toys. C. Vintage toys. Kat says C. Vintage toys. Carmen is clothing. Carmen is absolutely clothing. You're correct. Yeah, of course I'm correct. In fact, I'm leaving right now to go buy new clothes. All right, all right, all right. We actually gave you an easy one on that first one to build up your confidence. Do you guys feel good about that? Yes. Okay, good. All right. Good. Carmen, you want to do the next one? Yeah. What is your wife's worst habit? Wait, time out. My worst habit? No, no, no, no. Your wife. Your worst habit. That's me. I'm Carmen, your wife. Your wife's worst habit. A. Interrupting. B. Leaving the cabinets open. C. Picking her nose. Or D. Biting her nails. That's your worst habit? Is that really what you think your worst habit is? Oh, Bridget's got notes. You aren't asking the questions for this one. All right, Kat. I feel like Kristen is disgusted by boogers. There's no chance that it's picking her nose for Kristen. Yeah, Carmen's not a nose picker. Wait, what are the first ones again? Read it again. Thanks for not thinking we're nose pickers. Interrupting is A. B. Is leaving the cabinets open. C. Nose picking. And D. Biting her nails. I think you're gonna say, although you do leave all the ******* cabinets open all the time, I think you're gonna say biting your nails. That's correct. Yay! Well, they're not gonna get us because I think that is also D. Biting your nails for Kristen because it drives me freaking crazy. You are correct. No letters to a divorce. That was also an easy one, guys. High five, Kat Davis. That was also easy. These are easy. We just know you better than you guys know us, which is why we're doing so well in this version. All right. Well, let's see how you do on this next one. Well, also, we were sober when we wrote our questions. So you're a perfect mind and body. Thank you very much. You guys are like, I know it'll be so hard. A, B, C, or D. What's my wife's last name? All right, stop stalling. You guys didn't have as much fun during your session as we had during ours. We never have any fun. But anyway, can you hear how Kristen keeps trying to push this game faster? Do you just want to get divorced, Kristen? We could just stop recording right now. I don't want it. I don't want the suffering to continue. End it now. Okay, here we go. All right. Question number three. If your wife could live in any fictional world, cinematic or literary, which would it be? A, Jurassic Park. B, The Shire. C, the forest moon of Endor. What? Or D, that's nerd stuff. Or D, that island with all the Amazons in Wonder Woman. D, that island with all the Amazons in Wonder Woman. Kat answers D. That's where you want to live. Karma's going to live in the Shire. Absolutely. She's a little hobbit. Hobbiton. Hobbitons and pints. Am I right? You're right. Yay! Kristen is correct. Kat, what? You picked where you want to live. I picked the one I understood. No, come on. What was it? It was supposed to be some other one I don't remember. The forest moon of Endor. What the hell is that? You don't know what that is? It's where the Ewoks live. Well, then ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, C. Where the Ewoks live. If you didn't say where the Ewoks live, how am I supposed to guess something I don't understand? You could have asked the follow-up question. I'm sorry. I misunderstood. Or you could have been in the kitchen all these years. I know she loves Ewoks. I just didn't know about Endor. All right. Well, guess what, Kat? That hasty answer led you to a D, I. But who doesn't want to live amongst the Amazons of Wonder Woman? Who doesn't want to live in a tree house in the Redwoods? Well, me. I don't want to do that. Let me tell you about those Amazons. All they do is work out. That's what I see. That sounds ******* great. They fight. Oh, you want to go work out? No. Kat wants to watch them work out like a pervert. I didn't see any spectators when I saw the clips of that land. That's because we're in the trees. The spectators are in the trees. I'm in the trees. In the forest moon of Endor. That just didn't even sound like real words. I know exactly where it was. Good choice, Kristen. I would have picked that for you, too. You don't know more about Star Wars, Kat. Okay. All right. Next question. This one's tough. What after-school activity did my wife do in high school? A, 4-H. B, yearbook. C, mime troupe. Or D, sports club. Question. What is 4-H? Oh, 4-H is like a agricultural club. Oh, that's what Kristen did. My wife is- I call it farm stuff. Farm stuff? Farm stuff. Mime troupe all the ******* way. My wife was a mime. She existed in the 1920s. That's mime troupe. I wish I could say something, but I'm in a box right now. They offered mime in high school. They offered it. Wait, I thought your answer was a joke. No, Carmen did. Carmen studied mime. Well, here, let me tell you why she's a pervert. She studied mime because what's that one's name from the movie that you like? Jessica- Jessica Lange. Jessica Lange studied mime with- Marcel Marceau. And Carmen liked Jessica Lange so much that she actually moved to New Mexico because she had a house in Taos, whatever, right? No. Okay. I think that's 100% correct. I studied mime because that is what great physical actors want to do. I wanted to go to drama school and I thought studying mime was a very important part of that education. It just so happened that Jessica Lange studied mime with Marcel Marceau and I admired her acting so much. This is a lie. She had her hands in her pants while she was miming. Oh my God. Tootsie made me gay. Okay, Kat, what do you- Well, I mean, I thought she was too old for 4-H in high school, but I guess not. Ding, ding, ding. 4-H. That is correct. 4-Hs are heads, hand, heart, and health. What about horses? No. Those are the tenants of 4-H and then you could get to pick whatever project you want to do. So, like, I did rabbits, I did horse 4-H, and I did pig 4-H. And you can do it from fourth grade to high school. And you did. I did. I went to camp. I went to the fair. 4-H and mime. We're very cool people. I love this. This makes me happy. And also, like, I just did not see mime coming from Carmen. I just didn't see it coming. Okay, okay, okay. You guys are doing great. We're going to move on. Next question. Here we go. What does my wife think is my sexiest outfit? A, a black and red wrap dress. B, that one slip. C, jeans and a white tee. Or D, nothing at all. Oh, dang. This is a trick question. It is a trick question because I think probably, I'm, like, more convinced that, like, Carmen thinks that wrap dress Bridget has is the sexiest outfit. And I'm not sure what the hell Kristen said for me, so it's probably naked. That's how they do it in 4-H. Ding, ding, ding. D, naked. Kat says D, nothing at all. Bridget, what do you say? I think if, as long as I'm quiet while I'm wearing the wrap dress, I'm going to go with the wrap dress. Wrap dress? Correct. Yay! The whole time. Sorry if that made me a creep that I was like, well, obviously, it's that wrap dress that is obviously Bridget's. But it's a great dress, Bridget, so good job. Again, Kat's just stalling because she got her answer wrong. No! Is it that one slip? It is that one slip. Every time I put that one slip on, you are, I feel that you are unimpressed. I keep it inside. I'm stoic. I don't understand stoicism. All right, we are now D, I, V. Oh, no. We're going to have to call a lawyer after this game. I can lawyer my own divorce, remember? Oh, ----. Okay. Carmen? Now, when I say your, this means you and Kat. Okay, me and Kat. What is your favorite thing about your wife? Oh, everything. A, her smarts. B, her feet. C, her cooking. Or D, her amazing sense of humor. Oh, no, these are all Carmen. Oh, very good. Is there an E all of the above? Can we pick all of the above? I love her cooking. This was a trick question. Holy crap. I passed the test. I'm really glad you interrupted because I was about to be like, okay, no, D. Good job, you guys. Yay. I love her. She's the, I'm not a foot person, but Carmen's feet are the cutest feet I've ever seen. She's the best cook. The best cook. I don't know how she does it. She's like a restaurateur. That's not the right word. You're just so good. Oh, and she's so smart. And she's just good at everything all the time. And she's so funny. Oh, my God. A plus you. Yes. Good job, everybody. I also don't like feet at all, but Kristen's feet are like little ballerina feet with cute little arches. And anyway, all of her toes could have their own animated series. Yay. So is that all the game? No, that's not it. Oh, ----. But I do think we're all winners based on what just happened in that last round. You guys fell right into our trap of giving us compliments. Aw, let's all get married. We are great matches. Here we go. This is our last question. What does your wife talk about the most? A, fun ideas. B, our pets. C, dreams. Or D, music. Oh, God. Fun ideas, our pets, dreams, or music. All of the above for Carmen. Every single ******* one of them is Carmen. Is that the answer? No. Okay. Music. Her hair. Let's talk about the hair a lot. Oh, my God. What does my wife talk about the most? This question makes me feel like I just tune out my wife all the time. Oh, no. Because I'm like, I don't know. I wouldn't have said any of these things. I'm going to go with A, fun ideas. Ding, ding, ding. That is correct. Fun ideas. If TikTok had been on the list, I'd have been like, well, obviously. I got this wrong. You're not all of the ideas? You're not all of them? Choose again. You hear this? I mean, if it's not music. It is music. I said music. No, you said all of the above. Well, yeah, you do talk about all that. All right. Well, I feel like you get a lowercase d for divorce because you were really asking for a lot of hints on that one for show. Doesn't matter. That was the last question. We kicked your ******* ass. You're getting divorced. Bye. You did kick our ******* ass. Congratulations. Well, Bridget and Carmen have a lowercase d. Whatever. Better than last time. And Kat and I got away with a capital D-I-V. So, babe, we need to talk. Which leads me to the last thing I have to say to you, Krista, which is. Do you even know me at all? No, I'm supposed to say that because you don't even know me at all. You don't even listen. Oh, my God. No, you don't know her at all. You answered your own question. I invented this game. I just wanted to shout it at somebody for so long. I'm sorry. Go ahead. All right. Well, babes, this is a loss of terribly. Do you even know me at all? No, sorry. I love you so much. It's time for School of Wife. Kat, you want to introduce what School of Wife is? Oh, yeah. Every episode, one of the wives will offer you a tidbit from their own chest of marital treasure. It is in a segment called School of Wife, where we offer up some advice that's worked for us in our marriages. Okay, I have a School of Wife. That's Missy. Okay. My School of Wife is pretty simple. It's compliment freely and frequently. I feel like the longer we're married, the more I realize like your wife will end up with your voice in her head at some point throughout her day, no matter what, whether it's replaying a fight or a nagging thing, or she's just having some sort of memory. Making sure that you're filling her brain with all of the positive things and all the ways that you think that she's awesome. It makes her stronger. It makes her feel better during the day, and it's just a little thing you can do. Sometimes I try to remind myself, say it out loud. I think so many nice things about my wife all the time. I think she's adorable, and especially in quarantine when we're each other's only source of anything. I feel like I'm making more of an effort to say things out loud, and I feel like kind of she is too, and it feels great. It's so lovely. Okay, that's it for this episode of Happy Wife, Happy Life. We want to thank everybody who submitted questions, and if you guys have relationship questions that you'd like answered, you can email us at happywifehappylifepod at gmail.com. Follow us on Instagram at happywifehappylifepod, and remember to subscribe, rate, and review our show. Keep us in the A+. That is the best way for us to help more of you. Thank you guys so much for listening to Happy Wife, Happy Life. Let's stay together forever! Happy Wife, Happy Life. If your wife's not happy, you're blind!