When a Man Is Meant For You, It Won't Feel Like Love

Alright ladies, some of you won't like hearing this, but you've been forcing connections with men and you don't even realize that you're doing it. Not because you're needy, not because you're desperate, but because forcing has become so normal to you that it just feels like effort now. You force yourself to ignore the red flags and you force his potential into someone that he's not, and sometimes you force a whole relationship to keep going when it's been quietly telling you for And here is the painful part. You don't call it forcing, you call it trying. You call it caring about him because somewhere along the way, you learn that if you just loved enough or try hard enough, things would eventually work out. And most of this happens for one simple reason, no one ever showed you what a healthy connection is supposed to feel like. Really think about this, has anyone who studies this ever sat you down and said, hey, let me explain to you what healthy love actually feels like in your body. So if you don't know what healthy feels like, you're going to keep confusing effort with love, anxiety with passion, and inconsistency with connection. My name is Ismael Gomez and I help women stop wasting time on the wrong men and build relationships that actually work. And by the end of this video, I think you realize that what you've been calling connection or chemistry was often just unhealthy attachment. Okay, so let's begin. Okay, so what does healthy love really look like what we were saying, right? So this is the definition that I want you to take with you. So healthy love is a connection that never requires fear, control, or self-betrayal to sustain itself. And I'm going to break down each part of it so we can go through each of the stages. So healthy love, all right, this is going to set the standard. So it's not intense love, it's not about intensity, it's not passionate love, it's not familiar, okay, it is healthy love. Meaning it's a love that supports growth, your well-being, and long-term stability, not just emotion. Many times we're just guided by emotion, we're just guided by attraction, okay, we pick things that are not good for ourselves. Second part, it's a connection, okay, so love is just, it's not a feeling or chemistry, it's an ongoing relationship dynamic. It's a give and take, it's a dance, you take one step, he takes two steps, okay, it's a back and forth. It implies two people, interaction over time, and something that must function, not just feel good in moments. Now this is one of the most important parts that never requires, okay, this means it's not sometimes, it's not in the beginning, it's not doing hard phases. If fear, control are required to keep it alive, then the relationship itself is the problem, not you. So when you think about healthy love, don't only think about the man that you're dating or talking to in a relationship with, also think how you're showing up. Sometimes you might be the one with fear or trying to control the other person or betraying yourself. Now let's look up quickly five common dynamics that people mistake for healthy love. So these are some of the things that sometimes you feel, well, you know, this is how it's supposed to be because this is what's familiar to me, this is what I've seen in movies, so this is what healthy looks like. Okay, we fight a lot because we're passionate, yeah, yeah, we're really in love with each other, so we, you know, we fight a lot and we always find a solution, you know. Many times people confuse intense emotions with deep connection, right, and it doesn't mean you can have very intense negative emotions, it doesn't mean it's a deep connection. So what's really happening is chaos, okay, constant conflict is what's keeping the bond alive, the relationship is being sustained by adrenaline, not health. And a quick note, these relationships can last a lifetime, but are they stable and peaceful? I'm sure all of you know relationships, marriages, they're very toxic and unhealthy and they stay together forever, like trauma bond, you know, for like until they die. But do you really want to be in a relationship like that where both of you are miserable? So sometimes don't confuse length of a relationship with the quality of a relationship. Number two, I say because relationships take sacrifice. Yeah, relationships take sacrifice and compromise, but enduring pain is not love, but it's not maturity, okay. There's a difference between compromise and self-betrayal, okay. If the sacrifice is constantly coming from one person, meaning you, okay, you're losing your voice, your boundaries, or your values, that is losing yourself in the relationship. If you're always excelling and you never take a breath for yourself, you run out of oxygen, right. Number three, they're jealous because they care. Yes, there's a healthy amount of jealousy, I would say, that sometimes biologically you feel because, you know, with the other person, if you see somebody approaching them or something, but it usually fades right away, it's not something that stays with you, you try to become possessive of the other person, okay. So jealousy becomes unhealthy when it turns into fear-based control. Again, managing, restricting, guilt-tripping, alright. Healthy love trusts, it doesn't surveil. If you think that you need to be watching him 24-7 for him not to cheat, like I know some women do, and some men as well, I knew a guy who had a GPS on his girlfriend's car so he could track wherever she went, you know, crazy stuff. But if you feel that you need to be 24-7 on surveillance on somebody, I'm telling you that's only going to cause pain, and if they're going to cheat, they're going to cheat, no matter what you do, okay. Number four, we can't live without each other, right. This is Hollywood right here, you complete me, you know, I can't live without you, okay. This is dependency, what people confuse dependency with closeness. You know, if being apart feels terrifying or identity-threatening, the bond is being held together by fear of separation and dependency. Like, I can tell you I've had many unhealthy attachments in the past, and it feels kind of weird when you're with your partner and, you know, if the relationship ends and they walk away or something happens, let's say it would suck, it would hurt, but you wouldn't experience the same amount of pain. And it feels kind of like the beginning when you're having that experience, it feels like maybe I'm not that attracted to them, you know, because I don't have this dependency on them. And so actually that is the healthy way to do it, it's the healthy approach. When you become depending on somebody to be in your life, like a child, right, when he has anxiety separation because the mom walks away and the child starts crying, again, you're going back to a wound that you probably had had as a child. So a healthy relationship complements your life, it doesn't consume it. Your cup should be full, not half full, right. And what the other person does is add flavor to your cup, like it's a lemon and now you make a lemonade together, right. And the last one is, they only act like this because they've been hurt, you know. Again, understanding someone's trauma doesn't mean tolerating their behavior. Well, he had an abusive father, you know, he doesn't know any better, so when he yells at me and he shouts things, you know, he's working through it, it's okay, you know, that's what he knows. Empathy without boundaries is going to turn into emotional captivity. You can understand a man's trauma, what he's been through, dude, you go and deal with it yourself, you know, work on yourself. I'm not Bob the Builder here to be, you know, helping you with all this. And someone's pain explains their behavior, it does not justify betraying yourself to accommodate it, like I said, okay. So again, the last thing, anything that survives only through fear, control, or self-betrayal was never sustained by love, it was sustained by unhealthy attachment, right. And sometimes we, you know, everybody has, even in a healthy relationship, sometimes you do things that are unhealthy, let's say, but it's about the awareness of catching it in the moment, you let go, you know, that thing that I did was not very healthy, so I'm just going to modify it right now, I'm going to change, I'm going to, you know, discuss it with my partner and work on it, okay. And we're going to go through some of the posts that you All right, ladies, I hope today's video gave you a different perspective on your own patterns and looking at men's behavior, not just so you can excuse it, but so you can recognize it, respond to it wisely, and stop losing yourself in the process. And that is something that I really want you to take away from my content, that you can learn what's wrong, what's toxic, but you also have to learn how to attract what's healthy and what's good for you. So thank you for trusting me to be part of that journey. And thank you for subscribing to the channel and leaving all those beautiful comments. And remember that for your relationships to change, you need to change. Okay, have a beautiful day.