The Ones with Rachel from Season 8 | Friends

Trick or treat! Oh well you're just the prettiest ballerina I've ever seen. Thank you. Oh wow that deserves another piece of candy. Thank you. Well I have to say that earns two two pieces of candy. I love you. Oh honey here take it all. Monica we need more candy. What? There's only been like four kids. Yeah I know but one of them just said that she loved me so I just gave her everything. No wonder you're pregnant. Okay let me just get changed and we can go to dinner. What do I have to dress up his body? I'm not telling you'll have to see it on tv. You don't know do you? No couldn't care less. Hey good scene man. Hey you too all right. What you weren't in it. Oh sorry uh Cash this is my friend Rachel. Rachel, Cash, Cash, Rachel. Hi. How come I haven't seen you here before? Well Joey probably just thinks I'll embarrass him. You know he thinks I'm some kind of a soap opera nut. Which I'm not I'm not. Although I do know that your uh your favorite ice cream flavor is butter pecan. And uh and that your your dog's name is Wally. Well look at that I'm just stroking your arm. Here we go here we go. Oh we're leaving. Bye Cash. Say hi to Wally. Did I miss it? Rachel I want you to know that if it's positive we're gonna. Oh I know I know. It's time. No! Go ahead Rach. Oh wait you know what I can't I can't look at it. I can't look at it. Somebody else tell me. Somebody tell me. Okay um it's negative. What? It's negative. Oh oh well there you go. That is that's great that is really great great news. You know because the whole uh not being ready and kind of financial aspects all that. Wow this is so just the way this was supposed to be. Well then great. It's kind of so stupid. How can I be upset over something I never had? It's negative. No it's positive. What? It's it's not negative it's positive. Are you sure? Well yeah I lied before. Now you know how you really feel about it. Oh that's a risky little game. Are you really gonna do this? Yeah. I'm gonna have a baby. With who? It's still not the time. Hi. Hi um I think there's something that we really need to talk about. I think we do. Why don't we go inside? Look uh I know why you're here. You do? Yeah and to save you from any embarrassment um I think maybe I should talk first. Okay. Ross and Rachel. Rachel and Ross. That's been one heck of a seesaw hasn't it? What? I mean look that that one night we had was fun and and certainly passionate but don't you think it's better if we just stay friends? Seriously what? Okay okay you know what if you want to we can do it one more time. I mean I'd be okay with that. In fact I have some time right now. Okay you know what can I can I talk now? Oh sure. Okay ah I'm pregnant. Ross. Okay whenever you're ready. And you're the father by the way but you got it. Can I get you some water? I'm good I'm good. Ross there is no pressure on you okay? I mean you can be as involved as you want. Yeah I uh I'm just I don't know I don't understand. Um how this happened? We we used a condom. I know I know but you know condoms only work like 97% of the time. What what? What? Well they should put that on the box. They do. No they don't. Well they should put it in huge black letters. Okay Ross come on let's just forget about the condom. Oh well I may as well have. Listen you know what I was really freaked out too when I found out. Hey I'm not freaked out. I'm indignant as a consumer. Let's let's talk later. No no I want to talk now okay? In fact I want to talk to the president of the condom company. Okay you know what maybe I should come back. Yeah I'll press one. Interesting. Anyway um probably worked out for the best. Yeah sure. Okay in about 10 seconds you're gonna see him kiss me. And in about five seconds you're gonna see why. Ross did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through western Europe? Okay get ready to see some begging. Oh you came on to Ross. What? Now I'm so happy. What are you talking about? You used the Europe story. That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex. How do you know about that story? I heard it from my friend Irene who heard it from some guy. Some guy? No no she told me that his name was Ken Adams. You said that you're looking for a new place? Oh yeah hopefully across the street. If certain Dutch people would just let go. I was kind of hoping you'd stay. But Joey I have to go. There's no room for a baby here. No room? It's a baby. It's like this big. You could put it over here. Or we could put it right here. Oh it's cute right? Or we could put it over here. You wouldn't even notice it. Hey it's not just a matter of where you put it. I mean a baby changes everything. They cry all the time. I mean imagine bringing home some girl and trying to score when there's a screaming baby around. I could use a challenge. It's getting pretty easy. Hey it's so sweet that you want me to stay. But I can't do that to you. I mean it would disrupt your entire life. I just I love living with you so much. I just I wish things didn't have to change. I know. You know I blame Ross for this. I do too a little bit. I'm gonna miss you. You're the hottest roommate I ever had. I just want to point out I never did anything to hurt you in high school. That's not totally true. What? Well you did start that rumor about Ross making out with Mrs. Altman our 50-year-old librarian. How did you know that? It's true? No. Yes it is. I saw you guys going at it behind the card catalog. I'm sorry when you were in high school you made out with a 50-year-old woman? Hey she didn't look 50. Did she look 16? Oh there's a picture of her in the yearbook actually. Oh wow she didn't photograph well. Well she probably wasn't familiar with the process having spent most of her life sitting for oil paintings. So how did this happen? Did she did she lure you to an early bird dinner? I'm just having a having a rough day. Oh what's wrong? Oh you really you really just don't want to hear about it. Then why did I ask? Okay it's just I mean this is really embarrassing but lately with this whole pregnancy thing I'm just finding myself how do I put this um erotically charged. Is that college talk for horny? Yeah so you know I have all of these feelings and I don't know what to do about them because I can't date like a normal person which is fine because I don't need a relationship. I mean all I really want is one great night. Just sex you know no strings attached. No relationship. Just with someone that I feel comfortable with and who knows what he's doing. But just one great night. I mean is that really so hard to find? Well so how was your day? Good I uh I saw a pretty big pigeon. Well I gotta get up early and it's almost seven o'clock. Yeah I gotta go to my room too. Okay good night. Good night. I can't do it. I didn't ask you to do it. You're Rachel. You're Joey. You're my friend. Right back at you. Plus it would be wrong and weird and and and and bad. It's so bad. I don't even know what you're talking about because I didn't ask you to do anything. I know. You want to do it? No. I mean neither. I'm just testing you. Hey well that's the end of this conversation. This conversation never happened. Good night. Get back in there. Look I feel really bad about how I freaked you out before. So I called the father and asked him to meet you here so you could tell him. Go. What? Hey wait a minute. Phoebe how do you even know who the father is? I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit. I believe this belongs to the father of your baby. Oh god. Oh he's in there right now? Uh-huh. Now you can turn around or you can go in there and rip the band-aid off. What do you want to do? Let's rip. Really are you sure? Oh Phoebe. Okay sorry yeah. Hey Rach. So what's this about? Rachel has something that she wants to tell you and um I believe that this is your red sweater. No this is my red sweater. Oh no. Could I get anyone a coffee or poison? No just for me? Okay. What's going on Rach? Nothing. Phoebe kind of made a mistake. But you know you do wear that sweater a lot. Are you involved in some kind of dare? You know I'm actually glad Phoebe called. I know we broke up because you thought I wasn't mature enough but I've really grown up and I think we should get back together. Oh it's just not the right time. It is the right time. Okay. I'm ready for more. Tag. Come on Rach let's give it another try. I'm having a baby. Oh. You can go. Thank you. Well I thought Joey and I would be okay once we hung out but it's like we don't even know how to be with each other anymore. I know it's tough now but things will get better. How do you know that? What if it just gets worse and worse and worse to the point where we can't even be in the same room with each other? I'm not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? Some cheese. Honey why is the Bruce Springsteen cd in the Cat Stevens case? Let's just say if I can't find the right cd case I just put it in the nearest one. Okay well where is the Cat Stevens cd? In the James Taylor case. Where's the James Taylor cd? Honey I'm gonna save you some time. 200 cds not one of them in the right case. Okay no need to panic. Deep breaths everyone. All right so then now you go. No I don't want to tell you. How's this embarrassing? More embarrassing than shiny raspberry lip balm? I didn't say raspberry before did I? All right just just tell me Rick just tell me. Okay all right stand up. Well when we're at the door I lightly press my lips against his and then move into his body just for a second and then I make this sound. Okay I know it didn't sound like anything but I swear it works. Yeah well yeah that would work yeah. All right I gotta go to bed. Honey I had such a wonderful time. Yeah me too. Not someone that I would would be attracted to but right now with the way I'm feeling all I want to do is rip off his sweatpants and fanny pack. Wait a second this is about the fourth month of your pregnancy right? Yeah. This is completely normal around the fourth month your hormones start going crazy. Really so this has happened to you? Oh absolutely yeah oh and keep in mind now I was carrying triplets so you know in medical terms I was I was thrice as Randy. Wow this explains so much. Last weekend I went from store to store sitting on Santa's laps. Yeah yeah I remember trying to steal a cardboard cutout of Evander Holyfield from a footlocker. Yeah oh well you know what I go see my doctor tomorrow I'll ask her about this. Maybe she can give me a pill or something. Yeah yeah that's what you need a good pill. Totally keep it in check this time and plus you know the publicity would be really good for your career and you deserve that and if you do the interview you could mention oh I don't know gal pal Rachel Green. Is that gal pal spelled l-o-s-e-r? Okay don't listen to him please. Fine all right I'll do it but hey you guys have to be at the next table so you can stop me if I you know start to say something stupid. Just then or or all the time because we have jobs you know. Come on we will be there for you the whole time just remember gal pal Rachel Green. And not just in the dumb crossword puzzle seriously proud of you. It's not you know it's nothing. Okay so uh I think I'm gonna take off. Yeah no wait wait Joey no wait it is it's something it's it it's um it's my boss. Yeah yeah and um and my baby. Yeah my boss wants to buy my baby. What oh my oh my god. I know I told you it's a really big problem. He wants to buy your baby? Can you believe that? That's crazy. That's what I told him. How did this even happen? Yeah I'll tell you. See uh my my boss and uh and his wife they they can't have children. So um and then when we were at the Christmas party and he got drunk and he said to me Rachel I want to buy your baby. Man when you said it was a problem about your boss and the baby I figured it was something about maternity leave. Oh yeah. Yeah that would have been a much simpler problem. Hey great advice on that Joey thing. Yeah the work problem? It was perfect. I mean it really felt like he was my friend again. What problem did you tell him you have? Oh that's that's not important. The point is I really I think everything's gonna be okay. May I help you? You think you can just buy my friend's baby? Hi. So what's the final head count on my baby shower? About 20. A couple people from work who had something else to do. Also both of your sisters called and neither can make it. What? You mean they're not coming to a social event where there's no men and no booze? That's shocking. Well I don't care as long as my mom's here. Oh my god your mother. What my mom's not gonna be here? Well given that we forgot to invite her it would be an awfully big coincidence if she was. Oh my god. It wasn't my fault. Phoebe was in charge of the invitations. Well I don't I don't have a mother so often I forget that. Oh give it a rest. So my mother is not coming to my baby shower? No neither is mine. You know what don't worry okay we'll take care of it. We'll call her you just go home and get ready. Please make sure she comes. It's really important to me. I mean that's my mom. I know I know. What's her number? I don't know. So I have my book go. Wait a minute if you're in charge of the invitations why am I the one who has to call her? Hello Mrs. Green. Hi uh it's Monica Geller. Oh hello Monica. Hi um I know this is last minute but we've decided to throw an impromptu baby shower for Rachel today. I know my daughters told me about it when they received their impromptu invitations a month ago. Okay I'm sorry I'm I'm so sorry. For what dear? For not inviting me or for lying about it. Oh my god my ass is sweating. Please please can you come? It's it's today at four. Well all right I'll see you at four. Thank you. Isn't it at three? Son of a bitch. Hi. Well what are you doing here? I'm supposed to pick you up. Change of plans I made you a special valentine's dinner. Surprise. Oh hey Mona. Hi hi hi Rachel. What's she doing here? I have no idea. Um I'll be watching tv if anybody needs me. Seriously what is she doing? Uh you know lately she just likes hanging out here. Why? I think she's lonely. Okay but it's valentine's day. Can't we just ask her to go? Well no no she's way too emotional and by emotional I mean crazy. I'm not here that's just my Chinese food. Oh my god she has food delivered here? Yes she's she's emotional but but ballsy. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get my sweats and eat this in bed. And you thought she was gonna be in our way. So okay why don't you uh open the champagne and I will be right back. I've got a surprise for you. You got another ex-wife back there? Please start drinking. I think I'm falling in love with you. Joey Joey I love you so much. But but Joey. Right hey that's um that's okay it's fine. That's uh pretty much what I was expecting you know. So uh it's no big deal all right. I think I'm gonna go. No no Joey please don't please don't leave like this. Now come on you cannot do this to a pregnant woman. Start doing that. You can't do that Rich because then you're gonna make me do it. Oh there we go. Oh I cannot. You know I was only kidding. Um what are you doing? What I'm not you. This may be the only wedding I ever have. I want it to be amazing. Okay okay. Oh maybe I rode in on a Harley. Okay Ross it has to be realistic. And my my veil was lace made by blind Belgian nuns. Blind? Well not at first but it was very intricate work. And they said even though they lost their sight it was all worth it. Oh I bet you looked beautiful. Oh well I don't know about that. But there were some people that said I looked like a floating angel. How did you propose? Oh yeah that's a great story. Well um actually I took her to the planetarium. That's that's where we had our first date. Um she walked in and I had the room filled with uh lilies her favorite flower. That is so sweet. I want to hear the rest. Then Fred Astaire singing um the way you look tonight came on the sound system. And the lights came down. And I I got on one knee and written across the dome in the stars were the words will you marry me? And the ring was the size of my fist. Oh you told your dad the truth about an hour ago. Want to go see a movie? Yes. Bye dad. Hey I do too think about the consequences of my decisions. But what gives you the right to go to hell? Stupid guy on my phone. And if you're looking for a place I just heard in the elevator this morning that a woman in my building died. Oh my god was she old? Does she have a view? Well I don't know but how how great would that be huh? You living in my building? I could help take care of the baby. I could come over whenever I want with your permission. Wow that really would be great. Well can we see it? Oh maybe we shouldn't. I mean if she just died this morning out of respect. Yeah no no you're right. Shall we? Yes. Hi I'm Ross Geller. I live in the building. And I'm Rachel an admirer of the building. I I heard about Mrs. Verhoeven passing away and I'm so sorry for your loss. She didn't pass away. What? My mother's still alive. Oh thank god. It looked like we were gonna lose her this morning but she's a tough old bird. Are you close with her? Of course. Yeah she and I would talk all the time in the laundry room. You speak Dutch? You know I would but it's just too painful. So she's really not dead? No she's hanging in there. Do you think could you tell me is she hanging in in a in a one bedroom or two? Oh my god. Oh Monica those boots are amazing. They're mine. Yeah well too bad we're gonna have to return them. Return them? Shh they're gonna hear you. Honey I'm not returning them okay. I mean I know they cost a lot but I'm gonna wear them all the time you'll see. Besides I love the compliments. I mean have you ever had something that was so beautiful that everyone wants it? I have you. Nice try I'm keeping the boots. Wait a minute. Wait a minute you you hated the name Ruth. Why why would you change your mind? Unless you know we're never gonna have to use it. You did see the folder you know it's a boy. I didn't see anything I actually changed my mind about the name. Oh I don't think so. You're you're just giving me Ruth so so you'll get to name him when it's a boy. And then that's when you'll swoop in and name him Heath or Blaine or Sequoia. I would Sequoia. Vito. Fine. Unless you anticipated that I would figure all this out and you know that it actually is a girl. And and you really do want her to be named Ruth. Well I'm not falling for that. Okay Ruth is off the table. But Ross you want the name Ruth. Not like this. That's right still no baby. Come on people please let me make some room. Uh sweetie maybe you'd be more comfortable here. You. Like you haven't done enough. But I I know how miserable you are. I wish there was something I can do. I mean I wish I were a seahorse. Because with seahorses the it's the male they they carry the babies. And then also um I'd be far away in the sea. Oh I have never been so uncomfortable in my entire life. Oh I know I've been there. I remember toward the end. Oh Phoebe that's a great story. Could you tell it to me while you're getting me some iced tea? Oh god get out. Get out get out get out. I noticed you picked out a lot of our dinosaur items. Oh yeah actually that's one of the reasons why we are not a couple. I chose those I'm a paleontologist. Really that is so cool. Oh oh yeah don't get too worked up over it. I mean it sounds like he's a doctor but he's not. Oh no no I'm fascinated by paleontology. Have you read the new Walter Alvarez book? Yeah I teach it in my class. Oh my god I'm standing at a cash register. I'm holding a credit card and I'm bored. Oh I love your neighborhood. There's a great gym right around the corner from your building. That's my gym. I could tell you work out. Paleontologist who works out you're like Indiana Jones. I am like Indiana Jones. Whoops oh I seem to have dropped my fork. Let me just bend over and get it. Okay enough this is this is not going to happen. Oh come on Ross I'm miserable here. Come on you started this now you finish it. Come on Wes make love to me. You know what? What? Forget it. Oh wow what now Ross you're not gonna talk? How on earth will you ever annoy me? Oh wait a minute I know. I mean you think the damn jalapeno would have cleared up your sinuses but no that's not enough. What are you doing? I'm getting that baby out of you. Oh god. Oh I know. Oh no. I think my water just broke. I am good. Okay okay uh okay I got I got the pillow uh you got the bag you got the keys. I got the keys. Okay okay. Hey we're having a baby. I didn't uh really have time to read this part of the books but do you think you think we have time? Not so much. All right yes from home to the hospital in under seven minutes we did it. Yes the hard part is truly over. No but come on we're off to a great start aren't we? I knew I'd get you here fast but this has got to be some kind of a record. Oh you made it. How the hell did you beat us here? We took a cab. Do you guys walk? No no we took a cab too but I I did test runs. Hi. Hey you made it. Okay is there some kind of magic tunnel to this hospital? Ross you stay here and talk I'm gonna go have a baby. Okay okay um hi this is Rachel Green I'm Ross Geller we we called from the car. Right we have a semi-private labor room waiting for you. I'm sorry semi-private we we uh we asked for a private room. Yes I see that here unfortunately we can't guarantee a private room and currently they're all unavailable. Man if only you'd gotten here sooner. I'm sorry semi-private rooms were all we have. Okay uh just give us a second. Ross. Yeah. Give her some money. I really think they're out of room. They're not Ross they're just saving them for the important people okay what what if I was the president? Well then we'd be in a lot of trouble you don't know where any countries are. Okay let's say would you um would you mind checking again see if any uh private rooms may have opened up. This is a hospital. Okay you know what I have to say I don't really care for your tone and this is not the only hospital in the city and we have no problem. Whoa oh gosh whoa what oh ow contraction. Would you like to see a semi-private room? Yeah it couldn't hurt to look. It's available. Okay okay wait you listen to me you listen to me since I have been waiting four women that's four one high the number of centimeters that I am dilated have come and gone with their babies. I'm next it's my turn it's only fair and if you bring in one more woman and she has her baby before me I'm going to sue you. Not this hospital I'm gonna sue you and my husband he is the lawyer. Uh Rach. Don't get back on that case honey. I don't think the next patient is very far along. Okay well then bring her in. My I can't believe this. And yet somehow it's true. I mean this is so great we're gonna be baby buddies. Squeeze your legs together and cover the baby's ears. Sweetie hi hi sweetheart this is my husband Sid. I don't think you've met him Ross Rachel this is Sid. I nabbed him a year ago at the dermatologist's office thank god for adult acne. I still can't believe it I'm the luckiest guy in the world. Really what'd he say? You know what you have to speak very loudly when you're talking to Sid because he's almost completely deaf. Oh there you go. She's upside down but she's coming she's coming. Oh my god oh my god she's here. Oh she's she's perfect. Oh she's so tiny. Where'd she go? They're just they're just wrapping her up. Okay we'll be careful with her she's really tiny. Here she is. Oh thanks for coming out of me. I know. Oh she's looking at me. I know you. Do we have a name yet? No not yet. That's fine for now we'll just call her baby girl green. Oh no baby girl killer green. Hello baby here she is. She's so beautiful. Oh my god she's amazing. I'm so glad you guys got drunk and had sex. It's incredible I mean one minute she's inside you and then 47 hours later here she is. She looks so real. You know what I mean. Okay my turn my turn. Oh baby yes. Oh baby oh you're so cute. Oh I could squeeze your little head. I won't. Honey what's the matter? Nothing I'm sorry I just can't stop crying. The doctor said it's completely normal with all the hormones plus you're sleep deprived. So you guys are all sleep deprived? I don't see you weeping because you put your slippers on the wrong feet. Oh gosh. What's the matter now? I was reliving it. So do you know what you're gonna call her yet? Oh wait a minute it's not gonna be baby girl? I thought that was so original. Uh actually we've narrowed it down to two names. Yeah and you know what I love them both so why don't you just pick one and that'll be it. Wow um okay uh everyone this is Isabella. What? That's not her name. I'm sorry she just doesn't feel like an Isabella. What was the other one Ross? Um Delilah. Oh great at least she sounds like a biblical whore. So I guess we're back to uh baby girl. Yay! What are we gonna do? It's okay honey you'll find a name. Oh easy for you to say you already know what your kids names are gonna be. You do? Yeah I've been picked out since I was 14. Oh no it's gonna be named after some snack or baked good isn't it? Well tell us what are they? Um okay if it's a boy it's Daniel. And if it's a girl? I don't want to say. Oh don't tell us I'm not gonna want it. Okay it's Emma. Emma! See I don't want it. Take it. What? She's clearly an Emma. Oh honey but you love that name. Yeah but I love you more. Besides you know nothing goes with Bing so I'm screwed.