We Become Parents For 24 Hours

We're in a cruise, and we're going to be becoming parents for a day. We found this kid wandering the boat. Just kidding, she's our niece. We're going to be taking care of her and seeing who had better parental instinct. This is really a show of if Noah and Ali actually got pregnant. Can't become parents. Haley's going to be terrible, and Noah's going to be terrible. Haley treats children like they're dogs. I heard her say, she's like, in my psychology class, I heard that when you treat babies like dogs, they actually really like it. I didn't say that. You just said that to me. Tell me the camera was on five minutes ago. No, I'm not going to treat them like dogs. Because I heard that too. Thank you. No, when you give them a baby, I said you can't treat kids like dogs. And you said, I actually heard in my psychology class that they love it when you do that. When they love it when you give them a baby voice. Not when you treat them like a f***ing dog. Why would I lie about that? You actually pissed me off, I promise. I don't think you're lying. I'm just, that's what you said. I just think you're fibbing. She's like her mother, so her mother's a bit of a drama queen. If Cass is going to see this, she's going to make you b***h. Our team name. What's our team name? She's going to cry. Look, now you f***ing pissed her off. She trusts me enough to give it to me. Team name is... The b***hes. Should we teach her a new swear word? No, we should not teach her a swear word. We're maternal instincts, and we think that we're going to win because we have me on the team, and I'm the best overall with kids. Even better than Ally. You guys are not winning with Kayla on your team. Her hair is so soft. Oh my god. Like, are you petting her? That's cheating because it's our turn and you're going to piss her off. Guys, does she look like me? No. She's not even related to you. Maybe get out of the interview because I'm about to talk s*** about you. My main method, like, what is that word? My... Paternal? No, no, no, my... Maternal? No, my... Paternal? Stop it. Like, my... Maternal. Guys. Paternal. No, no, guys, I'm serious. Paternal twin. No, like what I'm about to do, like my strategy. To join. I'm going to make Kayla not converse with the baby. Because when she does, she says Riven. That's f***ing rude. I'm not in here. Oh, it's time. It's time. No, it's not time. Leave her. Come on. Get up. Okay, let's go. Guys, that's the win from her. I'm taking full shield. Kayla, move out of the way. She doesn't want to see her dad. Also, I'm going to go out and say this before I start getting comments. I'm aware that I look like a minion. Nobody needs to comment on that. I bet no one thought that until you said it. That is one point off. She's crying. No, no, no, no. She's not crying. Kayla, Kayla, fix her Cocomelon. Fix her Cocomelon. Guys, someone has to grab my purse. If you were a mother, would you have somebody else holding your purse all the time? No. You would hold your own purse. I wouldn't carry a purse. We're supposed to be parents. Oh, yeah. Guys, you guys need to act like parents. Act like you love each other. Ellie, don't do that right next to the stairs. The Cocomelon, now. Call the elevator, now. Ellie, call the elevator. No, I'm not on your team. I'm not giving you any advantage. Kayla, fix the Cocomelon. I fixed it. It's okay. You start off at ten points. Oh, drop the phone. That's minus three. Minus four. What do you want? You want your daddy? No, her mommy. Do you want to go for a walk? No. Do you want a dance? Let's dance. What do you want? It's okay. Okay, change your scenery. Let's go. This way. Let's go, Blakey. Is she smiling? No. She looks actually mad. Careful. Sorry. Immediately. If you would have ran into her, you could have knocked out Blake. Sorry. I like that. Perform for her. Yay. Plus one point for performance. No. Minus one point. She whined. She did. I think she's thirsty. No. I ate the one. Where's your mother? Immediately one point deducted. Because you're her mother. We have to get her. Listen. This isn't fair. This isn't... Smart. Go get her some food. First thing you need to do with the baby is... I think Kayla is just hungry. You need to feed the baby. I think the baby's fed. Another baby. Do they converse? Blakey, say hi. Blake. Blakey. Ali. Are you hungry? Ali. No. Ali. You have to ask her. I will ask her. This is not your turn, bro. Bro, I feel like I'm about a parent so hard. Oh. You almost dropped her. No, I didn't. Three points deducted. Wow. Oh. Your baby fell. Three points deducted. Oh my gosh. Let me get a zoom in on that smile. Ali, watch her head. That would be negative five billion points. Hi. Oh. Plus ten points for us. Kayla. Kayla, jump her. Jump her. Well, don't jump her. I don't know why you're eating salad, Mia. Oh. You're lucky. Kayla. Sorry, Blakey. You okay? Do you want some salad? Blake. You only got utensils for yourself. Like, what do you mean, does she want salad? I'll feed it to her. Yes. All I can see from here is camel toe. We have to be one on one with the baby. Can you, like, chew your food before you speak to me? I'm serious. While I do this, you should be connecting with her. Blakey. Look at me in the eye. No. Get up. She's getting pissed off. She doesn't want to connect. It's okay. Watch your show. Yeah. If Kayla was my mom and she connected with me like that, I'd actually leave. Find my own home. Luckily, I'm not your mom. Oh. I'm actually getting annoyed. Can we switch partners? No. I'm doing it on my own. I'm a single mother. Let's go. Oh my god. Be careful. Watch her. No, watch her. Watch her. Be careful. Come here, Blakey. Oh. She looks mad now. Oh, Blakey. Get off the floor. I'm trying to get the points. Okay. Minus 10 points. She's using my strategy of distracting. That's not minus 10. No swearing. Minus 5 points. She cussed in front of the child. She used to call me mama. That's plus a million points. Minus 10 points. You're supposed to be the dad. When do you guys want to have a child? Now. On the way. Okay. It's coming. Delivery. Let's go, Blakey, by ourselves. Do you want to come out of your cage? No? She really likes it in here. Mia, you have sh!t all in your teeth. How do you feel about the girl so far? How do you like the girl? Does she smell weird? What the f!ck? Oh, oh. Good job, Mia. Good instinct. Okay guys. Noah, Noah! Let's do some wheelies. It's not good. And she's- Wheelies! Are we on the same floor? Mia's doing her teeth right now. Anybody got floss? I'm a single mother. Look, she's actually actively running away from Noah. Ellie, how do you feel about your man being a terrible father? Noah, how do you feel about you looking like the hunchback of Notre Dame? Do you want to come up? Oh, yeah? Okay. Okay, Ellie, this chick is over. What is Blake's satisfaction level right now? Low key, a 10. She looks giddy. Let me get a zoom in on that cute little face. No, not yours. Kalia, can you please be watching behind me? I'm really scared. I don't know how Noah videotapes like this. Hey, you took my shoe off! No, Kalia, that's not okay. Is Ellie behind us? Can you get out of this f***ing scene? Ice cream healthy? No. Are we also the cool aunties who give her dessert? F*** yeah, we are. Like, actually, in reality, no, I'm actually not. Like, I like giving her fruit and s***. I don't like thinking that she's eating unhealthy. You know what's really bothering me? Your f***ing hand being right there. I'm gonna deduct points if you guys swear in front of her. She looks mad depressed. Is she okay? After the performance you guys have been doing, I'm thankful for my mother. Wait, Ellie. Ellie, we have to feed her. Here, here. Is it too hot? No. You get deducted points. That was boiling. I feel like Kalia would be a fire baby. She doesn't need to talk if she just cries over everything. Ellie, daddy's hungry. I need you to record. Who's hungry? Dad. Don't ever f***ing say that again. I'm about to be a father. I don't care. I don't give a f***. I like that. Mama's hungry. No, no. Yeah, get mommy some water. I'm serious. He's a single mother with two kids. A single mom who works two jobs. Who loves her kids and never stops. Can you hold me to that? No, no. We're having a bonding moment where she just plays with the drawstrings of my shirt. That should be plus one point. That's my shirt. Because she clearly really likes- That's my shirt, so minus one for you. I bought it for you for your birthday, plus one for me. I let you wear it on this trip, that's plus one. Okay guys, I'm going to go get some water. Promise. Go get mommy some f***ing water and go get baby some water. Is that a joke? Please don't call yourself mommy or something. Okay, go get mama some water. At what age are kids allowed to drink water? I think one. I feel like it's like three years old. She can't drink water? Yes, she can. Are you joking? She literally drinks water all the time. You got her ice? Yeah. Are you joking? Are you thirsty? No. Can we get her a virgin pina colada? Can she drink through straws? She can't even take a s*** in the toilet. You think she can drink through straws? I already know that when Sunday was a baby, she was never behaving. Don't put that in her ice pack because she'll want to go back in there. Where am I supposed to put it? Up your ass. Okay, Noah and baby. She's crying. What happened? You know, I want what's best for her. She doesn't like me, she doesn't like me. No, that's not how it works. If you have a child, that's what you're going to feel? No. This is your child. Look, she's got your blue eyes. I don't have blue eyes. Noah, your eyes are literally as blue as the ocean. Okay, don't f***ing hit her, bro. Noah, you're going to wipe her out. You're going to wipe her out. Babies are like dogs. They can just sense when you're like... That's what Kimia said. Babies are like dogs, yeah. Oh, yeah. You guys got mad at me. Careful. You ate that on a platter. Laugh. Plus ten. A laugh is plus ten. She's looking at herself in the mirror. She's so us. I think I know why she's not too fond of me. Maybe she's a Calgary fan. That grip was crazy. Give her to me, give her to me. She just doesn't like me. Noah, your turn. I'm actually jealous of how much she likes you guys. Noah, your turn. I'm actually jealous. Ready? No, no, no. It's Operation Make Baby Like Noah. Did somebody rip ass when she ---- her pants? I'm searching on how to make a baby like you. Respond to crying. Hold your baby. Make your baby feel physically safe. Talk to your babies often. Sing songs? It says sing songs. Honestly, Noah, I would be scared of you. I think she's scared. She doesn't know if to be scared or happy. Okay guys, literally that's in the background. She doesn't like you either because you gave her to Noah. Noah, really? Now she doesn't like me by association. Put your feet down. She literally won't put her feet down. Okay, it's okay, it's okay. I lift you, I lift you, I lift you. It's okay, it's okay. She's locking her arm. I'm actually heavy breathing because I was so scared she was going to get upset. Can I do an interview? Can you get out of the interview please? Honestly guys, get out of the interview. I also do think that Blake is very dramatic. All Kelly wants to do is look good. Elbow her head. Didn't Kelly just compare a baby to a dog? I never compared a baby to a dog. Lock her in. Lock her by the hands. You can't move. I just clipped, I just broke skin with her clip. Guys, the wheels are not moving. Kate, you're going to give her whiplash. Have you guys seen that movie, it's actually bomb. Have you guys seen Maz Teller with no shirt on? Mia, help me buddy, I can't do this with one hand. That's why there's two of us. I think there's locks on the front wheels. That's how you take care of a child. You walk with ice cream. Did you just get my ice cream on your nasty ass elbow? Listen, I'll give you your ice cream, you go get a napkin. Run, run. I went as fast as I could. Yeah, well you took like 35 billion hours. I went as fast as I could. It was on the way. I promise you it was on the way. Okay, let's put this on for you. Mia, can you feed me too? No, I can't feed you too. Oh my god, we'll pass out. Can you go get me a spoon and then spoon feed me my ice cream? No. She's trying to find more. She likes the camera. Oh, you okay? I thought I was going to have to perform the Heimlich. All done. All done for me too. Oh, she wants more. There's nothing in here. All done. No, it stays on us. All done. I wonder if that just carries around the diaper bag. What is it? Noah, why are you meowing at the kid? She keeps squeezing my titties. She knows what she wants. Noah, no. Noah, how do you feel that you've done nothing and that the only time you tried to hold her she tried to avoid you and almost started crying? I don't have experience with kids, but listen. Me neither. I'm known to be pretty decent with kids. I've never had one for my own, but in a later video you'll see one coming. Next week's video. No, guys. Gender reveal. Blakey has not stopped grabbing onto my titties. Me too. Listen, I'd be a better father if... When would I be a better father? Noah, you've got to take care of our child. Ellie, now that Noah left, how do you feel about his parenting skills? Honestly, I'm very nervous for the future. Really? Yes. Like, I might be a single mom. Oh my god. You guys don't have very good co-parenting skills. It's very monoparent. That's really a negative. It's all about teamwork. Ellie, it's very monoparent right now. She's crying. Noah, she started crying when you grabbed her. No, you have to make it funner. Hold her and start throwing. Oh my god, she's whipping me. Get out of my stroller. Are you parenting? You wish. Noah's cooked. Suck it. Get to meet a baby that has liked Noah. Kayla, what are you videotaping? No. You're done. Noah hasn't done anything but make her cry. He's going to be like, he's a really bad dad. Yo, that's a good dad right there. Blake hates Noah. Blake really dislikes him. That's crazy. If Noah did that, she'd, like, retaliate. Let Noah do it. There you go. I don't want to do too much. If you see her from a distance, you think she's going down. Say I love you. Let's go. Guys, don't shake the baby. Watch the roof. Is she smiling? Yeah, she's laughing. Do you just get her water and tell her it's juice? Noah, strap her in. Noah, Noah. There's no straps. Noah, you're cooked. She said no, Noah. I don't like you. I know she said no, Noah. I don't know about the last part, but she literally said no, Noah. Now it's just Noah and Blake because Noah has been naughty. And this random guy. Who looks just like us. Okay, give me this. That's it. I'm done. She's biting your nose. Now our mom. We want Noella to have a good life. Both parents in the picture. Mia, that's your 10th cup today. It's my first. I saw you eating your strawberry. I didn't eat it. She just realized it's Noah. Watch, watch, watch. I'm cooked. And she doesn't cry. And she keeps on looking back to see who's pushing her. Hey guys, so if you guys have ever been on a cruise, you know that they have fancy night. We are going to dress up ourselves, but also Blakey Blake. This is a real test of... She peed. Who's changing her? You peeing? Did you pee? You peeing? Okay, we're going to change her outfit really quick. And bring her back to her mother. She wants Noah to hold her. Hi Blakey. Okay, outfit time. And then we send her to her mother to change her. Blake, which one? Which outfit do you want? This one? She's just such a fashion girlie. She's literally us. Blakey has been saying the words play, play, play. So we're assuming she wants to play some games. So let's go play some games. I'm hungry. Like dessert hungry. Why don't we go get her some cake? Guys, what the f*** do we do with one year old kids? Come on Blake, grab your carriage, let's go. Kayla, you just told her to grab your carriage, then you turned your back on her. She could have been on the floor. She's putting herself in the carriage. She's literally an iPad kid. She can do it herself. Get your booty cheeks in there. Ow, I clipped my f***ing finger. She bit your finger? No, I clipped my finger. Pick. That's mine. She actually wants to eat it. She wants you to eat it. Let's go. Oh, you almost tripped. Guys, why is she in such a good mood all of a sudden? I think it's because she thinks her parents are here. Yeah, she's saying dada, dada. Is she talking about Noah? No, she's not talking about Noah. She's probably talking about Noah. Is your dada here? She said yes, Kayla. Surprise her with Noah. She starts crying. That was the only time she's fallen. Kayla, why did you just change into a dress? I guess I gotta eat her nuggets. Being a mother is hard as f***. She concentrated. Mia, all I can see is your camel toe. Me playing in Mia's camel toe. Oh guys, give me another nugget. Kimmy, can you get your camel toe out of here? Turn around or something. Yeah, she loves nuggets. She is dead booty as f***. She's shlocked. Kayla's barking the baby. As we put her to sleep, this was all us. It took a couple minutes, we did it off cam. She had a chicken nugget and went to bed. She had two chicken nuggets. Okay, that was a bad bump. We need to feed her. I left the backpack back there. Our mission is to feed ourselves while we have a sleeping baby on our hands. This is not because we're hungry. Realistically, if we were mothers, we'd have to feed ourselves, right? It's about self-care too. Yeah, so that's what we stand for. Where's Ellie? She's probably getting food. That's not fair. She's supposed to be a mother too. Can you call her? I'm recording. FaceTime Ellie. Ellie, what the f***? She's supposed to be taking care of the baby. First of all, that's negative 104. What the f***? She's eating too. Watch your food, bro. Watch the baby. Do you wake a baby up for their nutrients or do you just let them sleep? Are you joking? They can't eat it when they're asleep. No f***ing ----. Yeah, we're going to f***ing feed her when she's sleeping. That's what we meant. Do we wake her up, feed her her nutrients, then put her back to bed? Or does she wake up and not go back to get fed? Wake her up and feed her her nutrients. But we don't want her to get scurvy. I don't want her to get upset. That's what I just said. Oh yeah, we're on a boat. Pirates get scurvy? Noah, what the f*** are you on? Where are you going? To get a fork, bro. Actually, can you get me a fork? Yeah, let me go get you a fork. She just asked me to get her a fork. Like I'm not full, knees deep into taking care of a baby. Oh, f*** you woke me up. F***ing woke me up. Guys, does someone take them for the team and not eat supper? No, guys. It ain't me. I ain't the one. Noah, in public. Don't even come near her. She woke up and she was like this. And she started eating her nuggets. Like in her sleep. Now it's time to quickly go grab her some food. What do babies eat? I have no f***ing clue. Do babies eat steak? Probably. Why am I asking you? Ali, go get her milk. Milk? Right now. Are we supposed to warm it up? Go switch it up for one year old baby. She's not really a baby. Guess what Kaylee is doing right now? Grabbing herself f***ing fruit. We were trying to feed the baby. I see this is her plate. Give it to Blake. Is that for Blake or is that for you? You could just give it to Blake and then get me another plate. I'm like you b***h. Do you want some pineapple? No. That's okay. We'll go get you something else. Where's Ali? I wish I could tell you. Let's go see what Kaylee is getting Blake. I know it's going to be a crock of s***. What are you getting for Blake? You think she's going to eat steak? She's going to choke on that. You better cut it good. Get her some mashed potatoes. I'm actually very upset with Kaylee. I go up to her. What do you have for Blake? A pile of Kaylee's favorite fruit. I'm like are you joking? Kaylee just said she wasn't hungry. She's probably eating it right now. Hi Blakey. I got milk. Blakey look what I got for you. How about I go up to Kaylee. Hey Kaylee what do you have for Blake? It's a plate of Kaylee's favorite fruit. You want milk? She wants milk. I have no f***ing clue where the forks are. And I can't run in these heels. Blakey look what I got. I forgot the f***ing fork. Blakey you want this. It's okay. Should I need the fork? I burnt the s*** out of my fingers. Somebody go grab her stroller. Where? Her shoe. You have to go get the fork. I'm not going to eat the fork. You're going to hold the baby like this? Yes. Okay have fun. Let's see if she cries. I know she ain't eating it. Broccolini and meat roast. I showed her the broccoli. She physically got pissed. I ain't feeding my kids chicken wings and fries. No we ain't. I don't like chicken wings and fries. Your kids are coming from my balls. She's dreaming about eating. It's okay. I'll take you home. For the baby? We need a bottle. He's low-key spitting facts right now. She doesn't want your food. Bring the milk to the room. You try. Put a pineapple in my mouth. I just felt her fart on me. I think she's dropping a deuce. Is that why you're mad? Come on let's go. We have to change your diaper. Call Cassidy. Mia, you win mother of the year. First of all, I am the best mother. I'm the only one who's been taking care of her this whole time. Why are you guys eating right now? Guys, walk in. How do I know if she just let one drip? You don't. Give her more watermelon. She farted. It's okay. I'll be crying too. Honestly, she ate my mayonnaise. All she does is eat and sleep. Low-key same though. Do I look trash in this lighting? Should I get more fruit? Yes, run. Are you okay? You guys are my parents. Did she? I can't smell. Come smell her ass. I'm seriously putting Jeremy's fragrance on her ass right now. This proves one thing and one thing only. I do not want children for a very long time. They're both just wrong. We're all ready for bed. Blake is very fussy. She usually likes watching Cocomelon. Today, we're going to make her watch the Caligari sisters. It's stopping. She's quiet now. She stopped crying.