When Helping An Upset Child, Don’t Talk & Try This Instead.

Can you imagine right now? I want you to get in that state of complete anger and someone comes up and says what's the matter? What's wrong breathe with me? Well, you're gonna slap them But somehow we think I've got to talk too much the active calming needs you to be quiet And breathe with the child just be quiet breathe wish well be quiet breathe wish Well, the emotion is a moment. You seem angry you want it. Do y'all see the time? Here's what we tend to do You wanted you were hoping mommy would come here. Why can I help you? I can be of service You want me to be helpful? Is that helpful or hurtful? I don't care what language you're using you're talking and Then breathe with me Y'all see the difference So we've got to be quiet we've got to give the survival state some time for all that chemical all that adrenaline all the cortical steroids just Settle now I used to when I go into classrooms or when I used to have time to go into classrooms Usually there's a lot of people when you go into coach There's people that follow you to see how you're coaching and especially if it's me it's a ton of people, you know, so I'm going through a school with an entourage and so When and I like to go to difficult situations because then it's it can demonstrate a lot So I'm going down the hall in this one situation and the child had torn up the classroom been doing something for like four hours Well, I didn't get there at the first of this I'd only got there at the end and it was a child who everyone knows etc And so I'm coming I go over to the child and I walk right up to the child Sit down next to the child who's screaming and hollering all kinds of stuff at this point and you can hear the people behind me What's she doing? Nothing What's she saying? Nothing. What's the child doing? calming down She's got to be saying something You know, there's this whole conversation going on. I was doing a lot First of all, we ran down to the room. So as I'm turning to get into the room I've started right then because I was a little winded so I have to start catching my breath But as I'm approaching that room, I am calming myself down I am becoming the state I want that child to be I'm opening my heart. I walk into that child with my heart open and calm and just a face that angelic and So when he felt me coming He started calming. I walked right up to him and I said and I don't know this kid. I don't have a connection But because I could calm myself so much he felt it before he even saw me So when they said what she doing nothing, I did the hardest thing you could ever do It's calm yourself to a point Especially if a cop child is sitting there spitting at you and calling you names That is a miracle to get that calm in the face of that. But if you can pull that miracle off They calm right in front of you and it's not until I sat with the child just like you saw I was quiet I wasn't touching the child, but I sat down next to him and I just kept going Going and when I saw the child next to me go like this See my shoulders then I said You're safe breathe with But I didn't say a word until I saw that body give And then he started breathing then I got him to give me a Kleenex We cleaned up some of the snot and and then gave him a choice and had to clean up the room and got the room straight and back up So it's important that you understand this going into this first week the most powerful tool you have is you and your presence and your calmness and a face that says and Arms that say I'm here for you. I'm here for you